"As you all know, I've gathered you here for a very important reason."

"Um, I live here," Elfman pointed out as he waited by the stove for his eggs.

"Me too," Mira giggled, scrapping off said eggs onto said plate.

Laxus, flipping through the paper at the table, grunted. "I just fuck here."

"So," Freed said around his cup of coffee, "does Ever."

The woman of stone glared across the table at the rune mage. Having no ready rebuttal for this (he wasn't wrong; he rarely was), she scoffed around the fruit Mirajane had chopped for her before asking, "Why are you even here in the first place?"

"Obviously, because Bickslow invited me." Freed glanced over at the seith. "For a very important reason."

"Men don't invite other men over to other men's houses and expect other men to just turn the other cheek, you know," Elfman grumbled, finding his own spot at the table.

"As the man of the house," Laxus remarked without glancing up, "I say it's okay."

"You're not the man of this house! You're not the man of any house! You don't own a house!"

"You wanna yell at me again, Elfboy?"

"Hush, Laxus." Unlike her brother, Mirajane brought the slayer his food. "It's too early to be so loud."

"He yells at me again-"

"Just eat." Mira was staring across the table then though, at Freed. "What did you want for breakfast?"

"I-"

"How are you just gonna skip over me, Mrs. Boss?" Bickslow griped quickly, cutting Freed offf. Still standing, he took to crossing his arms. "I'm definitely next."

"How are you next?" Evergreen asked. "Freed got here first."

"Hey, how did Freed get here before you, Bickslow?" Elfman asked. "If it's your own meeting?"

"You don't show up on time to your own gathering." It made most everyone in the kitchen jump then as Bickslow slapped both hands together. While he got the glares of his teammates, he only beamed. "Did someone say gatherings?"

"I think I heard that word, yeah," Mira agreed with a nod.

"Demon, he's the one who said it," Laxus grumbled. "Obviously."

"Pancakes, Mirajane, if that's alright," Freed finally said. "And do not be fooled; Bickslow is purposely being deceptive."

"Who's being deceptive?" The seith's crossed arms tightened. "I'm being crystal clear!"

"Crystal," two of his dolls called as the other three echoed all floating uselessly around the kitchen, "Clear!"

"How did he even get in the house?" Laxus asked then. "Did someone let him in? If Lisanna isn't here, who was it? Freed? Ever? He not allowed in the house."

"You just said I could have a meetin' here, boss," the seith complained. "Remember?"

"That was before you got on my nerves. Rights revoked. Everyone out." Laxus flipped a page in his newspaper. "Except Freed and Mira."

"You still don't own this house," Elfman informed the other man. "And you sure as hell don't boss me around!"

"Well, in theory I own the house," Mirajane mused as she headed back to the stove. "And I like Bickslow. A lot."

"Yes, well, I always heard you Strauss sisters were a bit touched in the head," Ever remarked with a face.

Freed glanced from Elfman to his female teammate. "The sisters, was it?"

"I gathered you all here today," Bickslow began again, tone becoming raised enough to even get Laxus to look up, "for a very important reason!"

As Laxus glared at him, Freed only remarked, "Yes. To discuss gatherings."

"This gathering?" Mira questioned, glancing over her shoulder. "We're all here to discuss being here?"

"I live here," Elfman sighed.

"Fuck here," Laxus added.

"I feel like I'm going to die here," Evergreen complained. "But that's nothing new."

"This isn't the type of gathering of which he's speaking, Mirajane." It was Freed's turn to make a face. "I am sure, given the time of year, that he is speaking on something much more…darker in nature."

"Not a big fan of nature as a whole, sorry." Evergreen looked to Bickslow. "So I'm out."

"Nature is for men," Elfman explained as if not only did this make sense, but would also excuse his (sometimes) girlfriend from being disinterested in it. "Where they go out and find out about themselves as well as find themselves period."

"He's talking about a damn seance, you dumbasses." Laxus was growing impatient, apparently. "And Mirajane, I need more coffee."

"I'm busy right this second."

Grunting, he looked to Freed. But just as he was about to request the man get up and refill his mug (the rune mage was getting to his feet regardless, to do this), Mira added, "And don't make one of them do it for you."

"This isn't fair." Laxus glared at her back. "Being bossed around in my own house."

"This isn't your house!"

"I warned you, Elfboy-"

"This is why I have to have Lisanna around," Bickslow took to griping. "At least she listens to me."

"Why are we having a meeting without Lisanna?" Freed asked.

"We don't have 'meetings'," Evergreen complained. "Not with them. The Strausses. We're not a...faction."

"Right." Mira was beaming over at the stove, all to herself. "We're a fam-"

"Wait." Laxus' head shot towards Bickslow once more. "This isn't like that time you thought you killed Lisanna, is it? But were just so hungover you forgot she was asleep in the bedroom?"

"Or the time that you and Lisanna pretended to break up?" Elfman asked. "To make us all worried and concerned?"

"Mark that as multiple times," Freed added.

"Or did you steal another one of Mira and Laxus' tapes?" Ever raised an eyebrow. "Because if so-"

"We don't mention that!" both the dragon and demon rebuked her, both with enough ferocity that they shut the lady of stone right down.

"If I'm only allowed to reference the incidents of our lives by such gross exaggerations-" Bickslow began, but was cut off by the others.

"I mean, that's exactly what happened," Freed said. "In every instance."

Elfman nodded. "How I remember them exactly."

"When you boil it all down," Ever agreed.

"Why does that all feel so long ago?" Frowning down at his coffee, Freed said, "Too long."

"Speak," Laxus grumbled, "for yourself."

"It's almost like you and Lisanna matured, Bickslow," Mirajane commended, brightening once more from the thought. "And are ready to take a big step in your relationship."

"Whatever it is," Ever accused then, "Mirajane is so in on it. It's so obvious. Too obvious."

"Someone had to let Bickslow in," Freed agreed with a nod.

"How is he so mature," Elfman asked, "if he's wanting us to hold a fucking séance, of all things?"

"Seances are very mature!" Bickslow as invigorated once more. "And don't you dare say otherwise!"

"So we are having one," his male counterpart said with a roll of his eyes.

"I'm not," Evergreen reminded them. "If it involves nature, I am o-u-t out. Can your Ouija board spell that, Bickslow?"

"I don't want Ouija board, I want to have a damn séance!" Then he paused and looked upwards, as if thoughtful. "Although-"

Suddenly, Elfman's big fists slammed down on the table, causing all the mugs and plates to jump on it and their contents to spill a bit. As this got a round of glares, the overly muscular man exclaimed, "He did kill Lisanna! And now he wants to reconvene with her spirit!"

Ever, realizing the absurdity of this statement, but also unable to stop herself from commenting, "Perhaps he'll seal it in one of those wooden bodies of his."

"Former lovers, no doubt, yes," Freed agreed. "The ultimate crime."

"Far from the ultimate crime." Laxus even crinkled his nose in his way Mirajane liked. She was lucky enough to be bringing Freed his pancakes and catch it. "The worst one, I'd imagine. So annoying."

'What was that?" Mirajane slammed the plate down in front of the rune mage, who only blinked, though her reasoning had far more to do with the man's idol. "Dragon?"

"What was what? This? This entire thing? A waste of time." Shaking his head, the slayer said, "And still no one has refilled my coffee-"

"You're about to have to get it for yourself."

The pair's eyes locked as she reached over to snatch his mug and do so, but it was Bickslow who spoke once more.

"So," he asked slowly, glancing around at all the others. "Who's in?"

"In what?" Elfman asked.

"Constant misery," Ever said with a raise of her hand.

"You're in misery," Freed chided. "Imagine being one of those souls."

"Oh, the séance?" Primed to slam his fists once more, it was pure self control that kept Elfman from finally breaking the well worn kitchen table. "No! Stark against that!"

"I didn't like Lisanna in actual life," the man's girlfriend said with a shrug of her shoulders. "I highly doubt I'd like her as a vengeful ex-girlfriend spirit."

"Well, I for one," Freed said after cutting into his breakfast, "do like your pancakes, Mirajane, and thank you for your hospitality."

As Ever rolled her eyes at the man, Mira only beamed over at him. "Thank you! And you know what it comes with, right?"

"Hm?"

"A big helping of you're all doing it." And in that moment, not only did Mira's tone drop momentarily, but the others all glared at Ever, blaming her quite easily for invoking such a mood in the first place, given her earlier 'tape' comment. "Right, dragon?"

"Right."

"Laxus, you don't even know what we're doing," Evergreen complained.

"I don't have to." He gave those seated at the table (yes, Elfboy included) a glare. "Because I know who I'm doing."

"It's how he got possession of the house," Bickslow reminded.

And that, finally, ended it all as Elfman, in his frustration over having to once more remind them all that Laxus was not the man of the Strauss household, he was hardly a man at all, slammed his fists down one too many times, crumbling the table beneath the force.

Which left quite a mess, of course, as Ever took to berating poor Elfman, Mirajane cried over her poor, old table, Freed tried to console her, and Laxus came to realize that though it wasn't his fault, his pocketbook would no doubt be covering the price of a new table (it was how most repairs replacements in the house he definitely didn't own went), but this was no concern to Bickslow who now knowing he had at least a somewhat willing force backing him, set out continue on with the next phase of his plan.

"Come on, babies," he beckoned his dolls as they headed down the road to the guildhall. "It's gonna be a long day. And an even longer night!"

New material? What is this?

Five parts, short chapters. Daily? Hopefully. Back for Halloween, but maybe more?