Notes: This was not meant to be this way. I initially just wanted to focus on the relationship that would develop between Jon and Elia if Lyanna died and Elia and Rhaegar lived, but then the Elia feels hit way too hard and as more and more ideas flowed, I wanted to map out this journey with her. Thus, this monstrosity. There is so much here and I could've gone further. It kind of tapers off at the end and feels rushed more than I would like, but I wasn't trying to write a 10 chapter fic. This was supposed to be a one-shot and then this happened.

I feel like I should say now that Rhaegar and Elia's relationship is Complicated™, like really complicated. Sometimes they're up and sometimes they're down. Honestly, it's a roller coaster with them, but there is some semblance of love on both sides. That's not always enough, but hopefully everything comes across authentically in the text. If not feel free to shoot off a comment with any questions or concerns.

284 AC

For Elia, King's Landing had always held an air of dirt to it. It wasn't the fact that the city smelled of shit and piss. It wasn't the fact that beggars clogged the streets, their rank odor adding to the smell the ill-made sewers cast over the city. It wasn't even all the death that had caused the stench of burning and rotting flesh to hang over the Crownlands like a cloud. It was the scheming and backstabbing, the secrets and plots whispered from ear to ear that made this place so disgusting and grimy to her.

It was not foreign to her. She could remember her mother always moving pieces on her board to this position or that to ensure her children were where they needed to be for Dorne's prosperity. Doran learned at the feet of their mother, ate up all her secrets and techniques. Oberyn had always had more interest in the spear than the game, but he was hale and healthy so he could afford that. Elia had always been sickly. She was born a month early, she was seen as pale and delicate, her constitution weak and lacking. They thought she would die before she reached adulthood, for her to drop down dead in the halls of Sunspear. It was true sometimes she would faint away, the sun of Dorne too much for her, but she never let it break her. If she fell, she was sure to walk tall the next day, frolic to the Water Gardens and be seen by as many as possible to prove she was not merely a sickly, frail girl. Her health did not leave much time for her mother to pass on her teachings in total, but that did not mean Loreza Martell didn't pass on some gems of advice to her only daughter before she died.

'You are a Martell. You know our sigil: a sun and a spear. A spear is sharp and can kill a man swiftly, but the sun can weaken him slowly and burn him if he gazes for too long. It is beautiful and necessary for life, but a dangerous thing if mishandled. You are the sun, my dear daughter. You are the Princess of Dorne and will one day be Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. Do not let your lord husband mishandle you. If he does, make sure he knows who and what you are.'

Elia must have forgotten that advice when she first married Rhaegar and moved to King's Landing. They were happy once, Elia didn't think she misremembered that. They used to smile at one another. They used to share secrets and strengths. They used to support one another and hold each other in comfort and confidence. He would stay in bed with her during her bad days, and she would clutch him to her breast when he shook with fear and disgust after meetings with his father. Aerys always told Rhaegar when he was going to call upon Rhaella. He would usually announce it to everyone in a way. He was particularly lecherous towards his sister-wife after he'd watched a man or woman burn and made the entire court watch as well. He would force Rhaegar and Elia to move to a room closer to his own on those nights, close enough so they could hear the queen's banshee screams and pleas for mercy from her husband's attention. The burnings were a warning to those of court to never betray him but making the prince and princess listen to Rhaella's suffering was a warning to them: if he treated his wife that way, imagine what he could and would do to them if pushed to it.

Elia would feel tears well up in her eyes whenever she was forced to hear them, but Rhaegar cried enough for them both, his sobs filling the room along with Rhaella's screeches. After they knew Aerys had gone Rhaegar would retreat to their room, rocking on the edge of the bed and clutching the harp gifted to him by his mother like a lifeline. Elia would soothe him to sleep with a song, brushing her fingers through his curly hair before making haste to Rhaella's chambers and comforting the woman, at least the times when she allowed. Sometimes she leaned into Elia's hugs and reassurances. Other times she lashed out at her, telling her to return to her husband and produce an heir if she so wanted to soothe Rhaella's suffering.

Rhaenys had been good for her relationship with Rhaegar but not so much for Elia's body. There were times when she was confined to her chambers for days to weeks to allow her body to conserve strength. Rhaegar stayed with her in the beginning, but gradually that became less and less. He would find himself in the library bringing back book after book and plying her with knowledge about this prophecy or that. She indulged him mostly, but when he became fixated on that thrice-damned shield with a three-headed dragon and the prince that was promised, she should've paid more attention to her gut. It told her something was wrong. It said to her that the gleam in her husband's eye was too similar to Aerys for comfort. It advised her to put a stop to this, push herself out of bed no matter the energy it took and throw the book into the fire. She did not though. She nodded and smiled indulgently as he told her confidently that they would have three children, two girls and a boy, and they would fulfill his grandfather's prophecy.

And yet he left his children to die, so what does he truly care for this prophecy at all? The one he started a war over. She thought to herself as the watchtower of Dragonstone came into view from the galley she sailed on with her children.

Rhaegar had not come back home after the Battle of the Trident. Whether he was alive or dead, no one had seemed to know. Some said Robert Baratheon slew him with his war-hammer, one swift blow that broke his chest to pieces, and threw his body into the Fork. Some said they saw Rhaegar flee wounded and bleeding. Some said Barristan Selmy took him away, riding with the wounded prince astride his horse and cutting down any man that came before him. Elia did not know the truth. She did not know for months whether her husband lived or not even though she knew her Uncle Lewyn died in the battle.

But she knew now.

Rhaegar had fled to Dorne. He didn't take her with him, he didn't call for her and her children to seek refuge in her homeland, find safety with her brothers or friends. He went to Dorne, and he took her, Lyanna Stark. He did not come back for Elia. He didn't come back when Aerys decided to keep she and the children hostage but allow Rhaella and Viserys to flee to Dragonstone. He didn't come back when Aerys had her and the children locked in Maegor's Holdfast. He didn't come when Tywin Lannister turned cloak and had his men sack the city. He wasn't the one who rescued her when she was cowering in a corner of the room, her body weak and frail from the cruel treatment Aerys had her under. She had been unable to effectively fight when the Mountain That Rides and Amory Lorch found her. She recognized the mad bloodlust in their eyes and knew what they would do to her. Lorch had grabbed her children's faces and was going to make them watch their mother be raped. She fought against the Mountain despite her physical weakness and she still had marks and bruises to show for it. He had freed himself from his breeches and was on top of her when Ser Jaime burst into the room, his sword already red with blood, Aerys and his pyromancers' blood. Before anyone could react, he plunged his sword into the back of the Mountain's head before ripping Rhaenys from the arms of Amory Lorch and killing him too.

Ser Jaime had stayed close to her since then. He fiercely defended her against Robert Baratheon and Tywin Lannister who wished to lock her away or harm her and the children to ensure the end of the Targaryen line. They believed Rhaegar dead too.

She was not sure how Rhaegar had done it, but soon after the sack, the city was under siege from the sea. Ironborn, she was told along with the royal fleet. Rhaegar had managed to get them to declare for him even though she had heard that they were supporting Baratheon's cause. The Ironborn were even more savage than the Lannister men were. It hurt Elia's heart that the city had been raped and pillaged twice in a single fortnight. Rhaegar's forces proved victorious, overrunning the rebel occupation with brutality and once the gates to the city were open, Reachmen and Dornishmen flooded in, overwhelming the rebels. The Northmen had already left, and the Rivermen had been close behind so the rebels' numbers were not what they once were.

Rhaegar had not been there in the fighting because he had been in Dorne where he took refuge with the woman he passed her over for.

It had been months since then. Rhaenys kept asking for her father, and all Elia could tell her was she'd see him soon. Now he had them summoned to Dragonstone. Two years after Rhaegar left her. Nearly four moons after he besieged the city. He did not come to her. Instead, he summoned her to come to him.

It caused such rage in Elia that she thought she might burst to flames right there, sinking their galley, but she held it in. It wouldn't do for the masses to see their new queen work herself into a fit of emotion.

Aegon fussed in her arms, the one-year-old not used to the sea despite the time they'd spent on the warship from King's Landing to Dragonstone. She was told Rhaegar chose a warship to ferry her because he did not want to take chances with his children's lives. She imagined herself slapping him if he told her such a thing to her face. He had taken chances with their lives for the past two years, why should he begin to act differently now?

Ser Jaime assisted her off the galley once they made land. Rhaella stood on the beach waiting for her with Viserys next to her and Ser Willem Darry standing guard behind her. Rhaella smiled as she saw her. Elia returned the smile until she noticed the bundle in Rhaella's arms. The Queen Mother was not due to birth her son or daughter for another month.

"Goodmother, it is good to see you well." Elia said evenly, remembering her courtesy. Rhaenys did no such thing as she ran across the sand to hug her grandmother's legs. Rhaella smiled down at the girl.

"It has been too long without my family." Rhaella replied, smiling at Aegon on Elia's hip. She had not seen him since he was newly born.

"Your babe has not dropped yet, I hope. I would hate to have missed it." Elia said. Rhaella heard her silent question and smiled sadly at the younger woman.

"No. This is Jaehaerys, though I know not yet whether his name is Targaryen or Sand." Rhaella said, moving the blanket so Elia could see his face. She did not need to do so to put the pieces together. Targaryen or Sand. Rhaegar took Lyanna to Dorne instead of coming to King's Landing. The babe had Northern coloring. Dark hair, grey eyes, long face. If one looked closely, they could see the Targaryen genes: his chin, the shape of his eyes, the curl in his hair. Elia felt strangely numb looking at him.

"Is she here?" She asked, her voice steady.

"Died in childbed. Rhaegar brought the boy here along with Ser Barristan, Ser Arthur, Lord Howland Reed, and Lord Eddard Stark." Elia was surprised to hear the Northmen were there.

Her mind turned to Ashara then. Ashara, who she watched dance with Ned Stark at Harrenhal. Ashara, who claimed her time with Stark was a passing fancy, a small interest for he was not as handsome or wild or matched her in wits like his older brother. Ashara, who whispered to her one night that she would marry Ned once his father gave him permission. Ashara, who watched in naked horror as Rickard and Brandon Stark were killed and then broke down in Elia's chambers, revealing her pregnancy. Elia had immediately sent her away for fear of her safety. She wondered if Ned Stark thought about Ashara at all when he went to Dorne, but he had married Catelyn Tully so maybe not. Elia also inwardly questioned if Arthur thought of his sister in Starfall when he was busy defending Rhaegar's mistress, but he had always been a kingsguard before he was Ashara's brother or Elia's friend. He was about his duty, Elia had never begrudged him that, but her love for him had waned over the years, and she no longer saw him as family.

"Where is Rhaegar?" She asked as they walked towards the castle.

"He is treating with his lords. The Stormlands are in disarray since Rhaegar ordered Robert and Stannis Baratheon executed. Some say to give it to Renly as he is the last Baratheon and still a relative of the Targaryens. Others say to disinherit him and place one of his loyal bannermen there. Some men say he should kill Ned Stark and seek out Hoster Tully to do the same, but he will not. He doesn't want a war with the Riverlands. The Vale is a problem now too since Jon Arryn was killed in the siege with no heirs left behind him. Rhaegar will meet with you in time. For now, rest yourself from the journey." Elia wished to protest, but there was no point. Rhaella was silent for a moment before her attention turned to Jaime.

"I hear you killed my husband." He looked startled at the words. She did not turn to him, her eyes firmly ahead as she cooed over Jaehaerys and held Viserys' hand.

"I did." He answered simply. Rhaella did not answer, but Elia saw her lips curl into a broader smile. She wondered if she would become like Rhaella, joyful at the fact that her husband was betrayed and killed.

It did not seem so impossible.

LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK

She did not see Rhaegar for a long time once she reached the island and it chaffed her. He was in this castle somewhere and yet somehow in the past month she saw neither hide nor hair of him. She knew Rhaenys and Aegon had. Rhaella and Viserys had. Even Ser Jaime had, but Elia had not. She sought him out in his solar, in the great hall, asked Ser Barristan and Ser Arthur and servants for his whereabouts, but they wouldn't tell her or were too afraid to. She was frustrated.

Rhaella tried to keep her occupied. Elia could not help but notice how happy the queen was. She had not ever seen her this carefree, but why would she not be? Her tormentor was dead, and her sons and grandchildren were alive. All her family was under one roof with her. Rhaella was in good spirits all the time now, especially the closer she got to giving birth. She thought it was a girl, Daenerys she said. Her family will be well, she said. Elia didn't feel the same jubilation and optimism her goodmother did. She was angry, but how she could she fully convey that to Rhaella? The person Elia was mad at was her son. She was not foolish enough to believe her allegiance would lay with Elia over him. Still, she enjoyed spending time with the queen, she always had. She had been a comfort during the war.

She made her way to Rhaella's chambers now, Aegon perched on her hip playing with her necklace. She knocked before entering the room and stopped dead.

The baby was there, Rhaegar's son.

Elia had been ignoring him for the past month, avoiding him, had nothing to do with him. It wasn't even a conscious decision, she just couldn't deal with his existence and the implications of it. The princess knew her husband well enough to know he wasn't a rapist, but the boy came with questions Elia didn't want to ask herself. Invasive thoughts crept in pointing the finger at her, asking her what she did wrong for her husband to abandon her and their children and have a child with another woman. She knew she should not blame herself, but the doubts were harder to push away when she saw the babe. She was so busy staring at him in Rhaella's arms that it took her a moment to realize that the queen mother had been calling to her.

"I apologize, Rhaella. I was just… lost in myself for a moment." Elia said, walking further into the room. Rhaella gave her an understanding look.

"Parceling through your feelings on the existence of him, perhaps?" She suggested softly, nodding at her dozing grandson.

"That's just it. I'm not sure I have any feelings. I don't hate him. I just feel… numb to look at him. Like a great void is opening inside me." Rhaella nodded again, her face scrunching thoughtfully before she walked over to the cradle and laid Jaehaerys down.

"Have you seen Rhaegar yet?"

"No. Your son seems to have grown quite adept at avoiding me and is determined to continue doing so."

"He has much work to do. He has decided Ned Stark is to be a hostage to ensure the behavior of the North. Hoster Tully, in reply, has claimed that he will restore the Riverlands to loyalty towards the crown if Rhaegar dissolves his daughter's marriage to Lord Eddard so she might be remarried to Benjen Stark. I'm sure that has much to do with the youngest Stark being named the Lord of Winterfell. Rhaegar has agreed on the condition that Lord Eddard's heir and only son with the Tully girl be sent to King's Landing to be a hostage as well. His councilors think Lord Tully is getting away scot-free, but the Riverlands are an ungainly beast that none of Rhaegar's allies understand enough to tame. His associates grow more restless with him every day, especially since Tywin Lannister was also allowed to retreat to Casterly Rock but we need his gold, we cannot just kill him. Any Lannister men who are known to have any part in the Mountain and Lorch's attack on you will be executed. Ser Jaime will remain in the kingsguard pardoned of any fault in Aerys' death, but tandem amount to a hostage. Cersei Lannister will be sent for to be one of your ladies-in-waiting, I'm told, to make sure Tywin Lannister behaves."

"Oh joy." She replied drolly. Rhaella smiled in amusement.

"I know. I've heard she has some bite, that lioness."

"I'm more concerned with the fact that I've not heard about these decisions from Rhaegar, ones made with no consultation from me." Rhaella was silent for a long moment, her gaze on the ground with a sad but wistful smile on her lips.

"I was in love once, did you know that?" The queen said suddenly. Elia looked at her with surprise.

"My Queen?"

"I was quite young, a teenager. He was a landed knight. Bonifer was his name." Rhaella paused then.

"I haven't said his name in so long. I feared Aerys would hear and seek him out, kill him or anybody by that name who had the misfortune of falling into his cruel hands. Bonifer loved me, and I was so taken by him in that unreserved way that comes with youth so I didn't see at the time that it would never be. I was a princess, too noble to marry a mere landed knight and so my father gave me to Aerys. I had no great love for him, neither as a brother or a husband, but I was given to him, and I said my vows. I was his, and he was mine. I dismissed many a lady-in-waiting from my service. I was angry that he was making whores of my ladies. I regretted it later, having his attention so singularly focused on me." She admitted. A part of Elia wished to hold her tongue, but another part of her wanted to speak the words that had been heavy on her tongue for so long.

"Would that I could somehow manage to compel even a shred of my husband's attention." She said after much deliberation. Rhaella smiled wryly.

"Be careful what you wish for, it may come in a form you least expect or would want. Aerys' attention wasn't because he loved me, wasn't because he had suddenly found some measure of faithfulness or wanted to be a true husband. He wished to possess me. I belonged to him. I was his to own and do as he pleased with, to take at his leisure and hurt if he wished. It is what men do. Their great desire is to possess. It may be land, money, women, status, large amounts of material goods but possessing things and possessing more than the man beside them, it is a desire the gods have weaved into the very fabric of their being, ingratiated into the meaning of manhood. Even Bonifer wanted to possess me, would have owned me in a way, but it would be different because I would own him too. It would be my choice. Choice is a thing we have so little of, us women. It is men who more than not choose for us, who own us. If it is not our husbands, it's our fathers or our brothers or our sons. Even our mothers forget when they were us and instead use us to gain power, prestige, wealth. As a mother, I would hope that I had taught my son better, that he knew never to become anything like his father. And he is not like Aerys, I believe that. But that does not mean any of what has happened these past few years have made me happy or proud." Rhaella approached her then, smiling at Aegon when he babbled happily and reached out towards her.

"Rhaegar is my son, I love him completely, but I do adore you, my dear. We are of a kind. We have survived so much, separately and together. Do not allow him to move you about to his leisure. We do not get much say in this world as women but we, as people of high standing, are fortunate enough to get some and once you lose your voice, then you are truly lost and powerless. Do not let him or anyone else snatch it away." The older woman advised her. That was when Elia remembered her mother's words to her.

'You are the sun, don't let your lord husband mishandle you. If he does, remind him who you are.'

A thought came to Elia suddenly. She wondered if Lyanna Stark had a mother like Loreza or someone like Rhaella in her life telling her things like this. She wondered what the girl thought when Rhaegar took her away. Did she genuinely want to go? Did she have a choice? Did it matter what she had wanted? Elia's feelings, her thoughts, her needs and wants did not seem to matter to Rhaegar, not in the face of what he thought was divine destiny. Did Lyanna's matter? She glanced to the cradle where the motherless child lay, one of the last products of the bloody Rebellion.

"How fares the child?" Rhaella glanced back at the infant's cradle with a fond smile.

"He's in good health. He is a quiet babe. That worried me at first, but the maester says each babe is different. One cannot know what their temperament will be. It is a good thing I can nurse him thanks to Daenerys." Elia nodded but did not approach the crib. She could not see him just yet, but she could see Rhaegar.

The next day, she was determined to find her husband and had latched on to a familiar maidservant who she knew spied for Rhaella sometimes to tell her where he would be once he settled for. The maidservant did not come to her for a long time, but around midday, she directed Elia to Rhaegar's solar. Elia made her way there briskly and entered without knocking. As she did, she saw Rhaegar finally for the first time in over a year, since the Battle of the Trident. He was hunched over his desk, his surviving kingsguard crowding the table. She noticed and felt a pang in her chest at the absences in the room.

Uncle Lewyn and Jonothor Darry had fallen at the Trident. Oswell Whent and Gerold Hightower had fallen at the Tower of Joy. Now there were only three. Arthur turned at her arrival and looked surprised to see her before something like shame flooded his eyes, and he looked away. Good. Let him be shamed at how he failed his childhood friend.

Selmy tracked her movements out of the corner of his eye as she entered, his eyes following her as she walked into the room. He always was more observant than most.

Jaime openly looked at her, his eyes curious and asking her a silent question but she discreetly waved him off.

Rhaegar was doing a spectacular job at ignoring her. He kept his eyes down at the table as he talked about possible candidates for his kingsguard, but Elia could see his eyes flickering to her. He went on talking, and the others listened. Elia suppressed her anger and perused the room. There was a glass figurine in the shape of a three-headed dragon on a side table. She wondered why glass. It must've been imported and expensive. Myrish if she had to guess at a glance, they always had high going rates for glass. She made her way to the table, what she assumed was Selmy's gaze on her all the time. Once she was standing next to the table, she turned and saw that Arthur was watching her rather than Selmy. She stared into his eyes as her fingers inched to the table and she pushed the figurine over so it crashed and shattered on the floor. All conversation ceased, and the men turned to her.

She stared Rhaegar down. His purple eyes held an air of fatigue and weariness that she had come to recognize in the eyes of soldiers. She was sure she had a similar look borne of her own horrors. His curly locks were disheveled in a way he usually hated. He did not look like a put-together king, not that she cared.

"I wish to speak to you alone, husband." Elia said in a voice that was soft in volume but with a hard tone. Rhaegar held her gaze, an eyebrow slightly raised. Elia resolved to herself that she would not lose this staring match. As petty as it seemed, she refused to lose another thing to Rhaegar. She held his gaze, her eyes hard and cold and angry, her mouth set in a frown, her body tense. She radiated the energy of a sandstorm, one that would cut anyone caught in its grip. The kingsguards appeared to recognize that where Rhaegar didn't or ignored it. Selmy cleared his throat a little before speaking.

"Perhaps we should take this up another time, Your Grace. We would not want to impose on you and the queen." He said, throwing Rhaegar a lifeline. He didn't take it.

"It is not an imposit—"

"It is." Elia said, cutting him off. Rhaegar looked annoyed at her interruption.

"It is midday and the Queen Mother did summon me, Your Grace. I wouldn't want to keep her waiting." Jaime said, his voice clearly conveying his nervousness at the tenseness and frost between husband and wife.

"And I would speak to Lord Stark regarding several family matters." Arthur added.

"By your leave, if it pleases you, my king." Rhaegar held Elia's gaze a moment longer before his eyes flickered to the men in the room. Elia felt a swell of triumph rise in her breast.

"We shall take this up at a later time. Go."

The men swiftly cleared out of the room, each throwing a wary glance at Elia. She enjoyed seeing the fear in their eyes. Good, let them fear her. She preferred that to pity or scrutiny as if staring at her would show them why Rhaegar could so easily pass her up for a girl who was half a child, a 15-year-old Northern girl who probably barely begun to receive her moonblood.

"I would remind you, wife, that I am the king now. Such insolence shan't be tolerated especially in front of my men." Rhaegar said once they left, his voice carrying that same tiredness she saw in his eyes as he all but collapsed in his chair. Before the war, Elia would fret over him and make sure he was well. She approached his desk now, her body losing none of its ice. It was as if the Wall itself had been erected between them, the chill seeping into her bones and heart.

As she got closer, she could see a cradle was next to Rhaegar's desk. Jaehaerys lay inside, the babe's grey eyes staring up at the ceiling, his limbs fighting against the quilt laid on him. She wondered at how he hadn't cried at the figurine crashing to the floor, but Rhaella had said he was a quiet babe. Rhaegar silently watched her staring at his child, and when she looked back at him, he had an indecipherable look on his face. She roused herself. She would say everything she needed to say and neither would leave this room a moment before.

"Am I?" Elia asked. Rhaegar's brow scrunched lightly at that.

"Are you what?"

"Am I your wife? I wasn't sure. It hasn't seemed that way in the past two years with you being elsewhere with another woman, even finding yourself in Dorne, in my home whilst your children and I languished and suffered in King's Landing in the mess you left behind." Rhaegar looked about to speak, but Elia plowed on.

"Then again, my suffering has been on account of me being your wife: Aerys' cruelty, Tywin Lannister's heinous orders, Robert Baratheon's bloodlust all because I have the misfortune of being your wife. So, you see, while you seemed to have the freedom to run away and forget our marriage, I haven't had nearly the same luxury. Being your wife so far has led to public humiliation, scorn, abuse, fear, and almost rape and here you sit, finally with what you want. By the gods, you must be the luckiest man on Earth. Aerys is gone, you are king, and you have your three children. It only took a war and a mountain of bodies to get it. Are you proud of yourself? Are you happy now?"

"…No." He replied quietly.

"Of course you wouldn't be. Lyanna Stark is dead. Now you are unhappy. Good. That makes me glad." Rhaegar's face turned horrified and Elia rolled her eyes.

"Don't look at me like that. I'm not glad she's dead. I even have some sympathy for the girl. What could she know of how completely all of this would fall apart? What could she know of Aerys' nature? You should have known. He is your father, you knew his temperament, you knew his madness. Did you think you could run off with the only daughter of Winterfell and it'd be acceptable? Did you think it would go unanswered by the Northerners? Could you not guess Aerys would answer them back viciously? You were a fool. Your actions have cost us all, have nearly destroyed your house and your family. Now you are unhappy and I. am. glad." She replied, her voice growing more and more severe with every word. Rhaegar shot up from his seat then.

"Fine! I messed everything up! Is that what you want to hear?!" Rhaegar shouted at her. Rarely did he ever raise his voice and it stopped her up for a moment. The silence was broken by Jaehaerys' fusses of displeasure at being startled. Rhaegar sighed and reached into the cradle, though he did hesitate before picking his son up and rocking him back to calmness.

"Peace, Elia. Please." She narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth to retort but he was quick to continue.

"I know you are angry at me, you have the right of it. When I heard what happened to you in King's Landing when Tywin sacked the city, I was sickened and shocked. I scrambled as best I could to form a plan to rescue you and the children. It wasn't easy. Quellon Greyjoy's sons had all but convinced him to join the rebels, but I managed to win him to my side and then the siege had to be planned. If I could've saved you all sooner, I would've." Elia stared at him for a long moment. She could feel something overtaking her anger and she wished to push it back because it felt bewilderingly familiar. It was that old vulnerability, that part of her that was still the girl who first married Rhaegar and sat in the gardens of the Red Keep terrified of her new husband who smiled at her and made a joke that caused her to laugh long and hard. To this day she didn't remember what he had said to her, but in that moment a rosebud grew within her, and it was all for him. He tended it in the beginning. It grew, but it didn't bloom thanks to his neglect. It bore thorns now that pricked her heart and made her bleed. It would be better if she ripped the damn thing out root and stem and threw it away. That was easier said than done. It was not so easy to just stop loving someone even if they stopped loving you. She could feel the emotion in her throat now and her mask cracked, her eyes watering just enough to shine but not enough for the tears to fall.

"Why?" She asked, her voice unsteady to her dismay.

"Have I been so horrible to you? Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me? I've given you my oaths, my life, my love, two children, support when you needed it, space when you wanted. I've kept your secrets, even from your mother. I've defended you from my family and friends who all said I deserved better. I thought they were wrong. They didn't know you like I did. I thought you would never hurt me. You swore it. On our first night as man and wife, you swore if I gave myself to you that you would never hurt me." A tear fell past her eyes then and she felt a flare of anger at the weakness, furiously wiping it away.

"But then again, it was just words and words are wind. I should've never believed you." Rhaegar stared at her with a shadow of hurt in his eyes, maybe even heartbreak, but perhaps she was only seeing what she wanted to see. Rhaegar stared longer before looking away.

"I needed to keep the realm together."

"Fine job of it."

"The prophecy was clear to me. The dragon has three heads. You could no longer bear fruit. I could not let that hinder destiny. I'm sorry it meant you were hurt." He replied. His voice had turned emotionless, like he was talking to someone he didn't know. Perhaps he didn't know her, but she wouldn't hear that tone from him.

"Bugger your bloody prophecy. I am your wife who you have betrayed and tossed aside, I would have the truth of it." Rhaegar's eyes narrowed and something cold seeped in.

"The truth? The truth is my father married me to you so he could insult Tywin Lannister. The truth is I loved Lyanna and she loved me. The truth is that this prophecy is bigger than you, it's bigger than me, it's about the song of ice and fire. I've already brought the prince that was promised to the world. Aegon will be a fine king one day and he will win the dawn, but he still needs Rhaenys and he needed the child Lyanna and I would've birthed together had she not been snatched from me…" Rhaegar trailed off here, his voice losing its coldness and veering into sounding forlorn and lost. Elia ignored it in favor of confusion.

"What do you mean? Your child with her rests in your arms even now. Do you not see him or have you inherited your father's addled mind?" Rhaegar shot her a look before looking down at his son. His face went through a series of complicated emotions, but Elia was able to extrapolate a few: sadness, grief, anger, disdain and was that… yes, that was hate.

Huh.

"He is not what was promised. A princess. Visenya. That's what should've been given for Lyanna's life. But instead…" Rhaegar trailed off again and sighed heavily as he looked away from his son in what could only be described as disgust. Elia felt disquieted by the display.

"You sacrificed her." She said simply. Rhaegar's eyes flashed with anger.

"I would never. I loved Lyanna."

"Even if you didn't intentionally, you did." He looked ready to argue before seeing the truth in her words and looking away with a pained gaze.

"She and I have more in common than I thought." She mused aloud. Rhaegar's purple eyes shifted restlessly over her before flickering to his son. Those same emotions she saw before and others she couldn't put a name to went across his face again. She suddenly felt some concern for the babe and she stepped closer to her husband, the need to get him away from the man growing in her like a roar.

"Hand him over." She demanded more than requested. Rhaegar hesitated before passing the boy over to her. She adjusted him in her arms as she looked down at him while he stared up at her with wide eyes. She studied his face. Yes, the Targaryen features she briefly noted on the beach held true, but she did see a lot of Lady Lyanna and Ned Stark in him. He was still young enough for things to appear different as he grew older. Time would tell.

"Jaehaerys. Did his mother pick that name?"

"No. She wanted something northern. Jon for a boy. Lyarra for a girl. But he is a Targaryen. He will have our name. She was fine with it." Elia remembered how she accepted Targaryen names for her children and understood why, but that hadn't made her want her say in the namings any less. But Rhaegar wouldn't know that. Why would he?

The king watched her before walking around her towards the door of his solar.

"Should've been a girl." She heard him mumble to himself. She smiled a humorless smile at his back before calling to him.

"Your son will have a mother. The kingdoms will have a queen. You will no longer have a wife." They stared at each other for one more long moment before he turned to leave. She watched him go before looking back down at the babe.

"So, you have been abandoned and pushed aside too then? Unwanted by the great Rhaegar Targaryen?" She surmised, her voice a coo as the infant flailed in her arms.

"Well, being wanted by him or even associated with him is not all it appears to be, trust me." She continued. She pressed a finger into one of his little hands and could not fight the smile that found its way to her lips at his secure grip.

"Stay with me little one, and you'll be alright. It's not so bad to be unwanted when you're not facing the prospect alone. I fear you'll have no choice but to stay with me, elsewise your life would not be pleasant. I shan't put Rhaegar's folly on your head and I shan't punish you for any lingering feeling I may have for your mother. Perhaps she did not know the consequences to her actions until it was too late to fix them. I know such regrets. If not for Rhaenys and Aegon, I'd flee to Dorne and leave Rhaegar to his ruin. But you stick with me, Jaehaerys, and you'll be alright."