Because Shisui has somehow managed to piss off every god in existence, he wakes up with a scream in the back of his throat, Kakashi's blood on his hands and his Genin's disgusted and terrified faces.

Because for every piece of happiness Shisui finds, there is always twice as many things trying to make everything worse, he wakes with the Hokage's stoic face baring down on him delivering the news that he's failed and that he's useless. His title of shinobi removed. A disgrace to Konoha.

Because Shisui's life is a joke that someone's getting a laugh out of somewhere, he wakes with Danzou leaning over him with his eye clutched in his hand and Konoha up in flames.

Kakashi's face is suddenly in his vision, his hands cupping Shisui's face and he blearily realises he's crying.

Kakashi pulls Shisui against him as Shisui shakes in his arms.

He hasn't had a nightmare that horrific since the Danzou incident. He thought he was getting better. But instead, he feels like he's getting worse, falling back into the abyss he only just managed to crawl out of.

Kakashi holds him close, hands running along his back, his hair, his arms, sugar-coated nothings whispered in his ear that Shisui finds himself believing in even if the little voice in the back of his head is screaming at him that Kakashi's wrong.

It's usually the opposite way around. Shisui's good at looking after other people, he knows exactly what to do when Kakashi's mind turns on itself. But he's never been very good at looking after himself.

Kakashi runs his fingers over the small divot scars across his shoulder blades after Shisui's calmed down enough to listen and says softly, "I've never seen you have one that bad before."

There's nothing accusatory in his tone, only empathetic understanding and Shisui holds onto the words as an anchor.

Kakashi has never seen Shisui have nightmares that bad, only Tsume has when Shisui was still too weak to do much more than focus on not dying which was harder than anything he'd ever done before and he felt so fragile, so weak, so useless.

Tsume hadn't let go of him until the sun rose.

He'd thought he'd left those nightmares behind. He'd thought he was finally getting somewhere. After four years of slowly pulling himself back together, it feels like it's all crumbling apart in his hands.

"Haven't had one like that in years," he says, barely remembering that conversations usually require a response.

Kakashi pulls them both back so they're lying down again and pulls the blankets back up. "I think you're basically the only reason I've even tried to get better," Kakashi says as he carefully wipes some the tears from Shisui's face. "It doesn't make everything better. It doesn't glue all the pieces back together, but being with you makes it easier. Right now you're feeling like shit. And I know I can't glue you back together, just like you can't fix me. But I'll always be here. I will never leave you, and I think you're doing an amazing job."

Shisui feels the breath catch and his throat clench painfully as more tears roll down his cheeks. He wipes them distractedly and wonders what he'd said in his sleep that had turned Kakashi into a giant sap.

"I'm no sap," Kakashi says and Shisui chokes on a distorted laugh as he realises he'd said that aloud.

Shisui looks up at Kakashi who's braced up on an elbow, running hands long Shisui's skin. It's nice in an odd way. It's real and there and Kakashi isn't dead, no one is angry with him and Danzou is gone and Shisui really doesn't want the touch to stop.

"Nightmares are the worst," Kakashi says and Shisui takes Kakashi's hand in his own, the contact is grounding, for both of them. Kakashi doesn't look at him, instead focusing on Shisui's skin. "You're getting better. Remember you said that to me? Sometimes to get better you've got to take two steps forward and one step back."

Shisui remembers. Kakashi had screamed himself awake with the Rin's blood on his hands and the Sharingan whirling furiously in its socket. They'd stood in the bathroom for hours as Shisui had washed Kakashi's hands and told him those words, you're getting better but sometimes to get better you've got to take two steps forward and one step back.

"It's true. You're getting there, it's just slow process." Kakashi tugs on his ear.

Shisui forces himself to take a breath and wonders how he ever got through a day in his life without Kakashi by his side.

"Sorry," he says and the words are hoarse and hurt his throat.

Kakashi just sighs and lowers himself back down on the bed, his gravity-defying hair tickling Shisui's neck. "Don't start that," he says. There's a bit of bite in the words, but it's well-meaning frustration. "Not like you meant to do it."

Shisui closes his eyes and nods along.

"What's the time?" Shisui asks. "Gotta make the Genin run this morning." It's a blatant change of subject but Shisui doesn't want to think about that any more. Anything to distract him will do.

A look crosses Kakashi's face, it's a complicated one and Shisui knows Kakashi has a mix of feelings towards his Genin. With Shisui it's easier but Kakashi definitely doesn't feel himself suitable for training them.

And with Naruto it likely runs a little deeper than just a surface worry of messing everything up. Kakashi was very close to Minato and Kushina. Naruto takes after them both a lot.

Shisui takes another measured breath. It's always easier to think about someone else's problems than his own. Kakashi always sees through Shisui's tactics, but he doesn't comment.

Shisui's heart still feels like it's trying to remove its self from his body if it beats against his ribcage hard enough. This is one of those nightmares that's going to be in his head all day and he dreads it.

Kakashi sighs and looks at Shisui, frowning. "Naruto lives alone."

Shisui has a pretty good idea where this is going but he stays silent, letting Kakashi speak at his own pace.

"Maybe, when he trusts us more we could let him sleep here when he gets lonely or whatever." He looks deeply concerned even as he speaks. "Only if you're comfortable with it, I just" he rubs a hand over his face.

"Minato and Kushina wouldn't have wanted this."

"I think Naruto will like your nin-dogs," Shisui says and threads his hand through Kakashi's and presses the back of his hand to his lips.

Kakashi deflates in relief and lets out a low chuckle. "Who's the sap now?"

Shisui snorts and kicks Kakashi lightly on the shin. They're both terrible but it works. It works really well.

"First, we have to make them hate us by making them run until their little legs give out," Shisui says, easing himself from the bed, stretching aching muscles.

"twenty ryou that Naruto can beat Kiba on the first lap," Kakashi says and because Shisui has no self-control especially when it comes to his Genin he jumps on it.

"Deal. Prepare to eat your words, Hatake."

"Pfft. Uzumaki verses Inuzuka. Uzumaki every time, Uchiha."

Laps around the village is standard practice for Genin. Stamina is vital in a fight and can sometimes determine who wins and who gets their throat sliced open.

Hinata's strongest point is taijutsu, Kiba close behind. Shino is naturally leaning towards ninjutsu. Shisui doesn't want to make it seem their weakest points are an issue like the world will end if they never become extremely adept in that area,but if he can push them as far as he's able to every aspect then it'll only help.

Kiba should have no problem with the running, Shisui's worked with many Inuzuka and they all could run for hours before they tire out.

Hinata's probably not far behind him, and running herself into the dirt will only help her. There's no room to be embarrassed when training yourself into exhaustion is involved. In the end, they're all going to be exhausted, dirty and over it. Her crush on Naruto is going to have to take a back seat while she runs until she can't anymore.

Shino will likely struggle with this the most, but with his determination, Shisui isn't worried. Training yourself into the dirt builds character. It'll only help.

They're all standing by Konoha's gates and Kiba and Naruto are glued to each other's side. There is a lot of frantic hand movements, yelling and barking from Akamaru in between stretches. They're having fun though, and Shisui is by no means going to discourage that friendship.

Interestingly enough Hinata has gravitated towards Sasuke, who's showing her the details of his lunch box and how his mother made it while stretching their legs. Mikoto makes the best lunches, after all.

Hinata had spent a lot of the time flustered around Naruto, but Naruto had gotten very caught up in Kiba's explosive personality and with a helpful nudge from Shisui encouraging her to talk to one of the other kids, she's enjoying herself.

The worried, embarrassed curve in her shoulders had been replaced with relaxed curiosity.

Shisui expected her to possibly lean towards Sakura when bonding with Team 7, but Hinata just might help kick Sasuke down a few notches.

Shino's casually talking to Sakura, a small bug on his hand. Sakura leans in, closely examining the creature while Shino explains the ins and outs of the jutsu and Sakura seems to be following along well despite her civilian background.

Team 7 and Team 8 just might work out.

Kakashi appears next to him with a ridiculous, over-dramatic shunshin that he likes to use to show off, arms crossed and looking down at the chaos with an amused stare.

Naruto whirls around and points an accusing finger at his Sensei. Akamaru jumps onto Naruto's head and he puts one hand on top of to keep him from falling off.

"You are late, Kakashi Sensei!" Naruto yells, jumping up and down on the ground slightly. "Poor Shisui-sensei has been looking so sad while you were gone!"

He clicks his tongue in disappointment, patting Akamaru as he licks Naruto's forehead.

Sasuke is sending Kakashi a rather alarmingly effective glare from where Hinata and Sasuke are now crouched, carefully examining a small flower.

Shisui raises his hands and laughs. "Now, now be nice kids. Kakashi just had to pick some equipment up don't be mean to him he's doing a good job." Shisui pats Kakashi's back fondly as Kakashi presses a hand to his heart pretending to act wounded.

"I'm just not feeling well this morning that's all,"Shisui says and there is an edge to his voice similar to this morning. It's barely noticeable but after Shisui's morning, Kakashi has been keeping even more of an eye out.

Even Naruto noticed Shisui's melancholy, and that's not good enough on Shisui's part. Shisui's always been good at compartmentalizing and even though that nightmare was awful and he still feels weak and angry at himself, this is work. And he doesn't need to burden his and Kakashi's Genin with his problems.

Sasuke looks up at him then, blinking owlishly through his fringe, searching Shisui's face. He looks away after a moment, but there's an odd look of determination in his eyes. Shisui decides he doesn't want to know whatever Sasuke's planning.
He's good at knowing when too far is too far anyway, so he doesn't really need to worry.

"Well, we better start," Kakashi says, successfully pulling everyone's attention away. "Time to run!" he smiles, eye crinkling and Shisui finds himself laughing without meaning too.

That smile is one promising pain, and Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke seem to have caught on if their shared looks of dread means anything.

Shisui shakes himself, attempting to rid of some of the cobwebs in his head. There are better, more important things to think about. Like the twenty ryou that's at stake here.

Shisui claps his hands together, re-routing attention yet again.

"You all run until we say stop," Shisui says, smiling all the while. Kiba's sighs and catches Akamaru who leaps off Naruto's head to give him sympathetic licks. Kiba knows him well enough to expect this lack of reward by now.

Running is a one-way ticket to a mileage of benefits that will help them astronomically during the exam. And running for long times like this in the next best thing aside from meditation to boost their chakra reserves.

Kakashi hums and leans on Shisui's shoulder. "Maybe we should take them hiking next," he says, eyes crinkling in a smile hidden by his mask.

Hinata looks a little ill at that and Shisui immediately feels his stomach churn. Little Hinata just gets to him, she's far too pure for Shisui's heart.

It is a good idea. It's good ground to hone endurance, chakra walking and control so… maybe they can do that after Shisui gets his kids started on chakra natures, or before if it works out that way.

"Let's go then," Shisui calls and he ruffles Sasuke's hair.

"We start from here. And don't try and cheat and take any shortcuts around the village. We've already talked about where you can and can't go." Shisui says. Kakashi squeezes his shoulder and adds "If you cheat, we'll know."

Shisui can feel the people on guard duty staring at them and there's about a 99% chance that it's Izumo and Kotetsu grinning themselves stupid.

"Get ready, kiddos" Shisui says. They all straighten up readying themselves. Shisui waits a few tense moments before tapping Kakashi's shoulder.

"Go!" Kakashi yells. They all take off a little too fast, caught up in the adrenaline. They'll sort out their pace soon enough anyway.

Sasuke is lying face down on the grass and Kakashi is really not sure if he should be worried or not.

Naruto and Kiba are the only ones still awake by the looks of it, but Kiba keeps staring out into the sky and Naruto's been absently playing with a few blades of grass for the last ten minutes. Kakashi would rather see them asleep than acting so out of character.

Hinata is curled up next to Shino, covering her face with her sleeves. Shino is flat out on his back, his coat had been abandoned much earlier, but he'd stubbornly kept his glasses on.

Sakura is literally curled next to Kakashi's side like some cat. She's as dirty as the rest of them, a thin layer of filth coating their bodies and they all stink.

But Kakashi genuinely can't find it in him to mind.

Shisui is also asleep resting against Kakashi on his other side which is probably the best thing for him at the moment.

That nightmare had completely thrown him off the entire day to the point even little, oblivious Naruto had noticed. Kakashi could tell that had annoyed him.

Shisui had let other worries bleed into his job as a Jounin sensei and Shisui took extra care to keep whatever issues he might be dealing with completely separate from his job as a shinobi. But this time he slipped up and he was obviously disappointed in himself.

The nightmare had been bad. Bad enough that Shisui had said he hadn't had one like it since the incident with Danzou.

Usually those kind of nightmares were triggered by something. However, sometimes it wasn't exactly obvious what the trigger was and you could go the whole day feeling slightly off and be greeted with the worst nightmare you'd had in months when you went to bed.

Kakashi would know.

Kakashi reaches up and runs his hand gently through Shisui's curls that are somehow always soft. At least he's sleeping now. Hopefully he'd feel better when he wakes up.

Kiba tilts his head in his direction, brow furrowed and lips pressed together to form a thin line. It looks for a moment like he's going to speak but he stops himself, glancing around at the others who are still sleeping.

He stands up slowly, muscles likely already protesting and clutching Akamaru to his chest.

He reaches Kakashi and crouches. "Shisui-sensei smells different from before." He glances at the others again, making sure he's not disturbing anyone. "I think he must be feeling better."

Kakashi stomps down the surprise that threatens to appear on his face and he nods along. "I think so too," Kakashi says.

He shouldn't be surprised. Kiba's nose is unusually strong for a Genin and despite having a strong nose himself, the Inuzuka always put the Hatake to shame.

Shisui shuffles slightly in his sleep, always a light sleeper and Kakashi wraps his arm around him, keeping him from moving too much.

Shisui has been embarrassed by this no doubt, but he's got good Genin, not ratty unappreciative pre-teens who have no concept of how much this kind of life can hurt.

Shisui has always been good at keeping whatever had been bothering out of his job but this time it had gotten the better of him. This time it had bled through. This time people had noticed, and while it was only their Genin, that still hurts. It still feels like you're falling apart.

But his Genin didn't take this chance to rebel or act foolishly. Hinata had picked the prettiest flowers she could find, all while blushing furiously as Naruto had told her they looked pretty.

Kiba had kept a watchful eye out - or nose in his case - and gotten Shisui to hold Akamaru while he ran.

Shino had one a few of his bugs keep Shisui company and make sure he's okay while Shino couldn't see him.

None of them seemed to view Shisui as any less.

Kiba settles down at Kakashi's side, his head on Shisui's thy and a leg resting on Kakashi's and he can't even find it in him to mind. They're not his Genin, but it seems they've wormed their way into his heart.

There's an instinctual part that wants to run. Leave Shisui to find someone better than him, to push Sakura, Kiba and Sasuke away because he'll only end up hurting them, not let Naruto any closer because he failed his father and he'll only fail him as well.

He forces himself to take a breath, and another one. He looks at Sakura's peaceful face, Kiba's curious, yet worried expression.

He breathes on again. Running won't make it better. It's the hardest thing he's ever done, but it's working. He's getting better, slowly, but he's getting better.

He closes his eyes, letting his head fall back against the tree. His Genin will work it out eventually, that Kakashi isn't as calm and collected and okay as he visibly shows but he's Genin aren't bad either. Sakura is still too caught up in her crush on Sasuke, and Naruto knows nothing other than an empty apartment and the Sandaime's empty words of comfort and Sasuke is still thinking himself above the others but they're good kids.

Hopefully they'll be able to accept Kakashi for his flaws, but right now, Kakashi lets himself enjoy the peace.

My apologies for any errors!