I Understand (I'm Sorry) One-shot (#7)

TMNT 2k3 – Leo and Mikey

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN TURTLES, SERIOUSLY, JUST THREE DOGS AND A CAT, NO TURTLES!

Mikey frowned as he saw his big brother push himself harder while training from the doorway to the Dojo. Leo looked almost ready to collapse but didn't slow.

'Leo…', he thought weakly.

"Mikey… what do you want?" Leo said, his voice clear cut but obviously tired.

"I want you to stop." Mikey said gently, hoping to coax him to at least a meal.

"Well, I can't. I failed. We all got injured Mikey! You need to understand that I have a responsibility! To protect this team, this family!" Ever since the fight with Shredder, Leo's been going 0 to 100 really quick. It's been getting Raph irked, Don worried, and Mikey saddened. Even Splinter's worried.

"Leo, c'mon. Pushing yourself to the brink of collapsing into going to help or protect us. Stop." Mikey tried being gentle one last time before he went off.

He softly put a hand on Leo's shoulder, hoping that'll snap him out of it.

"Mikey, not now!" Leo growled as he shoved Mikey's hand away and continued.

'Fine then, let's play hardball.' Mikey angrily thought.

Mikey lunged at Leo and tackled him down with such speed, the leader couldn't move especially with how tired he'd been.

"This has- to- stop!" Mikey growled while pinning down his older brother on the dojo floor. He looked dead in Leo's eyes and yelled, "Why are you trying to kill yourself!? Huh!? Why don't you just stop!?" He half yelled and half pleaded. They were all, even Raph, were worried.

"You don't understand Michelangelo! You'll never understand! You don't have to worry! About responsibilities, about being a leader! You don't have to be perfect! You don't know what it's like when it feels like everyone is constantly waiting for you to- never mind. You will never understand." He started loud, but it came to barley getting his words out.

'I'll never understand… funny.' Mikey thought, his eyes stung a bit but he kept the tears at bay. He turned his sorrow into angry for a minute. Then went emotionless, all the while Leo was glaring at him with anger, frustration, and confusion. His eyes narrowed as he tried to figure out his brother's emotions.

"Waiting for you to just screw up? Yeah. I'll never understand." Mikey said coldly as he got off Leo and stood. His eyes were now cold and plain, like his voice. He stood still.

Finally, Mikey brought his mask back to surface, his happy mask.

"Yeah, you are right bro! But look, even if I don't understand, stop. Okay? You're scaring all of us. Please." He tried pleaded again. This confused Leo, first Mike was sad, then angry, then cold and bitter, now he was happy? Then he went straight back to pleading?

"Mikey… I-"Leo stopped himself. Afraid to set off the emotions again.

"Okay. I'll stop." He succumbed, his mind too busy swarming to actually train anymore. And he was realizing just how tired and sore he was now.

"Great! Kick up on the coach and I'll get you something to eat, then you'll sleep. Whether you like it or not! Hey, this is kinda fun! I'm the big brother now, ha!" He laughed before leaving a confused Leo in the dojo.

Once in the kitchen, Mikey let the mask fall away.

Tears slipped as he thought, 'I'll never get it, right? To be perfect. That's all he wants from me… All they want from me, all I want from myself.' He thought bitterly then sadly.

He let a small sob escape then chided himself, 'Stop! You're such a baby! No wonder you can't be like them. You cry over some dumb words that were said from anger. You deserve to be the idiot. No wonder you're a mistake.'. Mikey couldn't take it, he found himself crying in the kitchen. He didn't see Leo watching from the doorway.

When Mikey began getting stuff out, Leo took this chance to show himself.

"Mikey. What's wrong with you? Why were you crying?" He said, grabbing Mikey's shoulder to turn him around.

"Nothing bro! Everything's good! Just cutting some onions. I'm hyper sensitive to them ya know!" He tried joking. But his eyes were too red, his smile didn't reach his eyes like normal, there was no sparkle in those blue eyes (in fact they looked dead), and Mikey's eyes had dark circles under them. He looked like shell.

"Mike… you don't even have onions out. There isn't even a cutting board and knife. And stop trying to give me the happy act; I saw you crying." He said seriously.

"I- Leo, just drop it, 'kay?" Mikey kept his smile, but his eyes got colder if possible, his frame went statue still, and he attempted to pull away from Leo; thankfully Leo had a strong grip.

"Was- was it because of what I said? Look Mikey, I didn't mean it. It's not like you don't contribute! You have your own responsibilities, okay?" Leo tried, thinking that's was Mikey was upset.

Before Mikey could stop himself, his eyes got darker, his smile dropped like a weight, and he growled out, "Yeah? Name one. ." Mikey's voice was bitter and sounded like he was challenging Leo. Leo couldn't help but become stuck. Mikey did stuff for them, but at the same time, they were all smaller stuff. Stuff Mikey would probably take the wrong way even though his little things went a long way.

After too many minutes of silence, Mikey gave a dark and emotionless laugh. "My point. Now go away. I need to cook; the other's will be back from the junkyard soon." He voice was attempting to get back to a joking tone, but his face staying dark and cold.

"No, what is this about?" Leo pressed further. He wasn't going to leave until he knew.

"Ya wanna know?" Mikey asked his tone having gone soft and full of pain.

"Yes." His voice was short and pleading, but enough to press Mikey forward.

"You're not the only one who wants to be perfect. And constantly feels like they aren't enough. To feel like everyone's just waiting for you to screw up." Mikey's voice broke a bit, before he stormed off into his room. This left Leo alone in the cold kitchen.

Leo's eyes got a bit watery and he wanted to go after Mikey, but felt like it was better to give him space and give himself some time to think about their little dispute.

He began mechanically cleaning whilst ruminating about Mikey's words.

Tears slipped out and his hand went weak and dropped the milk carton he was putting away. He didn't care that the milk spilt all over the floor and his plastron, legs, and feet.

'Mike, I'm sorry…' he realized what his brother meant. 'I understand and I'm sorry.' He repeated this to himself as he realized that his little brother understood. 'I'm so selfish…' Leo thought as he fought a sob. He realized the thing his brother wanted to say, wanted to hear. He realized his brother's pain was just like his. He faced the reality in the dead silent lair.

'I understand and I'm sorry."

Mikey slammed his door and put his shell to the door. Tears slipped as he cried into his arms which rested on his knees. He curled up more and sobbed harder.

'I understand Leo. I understand.' He thought choking on his own sobs as he thought about how his brother was so blissfully unaware of his own inner-turmoil. He tried consoling himself by screaming the words he wanted to say out loud in his head.

'I understand.'