A/N: Hello guys! I know it's been a while since you've received an update from me, but here I am! I haven't abandoned this story, I've just been very busy with school and going through a lot of emotional valleys (this story is so therapeutic!).Here is part 4 of the Untying the Knot series. As always, the italics are a character's thoughts. Also, just a heads up, in this chapter I headcanon that Cruz is a "religious" person (mainly influenced by Christianity), so God will be mentioned. Hope you all enjoy!
The darkness of the night sky covered the town like a black cloak. Not a soul was stirring in the quiet town. All of the townsfolk were asleep, including Lightning, Sally, and Cruz. Cruz was tossing and turning in her bed. Small beads of sweat covered her forehead as she slowly opened her eyes. Suddenly, she felt someone's hand over her mouth. The person had a strong grip on her jaw. They squeezed it to prevent her from screaming. Cruz froze with shock when she saw Jackson towering over her. Her muffled screams filled the air as she tried to fight back. Jackson sat on top of her chest to keep her from moving her arms. She wanted to bite his hand but she didn't know how to escape from his weight on her body. He leaned forward, making direct eye contact with her. He grinned as he saw the fear in her brown eyes.
"Shh, it's okay baby. I'm here to take you home. All you have to do is go quietly," he said as he took his hand off of her mouth.
After a few minutes of silence, Cruz screamed while Jackson slapped her and put his hand back over her mouth. She continued to scream as she woke up from her nightmare. She sat straight up on the bed as she frantically patted her jawline. She was breathing heavily as she surveyed the room for anything out of the ordinary. As she got up to look out her bedroom window, she knocked over some books that were on her nightstand. She jumped at the sound of the books hitting the floor. She raced to pack all the books back on the nightstand. As she picked up her journal, a small, yellow envelope fell out of the book. She placed the book to the side as she picked up the envelope. She stared at the envelope with confusion. "For Cruz" written on the front in her handwriting. Her eyes widened as she opened the envelope and began to read the letter inside:
Dear future Cruz,
If you are reading this, I want to say congratulations on surviving your first year without Jackson. This letter was written by you and for you. I am currently writing this letter in the Cozy Cone Motel. As you know, Mr. McQueen and Sally helped me move out of my house and allowed me to stay with them for as long as I needed to. Future me, I have something to tell you. Although it doesn't seem like it right now, I need you to know that God sees, knows, and is deeply concerned about everything that you are going through. I need you to know that none of this is your fault. Hear me when I say that God has a divine plan for your life. It is a good plan, complete with thoughts of peace and not of evil. You need to ask God to help you through this. I know that you haven't spoken to Him since you were a little girl (who went to church with her family). You need to ask Him to help you through this. You need to ask Him to give you the strength to forgive Jackson for what he did to you. Future me, I need you to be strong. I want you to know that I am proud of your progress and I know that God is too. Just be gentle with yourself and allow Mr. McQueen, Sally, and the rest of the family to shower you with unconditional love. You need that kind of love now more than ever. I love you future me and I hope you take this letter very seriously.
P.S. You need to eat something because you must be starving!
Love,
Cruz from the past
Cruz stared at the letter for a few minutes. She couldn't believe that she forgot about writing this letter to herself. She cried as she whispered a prayer to God. Her faith may have been shaken, but she knew deep down inside that God would hear and answer her prayers (even if He doesn't answer in the way that she expects Him to).
The next morning, Lightning and Sally were in the hotel's kitchen, making themselves some breakfast. Lightning was pouring himself some cereal while Sally stirred pancake mix in a bowl.
"Good morning guys," Cruz said with a smile as she made her way into the kitchen.
Lightning and Sally stared at each other in silence, shocked by Cruz's gleeful mood.
"Uh, good morning, Cruz. You seem to be in a good mood," Lightning said as he tried to get over his shock.
"Yeah, I guess I am," Cruz said as she went to the refrigerator.
Lightning and Sally continued to stare at each other in silence. Cruz lifted her head out of the refrigerator and looked at them.
"Why is it so quiet? The last time I was in here, you guys were on top of each other," Cruz said with a hearty laugh.
They both remained silent. They just didn't recognize the girl that was standing in front of them. After months of crying and isolation, Cruz was finally in their presence, smiling and laughing as if she didn't have a care in the world.
"You guys are really starting to creep me out. What's the problem and why are you staring at me like that?" she asked as she poured some orange juice into a cup.
"Well, uh, I guess we're just-"
"We're just surprised to see you like this," Sally said, interrupting her husband's explanation. "We're happy for you, sweetie. I don't know what happened, but whatever it was, I'm glad you're starting to feel better," she said with a gentle smile.
Cruz beamed with excitement. "Thank you, Sally. You know, I have something that I wanted to tell you guys but I never got around to it."
"What is it?" Lightning asked as he put a spoonful of cereal in his mouth.
"Well, a few days ago, after the race in Dallas, Natalie came over to me and made me go into her office. She sat me down and told me that she called off the engagement with Jackson because he abused her too."
"What?!" Lightning and Sally said in unison.
"Yup. She showed me the bruises on her upper arm and they looked very severe," Cruz said as she folded her arms.
"What is with that guy?!" Lightning yelled.
"Calm down, Stickers. I don't mean to sound insensitive, but she should've seen the writing on the wall. If I were her and I knew about the domestic violence allegations, I would try my best to stay out of that situation."
"You're right, Sally. She and Jackson were just trying to get back at me. Even when I tried to warn her about my abuse, she didn't take me seriously," Cruz said as she sat at the table.
"Well I guess she learned her lesson," Sally said as she shook her head in disbelief.
"That's it. Something needs to be done about this!" Lightning yelled as he got up from the table, grabbed his jacket, and headed for the front door.
"Where are you going?" Cruz asked.
"I'm going out," he said with a huff.
"Going out to do what exactly?" Sally asked as she tried to follow him to the door.
"I'm handling some business. Don't worry about it. I love you and I'll see you guys later," he said as he kissed Sally on the cheek and closed the door behind him.
"What was that all about?" Cruz asked, giving Sally a concerned look.
"I don't know. He seemed pretty upset. I hope he doesn't do something stupid," Sally said as she continued to prepare her pancakes.
"I hope so too," Cruz said as she mumbled to herself.
"After breakfast, I want to take you out for a drive," Sally said as she poured syrup on her freshly made pancakes.
"Where are we going?" Cruz asked as she took a bite of her toast.
"We're not going too far. You'll see when we get there," Sally said with a smile.
Jackson was in the IGNTR building watching some of his old racing footage. He clenched his teeth everytime Cruz crossed the finish line before him. He balled his right hand into a fist and slammed it on the table in front of him. His body trembled with rage as he let out a blood-curdling scream. The scream echoed throughout the room, yet no one rushed to his aid. He placed his head in his hands and slouched over the table. He was alone with his own wretched soul, or so he thought.
"Hey Storm!" a voice called from across the room.
Jackson immediately rose up from his position on the table. His familiarity with the voice was enough to send chills down his spine. He couldn't believe who he saw standing in front of him.
"Oh no," Jackson mumbled to himself as he glared at Lightning.
Lightning gave Jackson a meager grin. "Oh yes. We need to talk," he said with a stern tone.
Jackson turned his back to the former veteran racer. He couldn't bear to gaze into his calculating, blue eyes.
"We don't need to do anything," he said with a huff. "You need to get out of here before I call security."
Lightning shook his head. "Look, Storm, I'm not leaving until we have this conversation."
Jackson squirmed in his seat while he sneered to himself. "What are you doing here anyway? Don't you have a restraining order against me?" he asked as he turned slightly.
"I don't have a restraining order against you, Cruz does," Lightning explained matter-of-factly.
"What's the difference? You two are practically the same person," Jackson said in a sarcastic tone.
Lightning sighed as he placed his hand on his forehead. Talking to Jackson was like walking across a patch of sizzling coals with bare feet.
"I didn't come here to argue with you, Storm. I just want to talk," Lightning said as he attempted to remain calm.
"There's nothing to talk about, now get out!" Jackson yelled as he turned up the volume of the racing footage.
Lightning walked over to the television set and unplugged the cable box.
"Hey! What the hell is your problem man?!" Jackson yelled as stomped over to Lightning.
"I told you that I wanted to talk."
"And I told you to leave! I'm giving you five seconds to get out of here. If you don't leave, I'm calling security."
"Look, Storm, I just-"
"Five… four…"
"Storm, just listen to me," Lightning pleaded.
"Three… two…" Jackson continued to count.
"Fine. Call security. I'm not leaving this spot until I get what I came here for," Lightning said in an austere tone.
Meanwhile, Sally and Cruz were on the road, enjoying their leisurely drive. Cruz was still oblivious to their final destination, but she enjoyed the ride nonetheless. She marveled at the picturesque scenery of the desert lands as Sally drove the car along the curvaceous road. As they traversed into a nearby forest, Cruz was in awe of the tall trees that towered over them. The waterfall was as mystical as she remembered it. The water graciously cascaded down to the bridge, causing a mist to flow over the car. After passing the majestic waterfall, Cruz knew (almost instantly) that they were going to Wheel Well. Sure enough, Sally pulled into one of the parking spots outside of the ancient building. Sally shut off the car as she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Cruz stared at her in bewilderment.
"What are we doing here?" Cruz asked as she took off her seatbelt.
Sally opened her eyes and turned to look at Cruz. "Honey, I brought you here because I have something very important for you to do," Sally said with a serious look.
Cruz's heart started to pound. Her palms were itchy and she began to sweat.
"Well, what do you want me to do?" Cruz said as she wiped the sweat from her brow.
Sally continued to stare at Cruz. She reached her arm out and placed her hand on Cruz's forearm.
"Cruz, I need you to listen to me carefully. The task that I'm asking you to do will be a difficult one."
"Sally, you're scaring me. What do you want me to do?" Cruz said as her heart continued to race.
Sally swallowed the lump in her throat. She stared into Cruz's anxious eyes and started to rub her forearm.
"I need you to allow yourself to feel," she said.
Cruz's mouth hung open as she narrowed her eyes at Sally. "Wait, what?"
"You heard me, hon. You might've been in a good mood this morning, but I know that there are certain things that you've got bottled up on the inside. You need to let all of those unresolved emotions out."
Cruz scoffed at Sally's proposal. "Trust me, Sally, I'm fine. There are no hidden emotions that need to be expressed. I'm totally over this situation," she said with a crooked smile as she tried to make herself sound believable.
Sally knew better. She knew that Cruz was hiding a deep hurt within her soul.
"Look, honey, the more you resist, the harder it becomes."
"I'm not doing this!" Cruz protested as she tried to open the car door. As much as she tugged on the door handle, it wouldn't open. "Let me out please," she said as she continued to jiggle the handle.
"I'm not leaving until we get this over with," Sally said in a stern tone.
"What did you just say?" Jackson asked as he scowled at Lightning.
"I think you heard me," Lightning said with a sly smile.
Jackson grimaced once he heard those words. He remembered the moment when he used that same phrase on the veteran racer years ago. The sting that he felt from those words was as real as the moment he used them on Lightning. His blood began to boil. He glared at the mature man standing in front of him. He made a fist with his right hand. All he wanted to do was wipe that smug smile off of Lightning's face. Although he desperately wanted to throw the first punch, his mind raced back to the beating that he received from Lightning last year. He may be younger and faster (on the racetrack), but McQueen was stronger. He knew that he wouldn't make it out of another fight alive. He wanted to press the button to alert the security guards, but he couldn't get his body to move. It was as if Lightning telepathically placed a spell on him. He was stuck between a deathmatch and a security button.
"You think you're so clever, don't you?" Jackson said as he glared at Lightning.
An eerie silence fell between them. The awkwardness was overwhelming, even for someone as impassive as Jackson Storm.
"What do you want?" he asked as he gave a loud sigh.
"I want answers," Lightning said as he folded his arms.
"For what?!" Jackson yelled.
"I just need to know why you did it. Why did you hurt those women?"
"What are you talking about, McQueen?" Jackson asked as he shook his head.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about. Why did you hurt Natalie and Cruz?!" Lightning yelled as he banged his hands on the table.
Jackson glared at him. The rage was flowing through his veins. "I knew it! You're here to talk about Cruz. Look, I don't care that she told you about Natalie. Hell, I don't even care about this stupid situation anymore."
"Since you don't care, why don't you just tell me why you did it?"
"Why do you care? All you want to do is help Cruz," Jackson said as he sat back down at the table.
Lightning walked over to the area and sat in front of Jackson. "Yes, I am here because of Cruz. To be honest, I'd do anything to keep her safe. If helping her means helping you, then I'm willing to do that."
"Give me a break, McQueen. You hate my guts! Why would you help me now?"
"Look, Jackson, I hated the things that you did, but I never hated you," Lightning said in a gentle tone.
Jackson shook his head and chuckled to himself. While he seemed unmoved by Lightning's confession, he couldn't help but wonder if it was true. Why would Lightning come all this way just to talk to him? Why did he welcome Jackson into the family, knowing that he almost ended his racing career? Jackson couldn't explain the sudden relief that rushed over him after hearing Lightning's statement. It's almost as if this guy was willing to give him a second chance. It was a chance that he knew he didn't deserve.
"That's good to know. Can you leave now?" Jackson said as he tried to blink back the tears that formed in his eyes.
Lightning stared at Jackson with concern. He saw Jackson's facade just crumble in front of him. He saw that pain that Jackson was trying hard to suppress. He wasn't going to give up on him, not now.
"Talk to me, Jackson. Why did you do it?"
"What makes you think that I can trust you?" Jackson asked as his gaze darted away from Lightning.
"You have to trust somebody right? Look, Jackson, you may not believe this but I'm a man of my word. Whatever you say in confidence will stay between us."
Jackson continued to stare at the television set. His hands began to shake and his throat became dry. He refused to look into Lightning's eyes, out of fear that he would see right through his bravado. As much as he'd like to deny it, he felt that Lightning was telling the truth. He never spoke to Gale or Ray about his personal life. He never had the chance to tell anyone how he really felt about the situation. What did he have to lose?
Jackson took a shaky breath. He tapped his foot on the floor repeatedly, as if he had a nervous twitch. He glanced over at Lightning, who was eagerly waiting to hear his explanation.
"My mother was a junkie. After my dad died when I was six, she got addicted to drugs. She would leave me alone in the apartment just to go get high in a crack house. I learned how to fend for myself. When I was eleven, she started abusing me. She would sometimes shove me into a wall, throw things at me or just slap me around whenever she felt like it. I moved out when I was seventeen. I got a job at some grocery store in LA. There was an arcade nearby. I used to spend all of my time in there, just trying to get my mind off of things. When I finally got into racing, I was determined to maintain my success by any means necessary. I never meant to hurt Cruz. She just got in the way. I didn't know how to manage all that anger that I kept inside so I took my frustrations out on her. I promised myself that I would never turn out like my mom, but we both know how that turned out. Are my answers to your satisfaction?"
Lightning sat there in silence. Although he empathized with Jackson's struggle, he just couldn't condone the suffering that he put Cruz through. He got up from his chair and wrapped his arm around Jackson's shoulders.
"You're going to be okay, Jackson. You just need some help," Lightning said as he handed Jackson a white card with a number written on it.
"Why are you giving me this?" he asked as he looked at the card in confusion.
"The ball is in your court. Are you willing to take that shot?" Lightning asked as he walked out of the room.
"Excuse me?" Cruz asked as she tried to open the door.
"I said I'm not leaving. Either you allow yourself to heal or you walk all the way back to town. It's your call. I can only point you in the right direction, it's up to you to take that path. I'm not going to sit here and watch you self-destruct."
"It's been a year since all of this happened. I'm fine. I moved on," Cruz said in a stern tone.
"Are you going to keep telling yourself that until you believe it?"
Sally's question pierced Cruz's soul like a dagger being thrust into her chest. The tears started to stream down her cheeks.
"Just let it out," Sally whispered.
She unlocked the car doors. Cruz opened the door and walked near the edge of the cliff. She stood there in silence as the wind whistled across the desert skies. The view captivated her as she saw an aerial view of the town. Her lips began to quiver as an intense heat spread in her chest. The anger was boiling within. Her mind flashed back to the countless moments of abuse. Even now, she could feel the sting of Jackson's hand striking her across the face. The rage continued to fester in her body. She couldn't take it anymore.
She began to scream. Her blood-curdling shrieks echoed throughout Ornament Valley. Sally sat in the car, covering her mouth with her hands. Tears fell down her cheeks as she watched Cruz cry out in agony. After a long period of screaming, Cruz sat down on the ground and began to weep bitterly. She buried her face in her hands as her body shook from the force of her cries. Sally immediately ran out of the car and sat on the ground next to Cruz. She wrapped the helpless child in her arms and rocked her back and forth. The two sat on the cliff's edge in silence. Once Cruz finally calmed down, she pulled away from Sally's embrace and looked into her eyes.
"You know, I wrote a letter to myself the day that I came here. I encouraged myself to keep praying to God because He would make it all better. I've never felt so unsure about my faith. I feel like all of my prayers have just hit the ceiling. I thought I would be over this by now. I tried to hold on to hope, but where did that get me? All I wanted was to be loved. I wanted to be able to share that love with someone else. Was I wrong for wanting that?"
"No, honey. We all want that. You shouldn't put a timeline on your healing process. These things take time."
"How much time? I was so naive. I really believed that Jackson was the one. I thought that he could change. It seems like every time I open my heart up to someone, it always ends up getting crushed. How long do I have to suffer?" Cruz asked as she continued to cry.
"Honey, sometimes things happen that we have no control over. You need to hold on to hope."
"I've been holding on to that for dear life! I almost lost my grip. I almost thought of ending it all. I thought that no one would care if I just disappeared."
"That's not true! Lightning would be devastated, and so would I. As a matter of fact, we all would be devastated. Listen to me, Cruz, you are going to get through this. You need to allow yourself to breathe and just be still. Hold on to your faith, hold on to hope, and hold on tight to the people that care about you the most. I love you, sweetie," Sally said as she gave Cruz another hug.
"Thank you for everything," Cruz said with a smile.
"Don't mention it, hon. Now let's go back home and get you something to eat," Sally said as they got up from the ground and headed to the car.
"Wait, can we just enjoy this sunset for a minute?" Cruz asked as she and Sally stopped to admire the breathtaking sunset on the horizon.
TO BE CONTINUED...