Hello everyone, my name is Tsuda Takatoshi. Up until recently I was on the student council for Ousai Private Academy, but all of that is past me now. At the age of 20, It would be absurd for me to still be at the academy that basically rewrote the rules for how to interact with the fairer sex.

Unfortunately, life hadn't gone exactly as planned, as is usual. While everyone else that I knew from the academy went on to do great things, here I am, wallowing in my mediocrity. I own a 1K apartment, work at a convenience store, and live paycheck to paycheck. It could be a lot worse, I know, just... Sometime I wonder what it would be like to get all the attention those girls get. Today, I have the 12-8 shift at the convenience store, so I have some time to watch TV.

I'm greeted by Shino's bright face speaking to the camera. Something about a high profile trial. She really decided to go on to be a TV reporter after the one particular one got popular back in our high school days. Nowadays, she barely even blushes as she reads the news, and from what I hear from my coworkers, they all think it's cute that she's nervous. I don't really have the heart to tell them that the blush isn't from being flustered, but from excitement. Primal excitement. It seems her job as the president of the student council prepared her well for her current job, as she hardly ever gets tongue tied, and I've heard the broadcast station that employs her got a large boost in reviews when she joined. She's doing quite well for herself, that's for sure.

"Today, the case of Keichi vs Hagimura is causing quite a stir, as the latest rising star in the legal world, Hagimura has tackled multiple cases of corporate corruption." The screen behind Shino flips to show a picture of Hagimura and the defendant, the CEO of some fishing company. Apparently, they were illegally adding some chemical or another to the fish before they went to market. Maybe a preservative of some kind? "As the courts open for the day, this five day long trial may soon come to an end. Correspondents on the jury have reported that the judge seems to be leaning in favor of the 'High-School wonder' which would leave her thirty trial win streak unbroken."

Ah, yes. Suzu Hagimura, She became a lawyer, and a very good one to the absolute surprise of nobody. With her memory and her logical thinking, her opinions are already sought after by high ranking corporate types, including one particular brunette. Unfortunately, her body seems to have stopped growing after a short spurt in her last year of high school, leaving her with the looks of a sixteen year old girl. This did cause her first few opponents to underestimate her, but that might also be her age. After all, she's only 20 like me. She did manage to pass her Bar exam in record time though.

It's nice that they're both happy with their lots in life. They're both raking it in, as far as I can tell.

After that portion of the news finishes, I clean up my plates and wash them in the sink. It's still way too early to head out to the store, so what should I do?

The question is answered by my phone ringing.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bro!" Comes Kotomi's voice. "What's up?"

"Oh, you know. Living it up at home, waiting for work to start. How's Osaka?"

"It's great! The crowd here is so large!" I can actually hear the cheering through the handset, so she must be at the event right now. Surprising, I thought these things usually happened in the evening.

"I can't believe you actually joined the Judo team." I say, sitting down on my couch.

"Only as the manager."

"Still, it's like none of you graduated from high school. You're still the manager, Chiri, Toki nanako, and Mutsumi are still on the team... it's kind of scary how all of you went on to do what you were already doing."

"Yeah, but now things are different. For example, only two of us are still virgins!"

I really should know better than to drink anything when talking to my sister. Now I have to clean my spit from the wall. "Kotomi, that's not-"

"Of course, I'm still pure! So is our captain. Speaking of which, you need to talk to her."

"How is her still being... uh, how her state mean I need to talk to her?"

"She's too nervous!" Kotomi shouts, prompting me to hold the hand-piece away from my ear. "Tell her you'll be watching or something, so that she calms down."

"That's not going to calm her down." I deadpan. "If anything, that'll wind her up."

"Nah, last time she had to fight I convinced her that you were in the audience and she fought harder than ever. This time she wants proof."

"...You're a horrible person."

"It's a manager's job to make sure that her fighters are at one hundred percent, no matter the cost!"

I can almost hear the fake tear trailing down her smiling face. "Fine, whatever, put her on." There's a bit of shuffling, a door opening, and some suspicious yelps. My sister, the pervert. Then, I can hear a slightly dejected Mutsumi's voice mumbling something. She's not sounding to good. Before long though, the phone gets close enough to someone's face that I can hear breathing. "Mutsumi?"

"Taka! Are you really going to watch me fight?" She sounds very cheerful all of a sudden. Also, I don't know exactly when she stopped calling me Takatoshi but it was recently.

"Of course. I watch all of your matches, Kotomi makes sure of that. I'm going to watch this one live, if I can."

"Awesome! I'm all ready to go now!" I can her uniform snap as she throws a punch through the air. "Say, next time I'm back up there can we get a bite to eat?"

I'm not going to pretend I'm a clueless harem protagonist. Not like I was in high school. I know perfectly well what she's after. "Yeah, sounds good." I say. Better start saving now though, since she eats like a horse. Maybe I should bet on her winning. I might make a tidy profit.

"YES! Okay, I have to finish warming up. I'll talk to you soon, Taka!"

There's some yelling and suddenly Kotomi starts grumbling into the handset. "Crazy girl threw the phone at me. Nearly took my head off." I can hear the smirk cross her face. "So you and the captain have a date?"

"It seems like it." I say neutrally. "I'm sure it's going to go the same as always. We go out to eat, she gets fired up by something, and it ends up being a guy's night. Maybe we'll go to the batting cages this time?"

"You really need to take her to a fancy restaurant sometime." Kotomi moves into lecture mode. "Otherwise, how else will you finally realize how precious she is to you?"

"Kotomi, if I took her anywhere expensive she'd eat a whole rent's worth of food."

"I know! Our food budget is crazy! Anyway, I have to go watch the fight. Make sure to record it!"

With that, the line goes dead. I stare at the phone for a second before setting it back down in its charging cradle. Fortunately for me, the Judo team travel all over and rarely has time to come back to the Ousai area, so my impending wallet drain is probably some time away.

Still, it would be nice to see the somehow still pure Mutsumi... not the way my sister meant it, but just in her general attitude. It's been some time.

After cleaning the wall, I turn the TV back on and find which channel Mutsumi is fighting on.

She's certainly still in great shape. I can see why judo fans like her so much. After a few relatively quick matches, she devastates the enemy team with a shut out victory. While she holds up her trophy in victory, I swear I can see her wink at the camera. My ego decides that the gesture was meant for me.

I put on my uniform and head out to the store. It's not far, only ten minutes' walk away, and I'll be in early, but I don't mind working a little bit extra time. My manager is pretty good about making sure everyone gets paid their due.

"Taka!" I turn around to find Uomi- I'm sorry, Big Sister running up to me. "What a coincidence!"

"Yeah, just like the last three-hundred times."

As usual, she ignores this. "How is everything? Still getting enough to eat?"

"Nothing's changed since yesterday, Sis." Well... "Oh, Mutsumi won her matches today."

"That's good! Do you know when she and Kotomi will be back in town?"

I shrug. "I don't know their schedule that-"

"They'll be here in a week!" Uomi twirls around to face me, walking backwards. "For shame, not knowing when your cute sister is coming back from her trip."

"Sis, Kotomi only calls me when she needs me to cheer Mutsumi up. She never tells me anything useful." Also, now I only have a week to figure out what to do about my new date. "Ah, pole."

"Wha-" Uomi walks backwards into a telephone pole, and kneels down to clutch her head. "Owwwww."

"Are you okay?"

She doesn't look up, but holds a thumbs up above her head.

"...If you need some ice, we have some at work. It's literally around the corner."

She stands up without letting go of her head, as if it is going to fall off at any second. We successfully get to the store and I grab a small ice pack from the freezer and stick it on her head.

"Sorry to trouble you." She murmurs.

"Not a problem. Just don't walk into any other poles, okay?"

She gives me a lukewarm smile and says her goodbyes. She works... I think she works for the government now. Doing something clandestine, by how cagey she is about it. I would joke and say that she's a super spy, but given how ridiculously high my high school friends have gotten in life, I wouldn't be surprised if that was the truth of the matter.

After that, work proceeds along as normal for an hour or so. Stock the shelves ring out a few customers, smile politely while the old woman yells about her drugs. The usual.

Then four women come into the store at once, all easily recognizable to me. Hell, I'd seen two of them on the television this morning. Shino, Suzu, Hata and Kaede all walk in chatting about something. Hata is now carrying around a video camera, working for the same station as Shino. Kaede, ever since getting over her fear of men (mostly) has been working as a bailiff for the local jury.

"Ah. It's Takatoshi." Hata says. As ever, her face is completely dead.

"Yeah, that's why we're he- MPHHH" Says Kaede before Shino covers her mouth with one of her hands.

Suzu walks up to the counter. "Tsuda, do you have a few minutes?"

I glance at my boss, who had gotten used to random famous people showing up at the store looking for me. He holds up five fingers. Five minutes.

"Yeah, a few. What's up?"

She smiles. "Great! See, I've won my latest case, and we're going to throw a party tonight. Are you going to come?"

"I get off at eight, so, maybe." I say.

"That's fine." Suzu says.

"I saw your case on the news. I'm surprised that you managed to finish so quickly."

She rolls her eyes. "Yeah, Yokohama Fisheries was corrupt. We'll see how long that stays the case." Then she pauses, and a faint redness touches her cheeks. "So, you were watching?"

To be honest, or to be flattering? "I-"

"If you lie to me, I'll know." She says. It's true too, she's really good at reading people.

"I was actually watching Mutsumi fight. Kotomi called me up and told me she was up."

"Ah, Mutsumi. She still has a massive crush on you, doesn't she?" Shino cuts in.

"...Yes."

Shino smirks. "One of these days, I'll show her what true love looks like!"

"That would require you to have a true love first, Shino." Hata says, stepping back to get an angle with her camera that perfectly frames both Shino and I. "Which would disappoint all of your fans."

Kaede rolls her eyes. "Yes, you two have had it all figured out since high school." She says with a touch of bitterness. "Everyone from back then knew it was inevitable, so just stop flirting and fu- fuuu-" Her face turns red. "g-get married already."

Shino throws an arm around the bailiff's shoulders. "Oh, there's enough Tsuda to go around."

I have no recourse but to sigh heavily. "We're not going to get married, Kaede."

Hata focuses her camera on me. "Why not? Has some other beautiful maiden stolen your heart away from Ms. Amakusa?"

"Yeah, I need to know this." Suzu crosses her arms across her chest.

"But Tsuda! What about our love!" Proclaims Shino loudly, clutching her arms close and twirling around in pretend agony.

I glance back at my boss. He taps his wrist, my time's up. "I need to get back to work."

"Not until you answer the question. Who stole your heart?" Hata pushes the camera up into my face, forcing me to take a step back.

Uh, shit. Hata's not going to leave until she can manufacture some sort of story. I could say Mutsumi, that would be the safest option, and probably recognized as such. Or, I could say Suzu, for maximum confusion. Or...

I could use the ultimate fallback plan. Revenge for five years of being the tsukkomi to their idiocy. I have been saving this through thick and thin, and this is the perfect opportunity to use it.

"It's Nozomi Mori."

I can feel the temperature in the shop grow colder. I'm not sure why but for some reason all of the other females around me panic whenever I bring her up. It's been that way since I met her in my second year of high school. She's always been so easy to get along with, since I don't have to tsukkomi her all the time... Wait, I think I figured it out.

Yeah, that would explain the look of horror on three of their faces.

"Suzu, I thought you were making sure they didn't have any contact!" Shino says.

"I was! He... He isn't? How?" Suzu splutters.

Hata still has her dead, flat expression, but I swear she's smiling gleefully on the inside.

Surprisingly, Kaede is also upset. "You guys said-"

My boss comes by and clamps a hand on my shoulder. "Tsuda, get back to work."

"Yeah, right away."

"Tsuda." Suzu says warningly. "When you get to the party tonight, you are going to tell us the truth!"

"Wait, was he lying?" Shino turns to the youngest looking member of our group.

"I... Maybe?" Suzu suddenly looks uncertain.

Well, I'm pretty sure I don't want to be at that party. And, I need to write an apology to Mori.

"Surprise!"

With my key still in my hand, almost close enough to unlock my door, it's thrown open.

Normally, this would indicate an intruder. Maybe having parents visit. However, when your house key is copied and distributed to half of the students you went to high school with, it's not that surprising when you find one of them in your house.

"Hi, Aria." It take me a moment to register that she's not exactly wearing much, just a ribbon tied around her ample breasts with a loop going down her stomach. "If you're dressed like that, you're going to catch a cold."

"Aw, you're no fun." She pouts. She follows me right into the only room in the apartment, still not putting anything on. "Come on, don't you want to have some fun?"

Please, please don't get a boner right now. "Don't you have a company to run?"

"I have a secretary for that."

"Yeah, leaving Dejima in charge doesn't exactly fill me with confidence."

"No, I got a much better secretary. Since she's so close, I can keep an eye on her and make sure she's not up to anything, and she's very good at her job!" She thrusts her chest out and the knot on the ribbons loosens.

"Oh yeah? Why do you need to keep an eye on her if she's so trustworthy?"

"So she doesn't try to talk to yo-" Aria bites her tongue, but not quick enough.

"You hired Mori just to keep an eye on her?" Looks like I own her two apologies now. Maybe more.

Aria has the rare decency to act ashamed. "But, she's trying to steal you away from us."

"Uh, no, she's just easy to get along with. Given she doesn't do things like show up to my house dressed in a ribb-" My doorbell rings. Looks like it's going to be one of those nights. "Aria, just put on some real clothes." I head to the door and look through the peephole. It looks like it's Shino, Hata and Kaede. If I have to guess, Suzu's there too, but off to the side. She's no longer quite short enough for me to miss her through the peephole.

"Hey, Tsuda!" Shino yells through the door. "Your lover's getting cold!"

I open the door. "Shino, what are you talking about-" Okay, I admit that it was my fault for tempting the universe. Hata and Kaede each are holding tightly the wrist of a very chilly looking Nozomi Mori, dresses only in a ribbon and some slippers much the way Aria was. "Holy- Get in! What are you girls thinking! It's October! You can't dress someone like that!" I turn to the deeply blushing Mori. "And I am so, so sorry. I'll go draw you a bath so you can warm up."

"T-thanks."

"No need!" Comes Aria's voice. I turn around to find that she has indeed dropped the ribbon. However, she dropped it in favor of some leather bondage gear. "I already drew a bath!"

Mori gratefully pushes into my bathroom as silence descends on the rest of my suddenly cramped apartment. It's not designed to fit six people and a bed.

"I'm sure this doesn't need explaining." I say. "But I had no part in Aria's presence here."

"Aria! We told you the party started at eight thirty!" Shino complains.

"No fair trying to get the jump on us!" Kaede grumbles.

I glance at the androphobic girl out of the corner of my eye. Wait, what?

"Well, none of you wanted to go with the ribbon thing so if I wanted to I had to improvise!" Aria complains.

Hata is fiddling with her still camera, but it's pointed at the floor in a remarkable display of tact.

"Aria, we agreed not sneaking ahead!" Suzu says plaintively.

This is usually the point where I decide to space out. It's a fact of life for me that these kinds of conversations happen all too often. Primarily whenever the old student council gets together, along with anyone who was on the outskirts. They like to joke about who gets to keep me, it turns into an argument because I'm sure at least one of them is probably serious. In fact, my actually voice in the matter is pretty low anyway. The invite me to the girl talk sessions where they loudly complain that "there's this one guy who seems completely oblivious to love" and "if he'd just catch a clue I could get married already."

I'm sure if I actually attempted to marry one of them... well, they might arrive at my doorstep naked, dragged along by the un-chosen, given today's example.

Mori pokes her head out of the bathroom. "Excuse me, does anyone have any spare clothes?"

The girls look at each other, then at the red ribbon still on the ground that Aria had discarded.

I cut them off before they can suggest it. "She just got out of the ribbon, we're not putting her in another. Mori, are you fine with some of my clothes?"

She nods sheepishly.

"NO FAIR!" Come the chorus from all directions. Shino continues for everyone else. "I want to wear Tsuda's clothes too!"

Hata looks at me calmly. "You have it tough, don't you?"

Once everyone is more or less clothed (I don't like how many spare panties and bra were lying around after everyone changed) in my clothes, Aria and Suzu start cooking some dinner with the food they bought. Apparently, the party was always going to be held at my house, and I just wasn't informed.

It's getting past my capability to care.

Kaede is constantly sniffing my clothes. staring into space for a minute, then sniffing the arm of my sweater again. I suppose it could be her training herself to get used to the smell of boys, but I feel more like it's just another person trying to win my affections.

Lets see, the serious category contains Mutsumi, Shino, and possibly Suzu. And now, possibly Kaede, since I doubt she falls into the second category, the teases. The teases are Aria and Uomi. Hata...

I glance at the one person still dressed the way she had been when she came in. She's currently holding her hands down in her lap hard, her camera out of reach. I know how badly she wants to record this, and I commend her for not. Hata's definitely not interested in me.

I haven't talked to Mori as much as I'd have liked too, and now I know why. Interference from all sides. Still, she's easy to get along with, but probably not a contender.

Jeez, what am I, a harem protagonist? I was joking when I brought it up this morning.

Mori seems comfortable enough for being forced to wear a ribbon to some male's house and them putting on his clothes to replace that. I guess having to deal with Uomi for three years gave her some great perspective on life.

By the way, I'm currently staring at the ceiling and reciting prime numbers in my head. This is because the girls are currently arguing about breast size, and the last thing I need right now is to get aroused. Last time that happened, I was almost pounced.

It looks like it's a bit of a losing battle, though, as the alcohol Aria had brought starts to take effect and they start pressing into each other to prove... something. The fact that my t-shirts aren't made to contain someone of Aria's or Mori's size isn't helping. It looks like I'm going to have to finish the food as well, as the others have all abandoned it.

Ah, I need to start counting. 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17-

My doorbell rings again, and I leap up at the chance of distraction. Unfortunately, once I look through the peephole I see Uomi, who is already reaching for her key. I can't exactly keep her out, and she's not likely to help the situation. In fact, she can only make it worse.

With a heavy sigh, I open the door. "Hello, sis."

"Hey, why don't you call me sis?" Cries a tipsy Shino.

"Because you're not related to Taka." Uomi says. "Unlike me."

"No fair. Tsuda! From now on, call me sis! President's orders!"

"You haven't been the president for three years, Shino." I say.

"No, not Shino! SIS!"

"Won't it be confusing to have two sisses?" I ask in one last desperate attempt.

She thinks hard for a moment. "Then call me Dear!"

This results in the predictable outcry from the peanut gallery.

"Alright, that's it. I'm going for a walk." I leave my apartment, ignoring the cries of "Wait!" and Come back!" as I close the door.

The brisk November air feels good on my skin. I take the steps down away from my apartment and start heading down the street. Before long, I can hear footsteps approach from behind me.

"Hello, Tsuda."

"Hello, Mori."

"Thank you for lending me clothes."

"Yeah, its the least I could do. I didn't think they'd believe me and then go and kidnap you."

"Believe you?"

"Yeah they were pestering me earlier, asking me who had stolen my heart from Shino. I remembered how irritated they got when you got brought up, so..." I shrug. "I really need to apologize."

"No, I know how they get. I work for Aria now, and you should hear what she gets up to in her spare time."

"Wait, don't tell me. Enemas and strapons."

Mori grimaces. "She just had one of those wooden horses put into her office. Thankfully, it folds away when clients arrive, but why does she need one in her office?"

"It's better not to ask."

A comfortable silence falls. We make it all the way around the block and back to the entrance of my apartment complex. "You know, every one of those girls in there loves you." Mori says wistfully.

I glance at her. "Yeah, probably. Aside from Hata."

"Aside from Hata." She agrees. "You must admit it is kind of funny watching them clumsily vie for your attention."

"It would be funnier if it wasn't happening to me."

"Maybe. Still, which one would you choose?"

"Yeah, I used to ask myself that a lot, but figured it was a moot point given they're all way out of my league. It's true, but they all keep coming back to my shitty apartment, for some reason."

"No seriously."

"No, seriously."

"Oh come on, you have to have a favorite." Mori wheedles. I notice that she's starting to shiver a bit, my sweater not quite warm enough.

"I don't. I'm not even sure which of them are serious, and... well, I like all of them. They're all great people, I'm just not sure how to feel about them."

She snorts. "They're all serious. Sure, Aria acts like you're some kind of plaything, but she does love you for what you are. In her words, you're 'someone she can be normal around.'"

"Aria's normal is ribbons and bondage gear." I deadpan.

"And is there anything wrong with that?"

"...Yes?"

Mori laughs. "Well, I'm sure if you tell them that you love all of us equally we'll figure out a way to share."

"Not funny." I look up at the stars for a moment, then back at Mori. She's already headed for the stairs, out of comfortable talking range. Hey, did she say we?

When I finally get the nerve to open my door back up, I find exactly what I expected: Chaos.

Hata has stopped resisting her urge to document, I'll have to steal those SD cards from her later. Suzu is ranting about being treated like a child at work. Kaede is ranting about how the prisoners she deals with are all so creepy, especially the male ones. Aria is somehow making my clothes look perverted, I didn't know t-shirts could be made into boob-tubes. Shino is barking out orders to Uomi, who is barking orders right back. Mori is sitting on my bed, singing softly to my pillow, She got drunk fast.

I wonder how much a hotel costs for the night.

"Okay." I clap my hands, and seven pairs of eyes turn to me. "I'm going to call a few taxis."

"Why?" Protests Uomi. "We just got started!"

"Because, you all need to get up in the morning, just like I do." I say. "Besides, I don't have enough space for all of you to have beds, even if we include the tub."

"I don't have work tomorrow.' Says Shino. "It's Nenechi's day."

"I finished my case." Suzu says, standing up and waving her arms. "I don't have to take on another until I want to!"

Aria flips her hair. "I don't have to be in the office if I don't want to, and Mori is my secretary so she stays."

Uomi shrugs.

Hata says "I wouldn't miss this scoop for the world."

Kaede looks around. "I... guess I can take the day off."

I hold my head in my hands. "I still need to get up tomorrow."

"Hello? Mr. Yoshida? Takatoshi isn't feeling well, so he's not going to be in for work tomorrow." Shino says, her vague slur gone while she deftly calls my boss. I glance at the clock, it's only ten. That shouldn't have been too late.

I grit my teeth. "There's not enough bedding for everyone."

"Dejima? I need four futons. Yes, now. And pillows. Oh, and nothing you specially prepared, I'm not the only one sleeping on them. No not just me and Taka either, it's everyone... no, you may not join." Aria hangs up and beams at me.

Uh, running out of objections. "My landlord has a strict 'no sleepovers' policy. I'll get evicted if you stay here."

"I'll buy you a new house!" Crow both Aria and Suzu at the same time, before glaring at each other.

"I earned my money, Aria."

"I have more of it, Suzu."

"Yours isn't yours it's your company's. Which means that I could sue you for misappropriation of resources."

"I could just use my allowance."

"You know what?" I sigh. "I don't care anymore. I'm going to bed." I flop down on the only real bed in the room.

"First dibs!" Calls Uomi.

"First-, Hey! Second!" Calls Shino.

"Third!" Suzu jumps in.

"Fourth!" Aria grabs her purse and start rummaging through it.

"F-Fifth?" Kaede says it like a a question.

Everyone looks at Mori. "Um... Sixth?"

"Not participating." Hata says. "That would make me complicit." Suspicious, but it's Hata. Everything she does is suspicious.

"Okay, so what are the ranking for?" I ask.

Instead of a direct answer, Aria pulls a box out of her purse. "I knew I had this in here. I wonder if fifteen condoms will be enough though."

"That's it. I'm locking myself in the bathroom."