Chapter 4: Homesickness without a home

Disclaimer: i don't own Lin Manuel Miranda. That would be creepy. Also, this is fan fiction. Alexandra is not a real person. If you don't recognize it from the news. I made it up. All the Spanish translations are from SpanishDict. I'm sorry if they're wrong.

It took Lin less that 10 minutes to learn that he didn't like expedition jeeps. The constant jarring and harsh turns caused him to almost throw up. The jeep was necessary however, as Lin looked out at the piles of broken metal and wood that used to be homes and businesses. Alexandra sat next to him looking down at her lap. It seemed to Lin that she was avoiding looking at the window at all costs. Lin couldn't help but wonder how many times she'd taken this trip. Unlike him she wasn't almost falling every time they turned.

"¿Cuántas veces has vuelto a casa?" (how many times have you gone back home?) Lin asked, trying to fill the silence. Alexandra shifted looking uncomfortable. "No es realmente un lugar al que volver. He vuelto al barrio dos veces. Un tiempo para recoger mis cosas, y los demás también..." (not really a home to go back to. I've been back to the neighborhood twice. One time to gather my things, and the other to…) "Que?" (what) Lin asked softly. Alexandra gulped. "Identificar...mi mamá...cuerpo." (To identify... my mom's... body.) She croaked out, her throat tight. Lin could tell she was holding back tears. He was speechless. What could you say that could possibly comfort a child who had to identify the body of her own mother? The head cameraman interrupted. "Uh. I'm sorry, if I'm breaking a moment here, but can she speak English?" Lin felt fury fill his gut. Didn't this guy realize how rude asking through someone was? Luckily Alexandra spoke before he did. "I speak English. It is my second language. Next time please ask me. It is rude to ask through someone." Alexandra said glaring at the cameraman. Lin let out a soft laugh. Alexandra did have some fire in her.

"Sorry. Uh. So Alexandra we're going to be turning the cameras on in a minute. Just pretend they're not there. We just want you to show us around." The cameraman said embarrassed. Lin looked at Alexandra. "i can help you if you don't know a word. Also, you don't have to answer anything you don't want to." Lin said giving the cameramen a stern look. Alexandra nodded.

"We're here." The driver said.

Lin unbuckled his seat and got out. Alexandra sat inside the jeep frozen. ¿Alexandra? todavía puede cambiar de opinión. (Alexandra? you can still change your mind.) Alexandra shook her head. "I-I'm okay." she said taking a deep breath and climbing out. The cameraman, who had now introduced himself as Fred explained the taping to Alexandra.

"Alright, so we want you to show us around the neighborhood. where shops used to be and that , and show us your house. Uh you got all that?" he asked. Alexandra rolled her eyes at him before nodding. "I told you. I speak English."

"Ready?" another cameraman asked. Alexandra nodded. "Alright and rolling!" he shouted.

"With us today we have a 12 year old eyewitness to Hurricane Maria named Alexandra Hamil." Fred spoke. Lin was surprised to hear that Alexandra was 12. She was so small. Alexandra smiled nervously. "Alexandra," Lin said asking the questions that had been prepared. ''Where are we? Alexandra looked around. "This is my home. This is Barrio destroyed everything. It usually takes about 30 minutes to get to San Juan in a car." Alexandra took a deep breath "After the storm ended, I walked for 7 hours to get to the airport to find help." Lin felt his eyes tear up and cleared his throat. "will you show us what remains of the neighborhood?" Alexandra nodded and began to walk among the rubble. She pointed to a structure that was now just wooden beams and broken concrete. This was my favorite place to get lunch." Lin grinned. "What did you used to get?" Alexandra laughed "arroz con habichuelas" she stiffened. "Um, what is that in English." Lin laughed. "Rice and beans. But, here in Puerto Rico they add pigeon peas, pork, spices, and squash." Alexandra looked at Lin gratefully. Alexandra showed them the rest of the neighborhood including the grocery store, drugstore, hairdresser, and stores. Finally, It was time to show her home. Alexandra walked slowly across the broken concrete. "This was my home." She said softly her voice full of emotion. "I've lived here with my mama my whole life. I don't know where I'm going to live now that Mama is gone." Lin walked over and took her hand. "Alexandra's mother was killed in Maria." He said to the camera. Alexandra nodded looking at the ground. Suddenly something bright caught her eye. She walked forward and pushed some broken wood aside. It was a photograph of Alexandra and her mother. The glass was cracked and the picture was torn but it was still them. Alexandra held it towards the camera. "This was my mama." She said with tears running down her face. "She is in heaven now. Maria took her from me. But I will never forget or stop loving her." Alexandra placed the picture under her arm as she began to walk. A beam of the house was all that stood between Alexandra and a very beaten up looking bathtub. "This is where I was during the storm. I hid in here." She turned around and pointed to torn curtains and crushed wood. "this was my bedroom" she took another few steps before she froze like a statue. Lin walked quickly forward until he saw it. Crimson red covered the broken tiles in front of them. Alexandra was staring blankly at it as if in a trance. "Mama." She whimpered before her legs gave out and she collapsed to the ground her chest tightening. "Turn off the camera." Lin said firmly.

"But-"Fred began. "I said turn it off!" Lin snapped before rushing back to Alexandra's side. Alexandra was full blown hyperventilating at this point still staring at the dried blood. Lin crawled in front of her. "Alexandra? Me mira. sólo a mí. (Alexandra? Look at me. Just at me." He said softly. Alexandra turned to him the spanish seeming to ground her. She looked terrified like she didnt know what was happening "Estás teniendo un ataque de pánico. Necesito que retrases tu respiración" (you're having a panic attack. I need you to slow your breathing.) Alexandra nodded but still couldn't. "me duele!" (It hurts!) she said gasping "¿Puedo tocarte?" (Can I touch you?) Lin asked desperately. Alexandra nodded again. Lin gently placed her hand over his chest. "Tome un respiro en cuando hago" (Take a breath in when I do) It took a while but slowly Alexandra's breathing returned to normal. She looked exhausted afterwards. Lin looked at her worried. ¿Puedo llevarte al auto? necesitas descansar. (can I carry you to the car? you need to rest) Alexandra hesitated for a moment before agreeing. Lin gently picked her up in a bridal hold and walked towards the jeep making sure that she couldn't see the blood. Once back in the jeep he laid her across the back seat placing her head in his lap. After informing the driver to drive slowly and carefully. They began the ride back to the airport. The camera crew were staying behind to get more footage. Lin ran his fingers through Alexandra's hair and he softly hummed an old Spanish lullaby his abuelo had sung to him. Soon Alexandra was asleep and Lin began to let the tears he had been holding back flow. Why her? Why did this sweet girl have to suffer so much?