Chapter 1

At 18 years old, most girls dream about getting out in the world and getting their life started. Me? I just dream about living through the next day. I live with my mom who stays high all the time and my dad is a drunk that gambles. Everyday for me is a struggle. There have been days where I didn't have food and some days where I didn't leave the house because I had too many visible bruises. When I leave the house, I wear long sleeves and a hood and keep my head down. I don't let people see me. I can't. I live in Charming, California and for me it's anything but Charming. I did all I could to graduate a half year early and didn't plan on walking with the graduating class. No one would be there. No one even notices I'm not around. I don't even have any friends that I can talk to. I don't have anyone. When I finished school, I had a 4.0GPA and no one even knows it. But little did I know that things were about to change.

"Manda, get in here." my mom yelled. I went running like I always do so that I don't piss her off. Her and my dad are sitting at a table with a gray haired man in a leather kutte that I didn't know. I knew of his club though. You can't live in Charming and not know who they are. "Yes mom." I say. "Sit. This is Clay Morrow. He's the president of the Sons of Anarchy MC." My dad says. "Hello Mr Morrow. It's nice to meet you. Would you like something to drink?" I asked. "No Sweetheart but I do want to talk to you." he says and that scares me. "Me?" I asked. "Mr Morrow here, has been nice enough to pay off your dad's gambling debt." Mom says. "Thank you for that Mr Morrow." I say looking down. "We came to an agreement." Mom says. I look at her confused and she says "Manda, we have arranged for you to marry one of the guys from his club." she tells me. "An arranged marriage?" I asked softly knowing I couldn't say no. "Yes Sweetheart." he says. "The wedding has been planned and you will meet your husband at the alter." Mom explains. "When is the wedding?" I asked. "Tomorrow." Mr Morrow spoke up. I look up in shock. "Tomorrow?" I asked. "Yes. My wife took care of everything. Your dress and everything. Your father is going to walk you down the aisle and give you away. My wife will be here in the morning to help you get ready." he tells me. "Yes sir. Please tell your wife thank you for me." I say, being polite, knowing if I don't, Dad will beat me again. "Go get some rest Manda. You have a long day ahead of you tomorrow." Mom says. I excuse myself. "It was nice meeting you Mr Morrow. I will see you tomorrow. Good night." I say before heading into my room.

I walk into my bedroom and sit on the bed. Married. I think to myself. Maybe it won't be so bad. I just hope he isn't one to beat on me like my dad. But knowing my luck he will be worse. I lay on the bed and drift off to sleep.

The next morning, Mom wakes me up. "Get up and showered. Gemma will be here in an hour." she says. I get up and walk into the bathroom and shower and once out, I put on a button down and shorts and then blow dry my hair. Once that's done, mom walks in with a woman that I assume is Gemma. I don't meet her eyes. I never meet anyone's eyes. "Manda, this is Gemma Teller-Morrow. She's going to get you dressed and do your hair and makeup." mom tells me before walking out of the room. "Good morning Mrs Morrow. Thank you for this." I tell her. She walks over to me and tilts my head up to look at her and says "Honey, I don't have a daughter so this is going to be fun for both of us." She smiles at me and then asked "Did they tell you anything about the man you are marrying?" I shake my head no and she says "Well, his name is Juan Carlos and we call him Juice. He's a tech guy. Puerto Rican. Really sweet." she says. "I just hope he likes me." I say softly. "Sweetheart, have you ever been out with anyone?" she asked. "No ma'am. I don't let anyone see me." I tell her. "Can I ask you something?" I asked. "Sure baby." she says and I find her really easy to talk to. Nothing like my mother. "Why did you arrange a marriage to pay off my dad's debt?" I asked. "The guy you are marrying? He's a special one. He needs someone to love him. Someone to stand by him. He's lonely and he wants someone he can come home to." she tells me. "He can't find that on his own?" I asked. "It's not that easy baby. Most girls only go after the patch, not the man. This way, you know the man not the patch." she says. "Mrs Morrow, I haven't even kissed anyone." I say as a tear rolls down my cheek. I am already feeling like a disappointment to the man and I haven't even met him yet. "Okay, Sweetheart. First of all, none of that Mrs Morrow shit. You call me Gemma. Second, you will have to kiss him at the ceremony but he's really sweet. He won't pressure you for anything else before you're ready." she tells me and that eases my mind a little.

We get ready and she helps me put on this pretty white dress, which after my confession to her is actually appropriate, and we head out the door. The dress comes down to my ankles and has a sweetheart neckline with half shoulder straps and flows out softly at the waist. I put on a pair of white strappy heels that are only a couple of inches high before walking out the door with her. She tells my parents that we are meeting her there and that I am riding with her. Once in the car she asked me "How long your dad been hitting you?" I look down at my hands and said "I don't remember a time when he didn't. Mom's not much better." She sighs and says "Juice won't hit you. He ain't built that way." I release a breath I didn't know I was holding and she reaches over and takes my hand. "Once that ring is on your finger, sweetheart, you will not be their daughter anymore. You will be mine. You need anything you come to me. You will meet Tara and Lyla. They are Jax and Opie's wives. They will help you too." she says and I whisper "Thank you."

We get to the clubhouse where the wedding will be held and they bring me in the back door. Apparently, they didn't give this Juice guy a choice in the matter either. All I can do from here is try to be what he needs no matter what. My dad walks up next to me, "You ready?" he asked. "Yes sir." I say. "Good. Once you say your vows, me and your mom are leaving." he tells me and I look at him. The music starts and he starts to walk me down the aisle. I see a room full of people that I don't know all stand to watch me walk to the makeshift altar. Walking up, I have my head down a little to keep people from looking at me. I get to the altar and the preacher says "Who here gives this woman to be wed?" My dad speaks up and says "Her mother and I do." He places my hand into the hand of a man I have never seen before. He has sad eyes and a sad smile. He leads me forward and leans over and says "You look beautiful." his first words to me and he says I look beautiful. "Thank you. So do you." I whisper. We stand there in silence while the preacher goes through his speech. "Juan Carlos Ortiz, do you take Manda Mae Lewis to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold until death do you part?" Juan looks at me and smiles softly and says "I do." Looking at me, the preacher says "Manda Mae Lewis, do you take Juan Carlos Ortiz to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold until death do you part?" I look at Juan and says "I do." After a few more words, the preacher says "By the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride." Juan moves closer to me and places his hands on each side of my face and kisses me softly. Not a chaste kiss but a soft, sweet kiss. For a first kiss it was perfect. We just look into each other's eyes for a minute before Clay speaks up and says "Now it's time to party!" The music gets turned on and everyone is passing out drinks.

Once the music starts, my parents come up to me and say, "We are leaving. You take care of yourself." They hug me awkwardly before walking out the door. Juan takes my hand again and squeezes. Leaning over he says "I promise to treat you better than that." I look at him and smile and squeeze his hand back. Gemma comes over and takes me and Juan around for me to meet everyone. During this entire time, Juan is either holding my hand or had his hand on the small of my back. Almost like he is protecting me already. Then Gemma says we have to cut the cake. One of the friends of the club did a wedding picture for us and we were cutting the cake. He was very careful not to get it on my face and I was as well. I think everyone could see that we were both nervous.

After the party got into full swing, Juan asked if I wanted to go somewhere quiet to talk. I nodded my head yes and he lead me down the hallway. I started getting nervous because I had just had my first kiss but he lead me to a ladder. I looked at him confused and he said "It goes to the roof, it's quiet up there. I nod and climb up the ladder with him behind me. Once we are up there, he takes my hand and we go to sit on the air unit. "I'm sorry that you got pulled into this." he says. "It's okay. So far everyone has been better to me than my parents were. I'm actually glad that I am out of there." I tell him. "Was it that bad?" he asked. "Dad gambles and drinks and hits me and mom. Mom is hooked on whatever she can get her hands on so it's pretty much been me just hiding from everyone." I tell him. "How long have you been hiding?" he asked. "Juan, that kiss during our wedding? That was my first kiss." I tell him and look down, embarrassed. "Don't do that. You're my wife. You don't have to hide from me. I promise I won't pressure you for anything you aren't ready for. Okay? All I ask is that you be there for me." he said. "I think I can handle that." I say. "So, tell me about yourself. What do you like to do?" he asked. "I like to sing. Being alone all the time, you have to find ways to entertain yourself. I grew up here in Charming. Graduated half a year early with a 4.0GPA but didn't tell my parents that. They think I just dropped out of school." I tell him. "Did you want to go to college?" he asked. "I wanted to be a writer." I tell him. "You know, you can go to college and be a writer if that's what you want." he tells me. "I can't. It will cost too much. But I'm okay with that." I say. "I will help you." he says. "You don't have to do that. It's fine. I promise." I say. He looks at me and tells me, "I promise I will be better to you than they were. Okay?" Taking his hand in both of mine I say "You already have." We spend a few hours up on the roof just talking and getting to know each other. He seems easy to talk to. I can see why Gemma said he was the sweet one.

We finally decide to come down and Gemma asked where we were. "We were on the roof talking. Figured I might want to get to know my wife a little." Juan says and Gemma says, "Well, nothing wrong with that. You okay honey?" she asked me. "Yes. Thank you for everything Gemma. The wedding was perfect." I tell her. "Good baby. Now, Juice, take your wife home and let her get some rest. I know she probably hasn't slept good in a while." she says. We both hug her and head out to his bike. I pull my dress up and tuck it in between my legs after I get on behind Juan. We take off and within a few minutes we were pulling into a driveway. The house was small but looked homey. Walking inside, it was clean and nicely decorated. "I know it's not much but it's home." he says "Juan, this is a lot better than what I came from. It's perfect." I tell him. He walks over to me and pulls me to him and asked "Can I kiss you again? That last one was kind of nice." he says. I nod my head yes and he leans down and kisses me softly. He deepens the kiss but just a little to keep from scaring me but something about him make me okay with it. As we pulled apart, he says "Your clothes were brought over earlier and already unpacked. Tara headed out early and took care of it for us." he said, leading me to the bedroom that we would share, he showed me where my things were. Showing me the bathroom and where to find the towels, he said "Gemma stocked us up with all things girlie for you. If there's anything not here that you need, let me know and we can get it." I walk to him and kiss his lips softly (I don't know where this courage comes from) and tell him thank you before getting in the shower.

After my shower, I walk into the bedroom and he is already in bed. Seeing him without a shirt, I stare a little and he smiles at me. "I can put on a shirt if you aren't comfortable with this." I come back to reality and say "No. It's fine. Better to just jump in feet first, right?" He smiles again and turns the covers down for me to get in and I climb into bed. Laying down, I turn my back to him not knowing what to do. He slides over behind me and puts his arm around me, pulling me to him. "Is this okay?" he asked. "Yeah. That okay." I say. I lay there for a few minutes and decide to throw caution to the wind. "Juan?" I asked. "Yeah babe." he answers. "Will you do something for me?" I asked. "Anything." he says. I turn over onto my back and say "Juan, I feel so stupid asking this. I have never…" I say and he realized what I was talking about. "Manda, we don't have to do anything you aren't ready for." he assures me. "I know but I want to. I am tired of still feeling like a child. You are my husband and I should want to be with you." I tell him. "But if you aren't ready…" he says and I say "Juan, you are my husband. You were my first kiss and it's only right you are my first. I want this but I don't want to disappoint you." I tell him. Kissing my lips softly, he says "If you are sure you are ready, I promise you won't disappoint me" I wrap my arms around his neck and he kisses me softly before deepening the kiss. He slowly kisses down my neck and starts to undress me. Once undressed, he hovers over me and asked "Are you sure? We don't have to." I smile softly and say, "I'm sure." He slowly enters me and gives me a minute to adjust. I wince a little and he asked "You okay? Want me to stop?" I say "I'm okay. Just be gentle." He whispers "Always." before slowly thrusting in and out. After a few minutes, he starts thrusting a little faster and before I know it, I start to see stars behind my eyes and feel myself arching against him. A few minutes later, he grunts and just hovers over me. He had found his release inside me. Pulling out, he lays beside me and is trying to catch his breath. He doesn't say anything and he doesn't touch me. I turn to the side, facing away from him scared I did something wrong. Rolling over behind me he rolls me over to my back. "Are you okay? What's wrong?" he asked concerned. "Did I do something wrong?" I asked. "Baby, no. You were perfect. I just needed a minute to catch my breath. I didn't realize how tight you would be and it caused me a little sensory overload. You were perfect baby." he says before pulling me into him and holding me. Kissing me softly he says "Thank you." he says. I look at him confused. "For what?" I asked. "Being with me." he says. "Thank you for saving me." I say. "Let's get some sleep baby. Good night Mrs Ortiz." he says. "Goodnight Mr Ortiz." I say before we drift off to sleep in each other's arms and for the first time ever, I felt like everything would be okay.