Donna stood aimlessly in her kitchen. She didn't know what she wanted to do. She'd been home almost an hour now. She'd changed out of her black dress, slipping into a dark green, satin nightgown. She'd gotten herself ready for bed, but she hadn't gone to lay down. Instead she wandered back into her living room before going to her kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine. And ten minutes later, she stood there still, wine glass in her hand, without a sip taken.
Suddenly there was a quiet knocking at her door. She stared at the closed door for almost a full minute, sure she knew who was on the other side. The knocking came again, louder this time. She crossed to the door and swung it open.
Sure enough, there stood Harvey. He'd obviously been home too, and changed. He now wore light khaki pants, and a navy-blue, V-neck sweater. The sight of him made her stomach tighten pleasurably. He was effortlessly gorgeous, as always, but he wore an intense expression that made Donna nervous.
Without saying anything he brushed past her into her apartment. "Come in." Donna said sarcastically under her breath. She closed her door and slowly walked over to lean against the back of her couch and face Harvey where he stood beside her dining room table.
She sighed when he just watched her, not saying a word. "What do you want, Harvey?"
He tilted his head, his expression incredulous. "You did not just ask me that."
She looked away, aware that the question was ridiculous. There was no doubt what he was doing there and his next, quietly spoken question confirmed it.
"Why?"
He had to repeat the question a second time before she finally answered it. She was defensive.
"I told you why, Harvey. I just had…"
"…just had to know. Right!" He said, cutting her off. "That is the most bullshit line. What does that even mean?" His voice was now loud and demanding.
Donna's ire was rising. A small part of her (the part that she'd gotten very good at ignoring) had hoped he was here to continue the kiss, not to chide her about it.
"It means that I'm sick and tired of pretending like we don't mean anything to each other. Aren't you tired of pretending, Harvey?"
Harvey pointed his index finger at her. "I have never once pretended you don't mean anything to me. I said…"
It was Donna's turn to cut him off. "Yes. Right." Her voice was mocking. "You're right, Harvey. You did say," she straightened up from the couch and did her best impersonation of Harvey's deep voice. "Donna, it bothers me when you date other guys, but…that doesn't mean anything. I love you, Donna…but it doesn't mean anything."
Her expression was scornful as she finished. It felt good to vent her long simmering frustration, even if all she really wanted to do was throw her arms around his neck and kiss him again.
After a moment she continued, quietly. "Do you realize that in the last fourteen years I can count on one hand the number of times we've made physical contact?"
Harvey stood scowling at her, but she noticed he made no objections to her assessment of the situation.
After a moment the question that was always at the back of her mind would be denied no longer and bubbled up out of her mouth. "Do you…do you ever think about that night?"
Donna saw surprise cross Harvey's face, along with myriad other emotions that she couldn't quite catch. She held her breath, waiting for his answer.
"No."
Donna expelled the breath, looking away and feeling tears prickle behind her eyes. "Okay." She said, simply, not trusting her choked up throat to say more.
"I can't." Harvey's voice was barely a whisper.
Donna scowled, turning back to look at him. After a second, she threw her hands up. "And what the hell does that mean? You can't?"
Harvey's expression was almost one of desperation, his voice vehement. "You told me, you said that you would only work with me on the condition that we completely forget about that night, pretend it never happened.
"So, I did. I pushed it as far back into my memory as possible. And I don't think about it." He said, emphasizing the word don't. "I can't."
He was quiet for a moment, staring at the floor. He finally looked up, gazing deeply into Donna's eyes. His eyes were filled with heat and obvious desire, his voice smooth and deep.
"And I don't touch you, because when I touch you, I think about that night. And I decided a long time ago that I want you in my life, more than I want you in my bed." He took a ragged breath. "And I really want you in my bed."
The air was charged between them, as though a mere spark could ignite a fire. Donna replayed his words over and over in her mind. She dropped her chin to her chest and closed her eyes trying to block out the image of the incredibly sexy man saying incredibly sexy things. For years she'd had dreams like this, Harvey telling her how much he wanted her.
She opened her eyes in time to see Harvey, face harsh with desire, taking two long strides, closing the distance between them, arms stretched out, hands reaching to cup her face.
"Donna…" her name was a plea.
Self preservation made her throw her hands out in front of her in a gesture that demanded he stop.
He halted immediately, but he had come close enough that she could see the amber highlights in his eyes, she could smell his skin and feel the heat from his body. He was close enough that she could have grabbed hold of him and pulled him to her. She curled her hands, still out in front of her, into fists to prevent it.
She knew her desire for him was blatant, that it shone out of her eyes as she looked up at him, but she didn't care. She also knew; however, that she couldn't deal with him starting something he couldn't finish. The gentle kiss she'd stolen this evening was already going to torment her forever.
Her voice was a hoarse whisper. "Are you…" she took a deep breath and asked the question she already knew the answer to. "Are you planning on staying the night?"
Harvey's jaw was clenched tight, the muscle jumping frantically there. His gaze devoured her, running over her face and down her satin clad body. His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides.
He closed his eyes and his expression was tortured.
Paula.
She knew. She knew what he was thinking. He was with Paula and it would kill him to cheat on someone he was committed to. If she had any kindness, she would step away from him and make his agonizing decision easier. She should stop tempting him and give him space. But dammit, she really wanted him to stay.
His eyes still closed, he choked on his words. "I can't."
Donna nodded slightly, her broken heart confirmed by those words. He was with Paula and she had no right to get between them. He opened his eyes and she attempted a weak smile.
"Then you should go." Tears welled up again and she dashed them away.
"Donna…" Harvey's voice broke and he reached for her again. She grabbed his hand with both of hers as it neared her wet cheek.
"You can't help me, Harvey."
He was about to protest when she shook her head and cut in before he could speak. She repeated herself, this time stressing the first word in the sentence. "You, can't help me, Harvey."
The tears fell fast down her cheeks now. She had to get him to leave before she completely fell apart. Harvey still looked like he was determined to do something to try and "fix" the situation, so she told him the truth, hoping it would get through to him.
Her voice was small. "You can't be here, Harvey. You're hurting me."
It definitely got through. He looked as though she'd slapped him. He pulled his hand back and stepped away from her. His expression was crestfallen and for a moment she was half afraid/half excited by the possibility that he was going to reach for her again.
Instead he swept past her and out the door.
She waited almost a full two minutes to be sure he was gone before she let the sobs take over.