The First Impression

Written by: SadieAnnabethMellark ( porkcutletbowltrash)

Summary: Yuuri knew that his anxiety was getting the best of him. He knew that he should trust Viktor when he said that the Russian Team were all really nice and would like him. His anxiety didn't want to listen though. Maybe it takes a member of the team to pull him from his worries for now. (Day 1 of YOI Fight Anxiety Week)

Dedicated to my Grandma, who passed away last night.

I know you wouldn't have wanted me to stop doing what I love…

He ran a hand through the soft dark locks and pressed a kiss to Yuuri's forehead, "Yurashka, just be yourself."

"What if they don't like me? Or what if they think I'm weird? What if I offend them?"

Viktor couldn't help but smile to himself at the ridiculous idea of Yuuri not being likable. Viktor could see it in the eyes of everyone that came in contact with Yuuri; he could see that slight glint of fondness and amicability.

"Yuuri, I promise they will. They're all very nice.", Yuuri sighed and looked up at him with his dark brown eyes. Viktor didn't need to look closely to see the storm brewing inside Yuuri; he could feel the anxiety rolling off of his fiancé. He had felt it ever since he had come in to shake the Japanese skater awake.

"Vitekna, you have trained with all of them for most of your career." Yuuri mumbled softly, "You're all part of the same team. I—Well, I'm an outsider."

"And?"

"I'm too different. They probably think I'm weird."

Viktor laid his cheek a top Yuuri's head, "You've met Yuri before. And Georgi. They're nice."

"Well, yeah, but— "

"And you can't possibly be any more unusual than Georgi." Viktor chuckled softly, "That is true, Isn't it?"

Yuuri gave a soft hum as he nodded, "I guess."

"Besides, Yura," Viktor purred as he pulled Yuuri away to look into his eyes, " this is just your first day. I'll be there and I'm sure Yuri won't mind if you hang around him today."

"I-I don't want to inconvenience–" Yuuri's eyes turned away from Viktor's gentle gaze as he mumbled.

Viktor cupped his cheek and let his thumb caress the soft ridge of Yuuri's face, "You won't. Yuri may be loud, but he does like you. He wouldn't have put up such a fit at the GPF if he didn't. He was upset when he heard you were thinking of retiring."

Yuuri blushed as he remembered that night in their hotel room when Viktor had been out making arrangements for an apartment in Russia. It had been the first time that he had seen Yuri actually full out sob. He remembered holding the fifteen-year-old in a hug, trying to get him to understand how sorry he was for worrying him. The guilt had never fully left Yuri in the few months since then. He always knew that Yuri would never forget that incident; he was probably still angry.

"I can see the wheels turning, Yuuri." Viktor hummed as he caressed Yuuri's cheek softly once more, "Don't be nervous, my Yuuri. You'll be just fine. Just take a deep breath and relax, alright?"

Yuuri nodded softly and did as Viktor instructed. He'd be just fine. He'd be just fine. Or maybe he wouldn't. The feeling of nausea was overwhelming in his stomach; it had felt as if someone had tossed him into the washing machine and put him on a spin cycle. His head was spinning and his stomach was rolling out of control.

When Viktor had finally managed to get Yuuri out of bed, dressed and to eat a light breakfast, they were finally able to go out the door. Hand in hand they walked down to the train station, enjoying the warmth of each other's skin in the snowy environment. Yuuri had been shy about holding Viktor's hand in public, worried that others eyes were lingering on them too much, but Viktor wouldn't let go. He was determined to keep Yuuri close to him no matter what. As Viktor gave gentle squeezes of reassurance, he found himself trying to concentrate more on Viktor's gentle act of love, rather than the eyes of strangers looking over them. He wasn't sure what Russia's cultural ideas of different sexualities were, but at least knowing that Viktor was comfortable holding his hand in public, he was able to find safety in Viktor's happiness.

Viktor sat next to Yuuri on the train and mumbled softly to him about everything and nothing all at once. They talked about what they wanted for lunch and for dinner that night. Viktor suggested that they try this new little café a few blocks from the apartment, which he had been told served amazing beef stroganoff and blinis. Yuuri listened to his lover ramble aimlessly as he took a few deep breaths. You'll be just fine, he kept telling himself, Viktor said that it'd be okay. Just breathe.

His stomach was starting to ache as they got off at the station closest to the rink. Viktor gave him a smile and pecked a small kiss on Yuuri's temple, before continuing to talk about their plans for the night.

"What do you think, Yurachka?" Viktor asked him. Yuuri could hear the heart-shaped smile that Viktor wore on his lips without having to glance up at his lover's face though he hadn't been fully listening, to busy trying to focus on staying calm and trying to keep his hands from shaking slightly. Yuuri blushed deeply and turned his face away from Viktor's gaze. He knew Viktor knew that Yuuri had been ignoring him. He'd probably be upset with him for drifting off into his head and not acknowledging his attempt of taking Yuuri's mind off the possible impending doom.

"Yuuri," Viktor pulled them to a stop as Viktor leaned down to mumble so only he could hear, "Remember, it'll be okay. I'll be right by your side."

The only response he received was a soft nod.

o.O.o

The first hour of practice had gone perfectly. He and Viktor were the only ones at the rink for now and Yuuri was able to warm up in peace. As he did lazy compulsory figures, he could feel the rolling in his stomach beginning to ease. Viktor was standing off to the side, continuing to talk to him about possible themes for the upcoming GP. Yuuri listened to Viktor's voice as he glided across the ice, starting to relax. After a bit of warm-up, Viktor had Yuuri go into practicing his quads while he himself would warm up for his training with Yakov. Yuuri had meet the Russian coach once and he was still a little terrified of the man. Viktor swore that he was kind under the yelling at his skaters ("He yells because we drive him crazy, Yuuri. He's nice when you listen to him. I promise" "Why don't you listen to him then?" "Because that wouldn't be any fun.") and his continuous cranky attitude, but Yuuri still doubted it. Yakov had put out so many figure skating champions and legends, that the idea of him being a softie deep down like Viktor suggested was almost ridiculous.

Yuuri had to admit, he was doing pretty well after not being under Viktor's watchful eye on the rink for almost a month. He landed almost all of his quads with perfected ease, with Quad Salchows being the only ones he was a little shaky on. He would smile at Viktor as he drifted by and would feel content when Viktor would flash him that beautiful heart smile every single time. It had been the same way until voices started picking up in the rink. It was getting louder and louder as more skaters filled into the area, calling out to each other in Russian. He could hear people greeting Viktor and his fiancé responding back fluently in his native language, chuckling every now and then at something someone said. Yuuri felt his stomach starting to roll once more as he started going in for a quad flip. He needed to stay focus on the ice.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of something and turned to look in its direction out of curiosity. His eyes drifted over towards the side of the rink where people were standing and watching him as he went into his quad. His stomach jerked, his head was spinning and as he came to land, his face smacked the ice, his hands not fast enough to catch him. He rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling for a moment, before he heard skates drifting on the ice and a cried, "Katsudon!" rang through the air. He was feeling sick. He knew he had just embarrassed himself in front of the entire Russian team. He pulled himself to his feet as Yurio came to a stop in front of him, his usual scowl on his features.

"What the hell was that?" Yuri's scowl turned into a soft smile, "I see you've lost your touch since the GP. I'm just gonna have to push you, aren't I?"

Yuuri didn't meet Russian skater's eyes. He knew Yuri was teasing him. This is Yuri's way of showing affection, he told himself. But…Yuri did have a point. He was out of practice and he'd gained a few pounds over the past few weeks. He'd taken that time to relax before moving to St. Petersburg and then going back into rigorous training with Viktor and, possibly, Yakov.

"Uhm." Yuuri nodded in response, "Sorry…"

"What the fu—" Yuri started but trailed off, "Hey, piglet. You're bleeding."

Yuuri brought his hand to his face and was surprised when he felt a warm wet substance coming from his face; his hand sticky with blood.

"I think I hit my nose." Yuuri mumbled, "I-I'm just going to go clean up."

"Oi, Katsudon…" Yuri called after him as he skated away, but he didn't care. He was feeling his stomach clench. His hands were shaking. His mind was going a mile a minute.

He needed to breathe.

He vaguely registered passing by a group of people, asking if he was alright, but he was too far gone to pay any heed to them as he tugged on skate guards. He wanted Viktor, but his eyes couldn't spot him anywhere. He was stumbling around, trying to get away from the embarrassment he had just caused himself. Forgetting that he didn't know the training center very well yet, he took a random hallway – there had to be a quiet place (preferably a bathroom) around here somewhere. He bit his lip as he held a hand to his bleeding nose, looking for any clue as to where a bathroom was. It had felt like he had been walking far too long, passing doors and huge windows as he went, when he finally found a bathroom.

Yuuri dashed inside and shut the door behind him, before trying to staunch his bloody nose with a paper towel. He could feel the heat radiating from his cheeks even before he looked into the mirror in front of a line of sinks. His stomach was getting worse by the minute and his heart was beating faster as he thought about what just happened.

You embarrassed yourself in front of the Russian team, his mind thought, I bet they think you only won silver in the GPF because Viktor coached you.

"Just calm down, Yuuri," He bit his lip and tried to take a deep breath. His stomach was tumbling inside of him, his head was spinning, he felt like he was shaking. It felt like he couldn't fully breathe as he was swept away into the dizzying current of his mind.

Going into one of the handicap stalls, he sat on the floor and tried to calm himself down. He needed to stop thinking about what everyone was thinking about him. He had known that he would be the mule amongst stallions – prize-winning horses that were graceful and beautiful – but some part of him was hoping that it wouldn't have been true. Yuuri had been proven wrong though as soon as his skates jumped from the ice.

The fact of the matter was this: Yuuri had wanted to fit in. He wanted to believe Viktor. He wanted his new rink mates to like him. He wanted to be welcomed into the group eventually. He wanted to make Viktor proud.

But the truth was that Yuuri was too different to fit in; he had proven that within a minute of being in the same rink as the other skaters.

They say that the first impression is important. First impressions determine the vibe you get from others; it defined the archetype of one by the perception of another. Yuuri would be stuck being known as the underachieving, unqualified skater that stole Viktor Nikiforov away from the ice for a season. That's the thing about first impressions: one never gets a second chance to make one.

And Yuuri had already royally fucked up.

He pulled his knees to his chest and rested his cheek on them as he tried to take more deep breaths. He didn't want to lose it right now. He didn't want to upset Viktor even more after screwing up on his first day at the new rink. He knew he'd have to face his fiancé sooner or later and he didn't want to make Viktor upset because he had been crying over something like this. Maybe Viktor would suggest that Yuuri train somewhere else…

Maybe Viktor would be too ashamed of him…

NO, he scolded himself, Don't think like that. Viktor loves you.

But he also loves gold medals, his anxiety retaliated.

A loud creak echoed in the bathroom and Yuuri felt his heart stop for a moment. Someone was coming in. They'd hear him in here. They'd realize how much of a loser he actually was.

"Uhm, Yuuri?" The voice was soft and had a sweet Russian accent to its fluid English, "Are you in here?" Yuuri held his breath for a moment, staying quiet, letting out a shaky breath only when he couldn't hold it any longer.

"Yuuri? Are you okay?" The voice asked again. He didn't know who this was. He knew it wasn't Viktor or Yuri or even Georgi. God, who had found him. He didn't want to face the embarrassment just yet. He couldn't.

He let out a shaky breath once more, "Y-yeah. I'm a-alright."

There was a soft knock on the stall door as a pair of bright colored sneakers could be seen from under the small gap under the door, "Can I come in?"

Yuuri gulped and bit his lip. It would be insulting to the person if he said no. But he really didn't want to say yes, either. He'd honestly be content to crawl under the covers at the apartment and hide for the rest of his life with Viktor's full-sized poodle, Makkachin, snuggling up next to him. You've already messed up, don't keep doing it, he told himself. With another unsteady released breath, he stood and unlocked the door.

Pushing it open, he was met with the soft face of a seemingly younger boy. He had to be closer to Yurio's age with his cheeks that hadn't quite lost its baby fat, and his shorter slender body. He was almost as tall as Yuuri, but Yuuri could tell he'd eventually tower over him. His dark hair curled around his electric blue eyes and ears in soft curls. The gentle smile that was on his face traveled all the way to his upturned nose. He was paler which made his sprinkling of freckles and the electric blue of his Russian National Team jacket even more striking against his skin.

"I'm glad to see your nose stopped bleeding." The boy told him, looking at his face.

"Y-yeah. It stopped after a while." He mumbled as he looked down from the boy's eyes. He could feel his cheeks growing hotter by the second.

What was he thinking right now?

"That's good." The boy smiled and walked over to the sink, grabbed a paper towel and wet it, "You have a bit of dried blood on your nose," He came back over to Yuuri and started to gently wipe the dried blood away from under his nose and on his chin. Yuuri felt his cheeks blush even deeper as he reached for the wet cloth in the boy's hands, "Y-You don't have to— "

"It's alright, I'm almost done Yuri-chan," He replied before asking, "I think I got that right. You're from Japan right?"

Yuuri nodded softly, "Mhmm." He didn't want to bother correcting the boy out of politeness. Only he and Viktor would know that –chan was meant usually for girls and –kun was an honorific for guys.

"That's cool. What's it like there? Viktor has told us that it's beautiful."

Yuuri felt his insides ease a little bit at the mention of his home, "It is. I'm from this small town called Hasetsu. My parents own an Onsen there."

"An Onsen?"

"Oh, uhm, it's a hot spring. You bathe in them." He blushed softly as the boy wiped the last of the dried blood away. He hummed to himself as he tossed the wet paper towel into the garbage can next to the sink and proceeded to wash his hands.

"It sounds beautiful. Are the cherry blossoms really as beautiful as they are in anime?" He flashed a toothy grin at Yuuri.

Yurri couldn't help but chuckle slightly, "Yes, the Sakura trees are beautiful, but they are a pain in the ass to keep up. We have to sweep up the petals all the time when the flowers fall."

"But with beauty, there comes pain," the boy replied as he leaned against the sink, "My name's Stephan by the way. I probably should've introduced myself before."

Yuuri had never seen Stephan before now. He hadn't seen him compete ever. However, while he could feel his anxiety still running wild, when he was talking to the pixie-like boy, he couldn't help but feel a little more at ease. He seemed nice…

But he saw you fall, his anxiety reminded him, everyone is always nice to your face.

Yuuri felt the dread fill inside him again and looked away from Stephan as he looked towards the floor. He was probably just being nice. He probably didn't actually like Yuuri.

"Yuuri?" Stephan's voice was gentler, more soft and careful, almost as if he was speaking to a cornered animal, "Are you sure you're okay?"

Yuuri blushed deeper and nodded, "I-I'm okay."

Stephan came and tucked an arm around Yuuri's shoulders, "You know, Viktor is worried. He went to go speak to Yacky and when he came back he couldn't find you."

"Yacky?" Yuuri felt the word tumble from his lips before he could think and immediately clamped a hand over his mouth.

Stephan chuckled and ducked his head so he could meet Yuuri's brown eyes with his own, "That's what I call Yakov. Cause he yacks and yacks and yacks and nobody listens to him…ever. He just about strangled me when I first started calling him that, but now he's…resigned after five years of it being tossed around."

"Five years? So, you're still in Juniors…" Yuuri mumbled to himself quietly, hoping Stephan hadn't heard.

"Actually," Stephan's smile was almost contagious, "I'm not a skater. Well, not a professional one. I trained for a long time until I was ready for Seniors, but I got injured pretty badly during my last season in Juniors. So, once I was well enough to skate again, Yakov took me on as a Coach's assistant when I was seventeen. Pretty neat, huh?"

"Yeah," Yuuri nodded.

Stephan pulled Yuuri up to face him and put both hands on his shoulders, "We should get back on subject. Vitekna is looking for you, Yuuri-chan. Everyone is worried and Viktor's almost distraught that he can't find you, especially after Mila mentioned that you were bleeding. Vitekna is not fun to be around when he's over the deep end."

Yuuri couldn't help but give a small smile, "He's very dramatic."

"Extremely," Stephan chuckled, "We should go back to the rink."

Yuuri felt the floor fall from him at those words. He could feel Stephan's blue eyes on him, calculating him, "You shouldn't be nervous Yuuri. Everyone is really excited to meet you. Viktor hasn't stopped talking about you since he got back to St. Petersburg."

Yuuri felt his fingers shake, "R-really?"

"Really. Besides, if you're really worried, I'm sure Vitekna won't leave you alone for the rest of the day, let alone let us get all that close to you." Yuuri could hear the light teasing in Stephan's voice.

"O-okay." Yuuri's mouth was speaking out of his own accord. His anxiety was trying to scream over his rationalization, but the thought of Viktor hugging him tightly and, most likely, not letting go for a while seemed to be a temporary cure for the day's events.

How had things gone so wrong within a couple of hours?

"Awesome, Yuuri." Stephan smiled brighter than ever and linked an arm around Yuuri's shoulders once more before steering him out of the bathroom, keeping him close to his body. Whether it was a symbol of watchfulness or a gesture of comfort, Yuuri wasn't sure.

o.O.o

True to Stephan's word, Viktor was practically running as he paced back and forth while Yuri watched him from one of the benches by the rink. As soon as Stephan had led Yuuri back down the long hallway (Had he really gone almost all the way to the other side of the huge training center?), Viktor was practically on top of Yuuri; hugging him, kissing him and altogether looking like desperate puppy.

"Oh, Yurashka. Are you alright? Mila said you were bleeding? What happened? Did you hurt yourself too badly?" He then turned to Stephan and gave him a heart-shaped smile, "Thank you Stepen'ka!"

Stephan nodded and patted Viktor on the shoulder as Viktor turned back to look at Yuuri's face, "No problem, Vitekna. By the way, you're right, Yuuri-chan is very nice."

Viktor chuckled and let his sky blue eyes meet Yuuri's chocolate ones, "Yuuri-chan, huh?"

Yuuri blushed and nuzzled closer to his fiancé's chest, "Yes, Vit-chan."

The both chuckled softly to themselves and soon they found Stephan laughing along with them.

Yuuri had found that Stephan was seemingly an okay person. Of course, he was still nervous. Of course, he was worried and a little scared of what Stephan would think, but he supposed that if Viktor couldn't be with him right then and there, Stephan wouldn't be the worst second choice to have around as company.

A/N:( Hello, lovelies. Here is my first post for YOI Fight Anxiety Week on Tumblr. I am so excited to be participating in this week because I myself have struggled with moderate/severe clinical anxiety for years. I used my own personal experiences for this work, so my experience with social anxiety (which happens a lot for me) may be different than yours. I'm excited to hear what you all think. I'll be back tomorrow with another fic that I have been working hard on for National Mental Health Wellness Day Thank you, lovelies for checking this out and for supporting me. -Sam)