A/N: I just watched today the movie 映画 聲の形 (Koe no Katachi) and I felt just so broken and sad that I just had to write something. Something I wanted as the end of the story. But the reason why I'm going to write it is because of a very close person to me who got bullied through whole school and even in college, He has been bullied and it disturbed him beyond belief. It made him think suicidal thoughts and all that stuff. He suffered so much because there are some people who can't accept people as they are. Because we have this strange disease of thinking that if someone is different they are weird and disgusting. We don't even think how our little acts make someone take their lives. It's just so disturbing. And sometimes we are so ignorant and we don't even acknowledge when something bad is happening. We just turn our back and be busy in our pathetic lives! I'm calling it pathetic because if you can't help a fellow person or even try to take their misery away your life isn't worth living. I know the a/n is becoming a bit too long and may be you guys won't even read it but I had to write it or my heart would've burst. Because even...OK too personal. But the point is I've seen how bullying destroys a person. How they slowly become unable to act normal and how their soul slowly crumbles and then there comes a day when there is nothing left of it and they take their lives and it;s true. I just hope that who ever bothers to read this note.. Please don't ignore those who are in pain. Try to take that pain away. Please don't turn your back. I hope you enjoy the story.
Disclaimer: I don't own Koe no Katachi.
"Knowing what's right doesn't mean much unless you do what's right."
The Shape of Voice
(映画 聲の形)
Ishida's POV
The voices, faces of people, he could see them. He looked around blinking in surprise. He was seeing those faces. The wish to see to see anyone or hear them which had long gone and disappeared. Now that he had looked up the world was different. To see things, To see people, To think that he was allowed to look up, and that he had Nishimiya's forgiveness. The feeling was overwhelming. It made his eyes sting and he couldn't control the tears. The tears of mixed emotions. The guilt which made him unable to look up or to hear anything was slowly lifting after Nishimiya's forgiveness. He still didn't know how he felt about others like Uena, Shimada, Kawai and Hirose. He wasn't mad. he didn't hated them. But... That was the thing. He didn't felt anything.
His guilt of years and then the isolation and bullying done to him changed him too. For better or for worse. He became different. When Uena asked
'Do you hate me?'
(私が嫌いですか)
He was really confused as to did he really hated her? The betrayal he felt was soon over washed by the sense of guilt and the feeling that he deserved all of this. He stopped thinking that whatever was being done to him was wrong or not. Being isolated like this, being unable to face world, being unable to hear them. It was suffocating. But... He always thought he deserved it.
His eyes drifted to Nishimiya's face. She was shyly giggling over something Nagatsuka was saying so animatedly with her mother and Yuzuru. His mother had waved at him smiling with a happy expression and Maria was laughing while eating the candy. Others too... Uena, Kawai, Sahara and Mashiba were together and Uena was something with her face scowling like always.
It was overwhelming...
(それは圧倒的でした)
He felt his heart thump loudly in his chest and soon the tears flowed out of his eyes like an unstoppable feeling felt like they were all over the places. He tried to wipe away the tears but they weren't stopping. After such a long punishment inflicted by other people, after the heartbreaking betrayal from those whom he had called once friend and the guilt of hurting Nishimiya and his mother.
He rubbed his eyes to get rid of the tears but it seemed impossible. Just one forgiveness had made him feel so light and relaxed. It felt good to be among people. It felt good to feel alive again. He could never may be stop beating himself up on what he had done to Nishimiya. While seeing her angelic face and that cute kind smile the only thing which came to Ishida's mind was just that,
'He would never make her cry.
He would never let any one take that smile away from her.'
He wanted to protect her.
(守ります)
He wanted to make her smile.
(スマイル)
He wanted her to live...
(生き続けます)
Nishimiya and his eyes met and that was the moment when she again gave him her blinding kind smile. Looking at him with those warm eyes. His eyes crinkled and tears steamed down again. That was when he realized that...
He wanted Nishimiya to live for him.
(彼のために生き続けます)
Ishida opened his lips to form some words but there was a lump in his throat. His legs felt weak and his arms weren't moving. Nishimiya's smile turned into a frown when she looked at his crying face. She quickly turned to her family that she was going some where and quickly ran to his side. Ishida quickly just hung his head not looking up, his fists clenched to control the shaking of his body but the tears kept on flowing. Ishida soon felt the soft press of a palm on his shoulder and bit his lips and slowly looked at Nishimiya's concerned face with a side glance. Nishimiya's eyes widened and then next moment she was dragging him away.
Ishida's eyes were glued to the hand which was holding his and Nishimiya's figure, which was dragging him away. He didn't know when had Nishimiya dragged him so away but they were now in a more isolated part and Ishida couldn't hear the voices any more. Nishimiya turned to look at him with those large innocent eyes and those eyes tugged on his heart. Ishida opened his lips but then pressed them together, his heart clenched in his chest painfully.
Did he really deserved to have her? After everything he had put her through. Was it Okay for him to wish to have her?
Was he allowed to be selfish?
(物欲しげ)
"Onya sha." Nishimiya said his name with such such difficulty, looking at him worried. Ishida clenched his shirt over his heart and took a deep breath. May be he wasn't allowed but he wanted too. Just this once he wanted to do what his heart was desiring. So he gathered his courage and looked deep into those staring eyes.
"Nishimiya san!" He said her name almost choking on his own word. Nishimiya looked at him anxious, her eyes concerned.
"Nishimiya san I.. I like you!" He said the words with urgency and Nishimiya's eyes widened. "I know it's selfish of me to want this. After every thing I did. I haven't changed much and I'm not a good person but Nishimiya san I really want this. So please.. Please go out with.. me?" Ishida who was looking away after confessing and looked back to see Nishimiya's palm covering her mouth and tears streaming down her cheeks. She was muffling her cries. Ishida had been using sign language so he knew that Nishimiya had understood every word so seeing her cry hurt him.
"Please don't cry Nishimiya san!.. i uh understand if you don't wan to.. I.." He said hurridly, stomping on his aching heart and trying to sooth her. Nishimiya shook her head furiously and took her hand away from mouth and clasping them on her heart over her shirt.
"I.. I lige moo oo."
(私もあなたが好き)
She said with much difficulty while using sign language and Ishida's eyes widened. 'Nishimiya... On the bridge.. She confessed to me! And I thought! Oh God that was why she was mad!' But the shock was overcome by the feeling of warmth which rushed in to his heart. Nishimiya.. She was crying but there was a warm smile on her lips. Her eyes were shining with life.
"Let's go back together." Ishida said with a soft smile and light tint to his face, stretching his palm.
Nishimiya gave a small shy smile and quickly wiped her tears before placing her soft small hand in his hand. They gave each other a small smile and turned to make their way back to festival. They both had through so much. Nishimiya through that horrid past because of her disability, being the target of bullying, feeling that everything was her fault and then Ishida being bullied and isolated to the extent that he tried to take his life. Life hadn't been so fair to them for so long but everything had changed for better or for worse. The future ahead didn't looked as dark or as gloomy any more. The voice had finally reached others and it took time but finally they could some what return to the life they deserved. And what was better than having each other?
Ishida stole a glance of his 'girlfriend' and a small smile made it's way on his lips. Yes things have finally changed...
- THE END -