Hi guys! My goodness, it's been quite a while...
My last update was August 12 of 2018, so it's almost been a full year since shedding any light on this fanfiction. Last update was about as far from optimistic as it could be, and it makes sense. I wasn't exactly a happy camper at those times and for a good while after that, too. I'm still recovering from all of it and I'm making some progress... Very slowly, but surely. What "happened" to me was truly the scariest and most stressful thing that I've ever had to deal with, and as dramatic as this may come off, I sincerely believe it scarred me for life. Like any scar, I can do whatever I can to conceal it, but nevertheless, it'll always still be there, ready to haunt me when I least want it to. I can never truly go into depth, because it's just not something I want others to fathom or bother themselves with.
As per mentioned in the last update, this "incident", we'll call it, made me quite literally terrified of writing, and deep down, I still sort of am. Writing stories has always been a task for me, even before all this mess (a lot of my readers seem to think it's my passion, but it's really more of a hobby!), but after what happened, it's been practically impossible. I feel like everything I write comes out as mediocre and when I compare it to my old writing, it makes my heart race, and not in a good way. Think of it like a roller coaster... I've been gradually improving my writing all these years, only to suddenly reach my "peak", then ZOOM! I decline at speeds I can't even process, until the ride eventually stops and I hop off, stuck on the level that dreaded roller coaster left me off at. I suppose I could just get back on and try again, but one time was enough, I'm too scared to take another go. I'm still too scared to load up my fanfiction and touch my fingertips to the keys of my keyboard because my conscious is telling me I'll ruin it or I'll have a mental breakdown. But I need to learn to overcome my conscious and maybe, just maybe, I'll eventually overcome this curse that's been plaguing me since yesteryear. I suppose that brings me to my point.
I've seen the reviews that have been left on the story since temporarily abandoning it and I've gotten various PMs asking about the fate of the fanfiction and if I'd ever finish it. Whenever I read any of those reviews or messages, I feel extremely sad, but happy at the same time. Sad, because it breaks my heart knowing that there are people out there who genuinely enjoy this story and come back to it every so often, only to see nothing has changed. Happy, because, well, see the last sentence. I'd just like to say thank you to everyone who's been waiting. It means so much to know that you've all been so patient and understanding of my personal life. I received a PM this morning and I think that was my breaking point. It made me realize that I don't want my pessimism and anxiety to stop me from doing a medium I've been so passionate about since middle school. I may not be an exceptional writer, but I love to write! I feel like I've wasted a whole year of my life brooding and lost it to something so, for lack of a better term, stupid. It's not fair to the people who enjoy my story and it's not fair to me, who greatly enjoyed writing it. I want to overcome my fear and get back on that roller coaster, except this time, I never want to fall from the peak. I'll keep going higher and higher, I want to reach new heights, I want to go beyond the stratosphere, I want to go so high, that I start to feel lightheaded. Then, after decades and scores of elevating, I'll touch the heavens and I'd have finally reached my peak, where my soul will stay for all eternity. (Unless I don't go to heaven... Let's just say that would be one hell of a descent.) I guess I just need to start taking chances and be a bit more confident in myself. Trust me, I never once had any intentions to discontinue this fanfiction or even my Bob to the Future one from ages back, I love those stories and the people who read them. I suppose I just needed a push in the right direction, and you've all given that to me, not just the people who read my stories, but other people in my life, people who'll probably never see this (and thank god...), my teachers, my colleagues, my family, and especially my best friend. I know I'll definitely struggle at first, but it'd really be impossible to get any worse. Who knows, maybe coming back to this will make me a more confident writer again and, in turn, make me feel more confident in other things I've struggled with. Or maybe I'm just being too optimistic, heh heh.
I've been prattling for a good while now, so I better cap it off here. I don't blame any of the people who really didn't feel like reading all that drivel, so I suppose I'll just put a TL;DR that also simultaneously works as a conclusion for the people who did read everything:
So, when do I plan on continuing "The Art of Bart"?
As soon as I re-watch some seasons of The Simpsons and refresh my janky memory of the show. :)
Thank you all so much, and good riddance for now!
(This will be deleted once the next chapter is posted)