Disclaimer – I own nothing.

To haidogirl1406 – Thank you so much for your review! Glad you liked the chapter! I will see what I can do about a sequel to The Lost Angel but unfortunately, I can't promise anything right now. I hope you like this chapter!

To twilightrose711 – Thank you so much for your review! Here is the next chapter for the episode you requested! Hope you like it!

AN – Anyone else still at least somewhat in shock after the season 3 part 1 finale? After that episode, I couldn't not write a chapter for Jace and Alec after everything that went down between them. I totally meant to finish it and post it sooner, but I got really busy with work and writing other fics, so sorry this is a little late. I hope you all like it!

WARNING – This chapter does deal with some depression and suicidal thoughts! If anything like that is going to trigger anyone whatsoever, then please don't read!

Enjoy!

Jace sat alone in Alec's bedroom, sitting in the chair by his Parabatai's bed where Alec was laying fast asleep. Well, he wasn't completely alone. Magnus was asleep in the chair on the other side of dark-haired Shadowhunter. But, since he was also sleeping, Jace didn't really count him. Izzy had been in the room as well, but left a couple of hours ago to do, something, Jace didn't really hear where or what she said she was doing.

It had been almost two days since that night when he had attacked Alec in the alley, when he almost killed his brother, when Clary had died. Ever since Simon told him that he killed Clary, Jace had been on autopilot. He stayed with the Daylighter on the ruined floor on the building before Izzy and Luke arrived. After being told by Simon about what happened, Jace managed to mention the Alec was also in trouble and the next thing he knew, he was sitting outside of the Institute infirmary while his Parabatai was inside.

He had never felt so numb as he did in those hours as he waited for someone to tell him how Alec was doing, if he was going to live or not. He didn't even notice the few Shadowhunters that had passed him, whispering to themselves. Jace knew now though that word had finally gotten out about how he was the Owl, how he had been possessed by Lilith and not only did he attack mundanes, he also killed his grandmother and attacked the Head of the Institute, his own Parabatai.

Eventually, Izzy managed to break him out of his stupor when she told him that Alec was going to be okay with lots of rest. She then led him into the infirmary where he was also checked over by one of the Shadowhunter doctors as they wanted to see if he was alright after being possessed for so long by such a powerful demon. He didn't remember much of what happened while he was being checked over, or what the doctor had said, but he was soon released and allowed to go see Alec, so he assumed that he was declared okay, physically anyways. Mentally and emotionally, Jace had no idea because he barely felt anything. He felt like a zombie.

Jace did remember hearing Izzy and the doctor talk about contacting the Silent Brothers and having him checked out by them, but he had no idea if they actually did or not. He just sat by his brother's side in near complete silence. Izzy, the doctor, and Magnus all tried to talk to him, but he barely said a word, choosing instead to ignore them. When that only seemed to make them more worried, he told them he didn't want to talk, he just wanted to make sure Alec was going to be okay. They left him alone a bit after that.

As time continued to pass and Alec remained unconscious as he healed from the injuries Jace himself had inflicted on him, slowly the blonde became aware of what was going on around him. He became aware of how the only people Jace saw around once Alec was moved into his bedroom was his adopted family and Magnus. Every now and then one of the doctors came in to check on the injured Shadowhunter, but that was it. He didn't mind it at all though. He knew he wouldn't be able to handle having everyone coming in and staring at him, whispering about him, threatening him and blaming him for everything that happened even though they would be totally justified in doing so. But they all stayed away. Maybe Izzy threatened them or something.

Jace also wondered if and when he would be arrested and taken to the city of bones for helping Lilith and keeping how Clary used the wish to bring him back to life a secret. Despite the fact he was possessed and had no choice in the matter, there would still be a trial so the Council could get all the facts about what happened and see if there was anything else about Lilith and her plans that he still knew. And with him knowing how Clary used the wish, he was guilty by not informing anyone about it and that would also have consequences. But again, no one came for him.

As Jace's eyes drifted around the room, he spotted Alec's bow and quiver of arrows leaning against the wall on the other side of the room and felt sick to his stomach even though he was positive his stomach was empty. He couldn't remember eating anything at all recently. He did remember though how it felt pushing one of those arrows into his brother's chest, how begged and begged the demon that was controlling him to stop before Magnus stopped him. Suddenly, the blonde started to wonder what it would feel like to have one of those arrows pushed into his own heart.

He had wanted to die, wanted it so badly, wanted the misery and torture to end more than he had wanted anything else in his entire life. He couldn't do on his own though. Lilith wouldn't let him. When Alec and Izzy showed up in his head, he begged them to do it because Lilith couldn't stop them. But they didn't and Lilith took him once again. And when Alec arrived in that alley, finally willing to kill him, Jace was relieved that this would finally be over. But again, Alec couldn't do it though it wasn't for lack of trying, it was because the demon was stronger, Jace was stronger. He never imagined that his own strength, something he usually always bragged about would be used against him in that way.

Now though, the demon was out of his head, he was in control, and yet he was still yearning for death, for relief from the pain that he was beginning to feel as the numbness that had enveloped him began to wear off. Clary was dead because of him, because he brought her to Lilith. Alec was lying injured on his bed because he stabbed him and broke his arm. Magnus was powerless now because of him. Several mundanes had been killed and possessed because of him. His grandmother was dead, killed by his own hand.

The guilt he had been feeling ever since Lilith's hold over him became complete as he remembered everything he had done as the Owl, the memories starting to overwhelm him. He knew that he was at fault, he was to blame for everything. If he had stayed dead when Valentine killed him, then Lilith couldn't have used him to attack and possess everyone he did. He was supposed to be dead. It would be better for everyone if he was.

Jace suddenly felt an urge to walk over to the arrows, grab one, and plunge it into his heart. Alec was still completely out cold, Magnus was fast asleep, and there was no one else around, no one could stop him. Even if Magnus woke up while he was doing it, or after, there wasn't anything he could do, he was powerless now. Besides, the Shadowhunter was going to be sentenced to death for keeping what Clary did a secret anyways. Why not die on his own terms?

The only thing that stopped Jace from getting up off the chair was a small groan that he barely heard. The blonde immediately turned his head to see Alec slowly open his eyes. A relieved smile broke out on Jace's face as he leaned closer to his Parabatai. Magnus, having been holding Alec's hand the entire time, woke up to the feeling of it moving.

"Alexander? Are you awake?" Magnus asked, also leaning closer. Alec opened his eyes more so he could see better, and when he saw not only Magnus, but Jace, he slowly nodded and smiled.

"Yeah, I'm awake." Alec whispered, his voice a little raspy after almost two days without use. Magnus immediately grabbed a cup of water that had been sitting on the bedside table where he had put it for when Alec did finally wake up, then helped lift Alec a bit so he could drink.

"Thanks." The Head of the Institute whispered once he had taken a few sips and lowered his head back on the pillow. He then looked over at Jace, and saw the blonde biting his lips while his eyes were filling with tears before the younger Shadowhunter lowered his head.

The older Shadowhunter could only imagine what Jace was going through right now, even after seeing how Lilith had been mentally torturing him. Alec could see the pain, the guilt in his Parabatai's eyes and it was heartbreaking. The only thing Alec could think of doing was pulling the blonde into his arms and holding him tight. So, he turned his head back to look at Magnus, trying to think of a way to ask the warlock, well, former warlock now, to give him some time alone with Jace.

Magnus though, already assumed this, gave him a comforting smile and said, "I'll go inform Isabelle and Maryse that you're awake."

The warlock then stood up and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him as he did so. The minute he was gone, Jace looked up at Alec with a relieved expression before it quickly turned to one of massive guilt and he lowered his head once again, the tears starting to slip through his eyelids.

"Jace, look at me." Even though Alec's voice was weak from disuse, it was strong enough to compel Jace to raise his head just enough to meet Alec's eyes, letting the dark-haired Shadowhunter see the tears he was struggling to keep at bay.

"This, is not your fault. This was Lilith. You didn't hurt me, you didn't hurt those mundanes, you didn't kill Imogen. Lilith did. You're not to blame." Alec told him, his voice starting to get stronger as he used it.

Jace lowered his eyes again though as tears continued to escape his eyes. Alec slowly pushed himself up on the bed more, biting back a pained groan. He could easily see that Jace was already feeling guilty enough and didn't want to make it worse by letting Jace hear or see how much pain he was still in from his broken arm and the stab wound in his chest.

Once he was more upright, Alec reached forward with his good arm, putting in on Jace's shoulder to get his attention once again. This time however, the blonde lowered his head even more, far too guilty and ashamed to even look at his brother. Alec struggled to think or something to say, something to do that would make Jace feel better, but couldn't come up with anything because he knew that there wasn't anything he could do to take away the guilt and pain that was so clearly causing his brother such suffering.

When a small, quiet sob, finally broke through Jace's attempts of keeping his tears at bay, Alec moved his hand from the blonde's shoulder to place it on the back of his neck and whispered, "Come here."

Weakly pulling Jace towards him, the blonde offered no resistance, allowing his brother to pull him into his embrace, resting his head against the dark-haired Shadowhunter gently, scared of hurting his Parabatai even more than he already had. If he was hurting his brother, Alec gave no sign of it. Instead, he just wrapped his good arm around Jace's shaking shoulders

"I'm sorry. So sorry Alec." Jace managed to get out through his harsh sobs.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Jace. You didn't do anything." Alec replied, moving his other arm carefully to place his hand on the blonde's head, running his fingers through his short hair.

"I couldn't stop it, couldn't stop her." Jace told him as he tried to stop crying, feeling completely undeserving of the comfort that his brother was giving him at the moment and knowing that the only way to get Alec to stop giving it to him was to get him to believe that he was okay. Crying, was the exact opposite of telling anyone that you were okay.

"You tried your best. I know that. Everyone who matters, knows that." Alec said, adding the last part because he knew that there was most likely some people who did believe that Jace was completely at fault even though he was possessed and controlled like a puppet.

"I failed. Failed you, failed Clary." Alec's furrowed his brows as he tried to figure out what Jace meant by that. He supposed it was for when he dropped Clary from the roof of a building as he had no idea what else Jace could've done to Clary, but didn't say anything as Jace continued, "Failed Imogen. Failed everyone."

Alec knew that it would be some time before Jace finally believed him, if he ever did that is, but he was determined to at least, close the topic. To let his Parabatai know that there was no way Alec was ever going to blame Jace for what happened. So he gently pushed the blonde away so he could look right into his brother's eyes.

"You listen to me, and listen closely." When Alec saw that he indeed had Jace's complete attention, he continued, "None of what happened, was your fault. None of it. And I'm going to keep telling you that until you believe it. I don't care how long it takes."

Any composure Jace managed to regain was completely lost again when he heard his brother's sincere promise. Tears again began to fall freely from his eyes and he leaned forward and hugged Alec tightly, though he did his best to make sure his arms weren't touching his brother's injuries. Alec quickly returned the embrace, using all of his strength to hold the younger Shadowhunter as tight as possible.

"It's okay, everything's going to be okay." Alec whispered comfortingly in the blonde's ear as he held the Shadowhunter in his arms, completely ignoring the protests of his injuries. Taking care of his brother was far more important to the older Shadowhunter than his own wounds.

With the two Shadowhunters' attention on each other, they were completely oblivious to the fact that the door had opened and three heads were peaking inside, Izzy's, Maryse's, and Magnus's. They had arrived a few minutes ago, but seeing what was going on with Alec and Jace, they stayed back, allowing the two to have their moment.

"Should we," Izzy started, wanting to go comfort Jace just like their brother was already doing, but wasn't sure if she should intrude on the moment or not.

"No, let's just leave them be." Maryse answered, keeping her voice down so her sons wouldn't hear, "Jace needs his Parabatai right now, and Alec needs to make sure that Jace is okay."

Though Izzy wanted to go to her brothers, to make sure Alec was alright and to comfort Jace, she knew that her mother was right. Alec would be too worried about Jace to be honest about how he was feeling, and Jace would immediately put his walls back up if she came into the room. Jace only let himself be vulnerable around Alec, and Alec only took care of himself if the people he cared about were alright.

So silently, Izzy reached for the door handle and pulled the door closed as Maryse and Magnus started walking down the hall, talking quietly amongst themselves. Once the door was closed, Izzy turned around to join them, knowing that Jace and Alec were in safe hands simply because they were together.

AN – Again, sorry this chapter took a while for me to write and post. I hope you all like it though!