Disclaimer: Invader Zim doesn't belong to me.

Anyway for those of you who don't remember, in the previous chapter Zim got a life changing "diagnostic" from his Computer and now he'll have to deal with it, unfortunately for him, he won't get much if any help considering who are his so called evil minions.

That being said, I'm sure the Computer will get some type of revenge against his master sooner or later, heh.

"LOVE?" Zim bellowed, shocked, "but…the meat, and the pain, and the beans!" He cringed from the memories from his only experience with any kind of love. "I CAN'T GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN!"

"Yeah, that sucks for you." the computer answered. "Oh well. GIR! Skoodge! Minimoose! Come in here so we can point and laugh at Zim's misfortune!"

A hover elevator landed in the lab, Skoodge and GIR walked in followed by MiniMoose. "We're here to point and laugh," Skoodge said enthusiastically, "what's going on?"

"I FORBID YOU TO TELL THEM ANYTHING!" Zim ordered, angrily pointing at the ceiling "YOU HEAR ME YOU INFERNAL MACHINE!"

"Zim's in love," the computer said, and started laughing. Zim glared at the others, daring them to let out even a snicker, none of them did (it was a really scary glare), but they all looked as if they were about to explode from not doing so.

The lab was unbelievably, awkwardly silent for a few seconds, with the exception of the insane, slightly demented laughter of the computer. Then MiniMoose let out a small –squeak-.

Skoodge and GIR began to chuckle and then broke into uncontrollable laughter, all the while at Zim. He of course continued to glared at them, but it wasn't the evil threatening glare it had been a few moments earlier, it was a sad, angry, maybe a right down pathetic glare.

"I'm not in love with Gaz!" Zim yelled. "The computer is obviously malfunctioning!"

"PROOF!" the computer boomed triumphantly. "I didn't KNOW who you were in love with, I just knew that you WERE! The fact that you know that it's Gaz is proof that I'm not malfunctioning at all!"

"Because I…because…" Zim searched for an excuse, unsuccessfully.

"Because you're IN LOVE with her." the computer finished for him.

"I am not in love with Gaz!" Zim repeated angrily. "It's all lies! LIEEEEESSSSSSSS!"

"Gaz?" Skoodge asked, after he had gotten his laughter under what could hardly be considered control, "isn't that Dib's little sister? Couldn't that be a conflict of interests, Dib being your arch nemesis and all?"

"No, that won't be a problem, she hates the Dib-Worm more than I do, assuming that's even possible,"

"But still," Skoodge shrugged, "family situations are going to be pretty awkward, especially things like dinner."

"I don't know," said Zim, "her father unit seems to like me, we had a pretty decent conversation a few months ago and… WAIT…. Agh! What am I saying?" He sighed. "This is all too confusing, I need to sit down." He looked around as if expecting something. "Computer can you not take a hint?"

"Can you not just tell me what you want?"

"A chair," Zim answered. A chair appeared from the floor boards and Zim sat down. "I mean really it was pretty obvious. How advanced is a computer that can't think to bring up a chair when it's master says they're tired?"

"I'm a computer, not a maid,"

"Yes, yes," said Zim, waving his arms, as if that would make someone think he was paying attention. "Anyway, this place is getting pretty dirty. I'm going to need you to vacuum it."

The computer sighed, preparing to assign part of its circuitry to vacuuming, when it remembered something, something that meant it wouldn't have to do any more mundane chores until the day it died (or rather, crashed). "You know what, Zim?" the computer asked evilly.

Zim narrowed his eyes at the computer. "What?" he answered cautiously, knowing by the computer's tone that it could be nothing good.

"If I were you I'd be a lot nicer to me, in fact I'd be a lot nicer to ALL of us," the computer said.

"And why's that?" Zim asked.

"Because, we know your secret now," the computer said in a strange, spooky voice.

"My what?"

"Your seeeeeeeecret."

"So, what?" Zim shrugged. "GIR's attention span is so short I'm sure he's already forgotten, and that's assuming he knew what was going on in the first place, which I seriously doubt."

"I SEE BURRITO PEOPLE!" GIR chirped, as he added little paper hats to several burritos he just cooked on his miniature "Burrito city." Obliviously making Zim's point "I wanna be their mayo!"

"You mean mayor?" Skoodge asked.

"NO!" GIR shook his head "I always dream of being the mayo in a burrito!"

"See what I mean?" Zim raised an eyebrow at his computer "As for MiniMoose, while he's a slightly better evil minion that GIR can only be understood so much, that just leaves you and Skoodge, and there's nothing you can do."

"I guess that's true," said the computer, feigning defeat.

"Aha! Victory! Victory for Zim!"

"That is except…" the computer trailed off menacingly.

"Except what?" Zim asked, stopping mid-victory arm motion. "Except what?!"

"Except for an email containing the results of your mental and emotional health tests and a recording to your reaction to it, and of course, the conversations that followed like this one." Immediately the computer replayed the conversation Zim and Skoodge had just had. "Or my personal favorite…" The computer played the clip of Zim denying his love for Gaz.

"You wouldn't dare," Zim said, trying to sound threatening and failing miserably.

"Oh really?" the computer responded. "Are you willing to risk it?"

"If you do that I'll deprogram and replace you," Zim said.

"With who?" the computer retorted. "Going to use GIR's brain, again? Or maybe you'll use MiniMoose? I'm sure that will make things a whole lot easier."

Zim glared at the computer screen, but knew it was right. The computer was a necessary evil, and all the replacement AI brains were exactly the same as the one he was using. So Zim sighed, for what seemed to be the hundredth time that day (the events of the day had left him feeling kind of angsty) and fell back onto the chair that he had just remembered asking for. "Fine," he said to the computer, "just whatever you do, don't send Gaz that email. "

"Oh, don't worry, I was never going to send that email to Gaz."

"Huh?" Zim looked at the computer confused. The computer had never cared about his feelings or well-being before.

"I was going to send it to Dib," the computer finished. Zim stared at the sadistic machine in anger, making a mental note to never trust it with any personal information again, if it was in anyway avoidable. He noticed that Skoodge was laughing again. It was all really starting to get to him; the humiliation, the mockery, the confusion. He was completely sure that this "Love Stuff" was a lot more trouble than it was worth.

"And I thought family dinners would be awkward!" Skoodge said, though his laughter.

"Isn't there some life-threatening situation you could be in right now?" Zim asked him. "Computer, find the most life-threatening situation in the universe."

"Say please," the computer responded in a sing-songy voice.

"Please," Zim said, as though he has only said the word once before and hadn't enjoyed it very much the first time.

"Ok, I guess I'll do that," the computer said. "But you'll have to work on your manners, master." Zim's eyes narrowed at the sarcastic tone of the computers last word. "It says here," the computer said a few moments later. "that the most dangerously stupid thing to do in the entire universe is to… Wow, that's close to home, steal Gaz's Game Slave 2."

"I'm not surprised," Zim said, remembering when he had tried it "But the last thing we need is for Skoodge to see Gaz, what's next?"

"Planet Meekrob," The computer responded. "It says here that there are a bunch of defective S.I.R. unit running wild there." The computer pulled up a picture of what one could assume was Meekrob, unless there was another planet somewhere where hundreds of S.I.R. units, possibly more defective than GIR, were running around wreaking havoc. In a corner of the screen a very haggard looking Invader Tenn could be seen trying not to get killed and having limited success in doing so.

"Computer, try to open communication channels with Meekrob," Zim said. He waited a few moments, nothing happened. "Please."

The computer issued a few beeps. "Communication channels: opened. Link: established. Signal strength: low."

The sight on the computer screen caught Skoodge's attention and he stopped laughing. "Tenn, is that you?" he asked.

"Hey! Tenn! How's it going?" Zim asked, enthusiastically.

"How does it look like it's going?" she asked him, angrily. "It's a miracle I'm even alive! I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to hold them off. The Tallest haven't called me and my communicator can only receive signals, I can't call out anymore. I've been completely abandoned.

The sight on the screen got Skoodge's attention. "Tenn, is that you?" he asked once more.

"Skoodge?" Tenn responded. "What are you doing with Zim?"

"After I conquered Blorch the Tallest had me do some training and stuff on Hobo 13 and then they sent me here. I'm not really sure why. But did you say you were abandoned? I don't understand, you graduated at the top of the class in the academy, and you're tall; well, taller than Zim and me. You were in the Tallest' favor. What happened?"

"I wish I knew. Meekrob turned out to have better defenses than we thought, they were beings of pure energy and had vast intelligence. The Tallest said that they were going to send a Megadoomer Stealth Mech to help me, but when I opened the box it was full of defective S.I.R. units." Ten replied. "There aren't many of us yet, none S.I.R.s I mean, it doesn't really matter if you're native or invader in a situation like this."

"What do you mean?"

"Meekrob are beings of pure energy, but it is only because of their vast intelligence that they have any physical state at all, if it wasn't for their maintaining a physical state, they wouldn't even be on the same plane of thought that we are. Maintaining the state requires intense concentration for them to keep all the energy together the way they do. But with all the S.I.R.s causing chaos they couldn't focus and most of them simply dissolved into nothingness. They've gone from a population of over a thousand to one three that I know of. I don't know how much long they'll be able to take it though, we can only keep away from the S.I.R.s for a few hours a day now. And as for me, they've eaten all the food here, I'm on the verge of beginning to dissolve myself. The reserve energy in my PAK is running low. I'll have to start hibernation soon, but I don't know what'll happen if I do that. I've kind of resigned myself to the fact that I'm doomed."

"That's horrible!" Skoodge exclaimed, looking shocked and concerned.

Zim smirked evilly, this was perfect. "I bet you could use some help."

"I really could." Teen agreed tiredly "But what kind of idiot would help someone out of the Tallest' favor?"

"This kind!" said Zim, pushing the other Irken forward. "Won't you, Skoodge?"

"I would, but I don't have a ship anymore, I crash landed here, remember?"

"You can borrow one of mine," Zim said uncaringly. "It won't be as fast or as well armed as the Voot Cruiser, but you'll get there. Computer, bring up a ship from storage!... Please."

Immediately a shiny, sleek, fairly well armed ship came up from the floor.

"Not a nice one." Zim said annoyed.

The ship disappeared and was replaced by a not so sleek and shiny saucer-like model that seemed to have a plastic laser gun duct taped to the front. The ship wasn't in great shape. The idea of the ship flying was doubtful. Hell, the idea of it flying safely was laughable.

"Are you sure this thing's safe?" Skoodge asked, looking at the vessel uncertainly.

"Of course, it is." Zim said.

Skoodge still looked uncertain.

"What? Don't you trust me? Have I ever put you in danger on purpose before?"

"Uhh…" Skoodge answered, looking even more uncertain.

"Oh, come on," Zim said, "Nothing serious has ever happened. You're still more or less ok."

"I still have night terrors about that Hogulus," Skoodge replied. "And Irkens don't even sleep."

"Yes, yes, that's all very nice, but you have to go now," Zim said, distractedly, pushing the other Invader into the ship and slammed the door behind him.

"What about food?" Skoodge yelled. Zim waved complacently and pressed a big red button on the computer console. A hole opened up through the rest of the house and the ship blasted off. As soon as the ship had cleared the roof the hole shut again.

"Well," Zim said to Tenn, "it's been great talking to you, but I have to go. You two have fun now. Bye." He turned off the communicator before Tenn even had the chance to register the idiocy he had just committed, much less respond to it.

"That takes care of Skoodge. I guess I'll just have to be nice to the computer. And I'm sure GIR doesn't even know what's going on anymore, that is if he ever did; but I should probably check just to be sure." He turned to his S.I.R Unit. "GIR! Can you tell me what happened before Skoodge left?"

"Skoodge left? NUH UH!" GIR said pointing behind his master, "He's right there! And look! He brought a new friend!"

"GIR! What in blazes are you…. Eh WHAT?"

The moment he turned around Zim saw that Skoodge indeed was back, he was scorched from head to toe, breathing heavily, looking like he was about to collapse from exhaustion and true to GIR's words, Teen was right behind him, trembling away in the same ship he let the fat Irken use which miraculously survived the trip but had seen better days.

"Don't need a S.I.R… Ever again… No S.I.R… Ever again… No S.I.R Ever again…" Tenn kept repeating over and over."

GIR peeps his head in from the top of the ship "Hello!"

Tenn's eyes bulged from her face in fear "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! STAY AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

She ran as far away from the GIR as fast as her legs would allow, knocking Skoodge over, going to the elevator and moving to any other place in the base as long as she was away from the robot.

GIR stupidly smiled "I like her!" He then jumps on Skoodge's back.

"UFF!"

"Did you go to the cheese stick planet? Can I go next time? I love them cheese sticks!" GIR then began to laugh insanely, and run around the lab, singing a maddening song about cheese sticks before leaving it to go in search for the female Irken.

"I need medical attention." Skoodge said weakly "The rescue mission was horrible… Two horrible years on Meekrob!"

"You only been away for two minutes." The Computer stated.

Skoodge finally fainted.

Zim didn't bother to help him and would deal with Tenn later, he instead sighed, thinking how ironic was it that GIR, possibly the most spontaneous being in the entire universe, was the only thing that had been predictable today.

He also marveled at the fact that he had fallen in love with Gaz today, the last day of school, when he'd thought his troubles were over, at least for the next twelve weeks.

Then a thought hit Zim, pretty hard too, because he actually acknowledged it. "Maybe my timing wasn't so bad after all." he thought. "At least now I won't have to see her. But wait, is that a good thing?.

He fought the sadness he felt at the idea of not seeing her for twelve weeks. "Of course, it is. If I see her I might say something, something stupid. Even the great and mighty Zim can say stupid things sometimes, as rare as those times are. But then why does not seeing her seem like a bad thing? Is this "love"? It's really confusing. No! No confusion! All I have to do is try to avoid her. It shouldn't be that hard."

"Now Dib, watch as I, the almighty Zim, engulf your world in flames of evil! Flames of evil!" Zim yelled, laughing manically. "You get to go first."

"Noooooooooooooooo!" Dib screamed.

"Yes," Zim answered, advancing on Dib with a strange alien-looking weapon that looked not quite unlike a flamethrower; Suddenly, the back door opened.

"Oh hello, Zim," said Professor Membrane, surprising Zim and Dib. "I thought Dib was talking to himself out here and had come to start his Crazy Bucket session early. Oh well, see you at 7:30 then, son. Have fun you two." The scientist turned around and headed back toward the house.

Zim let out a sigh of relief, thanking every Tallest that he had ever heard of that it hadn't been Gaz who had just come outside. The sudden arrival of Professor Membrane had reminded him that he was supposed to be avoiding her and that going to the Membrane house probably hadn't been the best way to do that.

Just as Professor Membrane was about to go inside, he stopped. "You know, up two always running around outside, it's good that you get out. Gaz doesn't do enough of that, she needs to get out more. The only reason she ever goes outside is to go to school or walk to the arcade. She doesn't do anything but play video games, and although that does develop hand-eye coordination, it doesn't develop social skills. She could use some of those, I'm going to go get her."

Zim opened his mouth to protest, but the man was gone and there was no point in arguing with a closed door, not that Zim didn't seriously consider doing so anyway.

"Now what?" thought Zim, "If I just leave this would be a victory for the Dib-worm, but if I stay…Agh! What should I do?"

Half of Zim's brain was telling him not to move and the other half was telling him to run away, as fast and far as possible. The result of the two contradicting commands was one of the most uncoordinated things Zim had ever done, and that was really saying something. His right leg went forward to as if to run, but his left leg refused to move, causing him to fall into a series of somersaults that came to a sudden halt when he ran into a tree. Dib pointed squarely at him and laughed, that annoying high pitch laugh that can make one forget that they already hated Dib, because they are filled with so much fresh hate, even though that doesn't make any logical sense.

Zim felt the aforementioned hatred flow though him, it was one thing for his computer, robot slaves, and shorter peer to point and laugh at him, but it was something else entirely for Dib to do so. Now, exactly what that something was, Zim didn't know, not that it really mattered, all that mattered now was getting to his feet so that he could break his pledge to never help the human race by murdering Dib. But before he could do so, the door opened again and Professor Membrane came outside carrying Gaz, who was still playing her Game Slave 2. He put her down and smiled.

"Here you go, honey," he said. A slight shudder was her only response. He looked at her and frowned as if searching for something that was wrong, then he smiled with a look of discovery. He reached down and grabbed her video game. The look on Gaz's face went from slight annoyance to a mixture of shock and murderous intent in a split second.

"That's better," Professor Membrane said, a statement that Gaz, obviously couldn't agree less with. He patted her on the head, causing her to growl. "You three have fun now." He went back inside.

Dib, who, as usual, had failed the awareness test with flying colors, and did not notice his sister's overwhelming rage, and continued to laugh at Zim's expense. Gaz, not wanting to see her older brother happy, especially when she was so miserable, kicked his knee causing him to fall over as well. She kicked him a few more times. Gaz smirked and let out a sort of half chuckle that was as close to laughing as Zim had ever heard her get. Zim, now smirking at Dib as well, stood up and laughed, making sure to stop before Gaz got annoyed with him too. She was amused for the moment, but with her Game Slave 2 gone her overall mood was still far away from happy, even from a demented Gaz-version of happy,

Dib stood up a few moments later, rubbing his injured knee. "So, Gaz, what do you want to do?" he said, in his "I'm trying to be a good older brother and bond with you" voice.

"Well," she said, obviously not wanting to be a part of his bonding experience, "seeing as Dad took my Game Slave," she shuddered slightly, "I guess all I can do to amuse myself is to throw stuff at your head until you pass out or can't remember things anymore, or both."

"I was afraid you were going to say that," Db sighed. "I think your record time for a knock out one and a half minutes, with a garden hose, and I lost the memory of my 5th birthday."

"Weak," she muttered, "I can do better." She turned to Zim. "I could use some competition to motivate me though, want to play? Not that I consider you a challenge, but it's better than nothing." She smirked.

"We'll see who's a challenge Gaz… human," he added quickly, hoping she hadn't noticed him call her by her name without any kind of suffix attached to it. She hadn't, at least if she had she had given him no indication of it.

"Whatever. The point of the game is to throw stuff at Dib's head until he loses consciousness or forgets something. Whoever knocks him out fastest, with the more entertaining object, and causes him to lose the happiest memory wins."

"Sounds good to me," Zim replied.

"I hate this game," Dib said sadly, but he knew there was no point in him saying anything. He hadn't been able to stop Gaz from playing her little game when she'd invented it during his 4th birthday party, which he doubted he'd still remember after this game was over, and he definitely wouldn't be able to stop her now. He just really wished Zim wasn't playing. Gaz and Zim were bad enough by themselves, but together they were just horrible. And since he was almost completely certain that Gretchen wouldn't come along to save him from Zim and his sister this time, he tried to brace himself to the inevitable blows with blunt object to the head, a feeling that he knew all too well for someone his age.

Yeah, I know I'm being too cruel with Dib but let's not forget that the whole point of this fic is to bring Zim and Gaz closer together and nothing does that better than a shared enemy.

That being said, prepare for some interaction between Zim and Gaz, the not so hostile kind in future chapters.

You may be thinking how did Skoodge traveled to Meekrob and rescued Teen is two minutes? That's actually a subtle reference to the four-page Invader Zim comic that was in a Nickelodeon Magazine in which Zim tricked Dib to "look away" and somehow conquered the Earth in under that time, also "the time warp thing" was another factor here.

The part where Invader Tenn was scared of GIR due to a severe trauma she has towards the malfunctioning S.I.R Units was actually borrowed with permission from the fic "The New Adventures of Invader Zim: Season 1" by Zim'sMostLoyalServant which I seriously recommend.

The part where Zim claimed he stole Gaz's Game Slave actually happened in the unmade episode "Ten Minutes To Doom."

So, what do you guys think? Good? Bad? In between? As always, constructive criticism is always accepted.

Invader Johnny Signing Off.