Once upon a time, there lived a lonely couple who lived next to a garden owned by an evil witch named Dame Gothel. The wife had been pregnant for 10 years and was experiencing cravings associated with pregnancy. One day she noticed some Rapunzel growing in the garden.

"HUNGRYYYY," whined the wife to her husband. The husband was reliant on unemployment benefits, and spent every unemployment check on food to satisfy his pregnant wife.

"FEEEEED MEEEEE," whined the wife.

"What the heck do you want now?!" barked the husband, annoyed.

The wife pointed to the Rapunzel in the garden. The husband grunted and groaned, then climbed out their window and into the garden and stole every bit of Rapunzel from the garden. Meanwhile, Gothel watched from her tower.

"A-HA!" she shouted, catching the husband red-handed, "You dare steal from me?!"

"Have mercy!" the husband cried, "For my wife is a bottomless pit!"

So that day Gothel made a deal with the husband. She wouldn't turn him into the authorities and in return, he must give her their child when she is born. The husband, who, after becoming servant to his pregnant wife, knew he couldn't possibly handle the responsibility of another human being, obliged happily. But his wife was a different story.

"You IDIOT!" she shrieked, and the husband fell back in fear. "We've been lonely all these years, and you make a deal that we give up our only child?!"

But the deal would stand, and the very next day the baby was born. Gothel immediately snatched up the baby and took her to her tower. She named the baby Rapunzel to further dishearten the couple.

When Rapunzel became a teenager, Gothel decided she must lock her inside a tall tower in the middle of the woods, with no entrance or staircase; just one window at the top of the tower. Just for fun. One day, bored with nothing to do except clean, Rapunzel decided to try singing.

A horrible sound resembling a cow giving birth to a sheep inside a blender knocked a nearby prince off his horse. Once the prince regained consciousness and realized the horse had run away, he headed toward the awful sound. When he got to the tower, he saw Rapunzel through the window trying to sing, but the noise coming from her mouth was far from music.

"Cease that horrible sound!" he shouted. He was delirious, and would only talk like Shakespeare for whatever reason. "Whither in thy right mind doth feeleth that thee should sing?!"

"Sorry, GOSH!" Rapunzel shouted back, looking down. But it was love at first sight for both of them, and Rapunzel's hideous singing skills were immediately forgotten.

"What is thy name?" asked the prince.

"I am Rapunzel," Rapunzel answered, blushing.

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down thy hair. So that I may climb thy golden stair."

"Excuse me?!" questioned Rapunzel.

"Thy quite quaint golden hair I see is long enough to reacheth me," recited the prince.

"Wait a minute, you want me to let my hair down for you to use as some kind of vine so you can climb up here?" asked Rapunzel.

"Aye," the prince responded.

"You're nuts," replied Rapunzel, now not so sure if this was truly love at first sight. Still, she let her hair down, and the prince began to climb.

As you can probably imagine, this all went completely wrong. As soon as he started pulling on her hair Rapunzel experienced great pain. The delirious prince kept climbing. The pain was unbearable, and as he kept pulling on her hair he kept pulling her closer and closer to the window until finally, she fell through.

Lucky for Rapunzel, the prince broke her fall and she was unharmed, save for a sore scalp. Rapunzel got up, brushed herself off, and went off to re-join society. The prince, however, was not so lucky. He fell splat on the ground, and died instantly.

THE END