A/N: REVIEEEEEEEW FOR IT FEEDS MY ENGINE OF CREATION!

I HAVE SEEN INFINITY WAR AND IT HAS BROKEN ME.

I literally stood in shock.

...so many deaths!

Well! "Not Going Home" is going to have something to say about that!

Hello! Aaaaaaaaaand here we are once again, my friends! I sincerely hope you all like this, because I've been working slavishly on over the last few days. You see, I'm feeling inspired again, so this'll quite possibly be my last new story for awhile now that I've got an update system in place, not to mention a hardy crew to help me enforce my schedule. Thank god for friends and family, eh?

Anywho, back to the author's note and the reason for this story!

I've found a lot of self-insert fics floating around on this site as of late, and my interest was piqued. There's been so many different variations of it that I wanted to try my hand at something new, as it were. Now, bear in my that self-insert fics are not my forte, as I'm used to writing in the third person, rather than the first. But a lot of people have been prodding me to give this a shot, so here we are. I humbly await your opinions! Please be nice!

First off, a disclaimer.

The character-not an OC!-will be working his way up from next to nothing. He's literally been dropped in Skyrim with nothing but the clothes on his back alongside a few meager possessions. Powers, you ask? Well, not much to speak of here in the beginning, save for one tiiiiiiiny exception...

...you'll see.

Just a quick little thing to tide you all over while I head to work...

...especially considering I'm really sick atm.

"Wait a minute...I can use menus?!"

"What in Ysmir's name is a menu? Is it a weapon?"

"Ooooooh I think I can work with this! What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

~?

Level Up

Requirements Have Been Met: Would You Like to Level Up?

As far as questions go, that's not a bad one to wake up to. Strange perhaps, but far from unpleasant. After being trapped in a perpetual hell of my own making for what felt like an eternity, it was almost a relief to open my eyes and see those silver letters imposed over the ceiling, rather than the cruel headsman's ax from Helgen. Unfortunately they also served as a painful reminder of my current plight. This wasn't a dream. This place-wherever I'd wound up-was painfully real. Skyrim; a world where I seemed cursed to die over and over again, perpetuating an endless loop. A world in which I seemingly held no power whatsoever beyond that of my unfortunate ability to die over and over again.

But this, this was new.

My arms protested painfully as I forced myself into an upright position, propping myself up on both elbows. My legs took even less kindly to that. It felt as though I'd run a marathon-which I likely had during my mad dash to escape Helgen-and even the slightest twinge send sparks of pain skittering across my muscles like angry skeevers.

Scrubbing at my face with the back of a hand, my worse fears were confirmed.

Still the message hung there, hovering just above my basic field of vision, awaiting a response. My hands twitched before I could think to stop them, almost reaching for a controller that I knew wasn't there.

Interesting.

"Um...what?" I managed eloquently.

As if irked by my recalcitrance, a second message flickered in the right corner of my sight.

Access the Menu to Level Up.

Instinctively I flicked my eyes upward.

A mistake, that.

What I saw there boggled my mind.

A starry sky erupted before my vision, swelling with a thousand lights and endless constellations. Well. At least that seemed familiar...in a sense. Just what kind of game-breaking bullshit was this? While my health sat at an absurdly low level of merely one hundred, I had stamina for days. The confusion didn't end there. Was I the Dragonborn? I better not be the Dragonborn. Skyrim was so screwed if I was the bloody Dovahkin!

Gliding my senses across what I could only describe as the "sky" I began to realize how inordinately fucked I was.

"Ah, shit on a stick."

Not only was my speech skill inordinately high-topping out in the high eighties but apparently I specialized in pickpocketing. Of course. Because that's a useful skill. What in blazes?! Now to be fair, I'd made many a Skyrim character in my day-as most have I suspect-but I didn't recall creating a speech and stamina-based build. I didn't even recall making another character at all! Wait, wait, wait. I'm missing something important here. What the hell was this, Sword Art Online or something? No, no, best not to think about that. If I could use menus...

With that the dawn broke and I nearly bolted out of bed.

"Wait a minute...I can use menus?!"

As though waiting for that precise outburst, the door to my "room"-which I could only assume was in an inn of some sort-in response to my ungodly shrieking. A vaguely familiar face appeared, wreathed in tatoos. Even in my somewhat inebriated state, I recognized my rescuer on the spot.

Ah.

Mjoll.

So I'm in Riften.

"What in Ysmir's name are you going on about, friend?" she asked me. "What's a menu? Is it a weapon?"

"Oooooooooooh I think I can work with this! What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

I would like to state for the record that I am not to blame for what came next...

...but that would be lying.

A/N: And there we go. A little something to amuse the readers. I'm trying to keep it realistic in a sense, which is difficult when you consider this is freakin' SKYRIM!

So, in the Immortal Words of Atlas...

...Review Would You Kindly? Unless you want to deal with an angry Alduin. And of course, enjoy the preview! Yes, it may be a large one, but it is ohhhhhhh so SATISFYING.

(Previews)

"Eh, pretty much doing it for the waifu."

...what is a waifu?"

"Ah, Aerin! You have much to learn!

"DRAGON!"

"How the hell can I fight one of those?!"

"Can't we just talk this over?"

The man drew his sword.

"Oh, fuck you and-

Tell me, have you ever hated someone?

Have you ever loathed a human being so much that the very sight of them would make you tremble? Not with fear, but rage. That's how I feel towards those who abuse children.

In that instant I honestly didn't comprehend my actions, or the consequences.

I regret nothing!

R&R!=D