let's just imagine for the purpose of this story that the kids are all at least a couple years older and Mr Garrison is still their teacher, mmmkay?

It was no secret that Eric Cartman was bored shitless. The endless droning of Mr Garrison's voice didn't help his boredom, nor could he care less about what that faggot teacher had to say about whatever latest news there was on Paris Hilton, or whoever the fuck he was talking about.

Not that he cared at all.

The resident fatass of the class sighed and leaned his chin on his hand and looked over his shoulder, where one of his closest companions and one of the biggest arch rivals in his life, Kyle Broflovski, sat next to him, where he could be seen listening intently to every word Mr Garrison was saying while writing notes down on his notebook in front of him, as per usual.

The Jew boy never seems to change at all even in the slightest... something Cartman both loved and hated immensely about him. He still wore the same hideous orange and green parka and ushanka hat to hide his awful jewfro as he had done since they met in pre school. He was still a fag with Stan, and Cartman often convinced himself that they were secretly making out every time he and Kenny weren't with them. It was one of his favourite things to rip on about the pair of 'super best friends' and Cartman loved it when Stan would get all flustered and try to defend his and Kyle's honour...like he totally didn't have the hots for Kyle at all.

Cartman rolled his eyes as he saw Kyle lean over and whisper something to Stan, who looked over at Cartman and then back at his best friend as the pair chuckled quietly.

Stupid asshat faggots.

Cartman gritted his teeth and glared at the jew boy as Kyle simply smirked in return.

He decided to turn his attention to the person sitting on his left...his other main arch rival, Wendy Testaburger. Kenny McCormick, who was probably Cartman's best (and only) friend, had unfortunately died earlier that day so she took the liberty of sitting in his seat for the time being.

For as long as Cartman could remember, the pair had constantly been at each other's throats since kindergarten. They argued over every little thing and Cartman was always trying to piss her off one way or another (and vice versa). If he wasn't ripping on his favourite Jew boy, you were more likely to find him near Wendy cracking crude jokes which he knew would aggravate her.

Stupid democratic hippy ho, Cartman thought as he watched her write some notes down from Mr Garrison's lecture.

Suddenly, Cartman grinned as he leaned over to Wendy when Mr Garrison's back was to them, and whispered, "Pssst, Wendy."

No response.

Damn, he'd have to try harder than that.

"Wendy, hey, Wendy, pssst! I've got something really, really, really, important to tell you!" Cartman whispered desperately to the black haired girl.

Still nothing.

Cartman was beginning to get frustrated. She was obviously doing her best to ignore him. He noticed how hard she was gripping her pencil now, and he grinned as he tried the very last thing that he knew would guarantee a response:

"Thought you should know, Stan's cheating on you with Bebe Stevens."

Bingo.

Wendy turned to face Cartman with a murderous expression, which simply made the fat boy smirk as his second goal of the day was achieved.

"Eric Cartman I swear to god you fucking fatass!" Wendy Testaburger stood up from her desk, Mr Garrison suddenly turned around and the entire class was staring at the pair of rivals.

"Oh no, here we go again," he heard Kyle say to Stan.

"What? I never did anything," Cartman smirked at the black haired girl.

Wendy glared furiously at the fatass, getting right up in his face as she spewed every ounce of hate she had in her at him. "Why do you have to be such a fucking dickhead all the bloody time? Why must you annoy me every single chance you get? And Stan isn't fucking cheating on me with Bebe so don't go around saying stupid shit like that you dick face!" Wendy was furious, she couldn't move, and stood rooted in her spot glaring at her arch rival.

She heard Bebe gasp from her seat next to her, and Stan quickly joined in as well. "What the hell Cartman? Why would you say that?"

Cartman was happy. He was on a roll today-pissing people off seemed to be his specialty.

"Cartman, you little asshole. Go to the principle's office-you too, Wendy," Mr Garrison informed the pair.

Wendy looked shocked. "What? But Mr Garrison-"

"Now, Wendy."

She turned and glared at Cartman again. She gathered up her things, and before she left the room, Wendy flipped him off and said, "fuck you, fatass."

Cartman simply smirked as he followed her out of the room.
"You wish, ho."

so i've been a bit invested in the Candy pairing lately..ok i mean a lot invested that i felt like starting my own series of one-shots or whatever based on them bc i freaking love these two together.

idk where i'm honestly going to go with these one-shots, so if there's something you'd like to see for the Candy ship/have an idea, feel free to PM me or whatever.

~thanks for reading! :)