AN: Hello fellow fanfictonians, most likely you don't know me, and the case is you probably don't care, and are here simply because, like me, you love yourself some SasuNaru. Amiright or amiright? Anyhoo, I won't bore you for much longer, I just wanted to share a little bit about this fic.

So I love fanfiction and I love SasuNaru especially Sasufem!Naru. I also love coffee, it helps keep me sane, and boom! by combining some of my favorite things this fic idea was made.

It most likely will feature the following: oblivious characters, slow burn romance, mild profanity (shit, hell, damn, ass etc), and periodic updates whenever this lazy author feels like writing. Thanks to my sister for forcing me to upload this and dealing with my crappy spelling and grammar. And without further ado, besides the disclaimer, I present A Teme's Guide to Coffee Crushes. Thanks for reading and feel free to drop a review and enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I obviously don't own Naruto because I don't have the legal rights to actually sell this story as a piece of official Naruto fiction duh, that's why I'm on not FictionPress. Though Kishimoto, how about selling Itachi to me for *counts change and lint* 25 cents, a piece of lint and 5 gum wrappers?

Somewhere in a generic big city, the kind where strangers huddle, unconsciously trying to keep themselves warm until the crosslight changes, where billboards with flashing lights, advertise women putting on skin care products line every corner, drivers hang out their windows yelling in less than polite terms about that one idiot holding up traffic, there's a coffee shop.

To be quite blunt, there absolutely nothing special about it. However, if you asked anyone who'd ever been there they would quickly assure you that, yes, it was the best coffee place in the city and no they had no plans of getting their coffee fix anywhere else. College students and business people made up most of the cafe's visitors. Students were attracted by the free Wifi, long hours (6 am- 12 pm) for the night before a paper was due, strong shots of caffeine to keep them awake, and the hot stuff.

And they weren't talking about the coffee.

Konoha Coffee was in possession of the one thing that made every other place in the city turn green with envy ( several places actually had an unspoken rule that Konoha may not be uttered inside their establishments), and made prospective customers deemed them inadequate, especially for the female population. That one thing would be a black haired barista by the name of Sasuke Uchiha.

Throughout his 19 years of existence, Sasuke had gotten used to flattering adjectives, if anything he knew he was attractive, and by this point, it was simply a fact of life.

The sky is blue.

The Sun is nearly as hot as himself.

Tomatoes are the only food worth eating.

And the devil takes the form of loud-mouthed blue eyed blonde haired college students.

Each and every one has been proven multiple times over.

Sasuke didn't have the best attitude, he knew it. His fangirls knew it (" he was so mysterious and hot and O! M! G! Can you imagine him smiling at me, cue the coy smile, we're going out you know, he's just shy about it"-

" Nu uh I know you just didn't try and take my man Bi-ya-tch", cue the catfight and the uninterested," Hn".), the customers knew it (they didn't really care, all they cared about was he made damn good coffee), hell, even Pottermore knew it, when he finished the Patronus quiz his result: the freaking Grumpy Cat himself.

It was accepted that you ordered your drink as quickly as possible and exited his personal space immediately, whether that meant going about the rest of your day or grabbing a table pretending to be looking at the menu with fellow fangirls while giggling. Apparently the menu was freaking hilarious because somehow it went on all day and managed to be louder than the shitty, overplayed pop music Sasuke hated.

Why he even had this job, he still wasn't sure. One minute (more like 1 year) ago, there he was fresh out of Uni, graduated with his Masters in Business, assured of his position at the family company starting off somewhere low as manager of something.

The next his mother was springing on him that she had this friend, whose daughter's godmother had this cafe that was looking for a good-looking, young, male barista. She apparently thought it would be great opportunity to help him be an empathic boss to his future subordinates since he had once been one, and when Mikoto Uchiha wanted something she got it.

Slytherin through and through that one, and soon Fugaku was agreeing that, yes that was a wonderful idea and you can work there for 2 years Sasuke, use the time you'd have been in college for some real world experience…. -yadayadayada talktalktalk- ….20th birthday….- yadayada- ...teach responsibility….-yada-...do not shame the Uchiha name.

Hn.

Yeah right, he didn't see Itachi in an apron, dealing with customers that didn't know the difference between a frappuccino and a cappuccino. And even worse girls that refused to understand that, this was an establishment that sold things, and if you weren't going to buy anything you need to get your sorry asses out before we call the damn police, buy something or practice kissing the pavement.

Which brought him to this moment, standing outside of his manager's office, hand poised to knock on the black door, whose paint was slowly chipped in the place that would be hand level for most people.

Sasuke suspected it was from previous employees, who had been unfortunate enough to be chosen as sacrifice for the figurative altar, sent to appease (more like distract) the manager, a busty blond named Tsunade Senju, while she was in one of her moods. Which was pretty anytime she was actually reminded that being a manager had responsibilities that came with the title.

Namely doing paperwork, not gambling away the emergency money stash, and the fact that drinking on the job was totally unacceptable regardless of whether it was from a bottle or disguised as a to go cup of coffee.

The only reason Konoha was still open was thanks to her personal assistant- more like slave with all the work she did- Shizune, who managed to keep the shop up to date with paperwork, out of debt, and somewhat reduce how much alcohol was consumed by Tsunade to the point where her liver wouldn't deteriorate the instant a drop touched her mouth. A Herculean feat if he'd ever saw one.

Turning the slightly cool metal knob, he pushed the door open. The cafe had 2 levels, the bottom one was occupied by customers and the top housed Tsunade's apartment, and office.

Huge windows lined the room and let the gray light of cloudy skies shine through giving the room an eerie, haunting shine. A desk with 6 stacks of overdue papers and tax returns stood a good foot high each , and only served to frame the person who sat in a swivel chair, back face him. A black silhouette greeted him, and out of his view the figure was crossing her legs and folding her hands over one knee, in a dramatic fashion not unlike the way a mafia boss would sit.

Sasuke rolled his obsidian eyes that failed to be seen in the dimly lit room.

Lord give him patience, dramatic bosses were not in the job description. Then again I didn't exactly get a description. Or a choice.

After several long moments of silence, Tsunade finally spoke,

"Uchiha...do you know why you're here?"

"No." He said bluntly.

The chair turned around.

"Shizune, lights."

"Right away milady." A voice came from somewhere behind him, and though he would never admit it, Sasuke was startled that she managed to go undetected by his usually acute senses.

With the flip of a switch the space was flooded with LED light shining on already pale skin, making him seem a translucent ghost.

Raising her "coffee" cup to her lips she took a long sip, honey-brown eyes staring over the brim, regarding the person in front of her.

The Uchiha boy was the youngest employee she had. Yet with only a year of experience, he was easily the best worker in the cafe. Spotless attendance record, independent thinker, made the best damn coffee she'd ever had when she bothered to drink it. (And as an added bonus his looks were a huge business booster).

The perfect employee, by anyone's standards, or as close to perfect as you can get because everyone had their flaws. Sasuke, well... he didn't waste any effort concealing his. His personality could definitely use a complete makeover. He would win friendliest person of the year award when she joined the Alcoholics Anonymous and gave up drinking.

Tsunade held back a snort.

So never then.

However in this case the brat's personality was exactly why she picked him for this task. The no-shit attitude he turned on uppity customers would hopefully be exactly what was need to deal with what she was about to unload on this poor kid.

Besides Naruto always managed to make people like her in the end, and Tsunade had no reason to believe this would be any different.

Her mind cleared of any lingering doubts (and guilt) she may have had, she set down her cup and spoke.

" Let's cut to the chase. You and I both know you're the best Konoha has, and that's why I'm entrusting this task to you."

She paused.

" My goddaughter is going to start working here, she's around your age. Since you're my best, you're her new trainer and mentor. I'm holding you responsible for her. This is not a request."

Those last words came out steely, a vast difference from usually laid-back attitude. She was serious about this.

Sasuke scoffed. Well so was he. There was no way in hell he was doing this.

"You want me to be a glorified babysitter? My contract had nothing like that in the terms." He glared coldly at his boss.

"You know why I'm here," his index finger raised," 1 more year and I'm done with these training wheels and my life can finally begin. Here's the deal: I make drinks, countdown the days, and you leave me the hell alone."

Tsunade smirked at the outburst.

"I had a feeling you might say that and that's why I have this."

She dug through a pile of papers before she found the one she wanted, holding it up victoriously.

Sasuke recognized it as the contract he signed.

There was a glint in her eyes, that gave him the feeling he wasn't going to like what she was about to do.

Boy was he right.

Grasping the paper in her hands, Tsunade cleanly ripped it in half, successfully terminating the previous contract in a less than legal way.

Carelessly tossing the halves back onto her desk, she said smugly,

" Your contract is no longer an issue. Besides, I have a feeling you might like the new one better."

There was only one thing Sasuke wanted that could convince him to agree to this stupid assignment, so was she…?

A new contract was pushed forwards, and Sasuke snatched of the desk, quickly flipping through it until his eyes found what they were looking for.

Never mind what he'd said. This was worth playing nanny for a couple months.

"Agreed." He said,

"When do I start?"