Disclaimer I do not own Merlin, or anything related to it

Summary In which Merlin is left behind and forgotten about too many times. (Also known as the time I got so tired at the show's attempt at humor in the later episodes)

He tried hard not to let the knights see what he thought of their trick. Thankfully, (or maybe not) (maybe he wanted them to notice) they were all oblivious to the point of it being humorous. Maybe most of them had started out as commoners, (dirt, he should say) (scum) but it appeared as if they had all forgotten what it felt like to go days without food, to watch as your body slowly disintegrated.

But then they had pulled out a bowl of stew they had saved for him, and he didn't know what to think.

He probably should have told them what he thought about it. How he had sometimes gone so long without food in Ealdor that being deprived of it was not even close to funny.

He didn't end up telling them.

His name is Merlin.

He hadn't been able to contain his smile at hearing Elyan say those four words. The words that spoke of their trust in him, their faith. Maybe he wasn't a true healer, maybe he wasn't even close to the skill that Gaius held, but the knights believed he would be able to help the villagers. That was all he needed.

And then everything had changed.

You're nothing but a sevant.

You have no say in these matters.

Keep your mouth shut, or I'll shut it for you.

He had been relieved to find out they had been enchanted. (but had Lamia made them say those things?) (those awful, awful things?) (or had they always been thinking that?) But he wasn't sure if he was happy that they had forgotten about it.

You alright, Merlin? Percival sat down beside him and he barely hid his flinch.

Yeah. I'm fine. He pretended not to see Gwen's glare when he didn't mention what was on his mind. (why should he?) (if they couldn't remember, maybe it was best forgetting)

Arthur? He whispered. Arthur? Gwaine? Percival? Scuffling from behind him stopped his attempts at trying to find the knights.

Lie still, Emrys. And a creature with glowing blue skin appeared in his vision. (and for some reason, he knew he was safe)

Where are the knights? Are they safe? Arthur, where is-

The creature silenced his questions with a small wave of her hand. They're safe. They're in Camelot. Now lie still. Your wounds have not finished healing.

But he couldn't relax. (he wouldn't relax) And Mordred? He demanded. He isn't in Camelot. He can't be.

All the knights are in Camelot, including one who is about to be knighted. The creature muttered a few more words, and he was suddenly able to feel his hand again.

Sitting up, he asked one more thing of the creature.

I'm sorry, Emrys. But the Druid boy is not Arthur's bane. Arthur is his own bane.

He nodded, and sat up. Thank you for healing me. I should get back to Camelot, now, before I'm missed. And if he saw the pitying look the creature gave him, he gave no notice of it.

Where have you been? The voice startled him, and he almost dropped the tray he was carrying.

Pardon? He set the tray down and busied himself with tidying the floor of the room. I haven't been anywhere.

Clearly you've been somewhere. We got back to Camelot three days ago.

I only got back last night! But one glance at Arthur's face told him that he didn't believe him.

Yeah, right. Merlin, we wouldn't have left without you. Have you been in the tavern this whole time? Really, Merlin, I'm starting to believe you're worse than Gwaine.

He shook his head and forced a grin. (why did he even try anymore?)

I had thought everything had gone unusually smoothly.

He didn't let himself think about what Arthur had implied. He couldn't do anything about it right now, and besides, why would The Dolma care about Arthur's (meddlesome) (useless) (irritating) manservant. No. He wouldn't let himself think of what Arthur had said.

(but how could Arthur have forgotten?) (maybe last time it could be excused) (Arthur had been injured, and the king must always take priority)

(maybe he was just so happy that Gwen was back) (that had to be it)

You see, Merlin, we do have something in common, after all. The future of Camelot.

He didn't reply. How could he, when he wasn't even sure what he was fighting for anymore? Of course, he was fighting for Albion, and the Once and Future King. (but how could he fight for Arthur, and Gwaine, and Leon, and Percival?) (how could he honorably defend them when they only thought of him as a servant?)

So yes, maybe he and Mordred were both fighting for the future of Camelot, but Merlin wasn't sure if he was fighting for Arthur anymore.

AN This takes place during episodes Aithusa, Lamia, Arthur's Bane Part Two, and With All My Heart. Transcripts are from Merlin Wiki

postscript - I would like to acknowledge that I don't believe Arthur (or any of the knights, for that matter) would ever let their treatment go this far. I just took the idea and made it to the extreme