CHAPTER 70

After Tig calmed down, Opie brought me back to the hospital.

I can't get it out of my head – what happened to dawn. She was here and I was speaking to her, now she is gone. She was murdered brutally by a man who lives for nothing but being cruel. We have so many enemies it scares the shit out of me. When will I be able to walk down the street alone again or take my kids to the park?

Jax is doing better thankfully. He's healing but it will be a slowly.

"You wanna get up and walk a bit babe?" I ask Jax. He's been lying in this bed for too long.

"I'm not walking around the hallways of this hospital looking like this" he says referring to the gown he's wearing which is he naked underneath.

"No, we can just walk about the room" I tell him. I wouldn't make him walk about around people. "C'mon I'll help you"

I lower the bed for him so it's easier to get off from and I grab a hold of his hands. I tell him to just try sit up first and wiggle his legs about. I tell him to lower his feet onto the floor slowly and only let go of me if he feels safe to do so.

"I look ridiculous" he complains.

"I don't care … You wanna stand?" I ask him and he nods finally standing up. He looks down at me, he's always been a lot taller than me. I love how tall he is. He smiles down at me.

"Hey" I say not really knowing what else to say, I love him. He says hey back and we sound like two stupid nervous loved up teenagers.

I grab a hold of his hand I bring it up to my face and kiss it.

"Let's walk to the window." I suggest and he nods. I let him walk ahead of me, he still walks the same, I love his walk and the way his big broad shoulders move. I notice his bare ass hanging out of the gown and I giggle.

"Nice butt" I tease him.

He made it to the window and I come up behind him I rest my hand on his back, gently stroking it and leaning my head on his upper arm.

"Harder than you thought?" I ask him as we stare out the window.

"Nah, piece of cake" he says, he's lying – he's in a lot of pain, I know I would be.

A couple of seconds pass by and I push myself up onto the window ledge to face him and I say. "I spoke to Tig"

Jax's facial expression changes and he leans against the window ledge next to me best he can.

"We are brothers. We take bullets for each other all the time, it's just what you do. This one was just un planned that's all"

"No, I don't blame him" I say and Jax seem's surprised. He probably expects me to go on a full rampage and attack Tig. "I think at first I did … but, he told me about what happened to Dawn. He is broken over it"

He turns to look at me and he says with a stern look on his face "I'm gonna kill pope babe … I don't care what it takes."

"I know you will" I say and I reach out to grab his hand and I stand in front of him wedging myself between his legs. I put my hands on his shoulders, massaging them slightly.

"I know I have expressed my feelings a lot lately about how I feel when it comes to the decisions you make … the violence being out of proportion, my dad, my stupidity of crashing my car and losing my shit, taking our boys away … I'm sorry" I tell him, meaning every word.

"You don't have to apologise … You shouldn't be sorry for taking the boys, them being away from here is the best thing for them right now"

"What do wo do? … where do we go from here?" I ask. I have so many questions.

"I don't let you or our boys leave my sight." He says with the same stern look. I nod to him, I stand by what he says.

"I still need to call my mom and check in, I'll tell her to bring the boys down tomorrow"

….. …. …. …. ….. ….. ….. ….. …. ….. …. ….

I don't go home, I get Opie to go back and pack me a bag since I'm going to be staying at the club house for a while.

When I get to the teller morrow its dark out and I don't know why but I head up onto the roof where I can be myself and I can call Mary. She's been trying to get in touch. When I select her name to call it doesn't take her long to pick up.

"Cara, what's happening? Jax okay?"

"Yeah, sorry I haven't called, I've spent most of my time at the hospital." I tell her

"Is it bad?"

"Yes, but he's going to be okay. He was shot three times and he has had surgery."

"Jesus Christ Cara, what the hell is going on over there?"

"Long story" I tell her not wanting to go into it.

"Do you need me?" she asks, sounding sincere and concerned for me

"Yeah … I need you to bring the boys up tomorrow if you can. We will be staying at the club house for now"

"Are you sure?" she asks and I tell her yes. I need my boys with me.

"Are you doing okay?" she asks and I belt out a cry, whenever someone asks me that it makes me feel worse. Like if she were to be here and hold me I would break down. I tell her I'm not okay and that I'm worried sick.

"Is Opie with you? He better be watching you" she asks and I smile, I tell her he is.

"He's not left my side mom" I say sniffling and wiping away my tears.

"Good, that's really good" she says.

"I'll call you when we leave tomorrow morning" she says and I thank her then I thank her again for being what I needed her to be.