Elladan, my brother, says there are steps to healing. The first step, he says, is to admit your problem. I have done this. It hurt.

The second step, Elladan says, is to face your problem and to accept that you wish to move on from it. I think I did this first, when I jumped in the river. That day I decided to live, whether I wished to or not.

Then, the third step, the hardest step, comes, when we must face the world with our problem, first within, and then without. It proved challenging enough to walk through the hall of Imladris knowing of my failings, but I did. Day after day I continued as though nothing had changed. When this became routine I stood in my room before the mirror and took a deep breath, then stripped off my tunic. The scars were there. I walked the halls of Imladris in this manner, and I knew I was free.

Elrohir, my brother, says there is no such thing as an ex-cutter. It is an addiction, he says, and though it lies dormant it never disappears. When things are rough, when times are harsh, we are always tempted by the presence of any sharp object.

I don't care. I'm stronger.

Life is difficult, he tells me, and will afford you no mercies. You will be shunned when you speak freely of your history and judged.

I don't care. I'm stronger.

A day will come when you must face this past, when you are naked in the darkness of despair, and you will face every demon of your past, made all the more vicious by the starvation you have exposed it to. No one may stand beside you then, no one may aid you. Truly, you will be alone.

All right, Elrohir, you win: I do care. I do not savor the coming of this day, but neither do I fear. There is no call for fear. I'm stronger. And I always will be.

*****