Chapter Eight

Kurotsuchi Mayuri took his time in opening the garganta, of course. It was late in the evening in Soul Society now to judge from the light visible through the garganta when it opened, just outside the cave. Once, just briefly before they stepped through the gate, Byakuya felt Renji's fingers brush against his. Renji didn't dare take his hand. There were shinigami who could see them. But his touch lingered just for a breath, the back of his fingers against Byakuya's. Then it was gone. Byakuya's stomach lurched as he knew what it meant, though he was powerless to do anything about it; Renji was saying goodbye.

They stepped through the gate together. Byakuya didn't look at anyone as he walked through the throng of worried subordinates currently mobbing the 12th division. He didn't even look back to see if Renji was following.

"Not even a thank you? Hm," Kurotsuchi pronounced, writing down something in his notes. "Yes I'm so glad I took time out of my day to save someone who leapt into Hueco Mundo with no orders to do so and no explanation. Looking forward to hearing your reasoning at the next captain's meeting, Captain Kuchiki."

"Are you all right, Captain Kuchiki?" asked the sixth division third seat, who had apparently been called when Byakuya did not return.

"Why did you go through the gate, sir?" asked another lower ranked member.

"Vice-Captain Abarai has returned with you…is his mission over?"

"There was an unexpected issue," Byakuya said, at which point most activity around him stopped to heed his firm but softly spoken words. "His mission will be delayed until it can be resolved."

"Issue, sir?"

"Return to your duties," Byakuya added sharply.

With that, rather than following his own advice, Byakuya strode with slow determination toward his home. He had no plan. No leverage and no clear solution. Nothing between him and Renji was resolved at this point. The only thing in his mind was that Renji could not be allowed to die because of Byakuya's lack of self-control.

Upon entering the Kuchiki mansion, he was quickly stopped by Rukia.

"Nii-sama!" she cried, grasping his sleeve and looking up at him with worry. His heart fluttered at her concern, which as always he felt he didn't deserve. "They said you were trapped in Hueco Mundo! Captain Ukitake told me I could take the day off, but I thought it wouldn't be proper…I'm sorry I wasn't there to greet you…are you hurt at all?"

Rukia had become very used to the way of life here, Byakuya realized. When she first came, she would have likely never considered how her actions might appear, or how they might affect the family. Even as that put Byakuya's mind at ease, as head of the family, somewhere deep inside him this change in her made him feel regretful.

"Where is my uncle?" he asked her.

"Seijō Oji-sama?" Rukia murmured in confusion. "Settling accounts, I believe…"

Byakuya nodded. "Do not approach his office. Instruct the staff to do the same until otherwise instructed," Byakuya said coldly, and despite Rukia's obvious distress, left to find Seijō.

Byakuya strode down the halls to his uncle's office. Without announcing himself, he slid the door open, stepped inside and slammed it behind him. Already, this was the most openly defiant he had ever been toward Kuchiki Seijō, or any older member of the family. Perhaps equally surprised by this behavior as Byakuya was with himself, Seijō slowly turned from the shelf of family accounts that he had been examining when Byakuya entered and ran his large, lilac eyes up and down Byakuya's frame.

Belatedly, Seijō offered a customary bow. "Welcome home, Byakuya-sama."

Unable to modulate his anger and fear enough to speak without letting those emotions show, Byakuya merely held his uncle's gaze silently.

"What can I do for you?" Seijō pressed, with blatant facetiousness.

Byakuya took his time to prepare the right words. The slightest error could exacerbate the inevitable damage he would do by defying his uncle, and could end in the opposite of what he wanted. But at that moment, he realized they were not talking about the family, Byakuya's duty or his reputation. All that mattered was Renji's safety.

"Cease your attacks on Abarai Renji," he said coldly.

Seijō's lilac eyes blinked slowly in response. The older man appraised Byakuya for some time before replying. Apparently he was determining whether it was even worth taking Byakuya seriously. Eventually he folded his hands before him with a restrained look of disdain.

"Are you well, Byakuya-sama?" he asked with insincere concern.

"Perhaps not," Byakuya muttered, barely keeping the spite from his voice. With that, he wordlessly untied his obi. Even as his uncle recoiled in confusion at his actions, Byakuya drew apart his shihakusho. Still plainly visible (partly due to Renji's poor skill at healing it), a shiny pink mark over Byakuya's abdomen, still with traces of sickly green where the poison had spread from the blade. Seijō's breath stopped. Pallor drained the color from his cheeks.

"But still well enough to head this family, I assure you," Byakuya continued in a soft, self-assured tone. "When you use the Onmitsukido, do not expect them to avoid necessary casualties to complete a mission. If not for the assistance of Abarai Renji, your hopes of the continued glory and security of this family would have come to dust, forever to rest in beneath the cold sky of Hueco Mundo. With no hope, no public explanation, and no one to blame but yourself."

Seijō steadied himself against the shelf behind him, his lips pursed and gaze fixed on the floor. He did not seem able to respond. Byakuya did not believe this display was out of filial concern; that would be a far greater crime to Kuchiki Seijō than murdering a commoner. Rather, the older man was shaken by how close he had come to losing everything he had spent his life to achieve. Without Byakuya, after all, the direct Kuchiki blood line would end. That, to Seijō, was far worse than his own death.

His point made, Byakuya restored his attire. Perhaps he need not say anything else. But as he finished tying his obi, he was struck by the sudden awareness that Renji had been far more loyal, both to Byakuya and his family, than anyone else in this equation. He fought back a flash of regret for how he had treated him of late. And as that feeling faded, affection for Renji brought a small spark of defiance into his heart.

"If Abarai Renji is killed on my behalf, whether by your hand or someone else's," Byakuya murmured, "After I have brought him justice by killing any and all responsible, I too shall die. My pride as a captain would permit nothing less. And in future…" He met his uncle's shaken gaze even as he turned to leave. "…as always, I look forward to your gentle guidance, Oji-sama."

Byakuya left his uncle still seeming dumbstruck by what had happened. For the moment at least, Byakuya was confident Renji would be safe. His uncle would certainly hesitate before acting against Byakuya's wishes after he had effectively staked his own life on Renji's safety. With that knowledge putting energy into his steps, Byakuya was almost out his gate before he realized what he had been about to do. He had been about to go and see Renji. The most foolish and vulgar thing he could have done at this point.

That fact, merely that he had been unable to resist the desire to see him for a few moments, deflated any brief sense of relief he had felt. He should never see Renji again. Not alone. Ever since Renji's confession, being alone with him had only led to temptation or pain. It made Byakuya doubt the deepest part of himself. He stood still at the gate in the darkness, seeking an answer in his own shadow cast before him over the gravel.

He hardly noticed as a smaller one approached it. "Nii-sama…" came Rukia's soft voice.

He was still too disappointed in himself to answer her.

"Did something happen with Uncle?"

"Nothing that need concern you," Byakuya answered tonelessly.

"But it has something to do with Renji, doesn't it?"

Byakuya closed his eyes; her sympathy made him want to confide in her. But he felt doing so would only compound on his sin.

"Nii-sama…it's cold," Rukia murmured, approaching him and placing a soft hand on his arm. "Are you coming or going?"

Byakuya watched her shadow beside his and was filled with a complex emotion. This image, her tiny, feminine frame beside his, this was as it should be. It pained him how much it reminded him of how happy he had been with Hisana. But Rukia was also his family. One of the many people whose lives would be ruined if Byakuya sought happiness again.

And amid all the warm feelings and the guilt he felt toward his family for what he had already done, every square inch of his body pined for Renji at that moment. To hold him close and melt away his sadness. To kiss him and smell his feral scent, to feel his heat and the shifting of his muscles beneath Byakuya's fingers. To see his canine grin. To sink into his affectionate embrace, surrounded by Renji's devotion to him. The desire was so bad it broke through his mask and painted anguish over his face. He prayed Rukia could not see in the dim light of the streetlamps. Saying nothing to her, he turned and retired to his room.

…

Things went on without further incident, almost reaching a pleasant equilibrium, for almost a month. Renji started to be almost happy with the way things were, and he continued training with his constant goal of becoming Captain Kuchiki's equal. At that point, thanks to Urahara Kisuke, Soul Society became aware of Kurosaki Ichigo's plight, and joined forced to help him.

Renji felt great pride in fighting beside Captain Kuchiki now, in some ways more than ever. But they were separated during the battle with the Fullbringers. Renji defeated his opponent without too much difficulty, but the next time Renji saw Byakuya, his left arm was a bloody mess. He also had a deep cut over his chest, but seemed otherwise unhurt, and his expression revealed no pain at all. Renji wanted to go to him, but he had trained himself not to approach Byakuya in public anymore, out of fear of tarnishing Byakuya's reputation.

To no one's surprise, Ichigo was able to defeat Ginjo in the end, reclaiming his powers to become yet more powerful than he was before. When they returned to Soul Society, Byakuya wordlessly returned to his office at the 6th division. Renji followed with worry.

"Captain, you should visit the 4th division," Renji murmured as he entered the office behind Byakuya.

"My wounds are superficial, but I will go there once I have taken some notes about our opponents," Byakuya said dismissively, sitting down at his desk and preparing some ink, a brush and parchment.

Renji frowned at this explanation. "The Fullbringers, sir? Most of them were defeated…"

"Precisely. The most dangerous of them as well." As Byakuya began to write a beautifully penned note to himself, he muttered, "Which is to say we will be seeing them again."

Renji's eyebrows rose as he realized that of course Fullbringers were human, meaning once they died they would be sent up to Rukongai. "That's right, they were all human…I see…"

It took Byakuya a few minutes to finish his note. When he turned, Renji inhaled sharply at the amount of blood still flowing from the wound on his chest. Byakuya rose from his desk, and he swayed, steadying himself on the desk. Renji dashed forward to support him.

"Captain! I knew it…there's blood everywhere, you've lost too much."

Byakuya drew in a soft breath and seemed to stop himself from speaking. As they stood, Renji was holding Byakuya against him and supporting him around his lower back, though trying to avoid putting pressure on his injured chest or arm. Byakuya had instinctively grasped Renji's arm as he supported him. And now this closeness had gone on for longer than was natural. Yet neither man moved to remedy that.

Renji felt a deep, digging pain carving out his chest, alongside a tender warmth and affection that made him never want to let go. His lips parted to say something, but the words caught in his throat. Then something happened that sent an explosion of emotion through his chest. Rather than pushing him away, Byakuya's head lowered a little toward Renji's collar bone, but did not touch. Slowly, his fingers tightened against the fabric of Renji's sleeve.

Feeling his heart breaking anew, Renji couldn't help pulling Byakuya closer. "Captain…" he whispered.

Byakuya recoiled moments later. Without looking at Renji, he turned and walked out the door. "I'll go to the 4th division now," he muttered as he walked.

Renji leaned against Byakuya's desk with a heavy breath, his heart still pounding and his skin tingling where they had touched. That was close. He wondered if it would ever get easier not to give in to his feelings, knowing that they were shared. But maybe, he thought sadly, they wouldn't last forever.

It still seemed that Byakuya did have feelings for him, but after all he had only noticed Renji after learning about Renji's feelings first. If someone else came along, someone more suitable, maybe his feelings would change again. That would be the best solution. It would be easier to resist if he were not wanted. Even if just thinking about it made Renji's chest feel carved out.

That night after work had finished, Renji went to meet Rukia to have a drink. He thought he had been able to keep up his normal, jaunty attitude but apparently not entirely. At a lull in the conversation, Rukia cast him a sideways glance.

She swished the contents of her glass a little. "Any developments between you and Byakuya Nii-sama?" she asked him matter-of-factly.

Beer that Renji had been trying to drink flowed right back out his mouth as it hung open and he stared down at her in horror. "Ah…eh….?" emerged from him as he struggled to cope with what he had just heard. It was one thing when she had been comforting him back when he thought his feelings were one-sided, but this was tantamount to approving of a relationship between them. He couldn't quite cope with that.

Rukia sighed heavily at his continued inability to respond. "I thought not. You're both such cowards when it comes to romance."

"Just...!" Renji stammered. "You want me to-?!" He looked around the bar furtively and then hissed under his breath, "You want me to hit on your brother, is that what you're saying?!"

Rukia gave him a withering glance. "You need my permission? You see, this is what I'm talking about."

Renji rested his head in his hand as her words made a flicker of guilt run through him. He looked out over the heads of the other patrons at the bar, their exuberance feeling deeply inappropriate. "It's hard to forget the look on your face that morning," he muttered softly.

Rukia frowned hard at her drink as a flush rose to her cheeks. "I'm sorry about that. But I obviously don't feel that way now, so what's stopping you?"

Rukia's approval did make him feel a little lighter, but it didn't change much. "I can't make him happy," Renji said firmly, almost as if casting a spell over himself. He willed himself to believe it even more than he already did. "I can only bring him more pain. But it's…better this way. He'll find someone else eventually. Right?"

Rukia didn't seem as convinced. "Fifty odd years to get over his first love, which he didn't have until he was already centuries old. I don't know, Renji. If I had to put money on it, I would say not in this lifetime. So. You're fine with him being unhappy all that time?"

Renji swallowed, wanting to believe the things she was saying, but fearing the damage to his heart if he did. "You know it's not that simple."

"He'll be miserable either way, true. He's that kind of person," Rukia replied philosophically. "But some kinds of misery are a kind of happiness in themselves. That's what gives life it's color." After taking a drink, she said softly, "It's up to you what you do with this information, but my uncle, your biggest enemy in the family, is out of town for a few days. Nii-sama also sent away many of the servants for the upcoming holiday. In fact the only ones still there are those most loyal to him. So…the house is very quiet."

Renji's eyes widened as he realized what she was implying.

Rukia shrugged. "It's up to you if you want to be a sad, regretful person the rest of your life. But if you were to go to our mansion right now, I think you'd find someone in need of company walking through the garden."

"Rukia…" Renji murmured, moved by her friendship. All his body at that moment urged him to run out of the izakaya, burst onto the Kuchiki grounds and embrace Byakuya. But the chains of guilt still held him back. He hung his head. Softly he murmured, "Just keep it a secret? That's your suggestion?"

"That's what I would do."

Renji chuckled. "No you wouldn't. You'd never be dumb enough to fall for someone unattainable."

Rukia mulled that over. "No, I wouldn't," she agreed. Renji laughed again, feeling real warmth this time. He really thought all the time how lucky he was to have a friend like Rukia. But then she went on, "Then again, in the normal course of things, neither would Nii-sama. And yet he has. You don't find that interesting? Maybe even worth cherishing?"

Once again Renji was stumped by his friend's penetrating words. "If…I could comfort him, without anyone knowing…" But as soon as the words left his mouth, he sighed in despair and shook his head. "Even if I could, he would never agree. Rukia, he…it hurts him. He doesn't know what to do with me. He tears himself up every time we touch. How can I help him?"

Rukia let out a heavy sigh, frowning down at her beer. "I don't know. But I know this: he does that when you're not there, too. It's something he carries with him."

Could that be true? All this time Renji had assumed it was his presence that was making Byakuya unhappy. But if not then…she was right. There was nothing stopping him.

But Rukia went on, softly addressing her beer. "The only difference is that when you're not there, he has to deal with it alone. He can't ask anyone for help. Not even me. The only time I ever see him without this cloud hanging over him is when you're standing beside him." As Renji's heart pounded at this revelation, Rukia raised an eyebrow up at him. "I don't think anyone can make my brother happy. But I think you can make him content. If you don't believe me, there's one way to find out."

Renji's mouth hung open for a few moments as hope rose within his heart. Was it true? Could it be possible that he could ease Byakuya's suffering? He only hesitated for an instant before cursing under his breath and running at full tilt out of the izakaya.

"Fool! Pay for your drink before you leave!" Rukia admonished him as he did.

He felt his chains had broken. He ran, not using shunpo but rather all his strength and the endorphins flowering through his system, feeling the night wind snapping at his face. His racing footsteps slowed as he approached the gate of the Kuchiki mansion. He'd never entered here uninvited before. He hesitated with one foot hovering over the entrance, and he set it back down outside. He found it hard to continue.

Byakuya would be angry. He had every reason to be. Renji didn't risk hoping that Byakuya would be happy to see him. He might forbid him from ever coming here again. But if there was the slightest chance he could accept him, even just temporarily, Renji had no choice but to take it.

He reduced his own reiatsu as much as possible as he took that step inside the gate. He snuck carefully inside, trying to avoid the light of the moon and the lamps hanging from the eaves of the house. As always, the garden was incredibly peaceful, now glistening with moonlight. He stepped out onto the soft moss after making sure no servants were about. He walked in silence only disturbed by the sound of running water, searching. Finally, he spotted a single figure standing on a bridge over the koi pond.

For a time, Renji just watched him, feeling as peaceful and content and yet filled with inspiration as if he were watching the ocean. His beautiful, black hair resting on his shoulders, now and then a few strands caught in the light wind and glistening slightly in the moonlight, the thin white kanzashi almost glowing through the darkness over his temple. His broad shoulders and firm stance contrasted with the delicate touch of his gloved hand on the rail of the bridge, as he watched the fish and the reflection of the moon in the water below him. Byakuya was a living work of art. Renji's heart ached, filled with love and longing for this perfect, beautiful creature.

Byakuya's head snapped up, noticing Renji's reiatsu. He whirled to see Renji standing, though still at some distance, watching him. Neither man seemed able to move at first. Renji stepped slowly toward the bridge. He stopped at the base of it, still watching and admiring Byakuya. And also waiting for him to tell him to either leave or approach.

Byakuya's lips parted. He seemed about to speak, but instead he slowly approached Renji. He cast his eyes down for a moment as if searching for words. Gently, Renji reached out and took his hand. Byakuya closed his eyes, lowering his head.

"Leave."

Renji closed his eyes as pain at the expected order spread through his chest. He had been prepared for this, he told himself. All he had to say was, "Yes." Yet the word would not come out. His fingers curled affectionately around Byakuya's.

"I want to," Renji murmured. "But my feet won't move. I think seeing you in the moonlight put a spell on me. You must break away first, Captain."

A soft exhale of frustration left Byakuya's parted lips. His eyes were still cast aside. He halfheartedly tugged against Renji's grip…but not hard enough to remove his hand from Renji's. Resignation reached Byakuya's face. Instead, his fingers slowly tightened on Renji's. His eyes turned down to view Renji's hand with a softer expression.

"…You need no longer fear my uncle," Byakuya murmured abruptly, changing the topic.

Renji gasped. "Is he dead?"

"Kindly do not kill off my relatives so easily," Byakuya replied in irritation. "I made the case to him that killing you would do more damage to the family than leaving you alive."

Renji took this in while gazing at the koi swimming in the pond below. "So you saved me again."

Byakuya's eyes remained on Renji's hand for some time. He turned it over to view the back of Renji's hand, and now he was holding Renji's instead of Renji holding his. His eyebrows drew together in frustration. "A spell or poison. Either way, I can't let go either. What have you done to me?"

Renji lovingly clasped Byakuya's cheek in his other hand. "Rukia told me something," he whispered, as Byakuya finally, reluctantly met his gaze. "We're both going to be miserable anyway. But some kinds of misery are their own kind of happiness."

Byakuya mulled that over with a look of mild disapproval. "She has grown much less nihilistic than she used to be. Regrettable."

"Captain…"

Byakuya's eyes slowly opened, but once again they were cast away, toward the water. He seemed not to want to look at Renji.

"Captain Kuchiki…"

Byakuya closed his eyes again, this time physically turning his head as if to protect himself.

So this time Renji leaned in close. He whispered against Byakuya's ear, his heart pounding with excitement and nerves, "B-…Byakuya…sama."

Byakuya's eyes shot open. Instantly he broke away and whirled to face the other way, taking several steps up the bridge and clutching his chest. "Do not say my name in such a way," he murmured in a trembling voice.

But Renji could not be dissuaded by this frankly adorable reaction. Slowly, so as not to surprise him, he walked up the bridge, stopping a step away from Byakuya. He hesitantly took his hand from behind. Byakuya's fingers twitched but he did not try to break away. From here, Renji lovingly observed the gentle curve of Byakuya's neck, a hint of his profile visible at this angle, cast with such divine perfection in the moonlight.

Renji was overcome with love for him and softly rested his forehead against the back of Byakuya's neck. "Byakuya-sama…" he said again, gathering his courage.

Byakuya shivered, once again weakly tugging his fingers away from Renji's. "Stop that."

"I can't. I love saying your name because I love you."

Byakuya let out a quick, soft sigh, lowering his head.

"It's torture knowing this hurts you too," Renji murmured, despite his pain feeling warmth and excitement run through him at the scent of Byakuya's skin. "I told you before, Captain. All I want is for you to be happy. But recently I've been full of myself. Starting to think…I could be the one to make you happy. I know I don't have anything to offer. I'm just a dog, but…if you love this dog too, then…"

Renji slipped his free hand through Byakuya's arm and clung to his shoulder. "…find some happiness with me."

Byakuya did not answer for some time. At length, Renji thought he felt his muscles relax just a little. "Love has never once brought me happiness," Byakuya murmured.

Renji's heart sank. His hand gripped Byakuya's haori, knowing how true that was, and preparing himself to say goodbye to this love forever.

"But misery with you is…very pleasant."

Renji's eyes opened wide. "Captain!" he cried, hugging Byakuya tight from behind.

Byakuya allowed this in silence for a few moments, but then rested a hand over Renji's. "Having once closed the gap of formality…" he said in a very soft voice. "…feeling it open again is displeasing. If I allow you here in this capacity, that makes you my lover, Renji. There are rules for handling such affairs and they require far more care and involve much more danger than any alternative. That said, during such times, it would be permissible…"

"Captain?" Renji pressed, as Byakuya faltered.

The noble turned his head demurely away. He eventually managed to softly finish his thought, "It would be permissible…to call me as a lover would."

Renji's heart felt as if it might burst from his chest. He released Byakuya from his arms and walked around to stand facing him. He gently took Byakuya's hand again. When Byakuya reluctantly met his gaze, Renji said softly, "Byakuya-sama. Can we go somewhere to be alone together?"

Byakuya closed his eyes with resignation. "This way."

Renji thought they would go to Byakuya's bedroom, but he led Renji straight through that set of rooms as well as several others until they reached a hallway. One turn after another, they continued to travel with only the sound of their own footsteps, and Renji's heart hammering in his ears. Finally, down a smaller hall, they came to a relatively humble doorway. Byakuya slid it open.

Once again, they were met with air from the outside. Renji couldn't tell where they were until he took a few steps out after Byakuya and could see by the light of the moon. Steam rose from an unevenly shaped ring of water around an elegant rock sculpture. The water was penned in by similarly textured, black rock, and was even interspersed with moss and tiny trees around the exterior. Renji was moved by its beauty before he realized this was all one natural hot spring bath.

Byakuya faced him in the moonlight. The two stood together in silence for some time, and for the first time, Renji breathed a sigh of relief. They were safe, they were together, and Byakuya wanted him here. There was no greater happiness than this. Renji squeezed the fingers of the hand that Byakuya had offered, then brought hand to his lips and kissed Byakuya's knuckles and fingers. Byakuya watched him fixedly for a time as he did this, seeming a little surprised by this behavior.

Their eyes met. Byakuya cupped Renji's face in his hand and his eyes fluttered as he watched him for a moment. Renji desperately wanted to embrace him and kiss him. However, he knew that doing so now might make Byakuya passive again. He wanted most for Byakuya to feel comfortable with him. It was important that Byakuya discover the pleasure of touch on his own terms.

The beautiful nobleman's eyes caressed Renji's face, jaw and neck. Byakuya slid his fingers under the collar of Renji's shihakusho, sliding along his collarbone. He pushed the garment off Renji's shoulder. Renji couldn't help shivering reflexively in the cold. Byakuya looked up at him, apparently interested by this reaction. Seeming to take encouragement from it, he pushed off the opposite shoulder as well, his fingers returning to caress the exposed skin.

Renji felt himself beginning to tremble, partly from the cold and partly from excitement at the fact that Byakuya was willingly touching him. His breathing began to rise as Byakuya's fingers traced the lines of his tattoos, drawing nearer toward his heart. They brushed his left nipple. Renji stiffened and bit his lip with a soft noise.

Byakuya's eyes widened just a little as he observed Renji's face. Byakuya moved one hand upward, resting his fingertips along Renji's skin as it moved, and with the other encircled Renji's nipple several times. As Renji's voice began to rise, Byakuya clasped his chin in his hand, pulled him down and pressed a feather-light kiss to his lips.

Renji gasped out loud at the pleasure this tiny action gave him. But soon, Byakuya drew away. He quickly untied his obi and let his haori and shihakusho flutter to the ground beneath his feet. Renji followed suit, sloughing off the remainder of his clothing. He stepped out of them to lightly grasp Byakuya's forearms, admiring the heartbreaking beauty of Byakuya's body gleaming in the moonlight.

Byakuya's eyes traveled upward to Renji's hair, resting there for a moment with affection. He reached up past Renji's shoulder and head, and pulled away the tie that had been taming Renji's locks. They slipped down and fell in a messy veil between them. Renji couldn't be sure, but for a moment he thought a soft smile crossed Byakuya's face. The two shared a glance between the veil of Renji's wild locks. Renji couldn't help himself anymore. He grasped Byakuya tight in his arms and drew him into a deep kiss.

For the first time, Renji felt Byakuya start to relax in his arms. He even got a thrill of pleasure through his body as he shifted his hips against Byakuya's and felt his beautiful captain's cock hardening against him. He wanted to be connected to him, now.

"Byakuya-sama…" he whispered against his lips, still embarrassed to call him by his name. "Can I come inside you?"

Byakuya's cool gaze, currently more than usually beautiful with a flush warming his cheeks, observed Renji affectionately for some time. "Later," he said simply.

With that, Byakuya pulled Renji into the steaming water so both men were standing in it. Excess water splashed out over the rocks as they entered, sending more steam into the night air. After getting wet, it was too cold to be only partially submerged, so both men sank to their knees while watching each other.

Renji patiently waited as Byakuya ran his hands up Renji's arms under the water. Those dexterous fingers found every unique bump and line on Renji's collarbone. Byakuya cupped his hand to bring water up to Renji's neck. He let it wash over Renji's skin and chased it with his hand, cleansing Renji's skin in a way that was surprisingly erotic. Renji gasped as he repeated the action, the skin of his neck feeling somehow more sensitive than usual now.

As desperate as he was, Renji couldn't bear to stop Byakuya's sensuous touching. It felt like being licked all over by a normally bad-tempered cat. After washing Renji's neck and collarbone, Byakuya shifted closer under the water, briefly wrapping his arms around Renji's shoulders. But again he took up his reverential washing, this time slipping his hands under Renji's hair and running them along the back of his neck.

Renji couldn't hold back a shaking sigh, his fingers grasping Byakuya's back under the water. Byakuya let his head sink down into the curve of Renji's neck, nuzzling him affectionately for a moment. He drew back and met Renji's gaze. As Renji's uneven breath came out as steam, Byakuya raised both hands and ran his fingers all over Renji's face, sweeping his hair back into the water. As Byakuya drew his face gradually closer to Renji's, eyes feasting on every part of Renji's face, his hands continued to roam down Renji's back.

Renji shivered and instinctively arched his back, bumping his shoulders against the edge of the bath, while being unable to tear his eyes away from the sweet and erotic expression on Byakuya's face. He couldn't even close his eyes at first as Byakuya's lips touched his own. When Renji saw Byakuya's eyes flutter closed, he let out a soft moan and closed his own, sinking into the soft kiss. Under the water, one of Byakuya's hands slipped down into the crevice between Renji's buttocks. To his shock, a finger slid inside him.

"Ah!" Renji cried, arching his back again.

As he trembled all over with pleasure, Byakuya whispered in his ear, "If I must be honest, it is difficult for me to deny you anything, Renji. But allow me this indulgence. This desire may tear me apart."

Renji let out a trembling moan, unable to respond as Byakuya's fingers pulled away all his attention. Renji let his head fall back and gave himself over to the sensations running over him. Under the water, Byakuya supported the small of Renji's back and lifted his hips to thrust his fingers in and out of him while he watched Renji's face with fascination.

As much as his cock ached to be inside Byakuya, all the more because of what Byakuya was doing to him, Renji was unable to fight against this pleasure. He found his hips twitching against his will, encouraging Byakuya's fingers. They skillfully drove against his most sensitive spot over and over, increasing his desire to feel Byakuya thrusting inside him. Rough moans escaped his lips, their intensity increasing until Renji felt his orgasm approaching.

But before he could cum, Byakuya grasped the base of his cock hard enough to hurt a little. Renji cried out and panted in frustration, covering his eyes with his hand.

"Wait just a little," Byakuya told him softly.

Obediently Renji nodded, resting his hands on Byakuya's shoulders as his captain drew closer, wrapping himself in Renji's legs. Byakuya held Renji's gaze for several long seconds, causing Renji's chest to ache, and then he raised a hand to caress Renji's face once again. It was so tender it made Renji's eyes sting.

"Captain…" he whispered reflexively.

"Use my name," Byakuya insisted, pressing a kiss to Renji's cheek as he pressed the tip of his cock to Renji's hole under the water.

"Ah…Byakuya-sama…ah!" Renji cried out loudly as Byakuya's cock pushed inside him.

Byakuya let out a soft gasp as his cock filled Renji. He rested his head against Renji's chest as both men overcame the urge to come immediately. Renji shivered at the soft touch of Byakuya's hair and breath against his skin. The heat from the bath and the cold from the air was making every nerve alight.

Byakuya slowly looked up at Renji again. He caressed Renji's face as he had done so many times already, each time with a soft reverence as if he almost didn't believe Renji was real. He wove his fingers through Renji's hair and supported the back of his head to better see his face. To Renji's disbelief, he was sure even in the moonlight that he saw a soft smile meet Byakuya's face.

"Renji. How much do you love me?"

After a raise of his eyebrows, Renji stifled a chuckle. "What kind of question is that?"

"Do not tease me," Byakuya said, his smile fading.

Surprised at his seriousness, Renji took his time to answer truthfully. Even though it was difficult to move without sending waves of pleasure through his body, he raised his hands to brush Byakuya's hair away from his beautiful face as he admired the slight insecurity drawing together Byakuya's brows, along with the affection now obviously shining in his dark eyes. Renji's chest felt as if it might break into pieces.

"So much…that even when you're not here, I feel you with me," Renji said softly, his heart pounding with the embarrassment of saying this out loud. But for love of Byakuya, he carried on, "I'm not whole anymore." He ran a finger down the center of his own chest as Byakuya watched in fascination. "Your presence has marked me so deeply, you're part of me. I think I'd die if you were ever hurt. I don't really know how to quantify that with a number but…anyway, a lot."

To Renji's surprise, though he had said his true feelings and in a light tone that he thought would make Byakuya smile again, the captain lowered his head with a strained breath. He wrapped his arms around Renji's chest under the water and held him tightly. Renji gasped as the pressure suddenly increased inside him; Byakuya had gotten harder.

"Renji…even if things change," Byakuya whispered against Renji's chest. Renji was shocked that his voice trembled. Byakuya's fingers tightened against Renji's back, though he would not lift his head. "…don't leave me. I couldn't bear it."

Concerned, Renji gently forced Byakuya to lift his head. Already most of the emotion was concealed, but his eyes were faintly red. At first he wouldn't meet Renji's gaze. When he did, Renji stroked his hair.

"There may be some fool alive who would leave you. It isn't me." He pulled Byakuya into a tight embrace, gasping as the angle of Byakuya's cock shifted inside him. "You're so dear to me that sometimes I can barely breathe. Ah!" he cried against his will as Byakuya accidentally moved his hips. Panting with emotion and inescapable pleasure, he whispered in Byakuya's ear, "Byakuya…I love you…"

Byakuya gasped. After a frozen moment, he thrust his hips hard into Renji. Renji threw his head back, splashing water out over the stones. Byakuya clung to him as he repeatedly struck Renji's most sensitive spot, his cock harder than Renji ever remembered. Byakuya's breath was ragged, his fingers digging into Renji's skin. Renji was feeling so good he thought he might pass out.

After only a few moments, Byakuya flinched from head to toe and let out a heavy sigh. He held Renji tight to him as his cock twitched against Renji's prostate so hard he couldn't hold back anymore. Renji whimpered, tensing under the powerful sensations and finally cumming so hard that he almost thought he would get a headache from it. The two men were left panting, exhausted and sweating in the hot water and cold air. Renji was desperately uncomfortable but he couldn't bear to move, since Byakuya's cock still felt so good inside him.

To his surprise, only moments later – and without losing his erection in the slightest – Byakuya lifted Renji partly from the water, laying him down on the ledge. Renji gasped as Byakuya grabbed his hips and without warning began thrusting inside him again.

Renji was overcome; in desperation he clasped his own forehead and chest, looking for relief from this powerful pleasure that wouldn't stop. Byakuya bent down to clasp Renji tightly around the small of his back and continue pumping inside him, now with his forehead pressing hard against Renji's heart and his hot breath against his chest. Renji couldn't help digging his fingernails into Byakuya's back and shoulder as his voice rose over and over in desperate moans of pleasure.

Renji's legs wrapped tightly around Byakuya as he felt yet another orgasm already approaching. He didn't want to cum again so soon. He wanted a break. But he couldn't help it. His breath almost stopped several times as he tried to hold back this feeling. But as Byakuya's cock struck his sensitive places in just the right way far too many times, and possibly with the relief and joy of finally being accepted by him, Renji was ravaged by an orgasm that neither his mind nor mind were prepared for.

He froze, his back arched and his throat stopped. He couldn't move except to twitch violently for several moments. Byakuya fortunately realized and stopped, because if he thrust one more time Renji felt he would lose his mind. He felt his own cock twitching desperately, but he could not physically cum again so soon. Because it was dry, the feeling seemed to go on forever, trapping him in this state of paralyzed ecstasy. He could barely breathe. He started to panic.

"Renji," Byakuya's soft voice. He bent down and clasped Renji's cheek with concern. "Are you having a dry orgasm?"

Renji was still frozen by sensation and unable to answer, still barely conscious enough to draw breath and starting to feel lightheaded. It felt too good, it was terrifying.

"It's all right," Byakuya murmured against his lips. "Come back. Stay with me."

He pressed a sweet, healing kiss to Renji's lips. Renji's eyes fluttered as he struggled through the feeling of cumming constantly. But as he focused on Byakuya's lips, slowly he was able to find soothing calm. He continued panting and moaning softly for several long moments as Byakuya kissed him, but finally the feeling faded. Unfortunately, Renji's consciousness went with it. His limbs flopped down at his sides and his head dropped to one side, and he fell into a deeply satisfying sleep.

…

When he awoke again, he was in a dark room, snuggled in the most comfortable kimono and bed he had ever been in, in addition to the arms of the one he loved. To his disbelief, Byakuya had been stroking his hair as he slept.

Byakuya noticed Renji was awake but continued his affectionate preening. "I'm sorry," he said, his soft baritone in this context making all Renji's hairs stand on end and his heart thrum in his ears. "I didn't mean to overwhelm you like that."

Renji's face was quickly overtaken by a bright red blush. "I didn't…mind…"

Byakuya's eyebrows rose slightly, though he didn't seem displeased. "Oh? I see."

"Ahh please don't be disappointed that I'm such a lech…" Renji complained, hiding his face in his hands.

But instead of the usual lecture, or even a teasing reaction, Renji found himself suddenly pulled tight against Byakuya's chest. As he was blinking with shock (and, he must admit, happiness), Byakuya whispered, "I love you so much it feels as if my heart will burst."

After a few moments to absorb this, Renji's lovestruck body had a very bipolar reaction. At the same time that his heart was aching at the idea his unrequited love had just said something impossible, as he started to believe something so beautiful could be real, hot tears streaked down his face. At Byakuya's proximity, the sound of his voice, the smell of his skin and the idea that he was truly loved, Renji's cock quickly became painfully hard. And yet, even this slight tension was blissful somehow.

Even so, he was soon too happy to contain it in quiet crying and he started to sob. Byakuya pulled away from him to see what was wrong, which made him even more embarrassed and he tried to hide his face.

"Renji? What's the matter?" Byakuya asked with concern.

Renji smiled broadly even as he continued his loud and ugly crying. "I'm so happy I could die."

"Don't," Byakuya chided, dubiously.

Renji laughed. He entwined their bodies even more tightly, now able to feel Byakuya's body heat against his cock, and feeling that alone might make him cum. "Captain…or…Byakuya," he corrected himself with a blush. "I'm really so happy I couldn't tell you. I'm going to wake up and think this was a dream."

Though his expression barely changed, Renji was sure he saw the traces of affection in Byakuya's face, even though his next words were harsh. But he stroked Renji's hair again as he said, "It won't feel like this most of the time. It's not that it's never been done before, but for someone in my position to maintain a relationship like this is both a great hardship and extremely precarious. It will mean making many sacrifices and planning very carefully. Even so…would you walk this arduous path with me, Renji?"

Renji smiled as he thought immediately that he could be walking through hell and it would feel like heaven if Byakuya were beside him. In fact, he'd done it before. He raised his face to be as close as possible to Byakuya's to look deep into his eyes. He ran a hand up his shoulder and neck and ran his hands through his hair, in awe of how much he loved him.

"I can't think of anyone I'd rather me miserable with," he whispered against Byakuya's lips. Though he could tell from the intensity of Byakuya's expression that he was about to kiss him, he whispered passionately, "I'd die for you-"

Byakuya's lips cut him off, and suddenly he was tightly claimed in Byakuya's arms in a consuming kiss. Yet Byakuya immediately broke away and instructed him harshly, "You will not." He clasped Renji's face in both hands, forcing him to maintain his gaze, and told him firmly, "I admit that your loyalty is one of the things I love about you. But if you die I will never forgive you. You are my lover, Renji. That is who you are now. Your duty is to spend the rest of your life with me. No matter how many centuries pass, you will not die and leave me. Is that clear?"

Even though by now he was crying again, Renji gave a wolfish smile. "Now I see why Rukia calls you possessive."

Byakuya reaffirmed his point with another claiming kiss. "Is that clear?" he asked again.

Renji nodded. "I wish I could marry you," he said. He had meant it off-handedly, merely as a way to convey how much he felt exactly the same as Byakuya. More of a metaphor, really.

But Byakuya seemed concerned by the suggestion. He stared down at Renji with a slight frown for some time. His eyes wandered away after a time as if he were deep in thought, although he was still laying on top of Renji. Finally, his frown deepened briefly and he shook his head.

Just as Renji was being deeply puzzled by this display, Byakuya concluded to himself, "It would be too difficult to arrange." Yet after another moment he added, "Most likely…for now…"

"Eh?" Renji chirped, even more baffled.

But apparently not in a mood to explain himself, Byakuya merely frowned again, and then kissed Renji once more. "For now, can you be satisfied by knowing I love you with all my heart?"

Renji chuckled awkwardly. "I'd be satisfied with just a tiny piece."

"I doubt that you would," Byakuya murmured, reaching his hand down to stroke Renji's still hard cock. Renji shuddered all over with a moan and clung to him. "If I didn't love you this much, we never would have done this."

"Ca-…Byakuya!" Renji cried, and with that he flipped Byakuya onto his back and claimed his lips in a passionate kiss.

Renji had no idea how many times they did it that night, but he remembered wondering if his cock would ever go soft, and his lower half even started to feel numb. The only thing he knew for sure was that he woke up the next morning sore all over. And when he bathed later – after Byakuya insisted – he realized it wasn't just his muscles. His body was a patchwork of bite marks, hickeys, scratches and even bruises from Byakuya holding his wrists too tightly.

"Can't…really go to the 4th Division like this…gonna have to be Hanataro," he concluded, nodding to himself. He skipped through the rest of the day with the knowledge that he was so violently loved by the most perfect being in the universe.