What's a Listening Device Between Friends?

by Liss Webster

Napoleon Solo finds eight bugs in his hotel room in Istanbul. Illya is unrepentant.

"You are still terrible spy," he says, which Napoleon considers a little rude considering the excellent work he's just done for this mission.

"We're on the same side now, remember, Peril?" he says. Illya just shrugs, which in retrospect is not exactly an agreement.

oOo

Next, Waverly sends them into Morocco, and Napoleon's relationship with Illya is clearly improving, because there are only six bugs in his room this time, which Napoleon takes great delight in returning. Well, until the very fetching secretary to the French ambassador turns out to have a far more complicated agenda than any of them had assumed, and starts trying to garrotte Napoleon with a silk stocking (a trifle clichéd, Napoleon thinks dimly, oxygen starvation starting to get the better of him, but undeniably a classic). Napoleon is (mostly) on top of the situation when Illya comes bursting in, pistol drawn, with Gaby following in his wake.

"That could have been embarrassing," she says as Napoleon continues to grapple with the ambassador's secretary, who is (on closer acquaintance) a very slippery character. He's a little put out that neither she nor Illya are showing much sign of wanting to help; they're both watching with mild interest. Illya has put his pistol away. "We weren't sure if it was an assassination attempt or you were just being very enthusiastic."

"Not good reception," Illya agrees, and crosses to the radio set where he wiggles the aerial. He looks piqued. "This should have provided excellent sound." He fishes out a bug that Napoleon had overlooked, and frowns at it disapprovingly.

"I told you the frequency modulation still needs work," says Gaby, holding out an imperious hand. "Give it to me, Illya." He tosses it over, then retrieves three more from the wardrobe, the light fitting, and a painting. Napoleon does some fancy legwork with the ambassador's secretary to get her into a more secure position, and glares at the Russian giant with whom fate has landed him.

"And I thought we were such good friends," he says sourly.

Illya just looks surprised. "We came to rescue you," he points out.

"I think that's friendly," adds Gaby. She holds out her hand for the rest of the bugs, and she and Illya disappear, chatting about frequencies and ranges and – apparently – better ways of distinguishing between orgasm and imminent death. They're almost out of earshot, when the hotel door swings open again and Illya's head pops into sight.

"Do you want help with this?" he says, gesturing at Napoleon, the French ambassador's secretary, and the French ambassador's secretary's silk stocking wrapped round both of them.

Napoleon raises an eyebrow. Illya shrugs and departs, closing the door behind him. The French ambassador's secretary starts wriggling again.

(The mission gets labelled The Silk Stocking Affair. Sometimes Napoleon really hates his partners.)

oOo

Waverly asks them to track down the source of rumours about a new terrorist organisation called THRUSH. The first night in their Prague hotel, Napoleon only finds four bugs.

He takes it as a challenge, and before long returns six more to Illya – two from UNCLE, one KGB, and three of Gaby's specials. Illya grins at him as Gaby snatches back her creations.

"Not bad, Cowboy," he concedes.

"I think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship, Peril," replies Napoleon, adjusting his cuffs.

"Yes," says Illya. "Although maybe we wait until you find other four, yes?"

FIN