Tony Stark, a man who had been praised as the genius of the century, was an idiot.

Seriously, how could he have not seen it before?

Sure, the space prince was any scientist's wet dream, but not for THOSE reasons.

"What do you mean, 'Where is Bruce?'" Steve was asking, which was a pretty fair question as far as Tony was concerned. Thor had come from Bruce's floor in nothing but boxers that were surprisingly hilarious on the demigod's massive form. Because they were Banner's.

Why would Thor have science beaker boxers laying around?

"When I awoke this morning, our domain was empty. I do not know where he might have gone, and to leave thus without a word, it worries me."

"Maybe he just went for a morning run?" Tony offered, smirking at Thor. The man glared at him, hands clenching into fists.

"He spoke of fearing a man whom he called Ross, shortly before we slept. He would not say more of this Ross, but noting his absence this morning, I fear they may be connected."

All of the humor faded from Tony's face at the name. Ross. Of course. He'd been raising a fuss ever since the battle, trying to have Banner's immunity removed.

"Ross…. That's not good," the billionaire said absently, scratching the back of his head as he recalled all he knew of the decorated General.

"Who's Ross?" Rogers asked, his brow furrowed.

"The guy who thinks Bruce is military property, and has been petitioning courts to have him taken into custody… His custody, I might add," Tony replied. He walked to the couch with hastened steps, grabbing the nearest stark pad and projecting the image to the wall across from them. He opened up a video, and turned up the volume so the two other men could hear.

"The Hulk is a danger to society, he's destroyed countless livelihoods, and lives, and will do so again if I am not allowed to stop him."

A tall, polished man stood in front of a podium in parade rest, relaxed in front of the cameras as if he were born for them. His white hair and gray mustache were neatly groomed, and the fire in his eyes was unmistakable.

"What about the Hulk saving New York? And Iron Man?"

Ross turned to the speaking reporter and quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Tell me, young man, does a murderer stop being a murderer simply because he saves a life instead of taking it, one time?"

"No, sir…."

"Then I believe you have your answer," the General said, medals on his chest swaying slightly as he broke his pose.

"I am grateful the Avengers managed to get the Hulk to cooperate, but what happens the next time he is out, and there are no aliens around to kill? I'll tell you what, because we have seen it. Harlem. Ohio. India. That man- no, that monster " Ross slammed his fist down onto the table, fingers clenched tightly, "...leaves a body count behind him wherever he goes. I'm here to speak for the American people, the victims who have lost their homes, loved ones, and lives to that beast."

"He dares speak of Bruce in this manner?" Thor muttered under his breath. Tony could almost swear he heard thunder rumbling in the distance.

"Sir, isn't it true that you had a hand in the Hulk's creation?"

Ross sighed heavily, bringing his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose and resting his forehead against his arm momentarily. After a second, he straightened up, as if preparing to say something difficult.

"Yes, that is true. I should have seen sooner what Bruce Banner was truly doing. The kind of man he was. If I had, I might have been able to spare my daughter the pain and heartache he has brought her. I thought the man was kind, truly wanted to help people. Appearances can…. can be deceiving. Even old military gruffs like myself can fall for a facade at times. There is not a day that goes by where I don't feel the guilt and remorse for my part in all of this. Which is why I am trying to rectify it. Hulk is not the only monster that I would be protecting us from."

"I think that's enough," Steve snapped, yanking the tablet from Tony's hand and flicking the lock button. Abruptly, the video vanished and the wall was empty once more.

"So, Stark, you think Ross has Bruce?" the Captain asked, turning back to face the two.

"No, I have had JARVIS hacked into every network Ross uses, the man won't be able to blow his nose without J knowing. If something happened, I would know before the courts could even sign the warrant," Tony replied confidently.

"Then where is Bruce?" Thor demanded, impatient.
"JARVIS?"

"Yes, Mr. Stark?"

"Did Brucie leave the building today?"

"I'm sorry, sir, I cannot tell you that."

Tony glared at the nearest camera, crossing his arms over his chest.

"JARVIS, what do you mean you can't tell me?"

"I am reading a strange sequence in my coding in a section regarding surveillance in the tower, specifically regarding Dr. Banner's floor and access codes. It appears these items do not exist."

"Banner hacked you?" Tony demanded, tone incredulous. Beside him, Steve smirked.

"Even I know that's impressive," the Captain snarked.

"Stay out of it, Dorothy, this is about trust," Tony snapped.

"If I may, should you know Bruce's history like I do, my friend, you would not question why he wishes to remain unseen."

"My house, my rules. If Bruce didn't like it, he didn't have to stay. That doesn't mean you hack another man's AI. That crosses so many lines," the billionaire replied, mouth tight.

"Maybe this can wait until we actually find Banner?" Steve pressed.

"I…."

"Sir, I have news," JARVIS interrupted, earning another glare from Tony.

"Go ahead," Steve said for him, resting a hand on Stark's shoulder, which he allowed for almost a second before shaking off.

"Dr Banner's alias, a Robert Baker, was just listed as the subject of an issued arrest warrant."

"Why would they issue a warrant in a fake name?" Tony asked, anger replaced with curiosity.

"It would appear that it was issued in congruence with the name on the identification they found in the suspect's pocket when he was brought into custody," JARVIS explained, sounding distastefully bored.

"So it's not Ross?" Steve questioned.

"No, the warrant was issued for an assault that occurred at 6:45 AM today."

"Alright, get Happy the address and tell him I want to be at the station five minutes ago. And get Pepper, we're going to need her," Tony ordered, groaning inwardly at Bruce's incompetence. Seriously, how could a guy who was so smart be such an idiot?

And how did he not know Bruce and Thor were playing naked chicken?

"Uh, Thor, are you really going like that?" Steve asked, pointing at the demigod's attire.

Thor was in full battle regalia, down to his helmet and cape. And of course, his hammer. Mjolnir was clenched tightly between bloodless knuckles, grasping hard enough that it would have crushed the handle of any other weapon.

"Bruce is being held prisoner, why would I not come ready for battle?"

"Not the way it works here, Rapunzel. We're just going to post bail for him," Tony said as he hopped into the passenger side of the car. Thor looked back at Steve, a question in the tilt of his head. The Captain just shrugged. By now, Tony could be talking gibberish for all he knew.

The two climbed into the back of the ridiculously luxurious sports car, trying to duck under the low ceiling before plopping down onto the low seats.

"It would be faster to fly," Thor grumbled, settling Mjolnir in his lap.

"You're lucky you're coming at all, princess, looking like that. You're going to be waiting in the car anyways. Let Mom and Dad do all the talking," Tony responded from the front seat, shooting them a grin from over his shoulder.

"Wait, who is going to be Mom?" Steve asked at the same time as Thor said, "My mother and father do not reside in this realm."

"He-Man, not what I meant. Cap, obviously it will be Pepper. You didn't put on your face this morning."

Steve and Thor shared another confused look, the demigod raising his empty hand to gesture at the front seat helplessly.

Steve pretended not to see Tony cracking up in the mirror.

Thor was growing tired.

The strange man who was called happy was actually quite grumpy. He blasted loud music and glowered at the rain striking his windshield, rolling up the window with a huff. The silence in the vehicle was not at all pleasant, which left Thor only to brood, worry, and try to remember why he trusted their young Captain in the first place.

Finally, finally, after what seemed hours, Stark's red-headed lover walked out with the inventor in tow, while the Captain followed shortly behind with his arm around Bruce, who seemed to be leaning on the younger man heavily.

Seeing him, Thor was out of the car and approaching before he could muster up the restraint to stay seated. Someone had been cruel to his lover, the man's kind face was peppered with heavy, dark bruises, and he was limping quite visibly. Thor offered him his arm when he neared, and Bruce gratefully took it, letting go of the Captain with a soft smile.

"Thanks," he whispered into Thor's ear, not quite meeting his eyes.

"You are hurt," Thor said accusingly. Banner sighed, leaning a little less heavily on the demigod as he tried to slide into the back of the car. Thor longed to just pick him up and carry him home, but somehow sensed that would not be appropriate right now. Something had changed.

"You should see the other guy," Bruce chuckled. Pepper shot him a glare before walking to her own car, reluctantly letting go of Tony before the billionaire took his own seat.

"The Hulk is also injured?" Thor demanded, worry lacing his voice. Bruce chuckled wryly.

"No, Thor, it's okay. It's a saying here on Earth. It means I won."

Thor grinned brilliantly, thumping Bruce on the back, not noticing the latter's wince at the action.

"You vanquished your foe! That is indeed worthy of praise, we must celebrate! Was he mighty, was he fearless, was he…"

"He was a harmless man out walking with his teenage son," Steve cut in as he slammed his door shut. Bruce did not flinch at his tone, but Thor felt the man stiffen beside him. Gently, he took the scientist's hand in his own. Bruce clutched him tightly.

"He could not have been completely harmless, have you not seen Bruce's face?" Thor replied sharply.

"Banner threw the first punch," Tony said from the front seat. Happy drove them onto the highway, face unreadable, and for once, Thor was grateful for the man's silence.

"So what gives, Banner? Did he say something about the Hulk? Was he a creationist? I've wanted to punch a few of those anti-science assholes in the face too, but it's not something you can just go around doing when…"

"He hit him," Bruce said simply, levelling his gaze with Tony's.

"Hit who?" Steve asked.

"His son. He hit his son," Bruce replied, tone even and face emotionless.

"Bruce…" Tony started.

"Perhaps he was teaching his son the ways of battle?" Thor offered, gliding his thumb over the back of Bruce's hand in a soothing manner. He knew the man's history, at least this part, as did most on the team.

"No, Thor. He just… They were talking, and suddenly he just went off on him. There was no teaching, sparring doesn't really happen on Earth besides for in certain places. He was beating him," Bruce said. Steve closed his mouth, seeming to think better of whatever he was about to say.

"Bruce, now really isn't the time to go out playing vigilante…" Tony said, then cut himself off. He turned in his seat and looked at the scientist as if seeing him for the first time.

"Where did you get those clothes?"

"Tony, what does that-"

"Shht, Cap," the billionaire said with a palm shoved in Steve's direction, "I am talking to Bruce now. So tell me, Banner, where did you get the clothes?"

Thor looked down at Bruce's outfit. They were indeed clothes he had never seen the man wear before. Pants that were much too big, ankles rolled up over dirty shoes with a hole in the big toe of one, and a loose shirt that smelled of must and sweat.

Bruce just glared at the engineer, eyes hard and body motionless.

"You were running away," Tony said lamely.

"After everything, you were just fucking running away? You didn't say bye to anyone, hacked JARVIS and just took off into the night... err, morning! What about us being friends? What about Thor? Didn't you think of anyone but yourself before deciding to play the martyr again?!" the billionaire exploded all at once, and Thor felt Banner's fingers tighten almost painfully around his own. Instinctively, he dropped the physicist's hand.

"It wasn't running away, it was proactive," Bruce said quietly, eyes on the windshield, head high as he watched the raindrops burst on the glass before being swiped away by the blades of the wipers.

"Call it what you want, Big Guy, but you were fucking running away. You were leaving , and you didn't even have the decency to say goodbye."

"Is this true?" Thor asked softly, turning to face the man beside him.

"Thor…." Bruce pleaded, directing his attention to the demigod, laying a soothing hand on his shoulder. Thor shook it off, as if the touch had burned him.

"Perhaps it is not the same on Midgard, but in Asgard, we face the end of a courtship with courtesy due a warrior. I did not take you for a coward, Banner," Thor snapped.

They rode in heavy silence for a minute, until Tony spoke up again.

"Goldilocks is right, Banner. That was pretty shitty of you to-"

"Enough," Bruce said, so calm and yet his tone was sharp enough to shatter ice. The word flung out like a gunshot, ricocheting off the walls of the enclosed space.

"This wasn't about you. This wasn't about any of you. Christ, it wasn't even about me, so lay off. Thor, I love you, I didn't want to leave and I wasn't trying to break up with you. Tony, yes I stole clothes because I know you put trackers on literally everything. If Ross gets his arrest warrant, I won't ever see the light of day again. But this wasn't even about that. It's about the fact that if Ross gets his hands on me, he'll have access to the most dangerous weapon in the world, and he is not the kind of man who would use it for good. I was trying to protect you."

In the front seat, Tony hung his head in his hands, making a mess of his hair with a heavy huff. Thor turned his head to the window, lost in thought. Steve looked at Banner as if the man had been speaking in tongues.

It was Happy who finally broke the silence.

"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Aren't you supposed to be some sort of genius?"

"I… What?" Banner managed, blinking at the driver in surprise.

"You got Tony Stark as a best friend, Captain America as a character witness, a literal god as a boyfriend, one of the most deadly assassins in the world watching your ass, and that circus boy with the bow and the tights as your green guy's babysitter. Plus, Pepper Potts handling your media relations and legal matters and all them other big words. And you think that your best option is to run away and disappear?"

All eyes were on Happy now, who continued looking at the road as if he hadn't spoken. When no one replied, he went on, all to happy to fill the silence and call out Banner's stupidity as if he wasn't the smartest man in the world.

"Doc, you're going to run off and live in a shanty in some third world country until either Eyepatch or Mustachio find you, and then you're gonna live the rest of your life in a cage at the best. Now, I don't know about you, but to me, I'd place my money on staying and letting my friends fight for me. Uncle Sam can take you to court, but you've got a star-spangled saint saying you're safe to be walking free. And I pity anyone who has the balls to take on Mrs. Potts. That woman is something."

"So listen, you got two choices. Run and get caught, or stay here and see how it works out. You've already tried the running thing, so it don't seem like that far of a stretch to try it the other way, now does it?"

"I….." Bruce sighed, heavily, and sagged in his seat, staring at the road ahead as if it held an answer for him.

"Bruce, should you ever need a haven, all you need do is ask. I will bring you to Asgard and shelter you there," Thor added, taking up the man's hand in his own again. Bruce looked at him, eyes bewildered. The demigod could read an apology in a thousand different languages in the scientist's shocked face, and he gently tilted Bruce's chin up and grazed his lips with his own.

"I love you," Bruce whispered against his cheek when they parted.

"And I you," Thor promised before reclaiming the man's mouth in a searing kiss.

"Alright, alright, you two are getting steamier than Destiel fanfiction, which I definitely do not read, by the way. So lay off and save it for home," Tony barked from the front.

"There is nothing in that sentence that makes sense, Stark…"

Bruce laughed against Thor's lips and kissed him again, breaking off only to breathlessly, carefully repeat, "Yeah… home."