A/N: Well, this is the last chapter, so I hope you enjoy. I'll be coming out with something new soon, under the title of an old fic I took down, so look for it.
Chapter 19
Sunlight flittered in through the slits in the blinds as she slowly pushed one up with her fingertip and peeked out into the world beyond. The street outside was quiet, still, and lifeless. She had the feeling, as she stood there, as if the gates of hell were slowly creeping open, and she could do nothing but sit and wait.
Even now, she wasn't quite sure what made her agree to this. Was it an act of devotion, or simply desperation? Her fist tightened at her side, and she bit deeply into her lip at the wave of jealousy that followed her ponderings. There was no doubt that desperation played some kind of role. The whole reason for this elaborate scheme was to prove his love for another, yet, she was his wife, the one he was supposed to shower with attention, the one he was supposed to pine over. And after all he'd put her through...
Her thoughts were disrupted by a shuffling sound within the room behind her. She turned away from the window, emerald eyes roaming over the mostly empty space. There, on a pile of blankets in the floor, her tiny companion stirred from her sleep. Looking at her only made her heart pound faster within her chest, as the paranoia she barely held at bay in the back of her mind came rushing forward again. What if they caught her, what if something went wrong, what if...
As though the girl were reading the older woman's thoughts, she said, "My daddy will catch you. He'll catch you and make you pay for taking me away from him."
She didn't want to cringe, afraid that the girl would pounce like a wild dog if she sensed her fear, but she couldn't keep the expression off her face. She swallowed, taking a deep gulp of air to settle herself before saying, "Just keep quiet, or something very bad will happen to you."
The girl smiled, rather unpleasantly, knowing that the threat was hollow. The woman stood, quivering before her, clutching at her chest as if in pain. "My daddy will get me away from here," she repeated, taking on the tone of a spoiled rich brat. "He'll send you off to jail for doing this!"
"Stop it!" the woman cried, grabbing her head in her hands. "You have no idea what it's like! No idea!"
"I don't care," the little girl huffed. "Take me to my daddy now, and I'll see about asking him to go easy on you."
She took a deep breath, one arm crossed over her chest and the other leaned against the window seal, slender fingers thrumming against the old wood. She was tense, he could tell by the rigid set of her shoulders as she stood with her back to him. He walked the couple of steps that separated them and slid his arms around her waist, glancing at the setting sun over her shoulder.
"So what did he want?"
"To tell me about Cid Kramer's kid. She was kidnapped. I have no idea how that relates to anything, but he thought it might be useful, so..."
"I'm not sure I'll ever understand you," he murmured.
Rinoa giggled. "Why not?"
"I still don't understand... why you would chose me over him," he clarified hesitantly.
She turned in his embrace, laying her head on his chest for a moment. "I think you all ready know," she whispered. "Maybe you're just fishing for it, huh?"
"No, I really don't understand."
She shook her head, trying to fight off the smile that threatened to curl her lips upward. A flash of red light pulsed through the room, the sound of screeching tires against the pavement outside the window sending a shiver down her spine. "I chose you because, no matter what happens," she paused for a moment, the sound of several doors slamming causing her eyes to fill with tears. Her hands fisted in his shirt, and she swallowed hard, a need to never let go of him griping her chest and squeezing her heart in a death grip. "I love you."
The slow descent of the elevator ground her nerves into dust as she impatiently tapped her foot against the ground. The guard that stood in front of her shot her an annoyed glance, which she met with one of equal irritation. She was nervous, paranoid of returning here since the stunt she'd pulled the night before. Security seemed to have been stepped up since then, but no one had spoken a word or even thrown an accusatory glance her way when she showed up that morning to request a meeting, so she assumed she was in the clear for now.
The elevator finally came to a stop, the number nine lit up in red on a screen above the door. Taking a deep breath, she allowed the guard to escort her through the halls, which were eerily empty. Having spent most of her time in an area where patients were free to roam most of the time, it was strange and discomforting to be in a place that was so empty and quiet, aside from the occasional yell or screech.
Finally, he led her into a mostly empty room that resembled the lounge area on her former floor, except that the door required a card key to enter. There were a few people inside, most of them probably visitors who were lucky to have gotten clearance to see their loved ones and friends. At a table in the far corner, an older woman sat, her sandy locks streaked with gray and pulled back from her wrinkled face. She seemed normal enough as she sat there in a white jumpsuit, and for a moment, Isabella doubted that this was the same woman from her memories, the same woman she'd seen looming over her father, smatters of crimson painting her clothes. She pulled out a chair and sat down in front of the woman, glancing briefly over her should to make sure the guard was by the door, and hadn't moved any closer.
"What brings you here?" the woman asked in a voice that reminded her of sandpaper. It made Isabella frown a bit, as she realized the voice was an effect of the smoking habit the two shared.
"I have a question to ask," Isabella replied, and reached into her purse. She had called Margaret the night before, after she'd gotten home and found that Rinoa's cell phone couldn't be reached. The nurse had done a bit of research for her, and Isabella had met with her earlier that day, just long enough to pick up what she needed. Isabella pulled out a small picture and, her eyes darting around the room to make sure no one was looking, pushed the photo in front of the older woman. "Do you know this man?"
Her companion nodded. "I've seen him around. I take it this isn't a family get together, huh?"
"I'm only here on business," Isabella snapped. "What can you tell me about him? Unofficial information. What have you heard?"
"I haven't heard anything that's worth telling to you."
Casting another worried glance about the room, she slid a pack of cigarettes to the woman, who quickly hid them and smiled. "That's my girl. Well, maybe I've heard a little something. It's said that he's got something on the big man down stairs, you know. It does seem odd, because he requested a meeting with Cid, something Cid rarely ever allows with patients up here, but he allowed it this time. He seemed pretty cocky about it, like he had something hidden up his sleeve. I heard rumors his wife had gotten a job here, too, under the disguise of his sister."
"Why would they let his sister work here, but not his wife?" Isabella asked.
Her mother cracked a smile. "Marriages are supposed to be sacred bonds, you know. A brother and sister are close, of course, but a wife... maybe they feel a wife would do something more drastic than a sister?"
"Sacred bonds mean nothing to you," Isabella hissed, then immediately wished she hadn't. Her mother had said it that way on purpose, just to get a rise out of her. "Forget it. So that means he's probably had contact with an outsider? That must have something to do with what he has over Cid. But what could it be?"
"Don't know anything more than that, sorry."
Isabella nodded. "Yeah, well... I've almost got it figured out. There's just one piece missing..."
She almost didn't hear the phone go off in her purse. For the past half hour, she had been dead to the world. She knew that hope wasn't lost, it wasn't like he was dead, after all, but knowing that he had to face this alone... that was the worst part of everything. Never in her life had she felt so helpless as she did when she watched him walk out that door, hands reached toward the sky in a display of peace. She had wanted to hold on to him, had thought foolishly that so long as she refused to let go, they couldn't take him away from her. She would have kept on that way, were it not for the words he'd spoken to her.
"I want you to do something for me."
"Anything," she whispered in reply.
"Let me go."
Her eyes widened, more tears slipping at the words he breathed against her ear. "Why?" she choked out. "You... you want to leave me?"
"No, of course not," he murmured and stroked her hair lovingly. "I told you before that your safety means more to me than my freedom. I won't endanger you."
She shook her head, throat tightening painfully as another sob escaped despite her best attempts to keep quiet. Outside, the voice of one of the cops blared over a megaphone, demanding Squall to give himself up. "Your freedom is more important to me," she answered finally, struggling to get the words passed the dry lump that had formed within her neck.
"If you love me," he reasoned after a moment, "then you'll do this one thing for me. I couldn't stand it if something happened to you. I would die. This way, it isn't over yet. There's still hope. Do you believe in me?"
She could do nothing but nod, her vocal cords no longer functioning. He kissed her forehead, still running his fingers through her silken locks, her face buried in his neck as she trembled.
"Then you have to trust me. We'll make it out of this together." He took her hand and squeezed it, before tilting her chin up with his finger. "I promise you that."
He brushed his lips across hers, as if sealing his promise to return, then slowly turned away, a look of deep sadness in his eyes, and headed out the door.
The familiar, yet distant ring tone shook her from the memory she had replayed in her head since that moment. Over the past half hour, she had told the cops her story, emphasizing the point that she had come with him of her own free will. They were convinced that she was lying because he threatened to harm her if she didn't. She didn't bother trying to argue the point when she knew they wouldn't listen. Instead, Rinoa just sat there, tears still slowly slipping down her face, even as she grasped the phone in her hands and lifted it to her ear, making sure that she was not being watched.
"Rinoa... I watched the tape."
It reminded him a lot of the last night he spent in solitary confinement almost a year ago. This time, however, it was worse, knowing that when the morning came, there was no guarantee he'd see Rinoa, no guarantee that he'd get out of that place any time soon.
"So what if you don't? Isn't this what you deserve, trying to drag her down with you?"
He squeezed his eyes shut as he leaned against the wall, trying to shut out the negative voices that still lingered. They had lessened their hold on him quite a bit once his doubts about Rinoa were laid to rest, but now that he was away from her...
"You'll never get out of here. Just forget it. You'll never see her again, and you don't deserve to."
(It's true, I don't. Who knows what she's going through right now because of me?)
He slumped even further against the icy stone, eyes roaming the dark void of the room. If nothing else he was lucky he wasn't forced to share. Right now, if he had to be here, he wanted to be left alone to his thoughts of self-loathing.
Sighing, he put a hand to his forehead. (I fucked up so much... I wouldn't have made it even this far on my own.)
She would be very unhappy if she saw you now. Everything she worked to accomplish is being quickly erased.
He allowed his eyes to ease open at this. It had been nothing more than another stray voice, yet the words struck him in a way much different than the others had. (What did she work for?) he wondered. (To help me escape?)
You know she has faith in you, yet you forget her words and actions so quickly.
(She said she loved me... that she believed in me, and had faith in me. Why would she waste all that on someone like me?)
Do you think she's blind, or an idiot?
(Why would she waste her time with someone like me, unless... unless she sees something in me that I don't.)
You've always been a blind fool, now is no exception.
(Is there even any need to question it anymore? I'm too selfish to let her go, anyway. And she's proven so many times that she'd do anything for me...)
She's been lying to you, using you, a different voice hissed.
(No! I refuse to believe that! You're the one lying to me!)
You can't trust anyone but yourself.
(I trust her more than I trust myself.)
You doubt her...
(No, I doubt only myself. But if she finds no reason to doubt me...)
He closed his eyes again. Wasn't her believing in him reason enough to believe in himself? He felt like he was running around in constant circles in his mind, battling old demons and trying to face down each doubt and question with a solid answer. It was something he had tried to do before, but for the first time... he was winning.
As he drifted off to sleep that night, thoughts of a raven-haired woman dancing across his mind, the voices were still there. But for once, with no other presence but his own nearby, they were quieter, more distant... For once, the only thing he really doubted, were the doubts themselves.
The hall was mostly silent aside from the ticking of the clock that was mounted on the wall. It had been a very slow day, and few people had been through the building. The guard closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, counting off each second that brought him closer to home. As he drifted off into these thoughts, a loud 'bang' reached his ears, and he opened his eyes just in time to see the glass door bounce off the opposite wall.
Rinoa stomped through the hallway, her footsteps echoing in the mostly abandoned stretch of building. She took a sharp left, anger evident in her every movement, and marched straight into Cid's office, easily evading the guard that made a grab for her arm.
She jerked open the knob, somewhat relieved that it wasn't locked, though this emotion never once touched her face. She slammed open the door, much as she'd done with the door to the lobby, and came to stand in front of Cid's desk, a look of pure rage churning within her typically amiable eyes.
"I know everything."
She had spent all night poring over the files, searching to find an answer both for herself and for the woman she would confront today. The words that she'd read, the simple black and white text within that looked so harmless and ordinary at first glance... thinking about it still sent shivers down her spine.
Rinoa would not back down from this, however. She could have called the police and had them deal with it, but a thought occurred to her while in the middle of the dialing process. She had done everything within her power for Squall, would've done more if she had been able to, and it was all because of the way she felt for him. Though she knew Squall would never ask of her something as terrible or as risky as what this woman had done, she realized that she was not so different than this woman she'd met only once. They both loved someone so much that they would do anything to keep harm from them. The only difference here was that Squall cared about Rinoa enough not to ask. Selphie's feelings, judging from what Rinoa had gathered from the files, had gone mostly unrequited.
She stepped up to the door and took a deep breath. If ever there were a time she needed her training, now would be it. She would have to reason with this girl, try to strike a chord of sympathy by showing her understanding, by explaining that she knew what Selphie was going through. Slowly, Rinoa raised a hand to the door and knocked.
Her heart slammed into her chest as the pounding on the wooden barrier reached her ears. Taking a deep gulp of air, Selphie peeked out through the blinds, seeing a woman in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt standing on her front porch. The woman looked casual enough, not at all like an investigator. As she debated whether or not to open the door, the little girl stood from her spot on the floor and bolted down the hallway.
Selphie barely caught up to her and guided her back to her room, shutting the door and locking the girl in before going to answer the door. It seemed her visitor would not go away until someone answered. She opened the door a crack and peered out, a gasp spilling from her lips as she recognized her after a moment of close scrutiny. She started to slam the door, but Rinoa jammed her foot in the open space.
"Wait!" she pleaded. "I just need to talk. I came here on my own, no one is with me, and no one is listening in."
"Go away!" Selphie cried. "I don't know who you are but I-"
"I know you have her in there," Rinoa began again. "I could have called the cops, but I didn't. I wanted to talk to you first. I understand what you're doing."
The door opened just a little more. For the past couple of days, Selphie had been asking herself repeatedly what she was doing, why she was doing it. She had yet to find an answer, and yet, this person claimed to know? "What do you mean you understand?"
"You love him. You would do anything for him, even kidnap a child. You know... I once held a gun to a cop's head for the man I love." Selphie's eyes widened slightly at this admission. "But there's a difference between your situation and mine," Rinoa continued. "He wouldn't let me do something like this for him. If he could've stopped me then, he would have. He cares about what happens to me, because he returns my feelings... Irvine-"
"Don't," Selphie cut her off. "Don't you think I know all ready that he doesn't love me?"
"But do you understand why?" Rinoa asked. "Do you understand why he did what he did, how he did it? Don't you want to?"
Tears squeezed out from the girl's emerald eyes and she could do nothing but nod in response, a faint whimper forming in her throat. She slowly stepped aside and let Rinoa in, offering her a seat on the sofa in her living room. She sat down and watched as Selphie seated herself in the chair across from her, eyes aimed at the carpet.
"You got a job working in the archives department," Rinoa began, "so that you could be closer to him. You even went so far as to call yourself his sister because you were afraid if they knew you were his wife they wouldn't let you in. That letter you asked me to deliver that day... it was only one of many messages that passed between you, wasn't it?" At Selphie's weak nod in agreement, she continued. "In one of those letters, he told you what he was going to do, and that, without your help, he would be caught. So he told you to kidnap Cid's daughter."
"But why?" Selphie sobbed. "Why did he have to..."
"He knew the kind of person Squall was, not just from his other connections in the asylum, but because he knew him before. I'm sure you remember... the woman Irvine was serious about in college? He threw aside his high school relationship with you for her," Rinoa stated. "Her name was..."
"Ellone Leonhart," Selphie finished. "He loved her so much... he came back to me after she died, but I could tell he hadn't gotten over her. He never has. He started to act so strange," she recalled.
Rinoa nodded. "Squall was Ellone's little brother. That's how Irvine knew him. He also knew, from the news reports, that Squall had been driving the car when it crashed and Ellone died." She chuckled, though the sound was slightly bitter. "Squall blamed himself, but he wasn't the only one. Irvine did, too. But it's strange, how alike the two are in some ways. Irvine suffered from the same condition Squall does, but on a much more violent level. Ironically, he ended up in the same asylum as the man he carried so much hatred toward... he had an episode, after about two years of marriage to you, and ended up killing an innocent stranger that bore a slight resemblance to Squall."
"It's not his fault," Selphie cried. "He just can't handle his emotions."
"I know," Rinoa replied calmly. "About seven or eight months ago, I was ordered to go up to the ninth floor to sedate a few patients that had gotten loose. I was carrying your letter with me, at the time, thinking I would deliver the message then. Squall over heard what I was supposed to do up there, and he came after me. He was worried about me," at this, Rinoa smiled slightly, her mind briefly remembering the concerned look in his eyes, and the kiss they'd shared on the elevator down. "While I was there, Irvine attacked me. Your letter, which had been in my coat pocket, must have fallen out then. Squall rescued me from him, and it must have been then that Irvine saw him and recognized him. So he began to plot revenge, now that he had such a prime opportunity. He got you to pay someone for something... but you never questioned why."
"He told me to pay a cafeteria staff member for something... but he never told me what."
"You paid off the cafeteria worker, so he slipped sleeping pills into Squall's food. While Squall was asleep that night, Irvine murdered Quistis Trepe, Squall's doctor that everyone knew he hated, then, slipping past security, he snuck into Squall's room and placed the knife in his hands long enough to get his fingerprints on it, before placing it in his draw. Irvine wore a pair of latex gloves he'd stolen from somewhere within the building. They aren't hard to get a hold of. Then he had you kidnap Cid's daughter on the same night, so that morning, Irvine went to talk to Cid, and told him that he had better destroy the security tape from Quistis' office or his daughter would be killed. It was lucky for Squall that Cid hadn't gotten around to destroying it yet."
"So... Everyone knows now? They know Irvine did it?" she choked out.
"Not yet. Only a handful of people know. Cid refuses to do anything until his daughter is returned safely. That's why I'm here. Selphie... you have to give her up."
Selphie shook her head vigorously, standing from the chair abruptly. "No! If I do... Irvine, he'll..."
"He'll go to prison?" Rinoa asked, and couldn't help the anger that made its way into her voice. "Squall is all ready headed there because of Irvine. I love Squall, Selphie... and I know he loves me. You have a choice to make. You can let me and Squall be happy together, or you can continue to try and love a man from afar, a man that will never love you back, that will never make you happy! I know how you feel... that's why I wanted to give you a chance to release her, and perhaps avoid a heavy sentence. You can get off easier, then you can come back and get on with your life with someone new! Someone that wouldn't ask you to put yourself on the line when he never intended to do the same. As a human being, you have a right to be loved, Selphie. You can move on with your life and find it. Please, Selphie... don't tear me and Squall apart."
The smaller woman's knees buckled, and she collapsed on the floor, shaking wildly as she wept. "I... I don't know where to start."
Rinoa knelt down beside her, and placed a comforting arm around her shoulder. "Just take it one step at a time. The first step... is just letting go."
The waking world ensnared her mind, as if burying a hook into her consciousness and dragging her away from the utter bliss of her slumber. The radiating warmth that surrounded her held sweet promises of the dream- like reality she would find upon opening her eyes, and a contented sigh slipped from her parted lips as she snuggled closer to him.
"It's almost noon," he told her in a groggy voice.
"It's Saturday, the office is closed," she replied with a yawn.
"I think I wore you out, Doctor Heartilly," he murmured, running his fingers through her hair.
From the corner of his eye, the sparkle of a diamond ring caught his attention as she lifted her hand up to caress his cheek. "I think you did, too. You were an incredible patient last night, Mister Leonhart. I hope your good behavior continues after your probation is over."
"I had forgotten about that," he answered. "I have... two weeks left, don't I?"
She nodded against his bared chest and giggled. After Squall was cleared of the charges against him, there was still the question of where to send him. Rinoa had been quick to jump in and offer to watch over him under a yearlong probation. The judge agreed, and from what their latest evaluations showed, Squall had improved drastically under Rinoa's 'care'. "Yeah... after that, you'll be a free man."
"You mean free to continue out 'unethical' relationship without the courts poking in?"
Rinoa nodded. "Yeah. Free to go to Zell and Isabella's engagement party as a couple. Free to not have to hide my own ring every time I step out of the house. You know, I'm thinking, between the money I make at the office, and the money you made after selling that story you're writing, we should be able to afford a decent wedding of our own."
"Someday, I want to make enough for you to have your own practice like you've always wanted."
She shook her head and propped herself up with her elbows against his chest. "That doesn't really matter to me anymore. I'm happy with the way things are. It's not perfect but..."
"I'm all the perfection you need?" he finished in one of his rare displays of humor that he had developed over time.
She couldn't help but smile, just as she always did when he was in one of his more light-hearted moods. He still had his moments, of course, and every now and then, he'd told her, he could still hear those voices of doubt in the back of his mind. But it happened less and less as the time went by, and there was no question that he was slowly healing. No, things weren't completely perfect, but...
"Yeah... all your flaws and imperfections... they all look perfect to me."
A/N: Well, this is it. This fic was really close to my heart, and I struggled with it quite a bit. I feel the ending was a little too mushy, but over all, I'm happy with it. I hope you guys have enjoyed it, and thanks to all of you that came along for the ride. It's been quite a trip, hasn't it?