Untie Your Pigtails, I'll Still Pull Your Hair

At twelve years old, a time travelling Sasuke Uchiha can't kill Orochimaru or save Itachi. He can tackle his third goal though- seducing his future wife, Naruto Uzumaki. Of course, being Sasuke, he decided to go about it by tormenting her… fem!Naruto, Sasuke x Naruto, Most silly, very OOC Sasuke, Not to be taken seriously

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Declaration

He almost hadn't done it.

Sasuke Uchiha, elite Jounin of Konoha and husband of the Rokudaime Hokage Naruto Uzumaki, was a man with surprisingly few regrets. Yes, his childhood had been tragic, his one-time apprenticeship with Orochimaru disastrous, and his career as an international war criminal poorly thought out, but life had worked out for him. He had a wife that he was deliriously happy with- however odd it may have been to marry the Academy deadlast- and four children that ensured the Uchiha name would live on for at least another generation. He was, if not liked, then at least respected for his skills in Konoha. His former genin teammate and sensei had forgiven him and he had found a good drinking partner in the Kyuubi no Yoko. Even his clan's massacre had been avenged and his brother's reputation restored.

So when a raid on one of Madara's former bases yielded a Mangekyou-specific time travel scroll, his first thought hadn't been to use it. (No, actually, it was to wonder why Madara hadn't used it, which he easily deduced was because it would send you back two decades at most and that would have been counterproductive to the elderly Uchiha's long-term plans).

It hadn't been his second thought either. Or his third. Or fourth.

At thirty-two, it would have just dropped him back before his Academy graduation anyway. Back when Kakashi-sensei's habits drove him crazy, fangirls chased him around school, and kissing the dobe wasn't a viable way to shut her up. Besides he didn't have the time to go on impromptu adventures anymore. Haruka's class was throwing a play and Sasuke had lost the coin flip.

So understandably it was over a month before the scroll niggled his thoughts again. He had been visiting his brother's grave- the tiny, unassuming one in the Uchiha family plot rather than the massive statue built to honor his service to the village- when it came to him. Itachi had always been a fond memory at the back of his mind but he had been popping up with increasing frequency last year. His eldest son, Minato, was planning to take the Chuunin Exams this summer and Sasuke had more than once wished he had his older brother available as a primer on how to raise genius children.

'It's a shame that he couldn't be here now,' the Uchiha had reflected wistfully, 'He would have been a great role model for Minato and Uncle to all of the kids…'

Honestly, if he could go back, Sasuke would have changed a few things. He would ensure his brother lived past his twenty-first birthday. He would shove Orochimaru's offer down his throat and make him choke on it. He would have killed that idiot Inuzuka before he had a chance to go out with his dobe or maybe just start dating Naruto earlier. One or the other.

So it popped into his head and got stuck there. It was there when he was trying to convince a nine-year-old that becoming Chuunin while on the cusp of double digits wasn't a failure. It was there when he was scolding Kurama [his daughter] about pranking the Academy senseis and Kurama [the Bijuu] for teaching her how to do it. It was there when he came back from his mission and found that Arashi wanted to see if he could fly (and, it turned out, he could not).

Less than two weeks later, he folded, followed the extensive instructions in the scroll, and pulled it off. After all, there's a reason why Sasuke Uchiha, presumably the most responsible student in the Academy, chose the most hyperactive, knuckleheaded kunoichi in Konoha for his rival.

A few moments later and he was blinking the light out of his eyes and looking around his apartment. It felt rather nostalgic; he had given this place up when Naruto discovered that little Minato was coming along and they agreed that an Uzumaki toddler needed a lot more room to run around in.

A quick check of the time, and then Sasuke Uchiha was heading off to the Academy with a slightly-less-cold indifferent look on his face and a much better made lunch in his backpack. He gave a polite nod of recognition to Iruka-sensei (the man had been invited over for dinners every other week by Naruto), received a taken aback expression in response, and took his seat. Stapling his fingers together, he waited for the love of his life to barge through the door.

Sasuke didn't bother to actually look at said door. He would hear the dobe long before he saw her.

Not surprisingly, this prediction proved true. The future SS-rank ninja, Rokudaime Hokage, and Sage of Mount Myoboku caused a bit of a ruckus when she skidded into the room and got subjected to a sharp rebuke from Mizuki-sensei. The Uchiha dark eyes followed the Uzumaki's progress to her seat, which (luckily for the Inuzuka's sake) was not next to Kiba.

Was he still jealous of a casual date between Naruto and one of her male friends? Yes, yes he was.

The Uchiha would have gotten up to talk to her- he wasn't sure about what, but he could improvise- if not for one minor obstruction. Or two loud ones.

"Move Ino-pig! I'm sitting next to Sasuke-kun!" How did Sakura become such a good medic again?

"No way! Sasuke-kun wouldn't even be able to see the board with your huge forehead in the way." Was that really the next Head of the Intelligence Division?

"What did you say, Ino-pig?!"

"You heard me, Forehead-girl!"

"Excuse me," the Uchiha tried to clear his throat politely, "I'm trying to get through."

The two rivals froze in their spots and turned to him with identical stares of astonishment. Was politeness that surprising for him?

"S-sorry, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura stuttered out, roughly pushing one kid ahead to clear the aisle.

"Thank you," he replied. His eyelid twitched when that caused another gasp in the room.

"Hey, wait, Sasuke-kun! You're not sitting somewhere else today, are you?" Ino pouted, fluttering her eyelashes, "Because I was planning to sit next to you today-"

"I told you, Ino-pig, that I'm the one who's going to sit with Sasuke-kun!"

"Let's have Sasuke-kun clear it up then," the Yamanaka sniffed, "Come on, Sasuke-kun, who would you rather sit with today? Me or Forehead-girl?"

"Sasuke-kun, will you sit with me today?" Sakura asked hopefully.

Sasuke stared at her blankly. He had liked her as a teammate… eventually, and she was a cute kid, but she wasn't a bewhiskered blonde prankster. "I'm sitting with Naruto."

"W-what?!" Ino gasped, horrified. "Why?!"

Sakura paled. "You don't like Naruto-baka, do you, Sasuke-kun?"

"Yes, I do." Normally, the speed by which his classmate's minds jumped to romance would have annoyed him, but in this case, they were correct.

"What did Sasuke-kun say?!"

"He likes Naruto-baka?"

"No! Sasuke-kun must have lied!"

Sakura and Ino's attention was immediately drawn away from him to glare at a shocked blonde, along with the majority of the girls in their class.

"What did you do to him, Naruto-baka?"

"Did you blackmail Sasuke-kun into saying that?!"

"She's too ugly for Sasuke-kun!"

The Uzumaki rapidly paled. "What? Wait, no, I didn't do anything," she denied, waving her hands in the air frantically, "I don't even like the teme!"

Killing intent started to fill the air.

"She didn't blackmail me," Sasuke said helpfully, "And I think she's really cute."

The killing intent climbed up another notch.

"Nooo! I won't believe this!"

"What could he possibly see in that idiot?"

"Naruto-baka must be a phase!"

"Naruto's not a phase," Sasuke looked offended, "I'm going to marry her someday."

The combined killing intent was approaching Chuunin levels now.

"No, he's not!" Naruto shrieked, "There's nothing between us, I swear. Ko-Ko-Kodi, why are you taking out a kunai?!"

The last word seemed to throw Iruka out of his loop because he intervened. "THAT'S ENOUGH! ALL OF YOU BRATS SIT DOWN NOW! CLASS STARTED ALREADY!"

Half the class was glaring heatedly at Naruto as they slowly followed Iruka's orders. The Uzumaki herself could have scorched a certain Uchiha with her glare. Sasuke didn't notice; too preoccupied by his smalltalk.

"I think her whisker marks are cute, don't you?"

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