Hello fellow Darvey shippers; so I am still recovering from THAT kiss! So decided to put some words to paper into a one-shot; which may become more, we'll see. I had dialogue flowing through my mind the moment after the kiss - the emotions - shock, disbelief, confusion, anger (a bit perhaps) blame, regret, realization, action !

So decided, using all of these emotions, to come up with this aftermath of the kiss story. Enjoy! xxx

'Finally the Pretence is Over'

...

Donna woke up late, much later than her usual 5.30 am alarm call. It was after 7 am, the light shining through the gap in her curtains was blinding; she groaned turning over in bed, her head felt like a wrecking ball had hit it; turning over she saw the empty bottle of wine and glass, still half full, … she tried to regain her thoughts … at first not realizing what had led to the wine and the nausea …. but then it hit her!

The night before, "shit", she murmured, "shit, shit, shit!" Last night what had she been thinking; well for once she hadn't been thinking; Donna wondered about fate right then and there in bed, in that moment. Had everything led them to that one point; a crossroads now lay before them; surely they could never go back from this; but maybe that was the point! Donna didn't want to go back; it was too painful now, the thought of returning to the pretence they had danced around for too long; the pretence that they were nothing more than boss and employee, colleagues, friends …

Maybe it was all a dream; it wouldn't be the first time she had dreamed of Harvey in that way, but no, she pressed her fingers to her mouth, running them along her bottom lip; she could still feel where his lips had pressed against hers in eager response. She replayed the events in her mind, checking with herself. Louis had set her off on this course, without knowing it, on that fateful path. His emotional speech combined with Mike's plea to tell Harvey how she felt! Perhaps the fate's had finally aligned for them.

When Louis poured his heart out to her last night, it had finally all made sense to her … she couldn't lie to herself or to Harvey anymore … yes .. she wanted more … but that 'more' was with Harvey. Louis … damn him …. but God he was right !… she had to tell him … no regrets! And she did let him know, only in that moment, she had known, that it was never so true that actions would speak louder than words …. She knew the only way to really get through to Harvey was true her actions, and that is why she had kissed him, seizing her moment ! She just had to know if there was a chance for them !

...

After showering, Donna took 2 Tylenol for the headache, did her hair and make up and then dressed in a silk blue wrap dress. She then put on a beautiful burberry full skirted coat. Finally looking at herself in the mirror, Donna felt she was good to go. Her style was her armour for battle today.

Only now she had to figure out how to avoid Harvey for as long as possible ... she needed more time to process what she would say next ... and she knew he would need time too ...

…...

Later at the office, Donna had successfully managed to avoid Harvey all day; she had the link to his online work diary, so knew when to avoid the office. She even took an extended lunch that day. Her heart was racing … she couldn't even bring herself to turn on her phone since last night. She worried that he would have tried to call, but equally worried that he might not. What a contradiction her life had become. Throughout the day she had found herself day dreaming about the events of last night. It was difficult not to, when her office was the place in which it had all transpired!

She had acted last night instead of speaking to him and she knew why. Too often they had tried to talk … have a conversation about them ... but always one interrupted… a defence mechanism against the danger of the truth 'of them' coming out.

...

It was dark early that October evening, Donna decided it was safe to leave the building, he was not scheduled to return for at least an hour.

As she left the elevator in the PSL lobby she found the courage to turn on her phone finally; she looked down hearing bing after bing of missed call notifications … nearly all from Harvey, a part of her was relieved that he had tried to contact her. She felt guilty for not answering ... but then ...then she heard him loud and clear in the PSL lobby coming towards her. There was no escape now!

"Going somewhere?" His voice was harsh.

Donna was like a deer caught in headlights - her breath caught in her throat as her eyes darted up from her phone to Harvey's pensive gaze.

"You know your phone was off?!; but then you knew that, didn't you?" Harvey's voice was accusatory.

Donna swallowed before thinking of something to say, her mouth opened, but Harvey spoke first.

"Donna!" Harvey stated sharply.

"Harvey", her voice was choking as she fidgeted with her phone. Evidently nervous.

"Something wrong with your phone" he sounded mad now ... and it broke her.

"It's been giving me some trouble ..." her voice was shaking.

"I bet it has!" he said sarcastically.

"Look Harvey before we ..."

But then he cut through ... He was growing impatient with her and she knew it.

"So I think you owe me a few moments of your time, …. don't you?!" she could swear he was looking at her lips in that moment and it unnerved her ...

"What the hell happened last night DONNA or did you think we were just gonna carry on as normal ...?"

He stood before her in an intimidating manner demanding answers.

"I thought you said you were happy for me!" he waited demanding a response.

Donna just looked at him nervously ... trying to find the words ... thinking to herself, her eyes darting between Harvey, her phone and the exit door ...

He's angry, and she hated herself for putting him in this position; but even now she knows it was the only way. She loves him and she can't even bear not to be around him, even when he is angry. She realizes since last night that she has always loved him. An inevitable tidal wave of feelings washed over her when they kissed last night, now she ached for him, for his touch ...

Let him hate me now, she pondered; it will pass she tells herself, better some days of misery now than a lifetime of regret! At least she will know that she had tried that she did not let the moment pass, as Louis had stated at Norma's eulogy. Her heart broke to see him so angry with her. She had caused this pain within him. Knowing how he felt about infidelity. At least she had stopped the kiss when she knew he wanted more ...

Still staring at her for a response ... Donna felt she owed him an explanation ...

"I thought I was …. no! I thought … no I tried to be happy for you Harvey… I really did try ...but …. I can't be …. I can't do this dance around this ... around you …. anymore Harvey … I refuse to play this torturous game with you", Donna looked defeated, tired placing her hands into the air as if in defeat, she had lost the war ... now time for honesty between them for once ...

"I've had to watch you ... chase ... after women Harvey, every woman ... ...but... me!

"Then when I date someone …. It bothers you! … But you still never want me Harvey, this thing between us, it's driving me crazy don't you see ?...!"

Harvey raised his hands running them through his hair in frustration, " He knew it was the truth ... he couldn't defend his actions!

His face and stance suddenly softened ... she could feel it.

"What ... are you saying Donna ….? He asked in a soft tone rarely used by New York's best closer.

"Are you saying …. Are you saying you want us to be… to be together?" Finally it was out there .. the words that had always evaded him.

"I'm saying …. I didn't want to have regrets Harvey …. If something happened … I wanted … I needed you to know ... how I felt … before it was too late, I needed you to know ..."

"Donna …. I'm with Paula …. You .. you … know that … why now, I need to know why now..?"

"Why now ?… why now Harvey?" Donna was in disbelief, anger began to rise within her.

"When Harvey… when is more like it?"

"When WE have EVER got close to THIS conversation before, you have shut it down OR refused to answer or even go there…. I used to wonder what was so wrong with me … that he doesn't want me …. but now I realize it is you Harvey, you are the problem; it is not me … and to get closure I just had to try …. Because you never would have tried! I had to have no regrets in this life about us!" Donna had tears in her eyes now threatening to stream down her face.

"I need to know that I put it out there ... that I tried for me ... for us, OK?!"

Harvey felt he had been punched in the gut by Donna's admission, he had never known she felt like this, well he never admitted he may have known; it ached within him to openly know this now; the suffering he must have caused her! And that he was responsible for it, he always believed she was too good for him, she was different, that he would only hurt her, but now realized it had happened anyway! By trying not to hurt her he had done so anyway ... it had all been for nothing ...

He wanted to try explain … to comfort her in some way ... what a mess .. he thought!

"For starters; you had your rule Donna! I wanted to respect that." He stated softly.

"Harvey come on ... don't play that card now ... after all this time ... don't you think it's a moot point … it has been 13 years Harvey … 13 goddamn years!"

"You told me to put it out of my mind Donna, and I did, I did as you asked, well I tried, as best I could. I admit it has been difficult, but I did as you wanted, didn't I?!"

Suddenly Donna looked thoughtfully towards Harvey, he was right, she had started it ...

"Its true; I did ask that of you; and I'm sorry for that Harvey, more than you will ever know; I was young, naive perhaps … but being around each other every day … after we had ... it was too much Harvey .. I fell for you … OK ... I admit it .. I fell for you ... the moment we met and yes I am in love with you! godammit Harvey Specter; I'm guilty as charged; do whatever you want with that information!."

Now it was Harvey's turn to look like the air had been taken from his lungs suddenly, she does love me he thought, she really does, he felt such relief in that moment, such relief! But still he couldn't find the words. An almost smile formed on his lips after the enormity of her admission. But still he felt torn with the context in which it had happened ... Paula.

He looked at Donna with regret in his eyes, all those years, he thought, why hadn't he risked it! why? !

Donna interrupted his thoughts "Harvey, the ball is in your court now … I'm not going along with this charade, this pretence any longer, it's not fair to either of us!."

He finally found some air and choked "Donna, I'm sorry, please ...", tears had started to well in his eyes.

"Harvey ... right now, I'm going home …. you know where I live ... goodnight!" she said softly, holding back the tears; and with that she was gone, out the revolving door of the PSL lobby; finally allowing the tears to run down her face out of his view.

...

He wanted to go after her, but she deserved more ... he had to do something first. He had to do it right this time ...

After Donna had left, Harvey sat sown on a bench in the lobby, everything Donna had said running over and over again in his mind … all that she said was true, he could not defend himself, but now he could change things, after last night, he had to admit he wanted Donna, since they kissed she was all he could think about. He was in love with her. He could finally admit this fact to himself that had remained hidden deep within his soul.

Years ago he had resigned himself to the fact that Donna and he could only have a platonic relationship ... but now ... now he wanted more ... so much more ... there was still time for them to sort it out ... but he knew he had to do something first ….. before he chatted with Donna again ….. he had to go and break up with Paula. He knew that his current relationship had just been a distraction from his true feelings. How had he been so blind he thought, as he got up to leave the lobby and go speak to Paula one last time.

...

Still getting over that kiss from 710 ? !

Thank you so much for reading, would love to get some feedback ?

;) Mary xx