Bad Days, a web shows fanfic

((Thank you so much to my fake-wife Sierra -sleepwqlking on Instagram- for being my beta and making the cover edit!))

Phil's last year in school was supposed to be smooth, easy, and spent completely single. He was supposed to skip some days, get some new tattoos, maybe pierce his nipples. He wasn't supposed to fall for some pastel colored freshman that sat across from him and his friend at lunch.

The first day went by as easily as Phil expected. He skipped the first 5 and a half hours of classes and only came in as lunch was ending. If he hadn't been more concerned with making sure his boots didn't get dirt on them, he may have seen the petite brunette sooner. But instead of surveying the area, Phil waltzed over to his best friend like he owned the place and sat down for the last 3 minutes of the period. PJ looked up through his brows and asked skeptically
"You just getting here?"
He nodded, almost proud of himself
"Any reason why you'd skip the easiest day of the year?"
Phil smirked, beaming like usual
"Well how else am I supposed to keep up this persona? People have gotta think I'm some kinda bad ass right?"
PJ couldn't exactly argue with him, both of them try to make their peers fear them without actually being mean. They cover themselves with tattoos and piercings and wear things like leather jackets and boots but never hurt anyone's feelings. Quite frankly, they've never had to. They've both been dressing like assholes since the first year at the school they were about to graduate from and no one there knew them before then. Everyone who they didn't let in on the secret they weren't dicks just assumed that's what they were. They loved the act, thriving off of the occasional jaw drops and stares in the halls from incoming freshmen. They never had to be mean to anyone because no one else talked to them in the first place, so their devilish appearance remained in tact. The bell rang for the students to leave and return to their learning adventures. The pair of boys walked down the halls, relishing in the stares from kids all over the campus.

The last of Phil's classes went by quickly, saying "here" when asked to in a monotone voice, sharing very little about his personal life (to avoid giving away the fact he spends most of it playing Mariokart and scrolling through Tumblr). He strategically napped through English class to make sure he got the reactions he wanted from even the teacher. He knew he'd make up for the personal dislike in grades later, anyway. He did that every year, slept through class then made up for it after school to keep his decent grades. As badass as he wanted to seem, he didn't want to actually fail. For the most part it worked, the teachers not really caring enough about him as a person as long as he kept his grades up and didn't disrupt the class outright. At least when he was asleep, he was a little less terrifying to some of the other students.

After the last class ended and Phil met up with PJ, he drove them to PJ's house for a quick round of Mariokart and then Phil was off to his own home. He quickly shed his skinny jeans and leather jacket in favor of his Adventure Time pj bottoms and a pokemon shirt. After the day of trying to look tough was over, he liked to fully indulge in the nerd life. After a few episodes of Game of Thrones, exhaustion took over him before the sun had even set.

The 2nd day of school moved much slower, Phil finally showing up to the first classes he skipped the day before. The classes went by as he expected, not finding much amusement other than the usual funny looks out of the corner of some eyes. He made sure to crane his neck and scratch at his newest tattoo whenever it happened. And if he had received too many side eye glances and the neck scratching was getting annoying he'd opt for adjusting his studded bracelets and blue streak in his black hair. It was too hot for his usual jacket (despite it being September) so he compensated by adding black jewelry around his wrist and throat. Once he got to lunch, he took a second to observe what he didn't pay much attention to the day prior. He spotted many people he knew with the occasional freshman sprinkled in, immediately telling who was new by which of them gawked at him as he scanned. As he walked to his usual table, his eyes landed on a group of giggling kids in the grass a few yards away. They all looked like normal teenagers except for one brunette standing out amongst them. His hair fell in front of his face and was topped with a purple flower crown. The tiny flowers matched his lilac jumper and complimented his white skinny jeans. Phil had to remind himself he was in public when the thoughts ran through his head about the pastel kid he had never seen before. PJ must have seen the look in his eyes and where his gaze was resting

"You staring at the Howell kid?"
Phil had to take a second to collect himself again. He sat uncomfortably close to his friend on the picnic bench so he could keep his sight trained across the yard. PJ stood and moved over to the other side where Phil usually sat.
"Howell? That's his name? How would you know?"
PJ rolled his eyes, noting that he was thrown off his game because of a cute boy and he shouldn't be too hard on him.
"No, dumbass, Howell is his last name. I think his first is like, Daniel or something. He's in my art class before this."
Even if the pair of punks wasn't mean to anyone else, their own friends weren't so safe from at least being called rude names.
"Daniel. Suits him."
Phil tried to pull his mind away from Daniel and hold an actual conversation with his friend but every now and then a question would creep up. In the middle of a mildly heated discussion about PJ's newest clay project, the first of many inquiries about Howell fell out of Phil's mouth before he could help it.
"He's a freshman, isn't he?"
PJ took a second to realize what he meant before nodding and continuing on the topic at hand. The 2nd interruption was just a minute later when Phil seemed to realize what really stuck out about Dan. He wasn't paying him any attention. Even when his friends were sparing glances towards them, Dan remained faced away and uninterested.
"Yeah I mean that sounds really cool but how would you get it to stand alone to dry? Has Dan looked over here even once? He's a freshman, shouldn't he be at least glancing over?"
PJ wasn't even fazed in the double conversation, it was something that happened often. One conversation in the first sentence that interested PJ and then a totally different conversation in the second sentence for Phil.
"Hopefully I can lean it up against enough plastic cups that it'll be supported till its hard? And look at the kid, he's probably used to standing out and being the one stared at. You taking the attention away is probably a blessing to him."
Phil tried to not stare at the poor boy, he really did. But when he saw the dimple pop out as he laughed and his slender fingers readjusting his flower crown, he couldn't help himself.
"But if you lean it up on the cups wouldn't it dry to them? Do you think it'd be wrong for a freshman and senior to hook up?"
PJ looked Phil dead in the eyes and completely ignored the first part of what he said.
"If you have to ask, yes."
Phil put on his biggest puppy eyes, trying to prove himself to his friend
"But it's only 4 years" Phil drug out the 's'.
PJ didn't falter. "He's like 12, dude."
Phil tried not to giggle to keep both his serious composure for PJ and his bad ass composure to the rest of the kids.
"He's like at least 14, right? I'm not even 18 for a bit more so? It's not that bad? He'll be 15 when I turn 18? No, you're right that's horrible." PJ finger gunned his direction as Phil dropped his head onto the table. As his head clinked the slightly cold metal, he heard joyful giggles and shouting from across the school yard. He lifted his head just enough to catch a glimpse of a full-blown laughing Daniel Howell. He was pointing at a pretty blonde with one hand and clutching his stomach with the other. Phil was mesmerized at the sound of the beautiful laughing. Then the spell was broken as he shouted something that would've probably sounded just as weird with context as without.
"Louise, no! Either way you will never be on my level of kinky!"
"Yeah Lou, fuck off, ya vanilla bitch"
Another kid sitting with them shouted just as loudly before the group realized everyone around them could hear. The bits of conversation Phil caught made his head reel. He wanted to laugh along with the rest of the kids around them but his mind was too cluttered with racing questions. Was Dan actually kinky or was that a joke? How kinky was his level of kinky? Before he could delve any deeper into the line of questioning, a big 14 floated past his imagination. He turned his full, complete attention back to PJ for the last few minutes of the period and continued the line of questions earlier about clay sticking to the cups, trying to push any thought of Dan aside.

Phil went through the rest of his day subconsciously searching the halls for a pastel jumper and flower crown. He told himself he was looking for PJ or one of the boys he was kinda friends with. He had no luck whether he was looking for Dan or anyone else. He drove himself straight home after the last class ended, not really feeling up to any games with Peej after spending so much of the afternoon alone. Like the day before, he fell asleep before nightfall in his extra nerdy pajamas.

Wednesday morning, Phil didn't care enough to find his jacket or anything to try and be "extra punk". He tossed on some black skinny jeans and a black deep v-neck with some design on the front he didn't quite understand but liked anyway. He had the smallest urge to line his eyes black to make up for the lack of any other effort but he stopped caring quickly after the thought crossed his mind. He decided gross eye bags and a lack of give a shit was just as punk as anything he could ever choose to wear. The tattoo right under his collarbone, usually covered by a crew neck shirt was now visible. In black cursive were the words 'traverser mon cœur' which meant 'Cross my heart' in French. It was his first tattoo when he was only 15 and it still meant the same thing at 18. It meant that when he made a promise, he kept it. (It was also conveniently one of his favorite song titles.) That morning when he looked in the mirror and saw the words, he promised himself he wouldn't spend all day searching out the Howell boy. He didn't technically break the promise to himself, he just tweaked it a little to fit the situation. Because really, he wasn't searching for him when he got to lunch, it just happened to be hard to not see the hem of the pastel pink jumper layered over a white shirt with a white skirt with a pink flower crown topping it off. It was hard not to notice the small upside down crosses on each lapel of his shirt. It was impossible not to notice his dark brown eyes standing out against his mascara and pale colored eyeshadow even from far away. When he sat down in the same stolen spot he used to observe him the day before and didn't realize he was almost drooling till PJ told him to shut his mouth before it actually dripped. He snapped his gaze away from the pretty boy and saw Peej dragging along one of their only other friends in the school. His name was Tyler and aside from "He's like 12, dude."
Phil tried not to giggle to keep both his serious composure for PJ and his bad ass composure to the rest of the kids.
"He's like at least 14, right? I'm not even 18 for a bit more so? It's not that bad? He'll be 15 when I turn 18? No, you're right that's horrible." PJ finger gunned his direction as Phil dropped his head onto the table. As his head clinked the slightly cold metal, he heard joyful giggles and shouting from across the school yard. He lifted his head just enough to catch a glimpse of a full-blown laughing Daniel Howell. He was pointing at a pretty blonde with one hand and clutching his stomach with the other. Phil was mesmerized at the sound of the beautiful laughing. Then the spell was broken as he shouted something that would've probably sounded just as weird with context as without.
"Louise, no! Either way you will never be on my level of kinky!"
"Yeah Lou, fuck off, ya vanilla bitch"
Another kid sitting with them shouted just as loudly before the group realized everyone around them could hear. The bits of conversation Phil caught made his head reel. He wanted to laugh along with the rest of the kids around them but his mind was too cluttered with racing questions. Was Dan actually kinky or was that a joke? How kinky was his level of kinky? Before he could delve any deeper into the line of questioning, a big 14 floated past his imagination. He turned his full, complete attention back to PJ for the last few minutes of the period and continued the line of questions earlier about clay sticking to the cups, trying to push any thought of Dan aside.

Wednesday morning, Phil didn't care enough to find his jacket or anything to try and be "extra punk". He tossed on some black skinny jeans and a black deep v-neck with some design on the front he didn't quite understand but liked anyway. He had the smallest urge to line his eyes black to make up for the lack of any other effort but he stopped caring quickly after the thought crossed his mind. He decided gross eye bags and a lack of give a shit was just as punk as anything he could ever choose to wear. The tattoo right under his collarbone, usually covered by a crew neck shirt was now visible. In black cursive were the words 'traverser mon cœur' which meant 'Cross my heart' in French. It was his first tattoo when he was only 15 and it still meant the same thing at 18. It meant that when he made a promise, he kept it. (It was also conveniently one of his favorite song titles.) That morning when he looked in the mirror and saw the words, he promised himself he wouldn't spend all day searching out the Howell boy. He didn't technically break the promise to himself, he just tweaked it a little to fit the situation. Because really, he wasn't searching for him when he got to lunch, it just happened to be hard to not see the hem of the pastel pink jumper layered over a white shirt with a white skirt with a pink flower crown topping it off. It was hard not to notice the small upside down crosses on each lapel of his shirt. It was impossible not to notice his dark brown eyes standing out against his mascara and pale colored eyeshadow even from far away. When he sat down in the same stolen spot he used to observe him the day before and didn't realize he was almost drooling till PJ told him to shut his mouth before it actually dripped. He snapped his gaze away from the pretty boy and saw Peej dragging along one of their only other friends in the school. His name was Tyler and aside from first place. They agreed the summer before freshman year started that they would build up cold, hard personas to avoid anyone getting too close to them. They liked being in a bubble all by themselves and whenever they weren't, like in secondary school, they were made fun of and bullied. They deceived a perfect plan to look like the bullies but never hurt a someone. Phil though about that for a long time. That they weren't supposed to hurt people. But were they? They had scared Dan and made him think they would beat him up, or worse. Was that a form of hurting him? Phil pushed all of the thoughts he was finally finished entertaining to the back of his head. He finished all of his work that he needed to and shoved it all back in his bag. Before settling down to rest, he tossed his closet looking for a specific outfit. He needed something that would remind him how much he loved being the person he had built up.

Thursday morning, Phil woke up early enough he'd have time to reach the level of scary he wanted. He thanked his impulsivity for buying Halloween supplies early and searched his wardrobe for the small case of plastic fangs he planned on using in his costume the next month. He finally found them, rushing to the sink in his bathroom to fix them to his teeth. He wanted to rekindle his love for causing shock and Halloween vampire fangs seemed like the perfect way to him. After he fastened the pieces of plastic in his mouth, he applied a thick coat of black liquid lipstick to his mouth. As he evened out his cupid's bow he thought to himself
"Dan's not the only one that can wear makeup to school"
He rummaged through his mom's makeup bag and picked out a black eyeliner pencil. He braced himself for the worst since he hadn't done eye makeup on himself since sophomore year but once he pulled away and examined himself, he decided it wasn't too bad. Once he decided his makeup looked decent enough to freak a couple people out, he went back into his room and got dressed. He pulled on a black tank top that had a white upside down cross on it and his special leather jacket over it. It was special because covering most of it was short silver spikes. He threw on a pair of ripped skinny jeans and his normal leather combat boots. He took one final glance at himself in the mirror and decided it would have to be good enough. Risking being late to first period, Phil stopped in his front seat before turning the car's key and positioned his phone to take a selfie. He opened his mouth and licked one of his fangs. He took 3 different poses and styles before deciding the first was gonna be the best anyway and taking off. Once he got to the school he scrolled through his phone with one hand as he walked through the halls to class. He relished in the way he heard a few small gasps as he passed but didn't look up. He posted the selfie from his car onto Instagram with the caption "I'm in too deep~". He knew most of his followers would get that it was a Sum 41 reference but Tyler and PJ would probably guess it was about something else too. He wondered if they'd assume too into Dan or too into his fake persona. He decided either would be a correct answer.

The first period of the day went by as Phil expected when he showed up in full gear. He got glares from kids who thought they were better than him. He got pitiful glances from kids who assumed he used the punk shell to cover up some broken kid. They weren't far from the truth but they didn't need to know that. The reactions he loved most were when someone would lose track of what they were saying to look at him. He walked with his head held high and his shoulders back. Not everyone cared or reacted but when someone did it fed his confidence a million times over. That was what Phil loved. Not the pastel boy who wore skirts and flower crowns and made his heart feel light and happy just from seeing him. He took his seat in first period and took out his phone again. As he expected there were already 13 likes on his post in the 6 minutes it had been up. He scrolled through the list, seeing they were all regulars on his account. He wasn't famous or anything but a lot of the kids at his school liked to know what the local weirdo emo kid was up to. He got to the bottom of the list, the first person to like it, and his heart stopped. It was an account he had never seen before but with a name like "Blueboydaniel" it had to be Dan. He tapped the flowery icon and sure enough the most recent picture was a photo of his face from the day before. Phil was almost ashamed how quickly he realized it was the makeup look from the previous day, asking himself how the hell he remembered that when he only saw it for a few seconds. He noticed it said Posted 2 minutes ago before he noticed the caption. It said "Yesterday was weird.

Maybe we're just trying too hard When really it's closer than it is too far"

Phil's heart skipped another beat. Dan was directly responding to his post. He refreshed the page and a comment appeared that said
"Since when do you listen to Sum 41?"
Phil recognized the account's name as Tyler's and the questions he tried to avoid the day before came racing back in. He didn't notice the kids walking in around him as class started and his teacher angrily coughed for him to put his phone away. He put it on the corner of his desk and glared forward. He didn't want to be mean, no matter how extra mean he looked that day, but he was starting to feel done with the world. He shifted his weight to lean on his chair fully and throw his head back. He imagined 50 scenarios of what Tyler could've said to Dan at lunch yesterday in the one hour he was in class. After the bell rang, his first instinct was to grab his phone and open it to Dan's post. He had replied to Tyler with

"Right after you told me about a certain asshole who's probably reading this right now."
Phil almost dropped his phone. That answered all of his questions. Tyler had made the choice for him and chose to keep them away from each other. He stared at his phone and thought to himself it was probably the best choice. He also thought that going to the rest of his classes didn't seem like anything he wanted to do but leaving would mean having to face his family at home and their questions of why he came home early. They knew he only did that on especially terrible days and a pretty boy indirectly calling him an asshole wasn't bad enough to warrant that line of questioning. He was glad his mum cared about him but he also just wanted to sleep. After weighing his options, skipping in the bathroom started sounding like the best option. He rested himself on the counter of the bathroom with his back nestled between the wall and the mirror with his legs up on the counter with him. He breathed deeply and shifted his face into the most neutral expression he could. He didn't want to scare anyone like he did Dan but he didn't want kids that came in thinking he was in the mood to be fucked with either. He spent an hour scrolling through everything Dan had posted and examining the captions for a look into what he was like other than pretty pastel colors. Most of his captions very obviously didn't match up with what the photo was. He told himself he was on Dan's page to give him something to do while he was hiding out but he knew even if he was in class with worksheets needing to be done, he'd still be stalking Dan's account. He hit the first photo that had been posted quicker than he would've liked. His finger hovered over the picture for a second as he contemplated playing into Dan's game. The boy already thought Phil was an asshole, so what could double tapping a 32 week old photo really do? He double tapped the photo and quickly switched apps. He mindlessly scrolled through Tumblr till he knew lunch was about to start. The time passed quicker than he expected and he was thankful for that. He made his way to where he always spent lunch, proud that he successfully skipped as long as he had without getting caught. He had a back up excuse in case he was, but he was always happy that he didn't need to use it. It was early enough in the year that the excuse "Sorry, I have a dual enrollment class that hasn't started yet so I didn't know where to go" still worked. Usually when he used it, they just said "well, you should be in the teacher's classroom waiting for next period in there" and let him on his way. It was the easiest to spew out and the least likely to get him sent to the office. He blended into the crowd of kids as best he could once the bell alerted him to leave. His lunch period went as well as it could while his mind was preoccupied with Dan. He tried to keep his eyes off of him but it kept crawling back. Each time he looked, his heart broke a little more. Not just because he couldn't talk to him but because of how sad Dan looked. Halfway through the period Dan stood and left abruptly. Tyler, Louise, and the other brunette kid with them didn't seem phased after the initial confusion. Phil wanted desperately to follow him but thought better of it. Instead he pulled out his phone and opened his texts with Tyler, typing out a quick message and tossing his phone back in his bag.

"To: Tyler
Where'd Howell go? He looked upset"
Phil didn't distract himself from what PJ was saying again because as much as he wanted to know, he was too scared to check his phone again. He skipped the rest of the day in the bathroom like he had the first half. After being mildly disappointed Tyler hadn't responded, he found himself on Dan's newest photo again, looking in the comments for any idea of why he was sad at lunch. The only difference from earlier was that Dan had removed his own comment. Phil had no way of knowing when he deleted it but just that it was gone. His head filled for the millionth time with question after question, all concerning Daniel Howell.

After school, Phil tried to sleep immediately like he usually did. Thankfully, his mind didn't bother keeping him awake with answerless questions like the night before. He slept through the night having countless different dreams, but each had the same main idea to them. The pastel kid from lunch. He awoke a couple times, disgruntled that the boy kept haunting his dreams but after he fell back asleep and saw his pool deep dimple and dark brown eyes, he couldn't feel upset.

The dreams kept him company till he woke up the next morning and started getting ready. He tried to leave on his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt on, he really did. But he didn't want to give up the whole thing for one kid. One that he even didn't really know yet. So instead he changed into white tank top and his favorite leather jacket. He skipped out on any makeup, both to save time and because he just didn't want to bother. He headed to school as he always did, ready for a normal day. He wanted to promise himself he wouldn't worry about Dan again but he remembered how well that worked last time. Even though going to class seemed pointless, Phil knew he had to make up for lost time. If any of his teachers knew he was on campus but not in their class, they didn't bother mentioning it. He scribbled mindlessly on all the worksheets he was given till lunch rolled around again. Phil was looking forward to seeing Dan, more so than he'd ever admit to anyone. He was silently hoping almost all day that he would be back in his usual spot in the grass with his dimple showing and a smile on his face, but when he arrived to the area, Dan was no where to be found. Phil would've never admitted to feeling his heart sink but he did. He tried to hold a normal conversation with PJ like he always did but his best friend could see right through him. Phil wasn't paying nearly enough attention to grasp what they were talking about when PJ changed the subject.
"Why don't you try actually talking to Tyler in person? Harder to ignore you if you're in front of him, right? I'll keep your cover if anyone asks."
Phil smiled, the first time in a while, and thanked his friend. He made his way over to the small group and ushered Tyler over to a wall with a head nod. The short blonde followed and asked what was up.
"Where'd Dan go? He looked really sad yesterday."

Tyler let his shoulders droop, and a sad expression crossed his face.
"Um. Well. He uh, okay."
Tyler took a deep breath
"Sometimes Dan just has bad days. For no real reason, other then that's just who he is. That's something you'd have to deal with if you got close to him, and that's why I never told him you're not a bad person. I just kept my mouth shut because I wasn't sure if you'd want to deal with that. If you promise me you won't stay if he acts uncomfortable, I'll tell you where he goes on bad days."

Phil had opened his mouth to speak but shut it several times, keeping quiet till Tyler stopped. Finally, he got out
"So, you mean he has depression? I understand what depression is, I'm not a baby. And of course, I wouldn't stay if he was uncomfortable."

Tyler sighed and shook his head. He looked almost pained to be telling Phil what little he was and like he knew something Phil didn't.
"He's in the library."
With that, Tyler left. He headed back to his friends and put on a smile. Phil was almost amazed at how real it looked. After texting PJ that he was heading to find Dan, he made his way towards the library.

Putting his hand on a door knob had never stressed Phil out quite like it had that day. It was the last thing between him and the boy he had been fawning over for the last week. He almost ran in the opposite direction, escaping as far away from the dreaded room as he could but he knew it'd be pointless. He'd be back the next time Dan wasn't at lunch, the same mess of emotions he was at that moment. With one final deep breath, Phil turned the handle and pushed. Before he could make out what was happening, a classroom door behind him swung open, releasing students from class and a bell was ringing in Phil's ears. His lunch period was over. And he hadn't got to talk to Dan at all. Phil pulled out his phone to look at the time, fully aware he was blocking entrances and exits. He thought there had to be some mistake and his chance with Dan couldn't really be over like that. Even if kids were annoyed he was standing in the way, no one said anything. It was times like that he especially enjoyed people mildly fearing him. He moved out of the way, into the nearest bathroom. In a snap decision, camping out in a bathroom for an hour sounded much more pleasant than attending his class. It wasn't till his phone rang that he even noticed it was still in his hand.
"From: Tyler
Did you get to talk to him?"
He wanted to chuck the device across the room but instead he replied as calmly as he could.
"To: Tyler
No. Damned bell rang as I tried to go in. Idk what to do"
He realized he wouldn't get a quick response, since he was most likely in class trying to pay attention like a good student, but he got a few messages before the class ended.
"From: Tyler
Oooo breaking out the cuss words, Philly. Why can't you talk to him another time like a normal human?"
"To: Tyler
I'd love to but idk when id get the chance other than lunch and now I wont see him again till Monday"

He didn't even think about what'd happen over the weekend if he didn't get to talk to Dan at lunch. For the third time, Phil anxiously scrolled through Dan's Instagram but wasn't sure what he was looking for. He hoped he would get some kind of enlightenment from either his journey scrolling or from Tyler's texts but before he could get close, the bell cut him off once more. He could've screamed when he heard it but he just lifted himself off of the bathroom counter and headed to his next class instead.

The weekend went by in a haze of refreshing texts then Instagram then Tumblr on repeat. Phil laid in bed a personal record number of hours. The haze was quickly over as Phil's phone alarm was going off again for school to start Monday morning. As much as he fought himself to stay in bed, he eventually got up and put on a clean t shirt and pair of jeans. He lazily drove to the campus of hell, trying to keep himself awake. As much as he slept and laid around over the weekend, rest never quite made it to him. The only thing keeping him awake being copious amounts of caffeine and thoughts of a certain freshman. He forced himself to go to class like a good student and scribble down what he needed to but nothing was actually sticking. In more class than one he found he didn't even need to write anything, instead just mindlessly staring into space and playing out every scenario possible of how talking to Dan might go. He decided an hour before lunch rolled around that he'd go to the library as soon as the bell rang and look for Dan. If he wasn't there, he'd make his way to the patch of grass and ask to speak to Dan alone there. Each time he heard Dan's voice in his own head his heart swelled up but also sank.

The "Bell of Doom", as Phil had been referring to it in his own head, rang to signal Phil's lunch period was starting. He rushed through the hallway, not caring as much as usual who he ran into. He opened the door slowly, anticipation killing him. The smell of old books hit him as he opened it and on any other day he would've breathed in deeply to enjoy it but that day, it was to slow his pounding heart. He walked in, half hoping it'd be devoid of any brunette pastel kid. The only sounds surrounding Phil were his heart in his head and the padding of his feet as he let them move without much thought. When he rounded a corner, seeing Dan curled into a beanbag chair slightly hidden behind a fake plant, his breath hitched. He back tracked and tried to hide his gangly body behind a shelf of non-fiction stories, hoping he hadn't been spotted before he could give himself a proper pep talk. After going through ever possible positive affirmation, Phil approached the bean bag chair.
"Hi! I'm Phil!"
He pushed out the only three words he could muster in one breath. Dan looked up from his lap to meet his eyes and almost knocked Phil off of his feet. He was wearing a simple pale blue shirt with a pink box and ice cream cone over light blue jeans. Phil could tell his lip ring was distracting Dan by the way he ran his teeth over his own lip before talking.
"Um- And I know you're Dan"
Phil's confidence was faltering with every millisecond Dan was silent.
"Uh. Okay, uh. I know I scare you. And I know you think I'm as asshole and I probably look like one too but"
He took a deep breath in and let it out before continuing
"I don't want to scare you. I don't wanna scare anyone really, I just like how I look like this" Dan's expression softened a little which gave Phil the okay to go on
"And I like how you look too. So if I scared you because I look over at you a lot, it's- uh. Because of that."
He tried to reel himself in before it boarded on creepy and made the poor kid even more scared. For the first time since the interaction started, Dan spoke "How'd you know I'd be here?"
Phil hadn't even considered Dan bringing that up in his over-thinking and conversation- imagining. Stuttering through some words, he tried to make it sound as close to honesty without making himself sound like a stalker.
"Well last week I saw you all sad and that made me kinda sad too. So I asked Tyler if you were okay and he led me to finding you here."
"Tyler? Like. My Tyler?"
Phil nodded, understanding the confusion
"We're uh- actually friends. Have been since sophomore year."
Dan acted like he still didn't understand so Phil brought the subject back to where it started. As he spoke again, he slowly made his way to the bean bag next to Dan's on the other side of the plant. He hopped he wasn't overstepping boundaries but Dan followed him with his eyes without saying anything so he assumed he was okay
"Tyler told me you come here on bad days. And I understand what that's like. Depression."
Dan took what felt like eons to respond
"That's sweet but. Really? You and Tyler are friends?"
Phil let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding in the form of a light laugh.
"Yeah. He figured out I'm not as scary as people assume and I guess it just kinda went from there?"
Explaining how he and Tyler met was difficult, especially because he's only had to do it a few times. But Dan seemed to find the answer sufficient enough and dropped it.
"So, you know about my depression? Now what? Do you think you can magically cure it or something?"
Phil laughed a little again, putting his whole heart into his smile
"No. But I know it sucks to have friends that don't get it. And sometimes you want to be alone, completely and utterly. But sometimes you want quiet but you don't want to be alone. I want to be there on those days for you"
Dan had a confused look on his face but didn't say anything, expecting Phil to continue
"Like, if you need me I'll be here. I'll do my thing and you can do yours and we don't have to say a word to each other if you don't want. We can just be in each others company."
Dan smiled like he liked the idea but it faded shortly after he thought more about it
"Why would the senior who has the whole school under his thumb want to sit in the quiet with a freshman who no one really likes?"
Phil's short lived smile matched Dan's before he found the right words
"Dan, no one really likes me either. And I don't think I much like being feared anymore. I started dressing this way and getting tattoos and piercing myself so kids here wouldn't bully me like the kids from my middle school. And now I've made it 3 years without one person trying to pick on me. But like I said, now I just like how I look like this."
After Phil finished, both were quiet for another minute.
"You don't even know me that well. We're pretty much total strangers"
Phil let out a genuine laugh that time
"You've shouted some pretty weird things across the courtyard, I'd like to think we're not total strangers."
Dan's cheeks dusted themselves a light pink as he thought back to all the times he's shouted the word "kinky" in the last week alone. Both can't help but laugh some more at the thought until Phil broke it again. "How'd you know I'd be here?"
Phil hadn't even considered Dan bringing that up in his over-thinking and conversation- imagining. Stuttering through some words, he tried to make it sound as close to honesty without making himself sound like a stalker.
"Well last week I saw you all sad and that made me kinda sad too. So I asked Tyler if you were okay and he led me to finding you here."
"Tyler? Like. My Tyler?"
Phil nodded, understanding the confusion
"We're uh- actually friends. Have been since sophomore year."
Dan acted like he still didn't understand so Phil brought the subject back to where it started. As he spoke again, he slowly made his way to the bean bag next to Dan's on the other side of the plant. He hopped he wasn't overstepping boundaries but Dan followed him with his eyes without saying anything so he assumed he was okay
"Tyler told me you come here on bad days. And I understand what that's like. Depression."
Dan took what felt like eons to respond
"That's sweet but. Really? You and Tyler are friends?"
Phil let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding in the form of a light laugh.
"Yeah. He figured out I'm not as scary as people assume and I guess it just kinda went from there?"
Explaining how he and Tyler met was difficult, especially because he's only had to do it a few times. But Dan seemed to find the answer sufficient enough and dropped it.
"So, you know about my depression? Now what? Do you think you can magically cure it or something?"
Phil laughed a little again, putting his whole heart into his smile
"No. But I know it sucks to have friends that don't get it. And sometimes you want to be alone, completely and utterly. But sometimes you want quiet but you don't want to be alone. I want to be there on those days for you"
Dan had a confused look on his face but didn't say anything, expecting Phil to continue
"Like, if you need me I'll be here. I'll do my thing and you can do yours and we don't have to say a word to each other if you don't want. We can just be in each others company."
Dan smiled like he liked the idea but it faded shortly after he thought more about it
"Why would the senior who has the whole school under his thumb want to sit in the quiet with a freshman who no one really likes?"
Phil's short lived smile matched Dan's before he found the right words
"Dan, no one really likes me either. And I don't think I much like being feared anymore. I started dressing this way and getting tattoos and piercing myself so kids here wouldn't bully me like the kids from my middle school. And now I've made it 3 years without one person trying to pick on me. But like I said, now I just like how I look like this."
After Phil finished, both were quiet for another minute.
"You don't even know me that well. We're pretty much total strangers"
Phil let out a genuine laugh that time
"You've shouted some pretty weird things across the courtyard, I'd like to think we're not total strangers."
Dan's cheeks dusted themselves a light pink as he thought back to all the times he's shouted the word "kinky" in the last week alone. Both can't help but laugh some more at the thought until Phil broke it again.

"How'd you know I'd be here?"
Phil hadn't even considered Dan bringing that up in his over-thinking and conversation- imagining. Stuttering through some words, he tried to make it sound as close to honesty without making himself sound like a stalker.
"Well last week I saw you all sad and that made me kinda sad too. So I asked Tyler if you were okay and he led me to finding you here."
"Tyler? Like. My Tyler?"
Phil nodded, understanding the confusion
"We're uh- actually friends. Have been since sophomore year."
Dan acted like he still didn't understand so Phil brought the subject back to where it started. As he spoke again, he slowly made his way to the bean bag next to Dan's on the other side of the plant. He hopped he wasn't overstepping boundaries but Dan followed him with his eyes without saying anything so he assumed he was okay
"Tyler told me you come here on bad days. And I understand what that's like. Depression."
Dan took what felt like eons to respond
"That's sweet but. Really? You and Tyler are friends?"
Phil let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding in the form of a light laugh.
"Yeah. He figured out I'm not as scary as people assume and I guess it just kinda went from there?"
Explaining how he and Tyler met was difficult, especially because he's only had to do it a few times. But Dan seemed to find the answer sufficient enough and dropped it.
"So, you know about my depression? Now what? Do you think you can magically cure it or something?"
Phil laughed a little again, putting his whole heart into his smile
"No. But I know it sucks to have friends that don't get it. And sometimes you want to be alone, completely and utterly. But sometimes you want quiet but you don't want to be alone. I want to be there on those days for you"
Dan had a confused look on his face but didn't say anything, expecting Phil to continue
"Like, if you need me I'll be here. I'll do my thing and you can do yours and we don't have to say a word to each other if you don't want. We can just be in each others company."
Dan smiled like he liked the idea but it faded shortly after he thought more about it
"Why would the senior who has the whole school under his thumb want to sit in the quiet with a freshman who no one really likes?"
Phil's short lived smile matched Dan's before he found the right words
"Dan, no one really likes me either. And I don't think I much like being feared anymore. I started dressing this way and getting tattoos and piercing myself so kids here wouldn't bully me like the kids from my middle school. And now I've made it 3 years without one person trying to pick on me. But like I said, now I just like how I look like this."
After Phil finished, both were quiet for another minute.
"You don't even know me that well. We're pretty much total strangers"
Phil let out a genuine laugh that time
"You've shouted some pretty weird things across the courtyard, I'd like to think we're not total strangers."
Dan's cheeks dusted themselves a light pink as he thought back to all the times he's shouted the word "kinky" in the last week alone. Both can't help but laugh some more at the thought until Phil broke it again. Both boys giggled at the sudden contact but quickly cuddled closer together. Like he had a handful of times before, Phil placed a quick kiss on Dan's forehead while he settled into place. Even though they were both tall and lanky, they fit nicely into one another. Neither mentioned the close proximity but instead started a conversation like usual.

Even if the beanbag reappeared the next day, Dan still sat himself comfortably into Phil's lap. Dan had texted Phil an octopus a few minutes before, even if he didn't need to and it was already understood they'd both be there. Instead of a light-hearted conversation about some silly show or video, Dan spoke softly and quickly about something he had been thinking for months
"Phil? I want you to know how much I appreciate you doing this"
His head was partially muddled by Phil's shoulder but Phil still understood
"Doing what love?"
"Everything. My bad days aren't gone but they're so much less terrible with you here. You understand that I don't always want to talk and sometimes I just want to listen. And you're always so sweet. Just thank you so much."
Phil tried to process everything that was being said before answering but by the time he opened his mouth to, Dan had lifted himself from his place in the nook of his shoulder to see if he was okay. Without thinking it through, Phil leaned forward and closed the gap between their lips. He wasn't sure what compelled him to do so but he was almost glad something in him clicked to finally make the move. Dan seemed glad too, Phil guessed, by the way he leaned into it as soon as he collected his bearings and figured out what was going on. After they parted, Phil whispered low enough he wasn't quite sure Dan could even hear him
"Will you be my boyfriend, Dan?"
Without any sort of hesitation, Dan nodded his head excitedly.

After the two boys made their constant flirting and cuddling official, they moved their lunches from the library back to the grassy area outside. Dan wanted Phil to meet his other friends and to finally meet PJ. After the initial awkwardness of meeting new people, the group quickly fell into a happy routine. PJ had been sitting with Dan's abandoned friends the entire time and just neglected to tell Dan or Phil that. The group consisted of the love birds, PJ, Louise, Tyler, and the other brunette kid that Phil came to know as Chris. Neither Pj nor Phil were worried about the idea of people figuring out they weren't scary or badass. The worries disappeared after the first day when Phil warned PJ if anyone hurt Dan the "no rudeness" deal was off. PJ happily agreed, extending it to anyone in their newfound circle of friends.

For the first day of sitting together, no one directly challenged the idea that the two punk boys were still to be feared. The second day, however, a jock from across the courtyard came over to share some "choice words" with the group. One of those being "faggots". PJ and Phil were both on their feet, staring down the blonde, before he could finish his sentence. They both had their hands balled into fists. PJ asked him to repeat himself, just to see if he had the nuts to do it staring them in the eye. He repeated the word and before Phil could think it through, his fist was connected with the kid's jaw. He had never punched someone before and didn't expect it to hurt his hand quite as badly as it did. The rest of the day went by in a blur. Dan being momentarily mad then thankful he stood up for him, being sent to the office with a slightly bloody hand (though he wasn't sure who's blood it was), being handed a slip to sign that told him he was suspended from school for 3 days. Everything was hazy but he couldn't bring himself to regret it. No one tried to question if Phil was still scary to his face again.
~~

8 months passed after the incident with the jock and Dan and Phil were still as strong as the first week. They still giggled mercilessly and loved each other deeply. On the last day Phil would spend as a high school student, the group sat in the spot they always did. Phil didn't let himself or Dan worry about what would happen after he graduated, no matter how much they were tempted to. On the last day, Phil sat with his boyfriend in his lap, his arms around his waist and his head in his shoulder. Before the bell rang to tell them they needed to go their separate ways for the last time that school year, Phil sparred one last glance to the old, rusty picnic table he used to stare at Dan from. Happiness filled every cell in his body, replacing every worry. He straightened his back, not paying attention to the conversation Dan was engaged in with Chris, and started sprinkling air light kisses over the expanse of skin on Dan's cheek and neck. Through his giggles, Dan asked what had come over his boyfriend
"I'm just gonna miss you, Bear"
"I'm coming over for dinner later tonight what are you talking about"
They two laughed and Phil let up on his affection. Even though Tyler, Chris, and PJ were making fake gagging noises, Louise was awing lovingly
"I don't know how you two could ever be worried you won't stay in love after school ends." Both boys shook their heads in agreement, worries aside.