Hello Happy Harvey Fandom! I have to say, I'm still reeling from that finale. What an episode, never mind that ending. We got a very sexy moment and yet the angst will clearly flow from Donna's actions. I imagine we'll all be writing lots of lovely material over the next 4 months, but here's my first effort. It just came to me, so I thought I'd write it. I'm not sure yet how long it will be, but there's likely going too be more to come. Thanks as always for all your support (special mentions to Wafa, who encouraged me to try writing fanfic in July and Mary, who suggestion I picked for the title of this story and my latest one shot Don't Wait Any Longer)! Let me know what you think!

...

You Can Never Go Back

Now they've crossed that line, it's time for Harvey and Donna to each decide where they go from here. My spin on where the story could go following 7.10's shock ending!

….

Chapter One

Donna took a large gulp of air, as she pushed through the doors of the building on to the street. She didn't have her bag or her keys, but she needed to breathe and the roof was too risky. Harvey may go there. Harvey… Her heart was still racing.

- Did I really just do that?!

She took a few steps away from the building and closed her eyes, trying to steady the sheer force of emotion coursing through her body. She'd done it. Well, Mike did say to tell him how I feel. She imagined that might not have been quite what he'd meant, but in that moment she'd known what she had to do. There would never be the right time, or the right words. All there could be is uncertainty and heart-breaking regret, just as Louis was discovering for himself.

- I had to know whether my feelings were real, whether I really did want something more from him.

She'd realised over the last few weeks that she'd spent so long burying the feelings she'd had for Harvey, that on having them resurface again, they felt oddly unfamiliar; as if they were not her own. She'd hoped it was nothing; all in her head, which would make it so much easier to move on. The truth, however, was now before her. No more running, no more pretending. She was in love with Harvey Specter.

As she walked slowly away from the building, she knew she was putting physical distance between her and the man she'd walked away from, when emotional distance was impossible. He was all she could think about. It was then that the questions began to tumble through her head.

- What is he thinking? Is he angry? Will he forgive me? Did he feel the same? Should I have stayed?

She knew she'd taken a huge risk. As she'd said all those years ago to Rachel, you can never go back and she knew with absolute certainty that no matter what happened now, that fact was truer than ever before. Her choice that night, fuelled by Louis's heartfelt admission about his own life, had changed everything. All she could do now is try and breathe and start to consider her options.

For one of the only times she could remember since she first met him in that bar, she had no idea what Harvey was thinking or how he would respond. Therefore she needed to consider what paths she could take now. She needed to prepare herself for every eventuality.

The reality of her actions began to overwhelm her and she found herself desperately needing someone to talk to. Her rational mind warned her to keep their mutual friends out of this, but she needed a friend and there was only one person she could share this with, now that Louis had his own problems.

Rachel answered on the second ring.

"Hey Donna. Is everything alright?" Her voice was warm and reassuring and the knowledge that someone was there for her, brought Donna's emotions to the forefront, as she held back the tears. "Rach, can I come round? I…I need a friend right now."

Rachel leant forward on the sofa in her apartment, concern written on her face. Mike saw her expression change, from his position in the kitchen doorway and he gave her a questioning look. "Of course you can, but what's happened? You sound upset."

Donna paused. The magnitude of what she'd done still impossible for her to put in to words. "Is Mike there?" Rachel frowned and looked to Mike. "Yes…he's here." Mike raised an eyebrow at the apparent reference to him. What is going on?

"Tell him I took his advice….I'll find a cab and come over, if that's okay? I know it's late…Oh…..and you'll need to pay for the cab…"

Rachel was filled with unease, but tried to keep it from her voice. "Of course. See you soon."

Mike had moved to sit beside her on the couch, his face showing the same confusion and concern. "Rach…..What's going on? Is it Malik? Has he done something else?"

Rachel turned slightly to face him and met his gaze. "She said she took your advice…What advice Mike?"

Her fiancé went a little pale as his eyes widened in shock. "Oh God…..What did she say happened?"

"She didn't. She just said that she needed a friend, but she sounded upset. Mike…What advice?"

He sighed and bit his bottom lip. Had he really just initiated the launch of this particular emotional bomb?! "I told her to tell Harvey how she feels about him, before she lost the chance…"

Rachel gasped quietly. "So that means…..It can't be good if she's coming here can it?" Mike shook his head. "I don't know Rach…..I admit, I didn't think she was going to do it."

They looked at each other and Rachel swallowed. "They won't be able to go back from this."

…

The metal door to the roof opened with a painful scraping noise, as Harvey pushed through it on to the top of the building.

After standing, rooted to the spot in Donna's office, for what seemed to be hours, whether waiting for her to come back or not, he really wasn't sure, he'd needed air; he needed to breathe and the walls of the office had suddenly started to close in on him.

He walked out on to the rooftop, moving to stand by the ledge, resting both of his hands on the stone to steady himself while he took a deep breath.

- What the hell just happened?!

Jessica's disbarment had been all he could think about as he'd returned to the office that night, hoping Louis and Donna would still be there to help him work out what to do. There was always one fire to put out after another, but now he found himself dealing with a very different fire. As he stood staring out at the Manhattan skyline, all thoughts of Jessica had disappeared, as he was consumed by the conflicting emotions that burned within him.

- Why the hell did you do that Donna?! Why?!

He bowed his head and exhaled, fighting to regain control. He couldn't remember the last time that he felt so adrift; probably when Donna left him, he admitted to himself. It always came back to Donna.

The kiss was replaying in his head, over and over again. It was as if he was watching a scene from someone else's life. He closed his eyes, but that simply made it worse, as his mind focussed in on the memory of it; of Donna's lips against his, of her hand in his hair and the sensation of her fingers brushing against the side of his jawline.

- God damn it!

- Why did this have to happen now?

He paused at the thought. As stunned as he was by the night's turn of events, he began to realise it had been inevitable. They'd been circling this minefield for far too long; eventually one of them was going to step over the boundary and set off an explosion and the last few days had brought memories and emotions to the surface that he'd been trying to hide from for years. It seemed he wasn't the only one.

"God damn it Donna." He said the words aloud. There were very few times in his life when he'd been speechless, but standing in her office, staring in to her eyes, he'd had no words. He could barely move, let alone talk and she'd given him no time to recover. It was almost as if it had been another dream, but there was one huge difference; this time he hadn't woken up.

After thirteen years of knowing her, he would never have expected such a move from Donna. As confused as he was, he had to give her credit; that was bold. Bolder than he ever would have been, which only made him realise just how much of a coward he'd been in the past.

- What about now? How do I feel now?

Paula floated across his mind and he felt his stomach turn over. He'd cheated on her. Hadn't he? He could probably argue he'd been the unwitting participant; Donna had kissed him after all.

- And what a kiss it was.

He shook the thought from his mind. Donna had kissed him, so technically he hadn't done anything wrong.

- But you enjoyed it and you know it.

The statement was a fact he was unable to deny. He may have only had a split second to process what was happening, but he'd kissed her back and had she not pulled away, he couldn't be sure that he would have stopped it.

He leaned forward on the ledge, rubbing his forehead to try and ease the tension headache that was building behind his eyes.

- How could she put me in this position?! Of all people?!

The anger rose then. It had been bubbling up within him since she'd kissed him and the more jumbled his thoughts became, the stronger his anger. After all, being angry with Donna for complicating everything was much easier than facing why it was so complicated – why the guilt he felt for betraying Paula didn't feel as strong as he knew it should; why he was already starting to ache to feel Donna against him.

He loved Paula…..didn't he? Or was it still too soon for thoughts of love? Shouldn't he know that by now?

Closing his eyes, as if to see who he would think of first, Donna filled his head; the woman who'd just laid her cards on the table. She wouldn't make another move. He knew that. As angry as he was with her, he recognised the apology for what it was – an acknowledgment that she was sorry for putting him in the position he now found himself in.

It was now up to him to understand what he really wanted, who he really wanted.

He'd never felt so confused or terrified in his life.

…

Rachel met Donna outside her apartment building and after taking one look at her shell-shocked expression and the unshed tears in her eyes she gave her a comforting hug. "It'll be alright." She had no idea if that was true, but it seemed to be the only comfort she could give at that moment.

"I'm okay Rach. I just need a few minutes," she murmured, as she followed her friend upstairs and in to the living room of her apartment, taking a seat on the couch, in the same spot she'd been in just a few days ago. "I would have gone home, but I left my bag in my office…..Hi Mike."

She wasn't even looking in his direction, as he stood just inside the kitchen, but she knew he was there. He gave her a sympathetic smile. She'd clearly declared and run, he thought. He dared not imagine what was going through Harvey's mind right now. For a moment, he considered leaving to seek his friend out, but it wasn't really how their friendship worked and he knew Harvey would not welcome the intrusion in to his personal life right now. He'd said as much outside the library before the mock trial was called off.

"I didn't know if I should open some wine or make some tea," Rachel replied. Donna smiled at the kindness of her best friend. "Tea sounds good. Thanks."

Mike waved his fiancé away, as he disappeared in to the kitchen to make the hot drinks and try and stay out of the way. He felt a little in the middle in this situation, even though he was horribly aware that he was partly responsible.

"Donna, what happened?" Rachel was sitting beside her friend and crooked her head to the side, resting it on her elbow against the sofa cushions. Mike could be heard busying himself in the kitchen, rattling the mugs as he placed them on the kitchen counter.

"I kissed him."

In the kitchen, the rattling stopped immediately, as Mike stilled at Donna's words. Oh shit, that's huge! There was no point in him keeping out of the way now; Rachel would only tell him later anyway, so he wandered in to the living room with the mugs. He caught the look of shock on Rachel's face. This was not what either of them had expected to hear.

Rachel stared, her mouth agape. "You….kissed Harvey?"

Donna gave a quiet laugh. "Well, you didn't think I meant Louis did you?" Humour as a defence mechanism was always a great weapon to have in your armoury.

Mike sat down, cross-legged on the floor on the other side of the coffee table. He gave Donna a smile. "Bold choice." He'd always cared for Donna and he'd always been sure her and Harvey harboured stronger feelings for each other than either was willing to admit, maybe even to themselves. Hell, he made jokes about it to Harvey all the time, but he was only ever half joking.

Donna met his eyes and gave an embarrassed smile. "It was more of an impulse decision." Rachel shook her head, still clearly stunned. She had to admit, she was impressed; to do that must have taken her friend a lot of courage. Before she could ask further, Donna spoke again.

"It was because of Louis…..well you too Mike, but Louis was the trigger man."

She saw their confused expressions. "The funny thing is, he has no idea what he did…He's not in a great place right now, because he wishes he was with Sheila, but she's about to marry someone else. He said how he wished he'd told her that they were meant to be together; that she should be with him and not the man she says she loves…that they are soul mates…."

Mike glanced at Rachel and she gave a small nod. They could both see how the night had unfolded.

"He was in so much pain and yet, all I could hear when he was telling me, was that he was talking about me…and…Harvey. He came in to my office just after Louis had gone and…..and I kissed him."

Mike rested an elbow on the coffee table and put his hand to his chin, an eyebrow raised in expectation. "And…?"

Donna looked around the room and shrugged. "And nothing. I said I was sorry, that I just needed to know and then I left."

It was Rachel who beat Mike to the follow-up question. "You left? Just like that?! But what did he say?!"

Donna looked at her hands in her lap to avoid their expressions. "He didn't say anything, but I didn't really give him the chance, He looked rather stunned." She faced her two friends. "You think I was unfair to him, don't you?"

Rachel reached a hand to Donna's and squeezed it. "I wouldn't say unfair. Donna, you've just been through a hugely emotional experience and that combined with the impact of the words of others, was bound to have consequences. I just don't understand. Why kiss him and then not wait around to see what he'd say?"

Mike tilted his head to the side, considering Rachel's question. She was the romantic, but he was a realist and he was starting to understand Donna's decision, but to make sure, he asked his own question. "Why did you tell him you were sorry?"

Donna glanced at him and he saw the guilt cross her face, only confirming his assumptions. "Because…..he's…..." The sentence died on her lips, as she thought about her choice. She didn't regret it. She had to do it for her, but she knew the struggle Harvey would now have and that it was this struggle with his views on fidelity that may push him away from her, possibly never to return. I'm sorry Harvey, she thought to herself.

"It was because he's seeing Paula wasn't it? Because technically he's now done something he has always been against; he's been unfaithful?" Donna simply nodded at Mike, who gave her a smile. "Technically Donna, if you kissed him, then he doesn't have anything to feel guilty about."

It was Rachel's intuitiveness this time that spotted the crux of the point. "Unless he does….?" She didn't need to finish the thought aloud. All three of them knew what she was meaning and Donna's conflicted expression said it all.

Mike considered the situation in front of them. He had his best friend, who he firmly believed loved Donna, starting a bizarre relationship out of the blue, with his former therapist of all people and then just when it seemed to be going well, he's confronted with his feelings he's tried to ignore about the person Mike truly believed he cared most about. Talk about bad timing. Whether or not his two good friends were meant to be together and Paula Agard was the odd one out, technically, right now, she wasn't. God, Harvey will be a mess, he thought.

Rachel was about to comment that it was only one kiss, until she remembered Mike was in the room and she did not want the shadow Logan Sanders rearing its head tonight. "What do you think he'd have said if you'd stayed Donna?"

She sighed. "I don't know. It's one of the only times, I honestly don't know…..I didn't do it to ruin his relationship. It wasn't about him….It was about me." She looked towards Mike. "I told you that we didn't want to be together, but that wasn't the whole truth." She sipped her tea, giving herself a moment to collect her thoughts. "I thought I was sure that he didn't want to be with me. He's chosen someone else. But I realised that I didn't truly know how I felt, not just him, what I would want, if it were an option. I needed to know."

Mike nodded and replied quietly "So you can make peace with it and move on?"

His friend gave a small nod of her head and he felt sad for her. Maybe it wasn't Donna he should have spoken to. Maybe it was Harvey who needed a wake up call.

"What if he wants more Donna?" Rachel's phrasing made her smile. More. That word again. "I suppose my answer is the same as I told you once before Rachel…..I would want to try, but I think I need to face the truth."

Mike frowned. "And what's that?"

"That he may never forgive me for putting him in this position, regardless of how he may or may not feel."

Rachel squeezed her hand and glanced back towards Mike; a conversation passing between them without a single word being spoken – that there were stormy waters ahead and they were going to have to do everything they could to make sure they all came out of it in one piece.

…

That's all for now! Thanks for reading!