WARNING: This is a G!P Emma story. If you don't like it, or if it makes you uncomfortable, DO NOT read, okay? Okay.

This has come to life after a guest prompt. I have no idea if this will meet your expectations, but here it goes.

For those who will to proceed and disregard the red lights, I hope you have fun!

1

Under the conference table, Regina crumpled the piece of paper in her manicured hand angrily, still unable to believe what she read in there.

ADMIT THAT YOU LIKE ME A LITTLE BIT.

That idiot had a nerve.

As Archie Hopper rambled on and on about the social programs lacking in Storybrooke – a matter that was only interesting to Snow White, because she was the only person nodding as he finished every dull sentence – Regina took the time to glare at the insufferable Sheriff.

Emma Swan was sitting across from her, looking smug. She was not even pretending to listen to Dr. Hopper. That idiot was behaving like a child after she discovered she could do magic, and apparently annoying Regina with flying notes during council meetings was the only trick she had mastered so far.

Regina hated her.

She hated her because she had gone back in time with that stupid pirate, and together they managed to screw up the Enchanted Forest timeline and bring Marian back to Robin Hood.

Not the she was remotely in love with him, she considered, rolling the crumpled note around her fingers. Regina barely knew him, but she was making an effort. She was working hard to like the thief because he was her soulmate.

Leave it to the un-charming savior and the handless wonder to bring back his dead wife.

Oh, and Regina had killed her. And now Robin resented her.

What a waste of time, Regina scoffed, and her eyes fell on Emma again. If only that brute had wrecked her parents' past and never been born… That would have been great, because only fifteen year old boys with too much acne and hormones had ogled Regina the way Emma Swan did.

The blonde's green eyes were burning holes in Regina's silky blouse, and when she realized that she had been caught blatantly staring at the Mayor's breasts, Emma looked away with flushed cheeks.

Finally, Regina thought, feeling smug at last. She would never have guessed that Emma was into that until they had the most horrible argument in front of Granny's for the whole town to see.

Regina went home fuming and left the blonde behind. It was around midnight when an incoming call from IDIOT made Regina's cellphone light up and vibrate on top of her bedside table.

"You know what, Gina? I'm glad Robin has his wife back," she slurred. "Because you're too good for him. You're too good… for just anyone else. Robin Hood is a fucking bastard. I am Henry's other parent, did you hear me? I don't like him near you and our son."

"Go to bed, Miss Swan," Regina spat, disconnecting the call as she rested her back against the headboard.

She had been reluctantly flattered by the inebriate compliment and display of jealousy, but something inside her forced her to stay angry with Emma because that was simply how things had always worked between them.

After that dumb confession, Emma started to act sheepishly chirp around her, and the more Regina showed irritation, the cockier Emma got.

Insufferable idiot…

Just as she was growling inside her head, Regina felt another note smack against her hand. Her nostrils flared as she huffed.

Dr. Hopper was not done talking, and as Snow kept nodding – now Regina wasn't so sure if she was doing that automatically or not – David had his arms folded across his chest, looking like he was about to drool on his tight jeans shirt.

Charming.

Regina avoided Emma's eyes and looked down at the note.

YOU LOOK ANGRY. THINKING ABOUT ME?

Her cheeks burned, and she kept her eyes on the offending paper, wishing she could set Emma on fire.

The meeting went on for another hour – the longest in Regina's life – and when they all stood up and started to leave, she noticed that Emma stalled a little so she would stay behind when the rest of the council members were gone.

Regina sighed deeply, getting ready for what was about to come.

"Regina-"

"If council meetings are this boring to you, Sheriff, I suggest you don't attend them anymore," she said with her back turned to the blonde, placing the reports she scribbled inside a manila folder. "And whatever you have to say, you had three hours to expose to the entire council!"

"You can't stay mad at me forever!"

The Mayor spun around angrily. "I can stay mad at you for as long as I want, Miss Swan!"

"Are we back with the Miss Swan thing?" Emma rolled her eyes. "I thought we had moved past that!"

"We had, until you messed up with my life again!"

"You didn't even like him-"

"Oh didn't I?"

"You can lie to anyone, but you can't lie to me!"

"That's a little preposterous, dear."

Emma sighed. "It's my… thing. I can tell when you are lying, and… When you say he's supposed to be your soulmate… It sounds like you don't believe it."

Regina narrowed her eyes at Emma, wishing she could throw a fireball at her stupid face.

"C'mon, prank me. Make me pay for it, but not like that!"

"Prank you?" Regina chuckled. "I'm a bit more refined than that."

"Great. So your plan is to be a jerk, even if it affects Henry?"

"Ignoring your existence is something I can do whenever he's not around, so… No, it does not affect my son-"

"Our son! He's our son, Regina-"

"The fact that you're so frustrated means it's working, Miss Swan," Regina said with an evil smirk.

"Fine," the blonde lifted her hands in surrender. "You wanna be mad at me? Be mad at me. But that's a waste of time, because I'm not gonna give up, okay? I'm not giving up on this… friendship or whatever."

As she stormed out, Regina let out a deep breath, oddly touched by those last words. She had no idea how Emma managed to act like an absolute imbecile and still be sort of… cute.

You don't find the inelegant buffoon cute! She's not cute!

Regina sat down behind her desk feeling so tired that she was incapable of doing paperwork for the rest of the day. And when she got home, she felt more worn out than busy days in the office made her feel.

Damn you, Emma Swan.

Getting ready to sleep late that night, Regina wished there was a way she could make Emma pay for having her so worked up about her stupid notes and goofy smiles. As she applied facial lotion – allegedly to prevent age lines - she wished she could embarrass Emma with her mere presence, so everyone would know how Regina affected her, and not the other way around.

What a cocky idiot…

Regina jumped from her bed with her heart jolting. She double-checked if Henry was asleep, and then she poofed into her vault.

Oh she was going to make Emma Swan pay for everything.

And that would be a lot funnier than giving her the silence treatment…

XXX

Emma paced nervously in front of 108, Mifflin Street. She took a deep breath and climbed up the front steps, knocking at the door before she lost her courage. After minutes that felt like an eternity, Regina showed up. She didn't look too pleased to see her.

"Is Henry ready to go?" Emma asked awkwardly.

"Almost. Would you like to come inside for a cup of coffee?"

Emma blinked in surprise. She had only been invited inside before the 'Marian Incident', but Regina had never offered breakfast during week days.

"Um, sure."

She followed the brunette towards her large kitchen, trying her best not to stare at her ass on that silky robe. What was the deal with this woman and silk anyway? And wasn't that piece of olive skinned leg showing the most beautiful shin in the world?

As Emma shook her head, Regina turned around with a cup of coffee for her. The front of the robe was loose, and Emma was greeted by red, lacey fabric covering Regina's left breast. She swallowed and looked up. The brunette was smirking; she placed the fuming cup on the center island and took a step towards Emma, untying the knot around her waist and opening her robe completely.

"He's already in school, Miss Swan-"

XXX

Emma woke up gasping, her heart beating violently against her sternum. She was in her bed, in her room, in her parents' apartment. Groaning, she rolled to the side to check her alarm clock.

7:02 a.m.

Fuck.

Since it wasn't her day to take Henry to school, she still had almost one hour to sleep, but something told her that she wouldn't be able to. And it was not only the goosebumps and the odd tingles in her body. It was the weird pressure on her lower belly. It felt like the muscles in her abdomen were tearing apart from each other, and something between her legs felt more annoying than the urge to pee…

She rolled on her back again and snapped her eyes wide open when she felt something weird touching her belly button… Emma pulled the covers softly to the side, exposing her hips and legs. It was dark, but she could identify an odd bulge under the cotton fabric of her shorts.

Emma reached out for the lamp on her bedside table. Something, a weirdly large and roundish something was definitively under her pajamas. She took a deep breath and hooked both thumbs on the elastic band of her shorts and pulled it down.

Emma had time to register a pink gland staring back at her before she screamed.

"OH MY GOD-!"

When the door to her room burst open, she only had time to drag a spare pillow and cover it before David and Snow could see the new acquisition.

"Honey, what's wrong?" her mother asked with a concerned frown.

"Are you okay?"

"Um, I'm… Yeah, I just… Bad dream," she chuckled nervously.

David raised one eyebrow. "You sure?"

"Yeah, of course," she gasped, pressing the pillow down with her elbows.

"Well, since we're all up… I'll start breakfast," Snow said, and she quickly retreated from the bedroom.

David lingered at the door a little longer, avoiding Emma's eyes, until he finally blurted out.

"Uh, don't pee while the soldier's still… at attention."

As he closed the door behind him, Emma fell back on her pillow with a groan.

She had to move out.

XXX

It took Emma almost forty minutes to get that thing to dwindle so she could finally pee.

And holy crap, peeing with that felt like controlling a fire hose. And you definitively couldn't sit. And you definitively should lift the toilet seat.

She put on the largest pair of jeans she had in her closet and gangly came down the stairs towards the kitchen, mortified beyond words. Snow and David looked solemnly at her.

"You probably did it in your sleep, honey. We're not judging," Snow said before Emma could even think about saying anything.

"We figured it would take a while for you to control your magic, and that you were… prone to accidents," David added.

Emma slumped down ungraciously on a chair, avoiding their eyes. She was too embarrassed for that conversation.

"I'll go grab breakfast at Granny's, I… can't just-"

"We should have knocked, but you were screaming, and we…" her mother said quickly and then she sighed. "I know you don't want us to help you figure this out, but we all know that it will go away. If this was magic, it takes magic to remove it, and you have it. You just need help. Maybe Regina-"

"I don't know how I did it, but I'm not showing it to her!" Emma said horrified.

"Well, there's also… Gold and… Blue," David said hesitantly.

Great. The only people in town who knew magic were a psychopath dwarf, a fairy nun and her son's hot mom.

"I still think Regina would be a better choice, everything considered," Snow muttered. "I mean, it's like a girl problem, and she's also a girl."

Emma didn't answer her.

That was SO NOT a girl problem.

She stood up, holding her jacket in front of her hips just in case. She was pretty sure she didn't intentionally give herself a dick just because she was dreaming about Regina in her underwear offering herself to her in the kitchen, but she could not discuss that with her parents, could she?

And as she remembered the dream, the new appendage twitched slightly, and Emma's eyes bulged.

"Dad," she gasped, sitting down again. "How do I-?"

David held back the urge to laugh and placed a hand on his wife's shoulder. "Would you give us a moment, please?"

Snow's nostrils flared and she bit the inside of her cheeks to keep from laughing. "Sure," she said in a thick voice, going upstairs as fast as she could.

"Um… It won't stay like… this… forever. You just need to picture something that… helps you. To get it… down."

Emma buried her fingers into her hair. "Any tips?" she mumbled, just realizing what she had asked her father. "Oh God, I'm sorry, I'm gonna go-"

"A cold shower," David said with a shrug.

"Dad-"

"And… uh… nicknames," he said with a chuckle, unable to hold back any longer. "Like Little Swan."

"DAD!"

Emma heard Snow bursting out laughing upstairs and trying to cover it with the sound of coughing.

"You guys are great," she huffed, getting up and walking fast towards the door. "And it's not small!" she added, slamming the door behind her, hearing her parents laughing harder at that.

XXX

Emma walked slowly towards her usual stool. She sat down carefully and leaned on the counter, pretending to read the menu.

"What happened to you?"

The blonde looked up, noticing Ruby had a suspicious frown on her face. But she also noticed that Ruby was a girl. Emma held her breath, but nothing happened.

The monster did not come to life, but was it because Ruby was her friend or because it had a brain of its own?

"You walked in like you got kicked in the crotch," Ruby mumbled, placing a cup of coffee and a bear claw in front of the Sheriff. "Oh," she smirked, lowering her voice. "You got laid?"

"Ruby!" Emma hissed. "Shut up! I'm fine!"

The waitress shrugged. "Maybe you should get laid," she muttered and walked away to serve another costumer.

The bell on the door chimed and Regina walked in, wearing a sober black coat that almost reached her ankles – those beautiful ankles – and black heels.

It seemed like she was marching towards the stool next to Emma's, but when she realized the Sheriff was there, she came to a halt and decided for a table on the opposite side of the room instead.

Emma rolled her eyes and sighed. She already knew that Regina was going to deflect any attempt to start a conversation, but as much as Emma hated it, she was the best chance she got at removing that ridiculously large thing between her legs.

And if she wanted to show Regina she had a dick without getting slapped in the face, Emma knew she would have to sugar coat it a little bit.

She sighed again. "Okay. Here goes nothing," she picked her coffee and food and moved towards Regina's booth. Instead of unceremoniously plopping down the seat like she would usually have done just to annoy the brunette, Emma cleared her throat and waited a few seconds until Regina decided to stop pretending to read the menu and acknowledge her presence.

"Hi," Emma breathed.

She arched one eyebrow and placed one manicured hand on top of the other on the table. "What can I do for you, Miss Swan?"

Emma swallowed hard - the thing did more than just twitch. It flipped.

The blonde inhaled sharply and sat down in front of Regina without asking if she could.

"Is there a problem, dear?" Regina asked.

Emma was so distressed that she missed the amusement in Regina's voice and eyes. She looked nervously from side to side, trying to cross her legs under the table. It turned out to be impossible without a considerable amount of pain.

She ventured one look downwards. There was the bulge again, painfully hard. The blonde looked back at Regina quickly, and as the Mayor casually sipped her coffee and licked the cream off her upper lip, hot waves of electricity shot through Emma's body towards her abdomen.

She gasped, unable to concentrate on whatever snarky comments Regina was throwing her way. Emma collected her jacket and hurried to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her. She let out raspy breaths, trying to understand what was the deal with that sensitiveness, the pain and the odd feeling that she was going to sneeze – only not through her nose.

"Oh dear God, what the fuck…" she groaned, opening the flyer of her pants and lowering it enough to release the thing. As she leaned against the door, Emma could not help feeling like she needed something on it. On top of it. Around it.

Poor guys… Is this how they feel all the time?

Cringing, she tentatively grabbed it. Her hips jerked forwards automatically.

"Holy crap…" she growled, not sure if it was more disgusting or relieving. She tried again, softly this time. Emma ran her fist from the painfully sensitive tip down to the base, and it was soothing at the same time that her body urged for more.

She tried to do it a little faster, and as an involuntary gasp escaped her lips, she pictured beautiful, manicured hands around it, stroking it… When she realized it, she was jerking off like a frenetic adolescent, imagining that husky voice calling her name…

There was a smack on the door.

"Miss Swan!"

And Emma literally exploded with a primal grunt that she had no idea she would ever be capable of reproducing again.

The tension and pressure were over, and she felt an absurd need to eat and lay down. When she opened her eyes, she was face to face with a gooey thing splattered on the mirror.

"Oh man!" she hissed. "Fuck-"

She put that atrocious thing back into her pants as she hurried to get a handful of toilet paper.

"Sheriff, what the hell is going on in there?"

"Uh," Emma turned on the tap to humidify the paper and wipe that thing off the mirror before someone used it. "Trust me, you don't wanna know-"

"You are growling in there, and scaring people outside." It was Ruby. Emma froze on her spot.

"I slipped," she said, adding more water to the ball of paper as she cleaned the remnants of her own body fluid. No wonder guys had tissue boxes in their bedrooms… "Gross," she scowled, turning to the door as she buckled her belt. "I'm okay. I'm coming out-"

When she opened the door, she felt her cheeks burn once she felt all eyes on her. She ignored Ruby, but when she faced Regina and that red lipped smirk, her abdomen started to contract painfully.

"Oh not that again…" she groaned, running away as fast as she could, making the tiny bell clang frenetically as she almost yanked the door off of its hinges.

"What the hell?" Ruby muttered, turning to look at Regina, who smiled.

"I'll go find her. Thank you, Miss Lucas," she said politely, checking the weird smudge on the mirror. She discreetly waved her hand and made it disappear before she walked towards the counter. "This should cover my coffee and the Sheriff's breakfast."

"Thank you, Mayor Mills," Granny said without lifting her eyes from the register.

Regina turned arrogantly on her heels and headed to the only place she knew she would find Emma.

So.

Shall I proceed?