THE ACT OF REMEMBERING

Sabo never forgot that particular day. He wasn't able to recall everything -not without having learned some of the things that had happened from Koala and other Revolutionary members- but he could still recall it as being the worst moment of his life after having to live without telling his brother that he was alive and well.

Despite it being the bearer of devastating news, Sabo still kept the newspaper tucked in his rooms. It was worn, torn in a few places and faded in others, but he didn't have the heart to throw it away. Nobody knew of course, Koala would probably have a heart attack if she knew that he had kept it, stating that she wanted no reminders of the day she saw her powerful leader and closest friend practically fall to pieces as if he was nothing but a boy in her arms. Hack probably knew, but he never said anything, bless his soul.

Turning the paper over in his hands and seeing the freckled face smiling at him from the picture, he couldn't help but be thrown back into that faithful day. Or rather, the faithful three days.

It had started as just a normal day; chores to do, people to train, comrades to practise with, reports to write, the usual things. He had bumped into Koala on his way to the conference that they were both forced to attend and the two were indulging in their usual banter until they met again for dinner. Despite being near noon, lunch was forgiven all together as Sabo rarely found time to eat anything but a piece of bread or a fruit in between his schedule. Being chief of staff had its pros and cons, but having to train newbies in the blistering sun of the afternoon, especially when it was after a conference, was definitely a disadvantage.

As they were early there weren't any others in the room and Sabo and Koala relaxed into the chairs, relishing in the silence that was so rarely found in their lifestyles. However only a few minutes passed before a person hurdled towards them, stopping only a few inches away from Sabo himself before hastily saluting. The blond waved him off; everybody knew he hated the shows of formality, and raised an eyebrow when the other took his time to catch his breath in front of Sabo's face.

"What is going on?" Koala broke the hush of the room, demanding answers with her tone alone.

"The newspaper arrived, the war is over!" The messenger, who Sabo remembered was named Shizuki, took another breath before continuing his sentence. "The pirates lost, Whitebeard was killed and even Ace, one of the division commanders." One newspaper was shoved into Sabo's hands, the paper crinkling as he opened it while the others were dumped on the table. From the corner of his eye, Sabo realized that the room was now almost full, most of the members required for the conference present and pouring over the papers. After all, as the conference was most likely on the outcome of the war, it would do them all well to be prepared with the information.

He was immediately drawn to the huge picture stamped on the front page, his mind's eye immediately painting it in vibrant colours despite the fact that the newspaper was black and white. The light spray of freckles had always stood out against the tanned cheeks, and the crazy grin that he was wearing did nothing to hide the vibrant green eyes. Like always, his jet-black hair framed his face, even if it was marginally tamed by the hat that the Revolutionary couldn't recall having ever seen.

A gasp escaped him as he realized he was remembering something he never thought was in his memories, and once he blinked the newspaper was black and white again, any hint of the colours he had thought fitted Ace gone as if they were never there. He stared at the paper as images continued to flicker in his mind, the blond too shocked to comprehend what he was seeing and remembering. He could recall the pirate's face, if only a younger version of it. The face he knew was rounder, a frown or scowl usually twisting its features, but it was the same face. The same arching eyebrows and thin lips.

He forced himself to focus on a particular image in his mind, and could almost hear the clinking of 3 glasses against each other, their physical pledge to always be brothers.

So there was another one.
Luffy.
Sabo, Ace, and Luffy.
And their tree house.

Images of their adventures passed quickly through his mind, and Sabo felt his brain throbbing as he attempted to keep up with his memories. Phantom pains arose when he remembered the fight after Luffy got kidnapped, and a faint smile graced his features as he remembered the scolding that they had given the youngster after they were safe in the woods again.

A tiny hand on his shoulder brought him back to the present and Sabo found himself staring at the newspaper again, doing his best to quench the tremors that had taken over his body. A pang of pain tore through his head; it being the only warning he got before a bomb went off in his skull and pain rocketed down his neck and settled behind his eyes in the familiar feeling of a migraine. The pain took him down to his knees, the weapons that hung on his belt clanking dully against the floorboards as his vision wavered with both pain and shock once realization dawned on him.

His brother was fire-fist Ace, the pirate.
The newspaper in his hand listed the casualties of the losing side of the war.
The war the pirates had lost.
And Ace's grinning face almost enveloped the whole front page.
His brother wasdead.

No, they must have made a mistake. Ace couldn't have died. Not when Sabo had finally remembered him! Maybe they were confusing him with another commander, or had simply misprinted the name, because his brother could not have been murdered in the "War of the Best".

Luffy had gone to save him, right? The details said that Straw-hat Luffy had tried to save his brother, but it was all in vain.

In vain? They had to have made it out. They were surely still alive. The newspaper didn't mention Luffy among the casualties, only among the heavily injured, so he must have escaped. But had someone helped him in time? He skimmed through the details, picking out the fatal phrases and having no choice but to let go of his denial. Only Ace had the powers of the Mera Mera no Mi.

And its user was dead.

Koala later told him that they gave up on getting any type of response out of him and were about to drag him to the infirmary before he had suddenly started screaming as if hellhounds were tearing him apart limb from limb and sinew from sinew.

He didn't remember the screams that had escaped him.

He only remembered the agony that had flooded his being, increasing with every beat of his heart as he recalled Ace's laugh, or the way he would squeeze Sabo in a side hug every now and then, or the pout that he gave Sabo whenever the blond ruffled the dark locks. The laugh echoed in his mind, and he imagined it to have deepened a little as Ace grew and his voice lost its high pitch. He tried to imagine the grown Ace pouting as his hair was ruffled, and his heart grew heavy with sorrow once again.

But he remembered all the overwhelming sensations that had flooded him.

In medical terms, he had started hyperventilating. In his own terms, he was simply trying to cope with the sudden onslaught of thoughts, emotions, memories and shock. He could recall the petrifying feeling of curling in on himself while still on his knees, the newspaper crumbling in his fist while he sobbed, wheezes escaping as he fought to control his breathing. He could still picture the feel of the floorboards, rough against his knees even through the material of his pants. He remembered clearly the vice-like feeling around his chest, rendering him unable to regain his breath after he threw up the meagre contents of his stomach near the table.

He didn't have the faintest idea of the hand that removed his hat, or the one that brushed his unruly locks back so they wouldn't get splattered with vomit. He didn't recall the panic around him, but remembered Koala's slender arms wrapping around his shoulders, pulling him back until he was on his ass, head pillowed by her thighs. She effortlessly kept him in place while he attempted to stand up, only to discover that he was as weak as a kitten. The act of throwing up had put the world into a tailspin, everything blurry and unfocused through the tears and the pain in his head.

Ace was gone.

The fleeting thought resurfaced once again and a fresh sob broke out of his mouth, the tears now dripping off his jaw. He renewed his struggles until a large hand settled on his chest, firmly pushing him back down. It didn't take a lot of energy. Sabo honestly didn't remember how much he screamed after that point, didn't have an idea how petrified Koala had been seeing him writhe and shout himself hoarse as he attempted to pull at his hair to rid himself of the tremendous pain that was squeezing his brain. According to Koala, only their holds had kept him from slamming his head against the floor to try and find reprieve by knocking himself out.

He had been too far gone by that point to recall how bad he was wheezing in his attempts to fill his struggling lungs, only aware of the many pairs of hands keeping him immobile on the floor and Koala's hand resting on his forehead as the girl restrained him against her own body. The arrival of Ivankov was only clear in his mind because of the rough hand that was suddenly pressed against his jugular and the sting in his thigh as something cold travelled in his blood stream, leaving a pleasant warmth in its trail. However, the pleasant warmth only served to panic the blond as his body became sluggish, refusing to obey his commands at the same time that a dark cloud descended over his senses. Yet this panic was short lived and dwindling as well. As his struggles died down he felt the numerous hands on his body gently release him until he was laying feebly against Koala. His thoughts were dimming, and he couldn't grasp the tendrils of thought no matter how hard he tried. Was he going to lose his memories again? He didn't want that, couldn't deal with the possibility of losing his past again so soon after he had regained it.

"Ace was my brother." The words slipped unbidden from his mouth, and he wondered if Koala caught them just before he released his tentative hold on consciousness with a small sigh, his eyes fluttering close against his will as he was dragged under.

When awareness teased him once again, Sabo first registered that he was laying on something soft, and what felt like a thick blanket covered him till his chin. He could feel no particular pain in any specific limb, so he ruled out the possibility of an unknown injury. No pain-killer was good enough to completely numb the pain of a wound. His curiosity now piqued, the blond fought to return to the conscious world, battling against the lingering effects of the sedative that was still wrecking havoc on his system. He still hated the symptoms.

His mind was slow with connecting the dots and his mouth felt as if it was full of cotton, contrary to his throat which was more parched than a desert. He attempted to swallow to lubricate his vocal chords enough to ask for a glass of water, but instead choked on his own meagre spit and set off a lung wrenching coughing fit that left him wheezing once again. An oxygen mask settled on his face out of nowhere as he twisted to his side, something keeping it pressed to his face while someone guided him into calming down.

The coughing fit had served to awaken all of his other senses, and he immediately noticed why he could feel the blanket's warmth so thoroughly. Besides his boxers, he was stark naked underneath the sheets. There were no IVs in his arms, and he was glad for the lack of needles as the usual sterile smell of the infirmary tended to smell worse when there was antiseptic smeared on his own arm to keep the injection site clean.

Despite it being surprisingly mild, the smell still reawakened his headache and he closed his eyes against the light as he felt the painful throbbing, even if it was knocked down a few notches by the sedative. Suddenly he heard the curtains being closed, killing the majority of the light in the room.

He was still finding the courage to open his eyes again when someone turned him on his back from where he had curled in the foetal position. A dainty, undoubtedly feminine hand cupped the back of his head, raising him only a few degrees before the rim of a glass was pressed against his dry lips. The liquid hit his tongue like a burst of life, but he knew from experience that greedily gulping it down would only make matters worse, so he simply laid there until his head was lain back on the pillow and he dared to open his eyes again.

"Nice to see you awake." Koala smiled at him and he blinked drowsily, attempting to bring her body into focus.
"What happened?" His voice was still hoarse and he winced as his throat protested its use.
"You went into shock, Ivankov didn't want to waste time redressing you after ridding you of the uniform. That is, after he pumped you with a sedative so you wouldn't suffer a self-induced stroke." The girl shrugged, but he could see that she was keeping something back; she was being too cautious with her information.
"Why did I go into shock?" He genuinely enquired, his mind still too groggy to remember anything.
"I don't know how much you should remember and how much I should tell you." Koala shrugged, although her facade broke a tiny bit when he caught her eyes. Sorrow and pity swam in her orbs. Why was she pitying him?

He frowned, forcing his mind to work with what he knew. He didn't remember walking into the infirmary, so he must have been already unconscious. Carried then. By who? He couldn't recall that either. He didn't remember any sparring sessions, only going to the conference. But it hadn't started, only someone with a newspaper was there after he and Koala had arrived.

Someone with a newspaper.
And headlines that said Ace had been murdered.
And a lot of his memories rushing back to the front of his mind like they were never gone at all.

He felt his breathing hitch, and didn't comment on the den den mushi that he had seen Koala slip into her pockets while he was trying hard to remember what had happened. "That wasn't a dream?"

"No. I'm sorry, Sabo." She rarely called him by his first name, only when they had their most intimate moments of friendship, but now he could see her heart on her sleeve, her empathy for his loss, and a hint of his own sadness reflected in her eyes.

He didn't bother to respond, only blinking lethargically as the situation fully sank in. A sudden shiver wrecked his frame and he groaned as he realized how tense he was under the warm blanket. It wasn't as warm as Ace's fire presumably had been, not even close. In fact, he still felt chilled.

"You want to get dressed? I got you a pair of sweat pants and a hoodie, might help you rest more comfortably. Dragoon excused you for the rest of the week anyway." He could see her trying to change the topic while also being sensitive to his plight, and couldn't help but weakly smile at her before shoving the covers off.

"Yeah, thanks." The cold air hit his body fully as he sat on the edge of the bed and another shiver ran through him, goose bumps scattering over his limbs. He almost pitched forward as his blood pressure bottomed from the sudden change in altitude and his headache intensified, but managed to stay upright with Koala's help. He didn't even try to stop his teeth from chattering loudly. They weren't shy around each other - had seen each other naked one too many times on missions - and he wasn't bothered as she slipped the holes of his sweat pants in his feet. It wasn't because he was incapable, they both knew that, she just wanted to remind him that he wasn't alone. He slipped the hoodie over his head, sinking in the fabric before he curled up underneath the blanket again.

He didn't see her raise an eyebrow as he curled on his side, wanting nothing more than to sleep through the headache and soreness he was experiencing. He craved the peaceful oblivion of sleep, as if there he could convince himself that this was nothing but a dream, that Ace had not died - That the images of three boys wrecking havoc in a forest weren't really lost memories. He could recall two women now, and the names Makino and Dadan floated somewhere behind the pictures in his mind.

The act of trying to remember caused his headache to spark and Sabo unconsciously buried deeper into the pillow, its coolness a welcome reprieve on his cheeks.

He was still hovering on the edge of consciousness when he heard the doctor come in, a palm settling gently on his forehead before resting against his cheek. "Want something to help you sleep, boy?" Sabo shook his head, not even bothering to verbally respond as he shivered underneath the blanket. The hands disappeared and he heard the faint whispers of Koala and the doctor speaking before they were both by his bedside again and something was pushed through his slightly parted lips and underneath his tongue, kept in place by the doctor's hands. He chocked against it, shocked by the sudden intrusion even if he had no energy to fight back.

"Shh, it's just a thermometer Sabo, nothing to worry about. Just rest." Koala's words washed over him and he was briefly aware of her weight pushing down the bed near his head before her fingers threaded through his locks, numbing the headache and encompassing him in a cocoon of warmth. He let himself focus on the soothing motion and soon tumbled off the precipice and fell into oblivion's arms.

The sheet fell to the floor once again, kicked away by the restless blond in the bed as he tossed and turned, clearly caught in the clutches of a nightmare. Koala couldn't help but worry as she watched the sweat and tears mingle on his cheeks while she wiped his face with a moist cloth, laying it on his forehead in hopes that it would sooth his heated skin.

"How high is it?" Hack walked into the room, putting down a fresh bowl of water on the bedside table and dumping another cloth in it.
"It was 101 half an hour ago, doesn't seem to be lowering any time soon." Koala shrugged, worry pinching the edges of her eyes.
"Was he conscious at all?" The fishman gently sat the blond up, letting Koala support the man's head as Hack removed the hoodie that Sabo had curled up in, knowing that the additional warmth would only make the fever worse. He kept the blond sitting up while Koala wiped down his back, dampening the scorching skin to give Sabo a reprieve from the burning heat.

"During the last ten hours? He woke once after about two, that was when he remembered how he ended up in here and Ivankov first checked him for a fever." They gently lowered the blond back on the bed, making sure that he was settled on the pillow before Hack rinsed the cloth and wiped down his heaving chest. "The last time he was completely lucid was about four hours ago. He kept complaining of a headache and shivering and I checked his temperature again. It was still 100 at the time, but like I said, it's still rising." Koala gave the fishman a complete report as Hack had not been able to escape from his duties during the day, and thus was still in the dark about how Sabo was faring after the he himself had taken the chief of staff to the room serving as their infirmary. Hack remained silent as he digested the information, worry clear in his eyes when the blond's head tossed on the pillow.

"Ivankov mentioned that this fever might take a while to clear up because of the shock of remembering everything and the grief, it's expected to tax him more than usual." Hack let the comment hang in the air as Sabo groaned, his chest stuttering before he curled on his side again, blindly searching for the blanket as shivers wrecked his frame.

"No blanket Sabo, you're burning up." Koala laid a hand on Sabo's shoulder, removing the cloth that had been on his forehead and moistening it before draping it around his neck. She used the other to wipe down the blond's sweat slicked back once again even as he shook viciously underneath her gentle ministrations.
"C-cold." The words were forced from between chattering teeth and Koala almost felt her resolve break when she saw his tightly closed eyes and the visible effort that he made to immobile his jaw.
"It's just the fever making you feel cold, you can cuddle in the blankets after it breaks." Hack didn't say anything, only watching the girl trying her best to placate the barely aware commander as he rubbed his upper arms in a nearly frenzied movement.
"It's cold... too cold... " Hack frowned as Sabo curled even more in himself, his movements becoming more hurried as he repeated the two words in a mantra under his breath.

"Sabo?" The fishman tried to turn the blond on his back only for Sabo to suddenly lash out and attempt to kick him. Hack easily avoided the feeble kick but lost his grip on the blond's shoulder, watching in shock as Sabo curled into a quivering ball, his movement never ceasing as his words started to become more decipherable. "It's too cold, we should have brought a blanket, Luffy's going to freeze to death, can't we go home Ace? It's cold, it's cold, it's too cold!"

"Hack? What do we do?" Koala stared in shock as Sabo whimpered, still rubbing his arms with vigour. They both snapped out of their shock when blood started to seep from between his fingers, trailing down his hands in a morbid outline of some nightmarish painting.

"We restrain his arms and hope that he falls in a dreamless sleep." grasped Sabo's thin wrists in his own giant hands and straightened out the blond's arms, ignoring how Sabo thrashed to try and regain the use of his arms. It wasn't much of a fight, Hack used more strength while training the newbies, but it was still heartbreaking to be using any type of strength against his friend.

"Let me go! Where are my brothers? What did you do to them?!" Sabo snarled at the fishman, hatred flickering in the raging expression as Koala fastened the restraints on his wrists one by one. Sabo struggled against them, almost breaking his own wrist in the progress before he suddenly snapped out of it, his adrenaline visibly depleting as he sagged before their eyes.

He seemed small in the bed.

"Koala? Why are my hands tied?" Glazed blue orbs found the girl's brown eyes, confusion swirling in their depths as he attempted to shift and was stopped by the tight restraints. He didn't protest when Hack lifted his head to help him sip at a glass of water.
"It's for your own good Sabo. Try to sleep, hopefully your fever lowers soon." The girl weakly smiled as she plopped the cold cloth on his forehead once again, chasing away the uncomfortable heat of the fever.
"'s cold. Can we cuddle?" They all ignored the slur in his words as he attempted to move his head enough to make the cloth topple off his forehead, but Hack simply grabbed his chin, keeping him in place as he wiped down the blond's stuttering chest.

"We'll cuddle later Sabo, go to sleep for now. You have a fever, you need to rest." The repetition of sleep and rest seemed to do it, and Hack watched with somewhat wide eyes as the blond nodded, a dejected expression flickering on his features before his eyes fluttered close and his breathing evened out, signifying a deep sleep that only came when someone was thoroughly exhausted. He knew that there was nothing between his friends, yet their chemistry never ceased to amaze him. Anyone hearing that conversation would assume that they were lovers, yet he knew that they were like brother and sister, or more likely the closest two people could be without being a couple. He didn't comment when Koala dropped on the bed, her fingers threading through Sabo's sweaty hair. They both remained quiet when Sabo evidently turned towards the comforting touch, as if seeking comfort from the pain and confusion he was going through.

"What time is it?" Koala knocked Hack out of his reverie as she spoke, a hint of tiredness seeping into her voice.
"Just after midnight. You should sleep, I'll wake you if anything happens." Hack knew it was a futile offer, but he still tried.

"I'm not sleeping, what if he has nightmares? We need to tell Ivankov, even if he doesn't want to use any medicine unless we're sure on how he is coping with the memories. He said something about being scared that any medicine will make him lose them again, so unless it gets too severe he'll have to ride it out. And I'll ride it out with him." Koala locked her jaw, determination shining in her eyes as she glared at the fishman, daring him to contradict her.
"Good, then I'll ride it out with you." Hack freshened the cloth once more before leaving it on Sabo's chest and pulling up the sheet so it rested on the blond's hips rather than on the floor.

They were in for a long day until all of this blew over.

Another yawn escaped Koala as she curled up tighter on the chair, content with watching her friend slumber for the time being. It was nearing 4pm of the second day, and despite trying to work out a schedule with Hack so they could both get some sleep and not be exhausted, Koala couldn't sleep no matter how much she tried.

On the contrary, Sabo had barely stirred after falling asleep and after more than a few hours they felt it was okay to remove the restraints so that he could rest more comfortably. They had taken the opportunity to bandage his upper arms to hide the self-inflicted scratches before letting him be. The blond had promptly turned on his side and curled up under the sheet, chest rising and falling steadily as he slumbered, not even aware of their ministrations.

The fever was still fluctuating and Hack and Koala took turns in wiping down his face in order to keep him as cool as possible. However, the girl could see that his temperature was rising again, as evidenced by the growing rose patches on the boy's cheeks and the shivers that were becoming more frequent as time passed.

Seemingly reaching the same conclusion, Hack grabbed the other cloth and after dunking it in the water draped it around Sabo's neck, hissing as his hands came in contact with the blond's skin."He's burning up." The trepidation was evident in his voice as he removed the sheet before trying to turn Sabo on his back.

The force was a huge mistake as the blond's eyes suddenly shot open, the ocean that resided in their depths murky and fogged with the fever. Hack stared at the emotionless eyes in shock before strong fingers were twisting his arm behind his back, a muscular leg sweeping his own feet from underneath him as Sabo jumped from the bed, skittering to the other end of the room. Koala stared surprisingly at her partner, not recognizing the man in front of her.

The Sabo in front of her was wild and nearly feral, completely snarling at them even as shivers travelled through his frame. Cold eyes, buried in nearly black shadows, stared at her from behind a yellow curtain of oily, tangled locks. Koala had seen that look many times on her partner, especially after someone had hurt her in some way, but she had never seen it directed at her -never thought that Sabo would ever look at her that way- and now she understood why most of his enemies were usually petrified upon encountering him.

He looked nothing short of a demon.

"What have you done to my brothers?" The emotionless voice felt like a direct stab to her heart. If there was anything that Koala loved about her partner, it was that whatever he was feeling was directly expressed in his tonality. This time his tone was bland, even deader than the tone of a person who had lost everything he lived for.
"Sabo..." Hack's voice was low and soothing, an attempt to placate his friend. However, he was cut off before he got any further.
"Where are they?!" Sabo's mask cracked, rage flickering on his features and poisoning his words.
"They're safe, like you." Koala piped in, her arms raised in the universal gesture of surrender.
"Safe? I don't even know where I am. If we were all safe they would be next to me, we're inseparable." Sabo's matter of fact tone nearly tore Koala to shreds, but she knew that she would have to continue fooling him in order to get him to stand down.
"We're taking care of you, your parents wouldn't let them in." She felt sick using the knowledge that she had acquired on one drunken night, but knew that she really had no choice.
"I haven't been to my parents for a long time, they wouldn't take me back now. Who are you? What do you want with me? Did they set you up to this?!" Sabo's breathing grew harsher and Hack and Koala exchanged a glance, worrying for their friend's health.
"Nobody set us up to do anything. You have a fever Sabo, Luffy and Ace aren't here. They're living their own lives, you're not children anymore. Come back to us." Hack suddenly spoke up from his position on the floor, shifting the blond's focus and allowing Koala to subtly call Ivankov from the Den Den Mushi in her pocket.
"I don't even know who you are! I have to find them, I have to find Ace and Luffy." Sabo growled out more indecipherable sentences as he started to move forward. He only made it about four steps before his knees gave out, the blond only marginally breaking his fall with his hands before he fell sideways to the floor.

Hack launched forward, gathering the chief of staff in his arms as Sabo weakly writhed, trying in vain to get out of the fishman's grasp. His adrenaline was slowly fading, but he still clung to consciousness with every ounce of energy he had.

"Let me go! What did you do to my brothers? Why won't you let me see them?!" The agony in the blond's tone was heartbreaking. Koala crouched next to them, kneeling so her weight rested on the blond's knees and thus securing his legs to the floor.
"You'll see Luffy later Sabo, when you're fully recovered." Koala hated omitting Ace, but she wasn't one to break promises and thankfully Ivankov slammed open the door before Sabo could question her particularly on Ace.

"What happened?" The accented voice never felt more welcome in Koala's ears and the girl promptly turned, ignoring the renewed effort to get free from Sabo's part.
"He's delirious, you need to give him something, he almost scrubbed his own arm off earlier." Hack offered a summarized version of the events before he cut off with a groan as Sabo managed to elbow his gut.
"Let's get him to bed, see what we can do. Get the restraints Koala, we're going to need them." Ivankov suddenly sobered up, a sombre expression on his face.

Hack rose with Sabo still in his arms, the blond kicking and screaming threats as he was carried to the bed and forcibly laid down. However, Hack noticed that Sabo seemed to become weaker as he lay down, his attempts at attacking growing more feeble even if he still spat curses and insults towards them. Ivankov rested a palm on the blond's forehead, ignoring the attempt made by Sabo to bite the doctor's hand and instead opting to promptly yank down the blond's sweat pants, leaving the chief of staff in nothing but his briefs. The sudden exposure forced a violent shiver out of Sabo, and Hack saw pain flicker on his features at its intensity.

"Koala, grab the ice-compressors and a few towels, hurry." Ivankov didn't have to tell Hack to hold Sabo to the bed as he gently yet quickly restrained the blond, ignoring the sudden shallow breathing as he secured the padded restraints against his wrists.
"It's panicking him." Hack rested an open palm on Sabo's chest, doing his best to calm the blond even as Ivankov seemingly ignored him in favour of preparing an injection which he promptly emptied in the blond's thigh. Sabo jerked, tears pooling at the edge of his eyes as his gaze flickered between them both.
"Hack? Wha's goin' on?" The slurred sentence was the last thing he uttered before his eyes fluttered close and Hack felt his body relax into the mattress as if he was boneless.

"Right now all we need to focus on is lowering his temperature or it's going to kill him. I just gave him a mild muscle relaxant and some medicine, he'll sleep them off and it will keep his tossing down to a minimum so he doesn't hurt himself on the restraints." Ivankov briefly explained before Koala arrived, arms piled high with supplies. The doctor didn't hesitate before spreading out the compressors, two on the boy's groin, one on his forehead, two under each armpit, and another near his neck. Sabo responded by shivering harshly, tears leaking out of his eyes as they weakly fluttered open, taking in the occupants of the room before they closed again. It took a few minutes before the shivers eased down and Koala was relieved to see Sabo finally relax, his features softening as he fell into a somewhat peaceful sleep.

"His pulse is slowing down, temperature is lowering. Check it in an hour or so, but it shouldn't rise again. If it does, call me." Ivankov let out a breath as he stared at the boy's prone form before leaving the infirmary.

Koala settled in her chair again, staring with wide eyes at her best friend. He seemed calmer now, and she felt herself relax slightly as Hack smiled at her, a silent promise that he would look after him. She didn't need any more assurances as she felt her eyes closing despite her wishes, the stress of the last two days taking their toll on her. The last thing she saw was Sabo's peaceful face, lips slightly parted as he drew in breath after breath.

His first thought upon nearing consciousness was that he needed to oil his joints. He didn't even remember going to sleep. How exhausted had he been? How long had he been sleeping? But no, Sabo remembered being on his way to the conference before something happened, before he got the news of Ace.

Ace. His memories.

Sabo involuntary gasped as his memories flickered in his mind, the images vivid against his closed eyes. Immediately he felt a hand cup his jaw, fingers splayed against his scarred cheek. Feminine but still calloused. Koala then. The fingers tapped gently on his face and Sabo found it impossible to ignore them. He tried to get a hand up to grab Koala's wrist, but was shocked when his arm refused to cooperate, his own wrist shackled to the metal railings of the bed.

Deciding that he had had enough surprises Sabo cracked open his eyes, cringing as the light hit his irises and sent daggers through his brain. He instinctively shut his eyes once again and immediately felt another hand, larger this time, cup the back of his skull and raising his head off the pillow until a glass rim pressed against his dry lips, dribbling water into his mouth. The liquid roused him a bit more and Sabo could feel a cold flannel resting on his forehead, soothing the lingering headache. The smell of antiseptic immediately hinted to the room he was in, but that still didn't explain why he had been restrained. The water was taken away and Sabo felt himself being laid back down, the small change in altitude sending dizzy waves through his brain. He had been laying down for a long while then.

"Sabo?" Hack's voice came from his right, a tinge of worry easily heard in the fishman's voice.
"Care to show us those baby blues?" Koala's voice sounded on his left and he felt her remove the restraints, gently putting down the wrist she had just freed. "The lights are off now, you don't have to worry."

Sabo slowly opened his eyes, noticing that although the stars were shining outside, the infirmary - or more accurately the single, small room serving as the infirmary- was quite dark, the only artificial lights being turned off. He blinked drowsily, attempting to sharpen his vision. The swimming images of his friends came into focus and he stared at both of them, a frown forming on his features.

"Sabo?" Koala gazed at him, brown eyes wide with worry and her bushy hair long past the point of needing nothing but a simple combing.
"You guys look like shit." His voice was gravelly and his throat hurt, but Sabo refused to succumb to the coughing fit that tickled his throat, knowing that he didn't have the strength to cough up a lung just yet.
"Well, we haven't been laying in bed for the better part of three days, have we?" Koala rebuttal was weak, and he could see the clear relief in her eyes as she laughed, the wide grin enhancing her tired features.
"Three days?" Sabo's eyebrows shot up, shock evident in his tone as he sat himself up, only remaining upwards because of Hack's sudden hand on his shoulders, keeping him steady as the world swam in and out of focus. Dimly, he registered Koala catching the flannel that fell off of his forehead.

"You had a high fever, Ivankov said it was because of the stress of your memories and the grief. You've been out of your mind with delirium. The fever broke during the night, but you've been in and out for the rest of the day. It's the third day today since you collapsed, and the second or third time you're actually lucid." The fishman's voice was cautious, and Sabo released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding upon hearing the explanation.

"How are you feeling?" Koala spoke up from his other side, and the blond realized that her hand was on his shoulder, as if to keep him grounded to the present.
"Lousy, but fine. What happened to my arms?" Sabo shrugged, never one to hide his ailments if there was no need for him to do so. However, he couldn't recall having his arms bandaged before falling unconscious, and definitely couldn't remember why both of his upper arms were hidden underneath the white fabric.

"You scratched yourself raw in one nightmare, the bandages were just to avoid any type of infection and to keep you from scrubbing off more of your own skin." Hack shrugged, moving to remove said bandages while he spoke. Sabo stared in shock as one arm was revealed, angry red lines clearly marked on his own body. However, he didn't have the words to pass any comments, still shocked by the fact that he had been unconscious for three days.

"Your memories?" The girl pressed on, the hand on his shoulder tightening slightly and knocking him out of his reverie.
"They're here." He tapped his own forehead. "It's strange, suddenly remembering my childhood, but it's all there now. I just need time to process it. Now can I take a shower?" Sabo rose an eyebrow at their over-protectiveness, yet didn't point it out, knowing that seeing someone you care about unresponsive for more than a day was more than a little worrying.

It wasn't as dreadful as remembering you had a brother through the news of his death though.

"I'll grab you some clothes, take it easy in there." Koala rose elegantly and Sabo noticed that her usual boots were missing, the girl padding barefoot across the room to the closet while Hack stood near the blond, making sure that he was not about to take a dive to the floor again.
"I'm fine Hack." Sabo smiled at the fishman as he took a couple of steps, getting used to his own weight again before heading to the bathrooms.

Having new memories sucked ass, as Sabo was eloquently putting it in his head.

There were pieces of his life that he never knew he had experienced flickering behind his mind's eye and though they felt familiar, he was still getting used to suddenly knowing what his life was like before he got swept up by Dragon and the Revolutionaries. Although his newfound memories explained a lot of how he had known what he knew before his training with Hack, Sabo was still trying to wrap his mind about his childhood with an obnoxious household and two boys that he had loved like they were his brothers.

Still loved like they were brothers.

The difference now was that he had only one brother to catch up with when and if he got the chance. He had no chance to meet with Ace again, no chance to see how his big brother had grown. But he could still meet with Luffy, see how the baby brother, the one who wrecked havoc with his very presence, was faring these days. Was he still as troublesome? Sabo had no doubt. Would he accept Sabo now? Would he understand why Sabo couldn't have reached out to him before?

The musing over his memories and now his future was igniting yet another headache and Sabo groaned as he turned off the water, relishing in the soft towel that he used to quickly dry off before donning the sweat pants and hoodie that had appeared next to the door while he was washing. The fever had truly sapped his strength and Sabo staggered -eyes already half closed- to the room that they had put him in, barely stepping inside before there were Hack's hands on his shoulders, gently stirring him to the bed. He had just sat down when Ivankov's hands were suddenly fluttering over his body, checking his face and heart beat and doing other tests that Sabo couldn't even name when he was completely awake, let alone as tired as he was now. He remained pliant, letting the doctor do as he pleased before there were hands guiding him down and onto the pillows, drawing the blanket up to his chest and encompassing the blond in a cocoon of warmth.

He fell asleep in seconds.

After a good night's sleep, a check up, a tray of food, and a lot of fussing from both Koala and Hack, Sabo finally found himself alone. He was on the training grounds, doing some light sparring with a straw dummy just to burn off some steam. The training grounds in the compound they were in were nothing when compared to the ones in headquarters, but Sabo didn't mind as long as they served their purpose. That is; allowing him some time alone to vent his frustrations and do his best to focus his mind on something else rather than his suddenly returned childhood.

Despite being thankful that his memories were back where they belonged Sabo felt heavily burdened, as if there was a weight on his shoulders that kept him down, that restricted him from being the care-free chief of staff that he had always been. Frustration rolled through him once again and he hit the dummy with more strength than he intended, cursing as the wooden stick he had been using broke under the pressure. He had already found time to find as much information as he could about Luffy, immeasurable happiness filling him when he saw that Luffy had found a wonderful crew.

Ace was gone.
Killed by the marines.
Killed by the government.
And Sabo had not been there to protect him.
He had not had his brother's back.

But he wouldn't fail Luffy.
No, he would protect his little brother at all costs.
He would do whatever it takes to protect Luffy.
To protect himself from the pain of losing another brother.
That is, if Luffy was still alive.

"SABO!" Hack's shout jarred him back to the present and Sabo found himself suddenly being hugged by Koala, the girl shaking in his grasp. When he looked down, Sabo saw the wood that he had been using in splinters next to his feet, several gashes oozing blood on his fingers.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." He muttered the mantra under his breath as Hack pushed him to sit down on a slab of rock, examining his fingers before offering a bottle of water to the exhausted blond.
"You're not fine Sabo, and you know that. What's going on?" Koala sat down in front of him, brown eyes boring into his own blues.
"I wasn't there for him." The simple statement was more than enough to show his friends what Sabo's state of mind was, and Koala sucked in a quiet breath.
"Sabo, you didn't remember him up till 5 days ago, how could you have been there for him?" Her voice was soft, and the girl risked putting a hand on the boy's fist.
"I failed my own brother, Koala." His voice broke, but nobody commented on it. Koala let him drag a hand through his hair, fisting the loose curls as a shaky breath escaped him, the chief of staff fighting to keep a tap on his raging emotions.
"You didn't fail him Sabo. For all we know he believed you were dead, and you didn't have the slightest idea of who he was. They were up against three admirals, not even God himself could have saved Ace. They wanted to get rid of him, and the marines usually get what they want." Koala grabbed his wrists in her hands, keeping him from tearing his own hair out. Subtly she tracked his pulse, her worry intensifying as she felt the thundering rhythm just underneath the skin.

"Sabo, breathe. Listen to me, you're going to end up back in bed if you keep doing this. Torturing yourself won't bring Ace back, it won't make everything suddenly seem okay. You need to stop beating yourself up. I am sure that Ace would not have blamed you if he was still with us. You had no control, you need to understand that, and you need to keep tabs on your other brother. We heard news of Luffy, he's alive. Trafalgar Law took him on his submarine and is taking care of him." Hack's tone left no room for arguments and Sabo gazed at his friend, his eyes still swimming with turmoil. However, there was also relief in their depths and both Hack and Koala were glad to see him slowly calming down, as if returning to his former self.

"I know that our words won't be much, but you know you can find us if you need anything, even if it is just for the company." Koala smiled weakly, squeezing his hand before he suddenly stood up, steadying his hat so it wouldn't fall in his haste.

"I need some time alone, I'll get back to you guys." The bitten words were choked up, but no one commented as Sabo high tailed it out of there, his long coat swishing behind him and his hands squeezed into fists by his sides.

Sabo had been avoiding everyone for about a week before Koala and Hack came across him just standing on the roof, gazing at the forest that rested a few metres away from their base. For the first time since everything that had taken place, Koala was glad to see him completely relaxed, as if he had finally made peace with what had happened. As if he had accepted that he could not bring Ace back by drowning himself in self-hate and guilt over what had happened.

As if he had finally accepted that his memories, although they felt new, were an old part of him that would always be with him.

"Are you leaving us?" Despite her best efforts, Koala felt a tear escape at the thought of having to continue on without Sabo by her side. Even though they argued like children, especially over his tendency to disregard orders and his own safety, she couldn't imagine another person that would have her back like he did.
"I would never leave here Koala. You guys are my family now, I just have to go on a mission or something to get my head back in the game, because right now it feels as if I'm drowning in my own brain." He offered a smile to them both before turning on his heel and heading to Dragon's office.
"Want us to come with?" Hack rose an eyebrow at the blond's retreating back, knowing that Sabo had been purposively moving slower so as to give them both a chance to speak.
"Well, someone's got to keep me safe, right?" The remark was shouted over his shoulder and Hack couldn't help but grin at Koala's audible snort as the girl muttered insults and profanities under her breath, cursing the blond's existence even as she went to pack her bags.

The knock on his door brought the blond out of his day dreaming, and he grinned as he saw Koala there, her bag neatly packed and resting on her back as she rose an eyebrow at him.

"What? You wanted the mission, why aren't you ready yet?"

He couldn't help his laugh as he hid the newspaper once again, making sure that the brunette didn't catch sight of it as he grabbed his own readily packed bag and followed her to the ships.

Guess it was time for yet another adventure.

HELLO MY DEAR ONE PIECE READERS! I haven't written for this fandom in a very long while, I had been rather caught up with other series and haven't continued it, in fact I am still at the point where Sabo is fighting against Fujitora. I got inspired to do this when he was telling the admiral how he wouldn't lose another brother, and thought that hey, might as well do my take on what happened. Did a little research, and voila.

I apologise if the characters are a bit OOC, I haven't seen an Ivankov scene in ages and am still getting used to the grown up version of Sabo as well as Koala and Hack, I did my best with what I knew without spoiling myself for what happens in the series.

Anyway, feel free to drop what you think in the review box down here, I look forward to your comments!

-Chrisii

PS: Disclaimer - I do not own One Piece, Oda does, and I am not making any profit from this.

PSS: I omitted the scene where Koala is screaming at Sabo that she thought he would die because I think she would be more composed than that when he woke up, even if fear and relief make people do different things XD Plus, I had already written it all out when somebody messaged me with that clip. [I'm not there yet]