Author's Note:

As always thank you for the reviews and likes! I appreciate them so much

I spent my entire Saturday with Christopher Pike discussing the one thing I always refused to talk to him about. The chair, however, was incredibly comfortable and it didn't match the stiff furniture that was on the rest of the campus. He sat opposite me with a recording device between us. As the device readied itself, Christopher's hands were neatly clasping each other and I realized I had been subconsciously mimicking him when I looked down at my own hands.

"Are you ready?" Christopher asked.

I gave only a nod fearing my voice would give a different answer.

I started at the very beginning. Back when there were only small signs that something was going wrong. The missed meals, the tense looks adults would give each other, and the first break-ins. It started to escalate to murders and days without eating. I mentioned how uncle was one of those killed for carrying food back to his family and how we didn't eat for a while after that because my aunt was afraid of going out to receive the food and leaving us alone. Eventually, my cousin and I snuck out to get our shares but we had to do so in the middle of the night where we would be camouflaged in the shadows.

Then I moved on to talking about the event. The massacre. I never could stand thinking about it but I shared it anyway. My cousin deserved to be spoken about more than what I gave. The entire subject of Tarsus IV was rough to talk about - but talking about him was too much for me. I admitted that his hand slipped from mine right before the sixteen of us escaped, and how if I clung on a little tighter he might have...

I moved on to talk about somebody else and that was Catherine Yoshida's father. He had been the one to pull me near his family and whispered to me about a hole in the fence. His name was Phillip Yoshida.

The hole in the fence was very small and that was why it had been overlooked. It was a rough squeeze even for the children. There was no way the adults could fit through. Only sixteen made it out of there in time. It was a haunting sound, all of those bodies falling.

I began to talk about the events in the woods. I began with the shooting at the abandoned house that cost me three of my children and the shooting near the hill that cost us Gwendolyn Wilson and just about made us lose Thomas.

"Why now, Jim?" Captain Pike abruptly asked. The interruption felt a lot like I was actually being pulled away from the shooting and into safety.

I gave a small laugh.

"I needed a source for the facts in my assignment. Yes, I checked and that's allowed."

"Assignment."

"Yeah." I answered even though I wasn't sure if it was a question or not.

Christopher groaned and closed his eyes with his hand covering his face.

"I wouldn't have let you do the assignment if I known."

"That's why I didn't tell you."

When I didn't continue talking, Christopher looked back up at me. "What's wrong?... James?" He asked - his voice almost sounding panicked.

Bones and Christoper apparently just had to look at my face to know when something was wrong. It should have been an admirable trait of theirs but I wasn't fond of it.

"My heart is beating fast." I said.

"We can finish this at a later time. This might be too much right now."

"No, I need it done before I turn in my assignment." I argued - hearing the desperation in my own voice.

"I don't think-" but I never let him finish. I launched back into my account on Tarsus describing the changes the group had to face when Thomas was injured.

Christopher leaned back and listened.

The campus was filled with people looking down on their PADD with a variety of expressions. Some looked mildly curious, most was jotting stuff down presumably to use for their essays, and others looked downright horrified. I wondered to myself which one I would find Bones doing as I walked to class. I guess I can somewhat understand the rush to read the new account. JT has been rumored to be dead for so long that it must have been exciting that a new point of view on the event was finally getting brought into the light. Christopher asked me if I wanted to reveal my name finally, after all these years. I thought about it - but decided that my name has been through enough.

As a celebration to myself for reaching the finish line of this godforsaken subject - I was going to eat in class. Partly the reason was that I overslept and I didn't have time to eat before. Everyone was just going to have to deal with it because I put off enough meals for this assignment. I didn't even want to think about the irony of the situation.

The door to the history and science building slid open and I took a step inside trying to keep the coffee and food neatly balanced in my hands.

"Are you JT?"

Bones appeared out of nowhere resulting in me dropping everything I had been carrying. This left a growing coffee puddle in a very narrow hallway along with my breakfast I had been carrying.

"Jesus Christ Bones!" I screamed at him before kneeling down to pick up what I could.

Bones didn't seem the least bit bothered by what he had done and continued talking. "I've had suspicions about it since your little slip up in class but this?" He held up his apparently fixed PADD that had JT's new account of the Tarsus IV massacre on the screen. "He talks just like you!"

"We're going to start getting in trouble at some point for all of the coffee we keep spilling," I said. The only thing I could eat now from the mess on the floor was an apple as the rest of the meal's contents was scattered and soaked.

"You've looked exhausted and miserable for the past two weeks! This assignment was clearly emotionally straining on you! You should have told somebody so you wouldn't have to go through that!"

"Of course your solution is to yell at me about my emotional strain." I grabbed the nearest waste bin to throw the food into. "God, can you help me out here or something?"

Bones finally leaned down to help pick up the mess he caused. It only kept him silent for about a second or two before he went back to the subject that he was determined we were going to talk about.

"Are you okay now at least? After today we're done discussing this in class. That must bring some sort of relief?" He asked, his eyes filled with concern.

I almost said, "It might've if I wasn't so damn hungry." The sentence was in my mind and I formed the first word with my mouth before I stopped and realized just how exactly those words would be taken by him.

"Yeah, I'm okay. You don't have to worry." I said instead.

"Consider me officially worried."

"Let's go. Someone is going to slip on that and it'll be all your fault by the way." I said walking away and gesturing to the wet floor.

"All that shit I let Finnegan say in front of you!" Bones said.

"Puddles in hallways are a hazard - you're not even listening are you?"

"-not to mention the documentary that I dragged you to."

I sighed and looked away from him. "We are having two different conversations right now."

Miraculously, we made it to class without anyone walking by to overhear Bones' tirade about how concerned he is for my emotional stability. We both prepared our essays to be ready to send. I witnessed several students adding things at the last minute. I couldn't tell if it was just students who finish things late or if it was because of the new information that I put out there.

I looked over at Bones to see if he was fixing anything only to find him glancing over at mine that I still had pulled up on the screen instead. I didn't fault him for being nosy. My title was probably eye-catching because it didn't say a survivors name like it was supposed to. Every other student's title would have Thomas Leighton, Catherine Yoshida, or Donovan Eames. Instead on my page with enlarged font said

"Seven victims." Bones read out loud.

"There's been enough said about Kodos and those that knew him." I said as if I owed him an explanation. Maybe I did at this point. I brushed him off enough.

His eyebrows were scrunched down together as he continued to read my screen. He was visibly upset as his mouth was even tighter than usual.

"I've never been taught their names."

I blinked at the confession and took a moment to process that.

"That's no fault of yours." I sighed. "I'm not going to get a fantastic grade on this. This wasn't what Professor Gill assigned."

"Yeah but… Would you have been okay with yourself if you just did what was assigned instead of what was needed?" Bones replied.

I met Bones' eyes with mine.

Professor Gill walked in and went straight to telling everyone that they had five minutes to send in their assignments.

I wanted to be relieved by Bones' words. He was right. Of course, he was. Sometimes I think he knew me better than I knew myself. Except that wasn't the only thing I was afraid of. It was only part of it.

I hit send.

And I waited.

I waited until the end of the class period.

Then it happened.

It was the sound of everyone leaving. Of countless students rushing out the doors at once. The loud sounds of feet stomping the ground and bags hitting desks that echoed throughout the room.

With every loud step that hit the floor, I heard the sound of thousands of bodies dropping.

I was done with the assignment, but I wasn't done with Tarsus.

"You know you can always talk to me about anything that's bothering you? Lord knows I don't hold back on you. Is this where you wanted to eat? I probably should have asked before walking you here. Here, have my share I'm not even hungry. Jesus, they sure were stingy with the ice. Do you want my lukewarm drink too? It's not a very tempting offer but-"

"I'm fine, Bones. Thank you."

I never liked eating here. There was something about the colors on the wall that made me nauseous. The murky yellow and the slime green didn't seem like it would help anyone's appetite yet someone decided to paint the place with the worst colors they could find. Another thing that made the cafeteria poorly designed was the tables. They were too close to the seats. It evoked a crowded feeling. Limited almost. I shifted around trying my best to get as comfortable as possible. All the while I felt myself being watched.

Quick glances. Then he would look back at his tray and nibble on his food. It reminded me of those early moments in our friendship when we were just beginning to know each other. When there was still awkward moments of silence in-between small talk. When I wouldn't know if I should ask about the divorce and he was curious about why I always danced around any personal question.

Finally, one of us broke the silence.

"Goddamnit." Bones snapped.

"What?" I asked looking up from my drink that I had just been staring at. He was right, there wasn't enough ice in it.

"I don't know how to do this." Bones said.

"That's a bit obvious." I agreed.

"I just… I don't think you're okay."

"I'm not."

"I-"

"But I will be… with time." I said.

Bones leaned back and ran his hand through his hair. He briefly broke eye contact with me as he stared off into the distance. A moment passed before he looked back and asked. "Have you considered getting help?"

I smiled. Finally, there was something I could say to Bones that wouldn't cause immediate concern for my safety. "I'm starting to consider it."

"Really?" Bones asked.

I nodded.

With a loud sigh of relief Bones breathed out "Thank God." and followed it with. "Thought your hatred of doctors was going to cause more problems here."

"You're a good doctor. I suppose I can trust one more."

"Sappy." Bones said but his smile showed no distaste to the sentiment.

Things had become balanced again. It wasn't great, but it wasn't terrible.

Despite doing double the work I got a C grade. Bones was more upset about it then I was as he ranted about it beyond his usual time frame. I didn't care as much. I was more focused on dealing with the counselor that Bones and Pike both somehow seemed to agree would be best for me without even discussing it with each other. I fear the day they both knowingly team up with each other against me.

My trick to deal with the counselor was to just pretend I was talking to Bones when I would talk about things I didn't want to talk about. I'm hoping, by next semester, I can just handle talking to her without imagining her as somebody else.

My trick was to just imagine I was talking to Bones when I would discuss things with the counselor that was difficult. I'm hoping, by next semester, I can handle talking to her just as she was without pretending she was somebody else.

The semester was now over. Everyone was preparing to make a quick visit to family, friends or otherwise. For once I was looking forward to it. "Where are you going exactly? Home? I'm sure your mother and brother would love that." Bones asked before we separated.

I shook my head.

"I'm going to a wedding."