anyone else super low key about their writing? no one in my personal life knows I'm even a bleach fan, never mind write fanfiction about it. I always wonder why I'm still writing post 686 nonsense and then rationalize its because I never got to properly vent

writing is also just a weird thing. I never write when I'm happy its always cathartic. which is why if you look at any of my 40+ stories maybe 5 of them aren't angsty.

Manic Pixie Dream Guide

He knows she doesn't love him.

Not like she thinks she does anyway. She loves the idea of him, of the role he sometimes plays when duty calls. The underdog, the hero, the savior. He used to catch her looking at him when they were younger with eyes that felt like open arms.

(He's used to the gaze of another girl, one that didn't embrace but impelled and motivated.)

After the war he has no idea who he is anymore, where he comes from, what he comes from. And there she is, with that same reflection of him in her eyes from all those years ago. He thinks that might not be such a bad person to be.

...

People used to wonder how she adjusted so quickly to the Kuchiki family, to life under the watchful gaze of a restrictive family and society. She'll never tell that even before she was Kuchiki royalty she was treated like a princess.

Renji was kind and considerate in a way that made her almost uncomfortable, always sharing his food and giving her an extra blanket after she'd fallen asleep. He'd start fights with men who looked at her a moment too long, justifying his ferocity as run of the mill chivalry.

Even after spending their childhood on the streets together and a few decades of space and maturation, she never felt like the woman he believed her to be. When he proposed, he told her she inspired him to better himself personally and professionally in ways he could never inspire himself. She knew she should've felt flattered and impassioned instead of wearisome.

He would never see her devotion to excellence was driven out of self deprecation and internal anxiety.

(He was never the man who pushed her acknowledge her physical and emotional growth and see beyond her own bullshit)

.

.

.

They settle into characters whose faces are masks and lives an act.

.

.

.

.

.

But maybe it's better to just play the roll and break your own heart.

so I moved east to west. the mountains are pretty cool.

the bitchy girls at my gym who don't like that I out lift them however, are not.