FOUR

As I drove to their airport, a thousand thoughts raced through my mind; I pictured them laughing together, making fun out of me for falling for her so easily and without too much thought. I thought about Percival telling Delphine that I would do anything for her and she could use that against me.

I made it to the airport and sat in the car for a few minutes, they wouldn't be boarding the plane yet.

As I sat there, I started thinking of all the things I could do; I could run in there, shot both of them and flee the scene.

I could get Delphine on her own, make her own up to what she'd done and ask her why.

I could isolate Percival and shoot him the men's bathroom, then come and take Delphine hostage, maybe even torture her for a bit before letting her go with whatever was left of her dignity.

No. There had to be another way.

Finally, I left the car and went into the airport.

I kept my head down, I tried to make myself as inconspicuous as possible and looked for them.

I spotted her first and my heart almost stopped.

She had her head down, her black hair framing her face.

She looked bored as some official checked her bags.

Percival was no where in sight.

I stopped and my lips parted as I watched her.

It was true...she really was alive.

I wanted to run to her, tell her I loved her, that she was forgiven and could just run away somewhere and forget all this ever happened?

But I couldn't, could I?

We could never go back to how we were, not now. She had betrayed me and there was no forgiveness for that.

As I prepared to walk up to her, Delphine looked up, almost as if she'd sensed me standing there, watching her.

Our eyes locked and I was frozen to the spot.

She looked as surprised to see me as I had been to see her.

Something else flashed in her eyes too; guilt?

Then Percival came and gestured for her to move forward.

She put her head down and she was gone.

No matter. I could find her. It didn't matter where she went, I would always find her.

3 MONTHS LATER

Percival and Delphine had parted ways. They were not in this as lovers, just people trying to escape their lives.

It turned out that Delphine had chosen to go to London, which was strange as I thought she would return home. When people felt threatened, the majority of them went home, it was where they felt safe and they thought that because they traveled so much, no one knew where they originally came from.

I kept track of her for a while.

It had been about two months of ducking and diving.

She moved from hotel to hotel, gradually making her way around the city.

I found it odd, her behavior, but still I followed.

She didn't know I was there.

At one point, she stopped walking and looked over her shoulder but then carried on.

I got too close a few times, I wanted to confront her, ask her what she was doing and why did she leave me, but I wasn't ready, not yet.

That would come in about a months time...

She was in a bar. She wasn't even talking to anyone, just sitting there with a drink. Her head was down and she looked lost, sad even.

I steeled myself against pitying her or anything like that and walked right up to her, taking the seat next to her.

She looked up and a look of shock flashed in her eyes before she made to jump from the bar stool.

I grabbed her arm, holding her in place.

"Please. I'm sorry, Lorraine, just let me go."

"Not until you tell me why you left me. Why you staged all of this with Percival."

She swallowed, fear shining in her dark eyes.

She looked smaller somehow.

"Not here." She said, looking around nervously.

"Then where?"

Delphine gestured with her head to the back and I nodded, not releasing her arm until we were in the room at the back. Must be the manager's office.

"Talk." I snapped.

"Lorraine, I couldn't let you give up your career for me. Percival didn't want to come back to London, he wanted to stay in Berlin and live his fucked up life. I wanted you to do what you were sent to Berlin to do. I knew you'd never be truly be happy unless you completed your mission."

"That's good. I almost believed it. Try again." I said but I was calmer than I'd thought I would be.

"It's the truth!" Delphine insisted and after a minute or two of staring into her eyes, Lorraine found that she wasn't lying or if she was, she was good at it.

"All right. I'll let you have that, if it's true. But why have Percival shoot you? Make it look like you were dead?"

"You would have given up everything for me...I couldn't let you do that?"

"By letting me think you were dead?"

She shrugged.

"It was the only way, Lorraine."

I paced around the office and picked up an empty glass tumbler.

"You couldn't have just left a note telling me you never wanted to see me again?"

"You would have followed me. It wouldn't have worked."

I nodded, looking at the glass as though it were the most fascinating thing I'd ever seen.

"Yes well, it didn't really work this time."

"It would have if you hadn't come to the airport."

I threw the glass at the wall in anger and watched it shatter a few feet away from her.

"Dammit Delphine! How could you do that to me?! I loved you! I trusted you! And you worked with that fucked up piece of shit because you wanted me to complete some fucking mission?!"

She had flinched as soon as the glass had hit the wall.

"I honestly thought I was doing the right thing-"

"Well you wasn't, were you?! Why him?! Why Percival?!" I was so angry, I couldn't think straight.

"He-he came to me. He said that he had a plan where we would both get what we wanted. I wanted you to be happy."

I walked towards her, tears filling my eyes as I placed my hands on her shoulders.

"I would have been happy with you...why can't you see that?"

She touched a hand to the side of my face.

"Not completely happy. You live to serve your country, Lorraine. Anyone who loves you can see that and I do."

"If you loved me, you wouldn't have done this to me."

I dropped my hands from her shoulders and turned my back on her, walking back to the desk which the tumbler had sat on.

"You wouldn't have left me at all. If you really loved me, you wouldn't have put me through the pain of losing you. Do you know what I felt when I saw you at the airport? You were alive and I...I didn't know how to feel. I was angry and then relieved. So, so relieved, but then I thought back to how cold I'd felt when Percival put that bullet in your chest and just like that...everything I felt for you...vanished."

Now Delphine was the one sounding like she was about to crack.

"No, no you don't mean that."

She came over to me and grabbed me, pulling me into her as she cried.

My arms stayed by my sides.

"I thought that maybe once you'd finished your mission, I would find you again and we could be happy then."

I shook my head.

"You still would have lied to me, Delphine and that...I find very hard to forgive."

She looked up at me, her grip on me tightening.

"But you can forgive me, can't you?"

I felt numb again and I didn't know what to say or do anymore.

"I don't know..."

"You can forgive me, Lorraine. I know you can." She said but she was pleading, I could hear it in her voice and see in her eyes.

I said nothing and she licked her lips, reaching up to kiss me.

I didn't kiss her back.

So she tried again.

"You love me. I know you do."

She kissed me again.

"Come on, Lorraine."

She then slipped her hand under my skirt and I closed my eyes as she touched me.

"Remember this? Remember how you felt the first time I touched you? It's the same. You know it is."

I let her do this for a little while as she kissed my neck and tried to get me to come.

"I know you...you love me and we both know that this isn't like it was the first time we met. This, what we're feeling, what we felt every time we slept together, is love."

I opened my eyes at that word and looked down at her.

She stopped touching me and her eyes met mine.

"It was love, Delphine. I know that."

Her lips moved into a shaky smile.

"And now? It's the same. It's still love."

I shook my head slowly.

"Now? It's just fucking."

Delphine looked like I'd just plunged a knife through her heart as I removed her hand and pushed her away.

"Don't touch me again."

"Lorraine, don't leave me like this!"

"You mean like you left me?" I asked, looking back as I turned to walk away.

"You know why I did that-"

"You lied to me and maybe in that respect, we're the same."

She looked confused but I didn't want to leave her with an sort of finality. I wanted her to feel just as lost and confused as I felt and would continue to feel.

"I've been lying to you too."

She smirked but it was cold, void of emotion.

"You never loved me, is that it?"

"Oh no, I loved you, Delphine but I'm not who you think I am."

I then walked away, leaving the office but she called after me.

"Then who are you?"

I shut the door behind me as she continued to shout at me.

"Lorraine! Lorraine! Who are you?!"

I left the club and her, behind.

Who was I?

She would find out one day.