Episode 17: The Anti-hero

Niko crouched down to get a better look at the tiny bulbasaur in front of him. "Hey, Dad! What's this pokémon?"

"That's a bulbasaur, Niko. It's a grass and poison type pokémon." His dad said softly, crouching down as well. "You see this bulb on the back? It allows bulbasaur to eat without having to actually eat food."

"How does it do that?" The young Niko asked, looking at the bulb.

"It stores energy from the sun. And when it gets bigger, the bulb becomes a giant flower!" His Dad said with wonder.

"Wow!" Niko said in awe. "Dad, can I get a bulbasaur?"

"When you're older, Niko. Trainers get their pokémon usually after they turn 10."

"One day, I'm going to catch a bulbasaur, and it'll be the strongest bulbasaur out there!" Niko said definitively.

"If you're training it, then of course it will!" Dad said, patting his son's back. "Now, come on, Mom's waiting at home."

The trip to Kanto took half a day. Niko, with Fay, Brittany, and JJ, took a flight from the Fight Area to Viridian City, where Professor Oak picked them up and drove them down to Pallet Town. As soon as they entered, Niko leapt out of the car and ran home. Tearing open the door, he looked around.

"Mom? Dad? Jake?" Niko shouted. Suddenly, delibird fluttered over to him. "Delibird, where is everyone?" Delibird nodded, pulling a note out of his bag and handed it to Niko. "They're at the hospital…alright, thanks." Niko said, running back out of the door. As he entered the front yard again, he saw his mom and Jake standing there, briefly speaking with Oak. As they saw him, they both burst into tears.

"Niko…" His mom said, running and embracing him. "Your Dad…"

"He died, Niko." Oak said. "Just this morning."

"W-what…? How? Why?" Niko said, unable to comprehend.

"He was sick. We didn't know how serious it was until recently. Over the past couple of weeks, he didn't want to bother you on your journey, and he didn't think it was as bad as it actually was."

"And it was hard to reach you, too." Jake said bluntly.

"I'm sorry…" Niko said. "You should have said something, though! I would have come back!"

"Niko…" Brittany said.

"What?! If something was wrong with my Dad, why am I just now finding out!?" He spat, unlatching himself from his mother. "I should have been there! He's my Dad!"

Niko then turned and ran inside, up the stairs, and closed himself off in his room. Throwing his bag across the room, he fell down on this bed and screamed into a pillow. His head was throbbing now; crying tended to do that.

He spun around and looked up at the ceiling, unsure of what to think; how to feel. The past 24 hours had been a whirlwind, and he was now trying to catch up. He lost to Palmer; he ended his relationship with Lauren; his Dad had passed away. Nothing was going right. He was lost. And he felt alone.

The following day, Niko sat outside on the back porch, watching his pokémon run around. It was the first time since Lily of the Valley that he had seen rampardos. And while the headbutt pokémon was beyond excited to see his trainer, Niko hardly glanced at him, unable to express any semblance of emotion. Occasionally, one of his pokémon would walk over to him—hitmonchan, aggron, yanmega, prinplup—but they didn't seem to get through to him.

The whole day, Niko sat there. He felt paralyzed. He felt like his world was ending. He felt hopeless.

Around sunset, he heard someone open the backdoor. The form of Brittany emerged from behind it, and the brunette walked over to sit next to her friend.

"How are you?" She asked in a soft tone.

"Fine."

"No…I mean, how are you?" She repeated.

"Didn't I just answer that?" Niko demanded to know. Brittany shook her head. "Then what do you want to know?"

"You've been through a lot. I think it's best to talk to someone."

"And you think that has to be you?" Niko asked.

"It doesn't, but I want to help you."

"And how will you do that? Why do you want to do that?" Niko asked.

"Because you're one of my best friends, Niko. Whenever I've felt down, you've brought me back up. You've given me hope, and a reason to believe in myself. Give me a reason to not help you."

"Because I'm worthless. I can't do anything right."

"That's not true."

"HOW!?" Niko shouted. "How is it not true, Brittany!? For the past three years, I've shown no improvement in becoming a Pokémon Master! And I proved that to myself when I forfeited my match against Palmer! Hunter was right. I can't win. I can't do anything right. I'm a loser; a failure."

"That's not true."

"Yes. Yes it is." Niko said angrily. He slammed his fists on his legs. "How do you not see that!?"

"Because Niko, after travelling with you for almost four years now, I think I know you pretty well."

"Well, you clearly don't, because I'm not the person you think I am. I mean, I even managed to mess up the only real relationship I've ever been in."

"Yeah, you did mess that one up." Brittany said honestly. "Lauren was really torn up after your fight with her. It took a long time to calm her down, but she eventually came to." Brittany sighed. "She did love you, though."

"Well, not anymore she doesn't. And I guess I don't either."

"Love her, or yourself?"

"Both."

"Well, I'm sure you can find a way to patch things up with her. Start from square one, and rebuild that relationship. I think, deep down, you love her too."

"I don't know if I do. If I can't say it for sure, then I definitely don't."

"That's true…actually." Brittany said. "But I think you at least owe her an apology."

"I'm not talking to her."

"Well, I think she would like to talk to you. When I told her I'd be going back to Kanto, she seemed really worried about you and your father. Like, almost disturbed even." She shrugged. "And if you won't do it for her, or for yourself, can you do it for me?"

"I don't want to talk to her." Niko repeated.

"Fine." Brittany paused for a minute to watch Niko's pokémon running around. She brought her own to join, but they seemed more concerned for their trainer and Niko. "Anyways, I know you don't want to think about the future, but if you want to get away and travel a bit, I'd love to join you."

"I don't know what I want to do, Brittany."

"I know. No pressure." She got up. "I hope you feel better, Niko."

She then left.

The following day, Niko sat there on the same bench, watching the pokémon run around and play. He wasn't feeling much better, but he was relatively calm. Being outside certainly helped. He didn't realize how much he missed the temperate climate of the Kanto region. Or, at least, the part of the region that Pallet town resided in.

Then, just like the day before, another person exited from the house via the back door. This time, it took the form of JJ.

"Hey, buddy. How are you?"

"Fine."

"Oh, please. Brittany told me. Don't use that same response, because you're definitely not 'fine.'"

"What do you want, JJ?"

"To see how you're holding up. Fay wanted to come, but he's busy with work. And you've already talked to Brittany." He sat down. "So talk to me. What's going on?"

"My dad died, JJ. I lost the only relationship I've ever had. And I'm a failure as a trainer."

"I'm really sorry to hear about your dad, bud. He was a great guy. As for Lauren, you messed up, but Brittany's right—you should at least talk to her. And lastly, you're a great trainer."

"No. I'm not."

"Look out there, Niko!" JJ said, lifting his friend's head and pointing to the pokémon running around. "You did that! All of those badges you've gotten, all of those leagues you've participated in. That was because of you! You've helped raise pokémon up from good and bad circumstances! You've made friendships that will last a lifetime! How are you not a great trainer?"

"Hunter's right, though."

"Screw Hunter!" JJ snapped.

"No, he's right. I couldn't beat him, and I couldn't beat Palmer. I used the best pokémon for the situation, and I lost. You can't see me forfeit and still call me a great trainer."

"But you are, Niko." JJ said quietly. "You've inspired me."

"No, I haven't."

"But you have! Remember when I lost to Brock? I wanted to quit being a pokémon trainer. But I loved being around you and Fay so much, and loved seeing the world so much, that I wanted to suck it up and continue on. I didn't challenge gyms like you did, but I found my calling. I found a woman that I want to be with. I've seen and met people and pokémon that I never thought I would. And it's all because of you!" JJ said. "You're a constant inspiration to me and everyone around you. I've always believed you to be one of the strongest trainers I know. And with the pokémon that you have, you can be the greatest trainer in the world!"

"But I'm not, JJ. How can you not see that?" Niko said, clearly irritated. "I've been unable to improve my standing in a Pokémon League. I can't beat the one person in the world I would love to best in a battle. And I've had problems with the pokémon I've raised. I've lost a relationship. I've lost a father. How—why should I continue?"

"You should continue because that's the only way you'll get better!" JJ said. "When you lost at Indigo Plateau, you wanted to give up then, but you didn't. When you lost to Elliot, and Melinda, and even Hunter, you didn't give up! That's what I admire about you. That's what Brittany, and Fay, and Lauren, and Jake, and your parents admire about you!"

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm done." Niko said.

"What…?" JJ asked.

"You heard me. I quit."

"But…you can't quit."

"I just did." Niko said plainly. It was clear that he didn't want to say any more on the subject.

"Have you told them yet?" JJ asked in reference to the pokémon.

"I will. I haven't decided when, though."

"Will you stay here?" JJ continued.

"I don't know, JJ. Please leave."

"There's nothing I can say to change your mind?"

"Absolutely nothing." Niko said. "End of conversation."

JJ stood up. "Well, fine. I can't seem to convince you. Later, Niko." He said, walking back into the house, leaving his friend completely alone.

Later, when Niko walked in, Jake walked up to him. They embraced briefly. "Hey, Dad's funeral is tomorrow afternoon. Just so you know." Niko simply nodded, and walked upstairs to his room.

That evening, Niko was staring at his ceiling, unable to sleep. Eventually he got up to look at his desk. On display sat his badge cases from Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh. The only case missing was his Frontier Prints, which he had thrown in a box and put in his closet. He didn't want to look at them any longer. And he did the same with his other badge cases, putting them in the same box and throwing them in his closet. He didn't want to look at them anymore. He wanted to forget.

He then walked over to his window and opened the blind briefly, looking down at his nearly two dozen pokémon. All of them were sleeping peacefully. He wanted to give them one last look, especially if he chose to follow through with what he wanted to do.

Lauren stood in front of the Battle Tower and looked up at the massive building. It had only been a couple of days since she was last there, but it felt like forever. So much had happened between now and then. Niko had left, and her world felt thrown into turmoil.

But it wasn't just Niko. Brittany and JJ were gone, too. Her way of life had been altered radically and instantly. She tried to ignore it as she entered the tower. Walking up to the front desk, she requested a meeting with the Tower Tycoon.

"And who may you be?" The lady asked causally.

"I'm the new Frontier Brain." Lauren said, equally as casually. The lady nodded, and picked up a phone to dial a number, presumably Palmer's. Moments later, the elevator opened, and the tall blonde in a long, forest-green trench coat walked out happily, arms open wide.

"Welcome, Lauren!" Palmer said cheerfully. "How are you?"

"I'm…alright, I guess. I've come to a decision."

"And…?" Palmer said curiously.

"I accept your offer to become a Frontier Brain." Lauren said decisively.

The following morning, Niko got dressed up as if he was going to the funeral—in all black. His mother had Jake go out to get his older brother a suit, since Niko didn't actually own one. He put it on, but as he was finishing, he heard Jake enter.

"What's up?" Niko asked as he tightened his black tie.

"We're ready to leave." Jake said. He too was dressed in all black and looked rather dashing, if it weren't for the circumstances.

"Actually, you guys go on ahead, alright? I have something that I need to do first."

"Are you sure?" Jake asked curiously. "We can wait, I think. It's important that you're there."

"I will be, Jake. Don't worry. But let me go at my own pace, alright?" Niko demanded.

"Fine. See you there." Jake said, and left the room.

Niko waited until he heard the car drive away before he tore off the suit and got into more comfortable clothes. He pulled out his bag from underneath his bed that he had prepared the previous evening, slung it over his shoulder, and walked downstairs and into the backyard.

There, he saw his pokémon all turn to look at him. Niko choked up a little, and threw his bag onto the ground before approaching them.

"Hi, guys…" Niko said, looking at the four teams of pokémon that he had assembled over the past few years. "I…I want to say something to you before I leave."

The pokémon looked at him, confused and curious. Niko then took a deep breath, and began.

"I just want to say that the past four years have been an incredible experience. Meeting each and every one of you has been an individual high point of my life, and I wouldn't be the same without you all. We've been through so much—so many wins, and loses, and ties. We've grown in different ways, learned new things about ourselves and one another, and most importantly made lasting friendships. I can honestly say that I'm a better person because of you all.

"And that's why I owe you all the explanation for what I'm about to do. I'm giving up. I am no longer pursuing the goal of being a Pokémon Master, and I will no longer be training you all. I'm leaving Kanto for a long time, and I don't know when I'll be back. I don't know where I'm going, and I don't want any of you to follow me."

By now, his pokémon registered a variety of responses. Some of them were crying; some simply looked melancholic; and others more worried or concerned. Only venusaur seemed to express understanding, but even he had a tear in his eye. There's no way that Niko would abandon him—and the others—out of nowhere.

"It's difficult having to tell you this, but I think it's for the best. I'm not cut out to be a trainer anymore. Hunter was right—it's not for me. But if you feel that it's in your best interest to get stronger, than you can leave if you want. I'm not stopping you. No one is."

Niko then picked his bag back up and slung it over his shoulder. He looked at each of them in turn before staring right at venusaur, who stood in the middle. A tear briefly shone on Niko's cheek.

"Good bye, buddy." He then turned around and walked back through the house, not looking back at his pokémon, all of whom had tears in their eyes now, knowing that their trainer was abandoning them and might not come back for them. It was a hard pill for them to swallow, and not one that they were willing to take.

Off in the distance, a jet-black haired trainer watched from the other end of a low white picket fence. He tucked his hands into his jeans, lowered his red and white cap, and walked away, mindful of what he just saw.

Niko then walked inside, dropped a note on the kitchen table for his Mom and Jake to explain the situation as he just did with his pokémon. As he left his home, he finally took a look back, expressing a sad look the house he grew up in, and then proceeded towards the cemetery on the other end of the town.

Walking up to a tree roughly a hundred yards away, he watched the burial service from a distance, a crowd of people dressed in black gathered around a large casket. From his vantage point, he could spot Brittany, JJ, Fay, Jake, his mother, Professor Oak, and many others from his childhood. He sighed quietly, a tear in his eye as he took one last look at some of the only friends he has ever known, and turned and walked away.

Niko had no idea where he was going now, but it didn't matter to him. He felt like leaving was the best choice for him. It was the only choice. After an hour of walking, he made it to the water, watching as the sun set on the water, bathing the large expanse of ocean in a tangy orange glow. He took a deep breath, soaking in the fresh air, looking down and watching goldeen leaping in and out of the water.

It was the end of one journey, one arc, one chapter in his life, and the beginning of another. What lay ahead of him, he had no idea. The kinds of people he would meet, the kind of job he would take up in his new home was as of yet unknown to him. But he knew one thing for certain: he would never train pokémon again.

Author's note: This episode is—and will likely remain—one of the most pivotal episodes of the entire series. And, from my perspective, it was one of the harder ones to write. I've never written about human death before, and since Niko is—in a few ways—a character based on myself, it was even more difficult. However, this episode is one of the times where who I am and who Niko is are different. Niko, at this point in the story, becomes more of an anti-hero, which is not necessarily who I am in real life. How he develops after this you'll just have to wait and see, but this is definitely the lowest point he'll ever get to, and the darkest I'll ever write for this series. Also, it's worth noting that the way I've planned out his character development can be summarized into roughly three parts. This was the end of the second part. When we reunite with him in Season 6, he'll begin the third part.

At the end of this pivotal season, I want to make a few points about the characters, since the entire group is essentially disbanding. I'll start with Lauren:

Lauren had a couple important roles in the series. First and foremost, she was Niko's first love interest (even though he didn't technically "love" her), and provides romantic development for Niko, which is an essential part of his character development. Secondly, she acted as the primary rival for Season 4 (and kind of 5), both for Niko and for Brittany. And, honestly, she was a lot of fun to write, especially at the beginning of the series. As you all pointed out, her feelings for Niko were stupidly obvious. That was sort of intended.

Next is JJ. I'll be honest—I'm going to miss writing him and Brittany a lot. JJ is, with maybe a single exception, completely based on someone I know in real life. Actually, most of these characters are. I had originally planned for JJ to stay on until Sinnoh, and I'm glad I followed through on that, but I have a few regrets about how I wrote him:

For starters, I peaked his development too soon. I wanted him to discover his "dream" early on, but I inadvertently made him too confident too early. JJ in Season 1 was an often-nervous, somewhat dim-witted young man who was more of a follower than a leader. I wanted him to peak around late-Season 3, early Season 4, but I think I did it around the end of Season 2.

The other regret is the pokémon choice for him. I should have given his chikorita to Niko, and just nixed shroomish altogether. I had plans for them, but never really cared enough to follow through with them.

Lastly, I want to examine Brittany. Like with JJ, I'm really going to miss her. In real life, Brittany's character is one of my best friends, and I think I replicated that quite well here. Brittany is one of my favorite characters to write, and I think I did quite well in expressing that in this episode when she talks with Niko for the last time. I'm satisfied with her development, only that I think her development had the opposite problem compared to JJ's—I began her development later than I should have.

I always planned for her to be the coordinator of the group (I think it's important to include this in a fanfic about Hoenn and Sinnoh, since it's important to the culture of those two regions in the Pokémon universe), and I'm really happy with how her development as a coordinator turned out. As for her choice of pokémon, I'm satisfied with it. Tangela was the only one I briefly regretted. I should have had her catch tangela later, since it served essentially no purpose until Hoenn and Sinnoh.

With all of that said, I hoped you've enjoyed the series so far. As I've said before, this is a personal exercise in how I improve my writing. Part of that is character development, an aspect I've never been particularly good at, just like description of the world around my characters. I'd like to think I've gotten better at it, and it will continue to be the focus of the seasons to come.

Now, I'd like to thank the reviewers, followers, and favoriters (which i've now declared is a word). I admittedly don't get a lot of them, so it's always nice (and a little nerve-wrecking) to get notifications of them in my inbox. All the same, they are appreciated, due to the nature of this personal exercise.

So, without further ado, I'd like to thank Jolteon2404, Mega Espeon, Eeveefan1290, Hello 12, Light Flame Blast, Pokemaster3164, Amazing Spectacular Spider Man, Athios, RubyOmegaGroudon, and YellowFlashCannon.

I've said too much now. I'll resume this series at the beginning of next month. Thanks for reading! :)