Breathe

By K-chan

AN: wah!  This fic is in a letter form from Bakura to Tea.  Bakura may be a bit OOC in the beginning.  It's pretty angsty, and gets more so towards the end.  Don't worry though cause this fic will have a sequel, from Tea's PoV.  I don't think its as good as the other three I've written this week, but its not bad =)  Oh the song is 'Trust' by Adema 

"Let me breathe

Let me breathe

I can't even think right now

Don't both asking me why I'm writing this letter because I can't tell you, and even if I could I wouldn't.  I suppose writing this letter is utterly pointless when I can't even seem to think straight, but I'm writing it anyway.  Maybe then you'll understand.  Understand that what I'm doing is for the best.

Something's got me

Feeling guilty

Hurt you slowly

But so surely

I won't lie and tell you it doesn't anger me how you somehow make me feel guilty for every thought I have.  You don't even have to do anything and I feel guilty, a feeling that I am not at all accustomed to.  It annoys me and when something annoys me I strike out at it.

I end up hurting you.

Perhaps that is why I feel so guilty when my thoughts and actions are less than…pure.  I know that in the end it will only hurt you.  I would like to say that I don't care, and even if it appears on the outside that I don't, I actually do.  I don't want to hurt you.  Everyone else maybe… but not you, anyone but you. 

I don't know why

Love you so much 

I can't feel

Because I'm lost

Everyone of your little mortal friends assumes that I don't have the capability to love… to care… to feel.  But how wrong they are.  Just because I choose not to, doesn't mean I can't.  My pathetic hikari knows just as you do that I am more than capable of caring when I so choose to.  That judgmental pharaoh wouldn't know anything unless it hit him in the head.  Hmm… hitting the pharaoh in the head, a pleasant thought, but alas I digress.  My point is that despite what your friends think I do love you.  There I said it –don't think you'll hear it again.

I never thought I'd fall in love with a cheerful, friendship loving cheerleader, but Ra apparently has a sense of humor.  He thought it grand to make the angry tomb robber spirit fall for the happy optimist.  Che.  I'm laughing so hard.

Not too much mad

As no more

Is it you, is it me

Is it us or is it trust?

Or is it trust?

Trust.  A funny issue when it comes to me.  No one trusts me.  No one but you. 

Why do you? 

The question has plagued me ever since you wormed your way into my dark heart.  Right from the beginning you didn't fear me.  Even when I locked you and your friend's souls in your favorite cards you didn't fear me.  I saw you, cowering behind the boys, but you weren't really cowering were you?  Those stupid boys thought you weak and in need of protection so they stood in front of you, and you just let them think you were scared.  It's so like you, sacrifice your own feelings for others.  In real game rules I could have destroyed you –even before my fucking hikari screwed me over-, but I didn't.  Why?  To think day I don't know what came over me.  Conceivably I had fallen for you even then.  You were the light to my darkness, you intrigued me.

Pushing into

What I want

Because I am so

Goddamn selfish

As soon as I figured out it was you that I wanted, that made me feel, I went after you.  I always get what I want, if it resists I take it.  If you had resisted I would have taken and made you mine anyway.  But you didn't resist, not even a little bit.  You just gave yourself to me with out hesitation.  It pleased me, you stroked my ego not putting up a fight.  I got what I wanted, but I didn't even think of what you were sacrificing.

You should have lied to your friends.  Said I raped you.  But you didn't.  Why?  What damn it?!  You would have been better off!  Why let yourself love an evil, cold, selfish bastard like me?  Don't lie to yourself… I know what I am.

I'm so alone, empty and lost It's easier to let you go

Screw the flowery words; I'll just get to the point.  I'm letting you go.  You don't need me, and are better of with out me.  The pharaoh will love you better than I ever could.

Never mind that I'm alone.  I've been alone all my life, and after life, what's so different now?  I am nothing but darkness, why can't you see that?  You insist that there is more to me, that there is good inside of me.  There isn't.  I am nothing.  I am empty.  I'm not meant for your world.  I am destined to wander this world full of science and technology alone until I finally gain the items I seek or am finally destroyed.  Which ever comes first.

Time will erode

The shame and the fault

It's easier to let you go 

No matter what you think, if you are with me you belong to me, and no one will touch you but me.  However, since I have come to realize that this is not the way things work in your world it is just another reason why the word 'together' cannot be in our vocabulary.

Time will ease the minimal amount of pain that you will feel getting over me, the shame of ever being with me and the fault you place on yourself.  I know you well enough to know that you will blame yourself for me ending our relationship.  Do what you want, believe what you want, I know I do.

I can't feel

Because I'm lost

Not too much mad

As no more

My feelings end here.  I may have confessed love for you in the earlier parts of this letter, but I find the closer it comes to the end the more my so called 'feelings' die.  I don't need you, and you don't need me.  Don't be angry, if you open you naïve eyes you will understand.  We are no more and you wont see me again.  Don't bother asking Ryou about me because he will tell you nothing, I will make sure of it.

Time will erode

The shame and the fault

It's easier to let you go

My decision is easier for the both of us.  It's the end.  You mean nothing.  We meant nothing.  Deal with it.

            Bakura."

Is it you, is it me

Is it us or is it trust?

Let me breathe

Breathe…

Bakura growled, shoving the piece of paper in an envelope, slapping a stamp on it then trudging out to the mailbox and dropping it in.  It was painful, far more painful than he had ever imagined.  He had never felt such pain in all his long life. 

It was worse than being locked in the shadow realm –which he had experienced first hand twice.  He felt a piece of his soul missing, and as soon as he dropped the dooming letter into the mailbox he was truly empty, just as he told her.  She may have belonged to him, but she made him.  She was his soul, and made him more than just an evil, selfish, power hungry tomb robber.

His fists clenched in an effort to resist ripping the mailbox apart to regain the letter.  He knew what he had to do.  She deserved higher than a criminal.  The pharaoh loved her, and she deserved to be queen.  She was above low life scum, as all angels were.

He felt the sudden urge to destroy something and, in preservation of his hikari's house, he strode off toward the dirtier part of town.  He would take out his anger and pain on some unfortunate mortal that just happened to be braking the law at that moment.  A question lingered in the back of his mind.

Why couldn't he just… trust?