Hold Me or Leave Me

Chapter One

(Chloe P.O.V.)

Today has been aca-awful. As I walk down the sidewalk heading to the parking lot I let out a deep sigh and run my fingers through my hair. The day has been exhausting. Mid-term grades were due this morning. The kids have been crazy. It was the last day before Christmas break. Don't get me wrong. I love my job at Brandon Hall. Teaching music to those kids make my day. But other days I just want to stay in bed and watch Netflix but who doesn't. Looking through the staff parking lot I realize I'm one of the last teachers here for the evening. I glance down at my watch and see it's slightly past five thirty. After letting out another deep sigh I make my way over to my maroon 2016 Chevy impala. A congratulatory gift from my parents for finally graduation from Bardon. After taking a seat in my car I pull my phone from my back pocket and allow it to connect to the Bluetooth in my car. After taking a few minutes to find a song I decide on one of Beca's mashups. One of my new personal favorites, Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars and Just a Dream by Nelly, except this version is Beca's vocals with a mash up of six under laying beats. Beca sent me her new mash up about a week ago and I have not been able to turn it off.

A smile makes its way on to my lips as Beca's voice makes its way through my car speakers. Suddenly the stress of the day falls from my shoulders. I become lost in the song as I navigate the streets of Atlanta heading to my apartment. There's a familiar feeling bubbling in my chest as my playlist of Beca's mixes run through. The Friday afternoon traffic passes by in a blur. My thumbs have found a matching beat on the steering wheel and I can't stop myself from singing along. My cars automated voice pulls me from my trance due to the music.

"Incoming Call from Aubrey Posen." My smile widens just a bit. I push the green phone on the touch screen mounted in my dash to accept the call. No sooner as I connect the call a squeal makes its way through my speakers causing me to cringe.

"Chloooeeee!" I can't help but let a chuckle fall from my lips.

"Hey Bree." After checking my mirrors, I change lanes.

"Ohmigod! Chlo! There having a Bella's reunion at Bardon! We have to go!" Another laugh bubbles its way out at Aubrey's enthusiasm. Just as I'm about to talk, Aubrey rattles off questions at rapid fire pace.

"Alright! Slow down! What reunion? I haven't received an invite?" After pulling into my apartment complex I put my car in park and transfer my call from my car back to my phone.

"The one Legacy is putting together. She's graduating this year Chlo. Come on we have to go!" I make my way to the lobby of the building and head towards my mailbox in search of this reunion invite. After a few seconds of finagling my key into the lock I open the box and search for the envelope.

"Okay, hold on. I'm looking for it." I search the envelopes and one particularly stands out. It's forest green with gold calligraphy writing across the front. "Got it." Shoving the rest of the mail into my messenger bag I open the peculiar envelope and pull out a formal invitation signed by none other than Legacy. A full smile breaks out on my lips. "I guess the girls are getting back together." When a squeal on the other end reaches my ear I pull, the phone slightly away.

"Alright I need to go make arrangements for this. Let me know your plans!" I start making my way towards the stair well to start my way up to my apartment on the third floor.

"Alright. I will Bree. Love you." I laugh at her enthusiasm again and place my phone in my back pocket. As I bound up the steps my excitement grows. The effin Bella's are getting back together. I cannot wait to see who is going to show. My feet come to a stop. I wonder if Beca knows. My feet start moving again but at a faster pace. I crash through the door leading to my hallway and make quick work of getting into my apartment. Tossing my bag on the table beside the door I head to my room and pull my phone back out. I rush into my room and check my appearance in the mirror. I swing my head back and forth while running my hands frantically through my hair trying to get the volume I want. After deeming myself presentable I scroll through my contacts to find the one person I want to talk to in this moment. I select the face time option and hope that my DJ is free and has a moment to talk to me. Smiling into the camera I wait for Beca's face to grace my screen. The screen goes black as we connect. A huge smile crosses my face as Beca appears.

"How is it Chlo!" I take her in through the screen as one of Beca's biggest smiles cross her face. She's sitting in a chair with her back to the recording booth and the mixing deck. Donned in a totally Beca Mitchell appropriate outfit. A white button up sheer shirt with black stripes and a black leather jacket to cover her exposed shoulders since the shirt is sleeveless. I should know. It is mine after all. Beca has grown as a person. She's done amazing things. She's DJ'd at some of the biggest clubs in LA. I can't help but smile proudly at her.

"It's pretty good this way. Just got home from work. You look busy do you want me to call you later?" I watch as Beca checks her watch then looks about the room.

"No. you're okay. I'm waiting for Brody to finish up then we're going to dinner. So, I've got a few minutes to spare for my best friend." I tilt my head in slight confusion.

"Brody? I don't remember you telling me about a Brody." After Jesse and Beca broke up after graduation for some reason she still has kept to herself, Beca never really started dating again. I wince internally at the memory.

*Flashback*

The Bella house is roaring with party goers. Beca has the sound system in the backyard booming. The booze is free flowing and everyone is feeling good. There's people sliding down the staircase on a trash can lid, people dancing all over the place and a match of intense beer pong on the kitchen island. I stand in a corner of the house watching everyone. Taking in this one last night before we all hit reality. Taking a long drag of my Alabama Slammer I make my way over to my little DJ who is in her own little world.

After grabbing a cold bottle of Bud Light Platinum I quietly I wrap my arms around Beca's shoulders startling her causing her to whip around and pull her huge headphones haphazardly from her ears.

"Jesus Christ…" I laugh as Beca clutches her chest. Taking another long swig of my drink I wait for Beca to regain her composure.

"No Becs its Chloe. Although, we could get out of here and you can keep calling me that…" After tossing her a playful wink I let out a fully belly laugh as Beca's smile drops and she freezes. But she quickly replaces it with a smirk and raised eyebrow.

"As tempting as that sounds Beale I'm gonna have to turn you down. I actually like to keep my moral standards high." I feign shock and playfully slap her arm.

"Shut up." We both laugh as I hand Beca her beer. Her eyes go wide and a huge smile falls on her lips.

"God, I love you!" My heart slightly flutters at her words. Beca pops the twist top and my eyes reflexively follow the bottle as it connects with her thin pink lips. My mouth goes dry as a droplet of the beer runs down the side of her mouth, down her cheek, and starts making its way down the front of her throat. I shake my head slightly to bring myself back to reality.

"Only because I bring you alcohol…" A slight chuckle from behind me makes me tense and want to strangle who ever just had to interrupt our moment but instead I throw on a bubbly smile and turn around to meet the intruder. My heart plummets in my chest. Jesse… I exhale deeply as I notice the slight glint in his eyes. I see it every time I'm around Beca. Over the years I have seen it more and more. So, with one last smile I quietly excuse myself using the excuse to go find Aubrey.

Weaving through the masses of people I make my way through the house giving smiles and hellos. I manage my way up the steps and into the quietness of my room. Sighing happily to find my room empty I toss the now empty solo cup in my trash can before making my way over to the window. I lift the glass and climb on to the roof. My spot. My quiet spot. It sits right under an old oak tree but I can still see the expanse of the star filled sky. I fall into a trance while watching the stars. Beca's latest mix booming through the speakers below me. This moment couldn't be more perfect. Folding my arms behind my head I let my eyes drift closed. The music and the time fade and I finally find a sense of peace.

I don't know how much time as passed but a slamming door pulls me from my peace. My eyes snap open as my body lurches up. Scanning the back yard, I see the party has died down a bit but it's still pumping. Ragged breathing pulls my attention back to my room. My eye brows shoot up in disbelief. I make my way back to my window about to give a third-degree lecture to whomever is doing the nasty in my room or god forbid on my bed. My feet hit the floor in my room with a thud as I jump through my window. Scanning the room for the people who have barged in my room to do god knows what my eyes fall on Beca… who sits with her knees pulled to her chest. I take in her form. Her head is flung back against the door with her eyes closed. Her mascara and eye liner leaving black trails down her face. My heart clenches in my chest as her head falls to her knees with a sob ripping from her lips. My brain is telling my feet to move to comfort her but my feet seem glued in their spot. I open my mouth to say something but I can't manage a single syllable. Never in the four years of knowing Beca Mitchell have I seen her this distraught. My vision becomes blurry with gathering tears as her body starts shaking as the sobs come from her lips more heavily. I finally manage to find my voice.

"Becs…" I take a step forward when Beca raises her head and finally meets my gaze. Her eyes are blood shot. Her irises aren't their normal color blue, they look almost black. She hastily wipes her cheeks and plasters a half smile on her face that slowly drops with a quivering lower lip. Dropping to my knees, I kneel in front of Beca. I take in the woman in front of me who always seems so strong, who doesn't let shit get to her. My heart starts to shatter in my chest. Raising my hand to Beca's pale cheek I brush my thumb across it to wipe away the running mascara and tears. My eyes stay locked on Beca's as we make some sort of silent understanding. I place a kiss on her forehead and pull her up into my arms. The second my arms encase her it's like a dam breaks. Beca's body becomes wrecked with powerful sobs again. I pull her in tighter to my chest almost like if I hold her tight enough I can force all the pieces of her breaking heart back together. Rubbing circles on the small of her back I whisper words of encouragement in her ear. I don't know how much time has passed but Beca's sobs slowly turn into hiccups which are now just sniffles. Beca pulls back and I find her gaze. I rest my hand on her cheek again as a sad smile tugs on my lips. "We don't have to talk about it now. But I'm here to listen whenever you want to talk." Beca sends me a small smile as thanks. The rest of the night is spent laying in my bed watching Greys Anatomy on Netflix with Beca's head resting in my lap as I run my fingers through her hair.

*End Flashback*

I raise my eye brow in question. Beca's eyebrows shoot up as though she'd just been caught doing something she shouldn't be.

"Oh uhm…" I watch as her eyes search the room, looking anywhere but the screen that she holds in her grip. Her eyes fall to her lap and I take a seat on the foot of my bed waiting patiently for a response. Finally, her eyes meet mine with a small smile on her lips. I can feel my stomach start to drop for some unknown reason. "He's just a guy Chlo. He started here a few weeks ago and we worked on a project together. We've been pretty close since then." The corner of my smile slips but I quickly fix it and plaster on my best smile. "We're just going to a pizza shop and then some recon at this club he's spinning at next week." The look of adoration on Beca's face while she talks about him is like a shot to the heart but I continue to plaster a smile on my face as I feel my mind switch to autopilot.

"Oh Becs! That's great! I wish you had told me about him sooner or sent pictures!" I watch as Beca's eyes drop from the screen again while something flashes through them. "Hey, what's wrong?" I frown because I can't reach through the screen to lift her chin to meet my gaze. I don't say a word because I know pushing her to speak will cause her to back away. So, I wait patiently watching the different emotions swirl around in her dark blue eyes. As if whatever was swirling around in her brain disappeared Beca throws on a smile that I know is real and finally meets my eyes.

"Chlo, what are you doing for spring break?" I raise an eyebrow in question as Beca swings around in the rolling chair and stands up her phone against what I can only assume is a coffee cup.

"I was thinking of just spending it home or I might go up and see Bree. Her and Jesse just bought this house in the Hamptons." It was an initial shock to all of us when we found out that Aubrey and Jesse started dating but they seem to be perfect for each other. I mean of course they are, Jesse popped the question a few months back. I watch as Beca flips through a calendar on the table beside the mixing deck. My lips quirk up into a bigger smile as a slight chuckle falls from Beca's lips.

"Wait, isn't the Hamptons like… How did Jesse put it…" I watch with a grin as Beca looks up as if the words she's looking for will fall from the ceiling. The realization hits her and I let out a laugh at the way her face contorts into amusement. "Oh! He said that place looked like a zombie movie directed by Ralph Lauren." I hunch over as a fit of laughter rips through my lips. Tears stream down my face at the analogy. A few moments pass and I finally regain my composure. After taking a few breaths I wipe my cheeks

"Leave it to Jesse to come up with that analogy…" A few seconds of silence pass as I watch Beca flipping through more pages in the little book. Beca displays an aha moment on her face as she picks her phone back up.

"Yeah you're not staying with them…" I'm taken back by Beca's comment.

"Uhm. Excuse me…" A smirk plays on Beca's lips which causes me to raise an eyebrow.

"You're not staying with Jess and Bree. You're coming to LA. You're going to come spend break with me. We'll hit the beach. Do some shopping." I want to scream yes but I ponder my decision to make Beca sweat a bit. I gain a far away expression on my face which earns an exasperated sigh from Beca. "Oh, come on Chlo!" I'm not able to hold up my facade anymore as I beak into a face splitting smile.

"Of course, I'll stay with you Becs." I let out a laugh as Beca fist pumps. A deep voice breaks our conversation and Beca's eyes dark off screen.

"Hey Bec, you ready to head out?" My heart drops. I watch as Beca smiles.

"Yeah, say hi really quick…" I raise my eyebrow in question as Beca waves over this guy who I can only assume is this Brody guy. Soon enough the camera flips and I see a guy standing in the door way of Beca's studio. My mouth drops as I take in his gorgeousness. His muscular tattoo covered arms pull my attention first. I can slightly see the tattoos beneath his white t-shirt. He has his black jeans tucked into his army green high top vans. He runs the hand that isn't tucked into his back pocket through his hair. It's faded on the sides and long on top. He's got is moussed back. It looks almost soft to the touch. He's got scruff that seems to be kept clean cut with a straight blade razor along his chiseled jawline. I can't help but let my heart hammer in my chest as I take him in. I'm sure his mouth moved to say something but I didn't hear a thing. The camera flips back to Beca who has an amused smile on her face.

"Pick your jaw up Chlo…" Beca's laugh pulls me back to earth. "Don't worry he's got a brother you can have." I scoff at her words. Jealousy starts to set in the pit of my stomach. Not for the guy. Well yeah for the guy because he's the one taking Beca out tonight and not me. Because he's taking out the woman I'm in love with.

"Ha ha very funny. Besides I'm already in love with someone else." I cover my mouth as Beca's eyebrows shoot up.

"DUDE! What! You haven't told me this! Who!?" I mentally face palm myself. Learn to shut your mouth Beale…

"No one Becs. Look don't leave your man waiting. Go enjoy your night out." My heart physically hurts as the words fall from my mouth. In the back of my mind I find myself hoping she ditches him to talk to me but my hope comes crashing down as a smile pulls on Beca's lips.

"Fine. But this conversation isn't over. Love you Chlo." Giving Beca a small smile and disconnect the call without uttering the three words back to Beca. I toss my phone beside me and I fall back on the bed. Rubbing my face, I start laughing at the hilarity of the situation.

The one woman I've loved for years is going out with a freakishly gorgeous man. A man who is probably Beca's type. Jesus Christ how can I keep doing this to myself. How can I keep allowing myself to love someone who I have no chance with in this life? I tried to distance myself by refusing Beca's offer to move to LA with her. But that's not working. I even dropped off the radar for a few days but I still couldn't get over her. I've tried dates, I even have Tinder but you know what… Nada. I can talk to all of the people I want to but they still aren't the brown haired DJ who's shower I barged into her freshman year. The ding of my phone pulls me from my thoughts. Reaching down I grab the device and hold it over my face. Seeing it as a message from Beca I open it and a smile falls on my lips.

"I said I love you Chlo…"My heart flutters at her text. I type back my response and send it.

"Sorry didn't catch it. Love you too Becs!" More than you know.