The summer leading into my fourth year of school had passed all too quickly. I could tell by the chill in the air that autumn was going to come early. I hadn't ever remembered feeling such coldness in August but I had been feeling a lot of things I had never felt before. The summer before this one had changed my brother but the autumn of last year changed me. Halloween will never be a happy time for me again. Bob Ewell had physically hurt Jem but mentally and emotionally, Bob Ewell had hurt me. Jem wasn't there to watch Atticus fall apart that night, I was. It never even occured to me that Atticus could be in such a state of despair. I was in despair, too but at the time I wanted nothing more than to prop Atticus up. Waves of melancholy would hit me during the day sometimes and I would have dreams at night. Neither Atticus nor Jem ever knew about them because I wanted nothing more than to be all right for them. If I ever was off, they would never call me out on it, so I took it as a sign that I was hiding it well.

Then summer came and once again, so did Dill. During this time the melancholy had faded into nothingness. Usually Dill was one of the few things that could pick me up when I was down but even he couldn't seem to break my spell. Like with my father and brother, I put on a strong front for him. I would never not enjoy Dill's company but whenever I would see him was when I would admit to myself that something inside me had changed. I think I did a good job of keeping him in the dark, too.

The dark. That was where I began to feel the most safe. This past summer I began to sneak out my bedroom window just to sit out on the lawn and breathe. There were nights where my breath would turn into huffs and my heart would race until the huffs turned into sobs and I would finally begin to cry. It would hit me like a heart attack but man did it feel good to let go like that. I would cry until I was exhausted and snuck back into the house to finally fall back to sleep.

Damn the sudden coldness of this summer. Dill hadn't even gone back to Meridian and the one time of year I was dreading the most came on so strong so soon. This one night was the night I didn't have time to sneak out and cry. I slumped back into the corner of the wall and just let the tears pour out of my eyes. I was horrified to see the hall light turn on and to hear footsteps coming towards my room. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe; I could only watch as I saw the doorknob turn and open enough to see Atticus standing in the doorway. He caught me and a part of me felt relieved because of it. I sighed heavily as I watch my middle-aged father get down on the floor next to me, wrap his arm around me, and just breathe with me. My head collapsed into his chest as he kissed my hair.

"Atticus," I finally said.

"Yes," he answered.

"It never gets easier, does it?"

"Nope."

"Will I be happy again?"

"Yes."

"Will you be happy again?"

"Yes."

"How do you know?"

"I've lived many years, Scout and more often than not, the sun will rise and so will we. You know how the sun comes out?"

"No. How?"

"Why don't you go to bed and find out?"

I looked up at him and gave him a smile. I knew what he was trying to tell me. He smiled back at me and that was when I gave his cheek a kiss before getting up and crawling into bed. He got up in time to throw the covers on me. I guess he's not as fragile as I think he is.

"Thank you, Atticus," I told him.

"You're welcome, Scout," he said as he turned to leave.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey, what?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too, baby. You're all right."

That was all I ever needed to hear.