STORYLINE:*) Harry is killed at 17 during the fight with Voldemort. He's sent to his Death's office (explained later) and finds out that this isn't the first time that this has happened.

*) Harry's Death (who can have a human name) is mad at his arrival. Apparently, people dying before their time is a black mark on the various Deaths' records, and Harry is getting perilously close to getting this particular one fired.

*) When Harry asks what was supposed to have happened, Death goes off on a rant saying how he was supposed to have killed Voldemort, found his soulmate ("Some Granger girl…") and lived to be a centennial age. But since Harry keeps getting into life-threatening situations for one reason or another, he keeps dying before that happens. Harry is surprised about the soul mate part.

*) Death gives Harry a paper to sign that allows him to retain his memories (the previous times, he wasn't given this option for some reason). Harry is deposited to a previous time of the writer's choosing.

*) Eventually, Harry gets it right. He kills Voldemort, gets the girl, and lives to a ripe old age of whatever. And Death doesn't get fired.

REQUIREMENTS:

*) Harry must have died at least three times before this one

*) The memory keeping contract must be included

*) Death must refer to Hermione as "some Granger girl" when Harry's soul mate turns up in his rant

*) Obviously, must be H/Hr

*) Have fun

OPTIONAL:

*) Dumbledore's manipulations can be a factor in Harry's premature demises"

Bat Out of Hell

Harry Potter's sudden death came as a shock to everyone - not least of which himself. One moment he had been amidst the battle of Hogwarts, and the next there was a horribly sickening drop beneath him. However, Harry Potter had never been one to complain. He had finally kicked the bucket on the mortal plane, and now it was time to see his dead friends and family. So why was this infuriating man in front of him denying him such a thing?

"You could be waiting here for a while," The infuriating man said monotonously. "And your friends and family wouldn't be able to visit for long."

"So?" Harry argued. "I'm going to see them anyway, aren't I? After whatever it is I'm waiting for? I'll see them, then I'll go to this meeting, and then I'll see them again! I know how the afterlife works"

"On your own head," The infuriating man shrugged from behind his stark white desk, and he waved his gloved hand. "They're on their way. Now please stop distracting me. I have a lot of deaths I need to log."

"Thank you!" Harry said. "Finally!"

The infuriating man nodded and made a slight shooing motion. Scowling at him, Harry moved away from the desk and inspected the room around him. It was the brightest white from floor to ceiling, made of some material that Harry couldn't identify. There were no doors or windows, and Harry briefly wondered if there was a way into or out of the room. There were no lamps, or anything to emit it, and yet the room was bathed in bright light. It defied all laws of physics, and didn't seem to care. Having lived in a world of magic, things like that shouldn't surprise him anymore.

Even as he was contemplating this however, the entire left wall melted away, leading to another room. This one contained people. Four to be exact.

"There you go," Said the infuriating man, in his ever so infuriating voice. "Four humans plucked from the Great Stream of Life and Death. Just like fish. How... quaint."

"Sirius? Remus?" Harry said, finding himself choking on emotions. "Mum? Dad?"

"Hello Harry," Remus said lightly, his hair looking softer and more well-kept than it ever had in his later life. He wore a completely white three piece suit, cleaner than seemed possible. "It's been a while."

Harry made a noise that burbled from his mouth like a strangled laugh, and his eyes turned to his Dogfather. The man's usually long hair was cropped short. It was a strange look on him, and not one that Harry could altogether say he liked. He wore a suit identical to Remus's.

"Hey pup. You couldn't wait to die normally to see me, huh? You big softie," Sirius grinned, showing brilliant white teeth.

"Ignore him," said a red-haired woman in a brilliant white dress. To Harry, she looked like an angel. Her green eyes crinkled as she smiled. "It's good to finally meet you, Harry. It's been so long."

"Youngest Seeker in a century!" James Potter scoffed, throwing his arms out. "Are you kidding me? I'm so proud of you!"

Harry jumped into his dad's arms and gave his dad a hug and his dad laughed - and it was his dad. His dad.

"We couldn't be more proud of you, Harry," Lily Potter said sincerely, wrapping her own, slender arms around her boys. Sirius blew a raspberry at them, but it wasn't long before he and Remus joined in as well. Harry could feel the warmth of their bodies, but even though his ear was pressed to his dad's chest, he felt no heartbeat. He supposed that wasn't necessary in the afterlife.

They talked for what felt like hours.

Harry sat down with his back against his mother's chest, facing Remus and Sirius whilst his dad had an arm around Lily. Lily gently stroked Harry's hair.

"Honestly," James was saying. "If he didn't look exactly like me, I'd doubt he was even my son. He's Lily through and through."

"I hope you aren't saying that as though it's a bad thing," Lily said in a voice that was far too sweet, earning a quick mock gasp from James.

"Ooh!" Remus winced exaggeratedly.

"Someone's going to be in the dog house tonight - and it isn't me!" Sirius crowed in a sing-song tone that warbled. Harry laughed at the pair.

"Besides," Lily continued, ignoring her friends. "He is far braver than I am. And he has your rebellious streak, plus your love of Quidditch. And your knack for breaking the rules. And-"

"Okay, I get it," James grumbled. "Always right, aren't you Lils?"

"Well I'm never wrong." She smirked, giving her husband a quick peck on the cheek.

"How's your love life been then, Harry?" Sirius quickly changed the subject. "Finally start with Hermione? Brainy birds are the naughtiest you know!"

"Well-" Harry started.

"What Sirius is trying to say," Remus smiled, shooting his friend a grin. "Is if you're waiting for anyone special."

Harry went to answer, but was interrupted by the infuriating man, who was writing something down on a clipboard.

"Harry Potter?" He asked in that bored voice of his. "Your Reaper will see you now."

"Our time is up, it seems," Remus said, brushing some imaginary lint from the shoulder of his impeccable suit as he stood. "It's never a good idea to keep a Reaper waiting."

"My Reaper?" Harry asked. "What? I thought there was only one Death?

"Your Reaper," the infuriating man repeated, not looking up. "And they are none too pleased to see you again."

Harry's head whipped from his family to the man and back again. "Did you just say 'again'?"

"Yes I did. If I had realised you were hard of hearing, I would have amplified my voice." The infuriating man said, bored.

Sirius let out a snort and James tried to cover a laugh. Lily attempted to look stern, she really did, but her smile cracked through in the end.

"Remus is right, Harry," she said. "It's best if you go and see him now."

"Or her!" Piped up Sirius. "Mine had some cracking knock-"

Lily swatted him over the head and he flashed her a roguish grin. Behind her, he cupped his hands in front of his chest and jiggled them up and down.

"I, uh, yeah, okay." Harry swallowed a laugh. "I'll see you after, right?"

Something flashed slightly in James's eyes, and instead of saying anything, he just waved.

"Right?" Harry asked again, more insistently this time.

They started to fade, and the wall started to reform in front of him.

"Right?" He panicked, feeling tears threatining to fall.

They vanished then. The wall became solid, and Harry was left in the room where he had first appeared upon his death.

He was truly alone now. Even the infuriating man wasn't there anymore.

Around him, the room started to shift. Harry staggered against the nearest wall for support, even as they started to morph. The walls twisted and darkened under his touch, and the desk bled from white into a dark oak. The floor became solid ebony boards wood, and two armchairs that each looked sinfully comfortable grew from the floor on either side of the desk. The walls sprouted frames, and paintings and portraits blossomed within them. The room was dark, dimly lit from an oil lamp on the wood of a corner table. On the business end of the desk, sat a skeleton in a navy suit. He had a matching fedora cocked at a jaunty angle.

"Are you-?" Harry's breath hitched, and the figure smoothly finished his sentence.

"Death?" It asked. "Why yes. Yes I am."

Harry approached the desk, regaining some of his confidence and courage. He was already dead. What more could happen to him? Worst-case scenario, he could go to hell. What would Hermione do? Force herself to act as level-headed as possible. Rationality was good, after all. Maybe she would act like this was a normal conversation? How did people start conversations again? Names would be good.

"Do you have a name? Or are names beneath you?"

Oh. That was a bit ruder than I intended.

The grinning teeth of the skull did not change, but it tilted its head slightly as though curious. "I am known as the Validator, as that would appear to be my purpose."

"So, I have to talk to you to get to the afterlife, is that it?"

"In essence. But of course there is more to it than that."

"Well, of course there is." Harry said as though it were obvious, his tone somewhat bitter. "Typical really, considering it's me you're dealing with here. I don't suppose you're going to tell me exactly what's in store for me, are you? Heaven or Hell, y'know?"

"True understanding comes later."

"True understanding usually does."

It straightened, flexing gloved fingers, before snapping them, causing a large file to appear on the desk. "Indulge me, Harry. You are a warrior?"

"When I need to be."

"You are a violent man." It stated.

"When I have to be."

"Is it, do you think, an appropriate response to the world around you?"

"Violence?" Harry asked. "Violence is never the answer, until it's the only answer."

The skeleton started to flick through the file, not looking up at Harry as he sat down. "Your words are weary, for one so young."

"They're just well-travelled. If I could save the world with words, I would. I'd lay down my wand and I'd talk until my bones turned to dust. But words are for reasonable people, and too often the people I meet are far from reasonable."

"You have blood on your hands."

"I do, so other people don't have to," said Harry.

"But that is not why you fight. You fight because the fight is all you have. You fight because you enjoy it."

"Don't you think for one damned second that I like fighting a war," Harry spat vehemently. "I've fought this war my whole life because I had too. It's all I've known. Trust me when I say I'd love to know more than the stupid fight. What are you looking for, anyway? An insight into my soul? You want to shock me into admitting some dark little secret that I've been hiding away for all these years? I've just spoken to the ghosts of my friends, the ghosts of my parents... I saw my parents. After all these years, I saw the face of my mother again. So forgive me, but I'm all shocked-out for today."

The skeleton looked up, and though it had no eyes, Harry felt as though the eye sockets were looking straight through him. "Did you know, that I am your personal Reaper?"

Harry deflated slightly at the sudden change in subject. "What?"

"It's true. And every Reaper has to abide by the rules. No-one is above them." The skeleton informed him, leaning back in its armchair. "The big-man, Morgan, enforces them. He can be rather strict."

"Right," Harry said slowly, confusion permeating his voice. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I want you to understand," It said simply, in a velveteen voice. "More importantly, I want you to understand the severity of the situation. Will you allow me to explain?"

Harry nodded dumbly.

"Every soul has a destiny," the Validator informed him with infinite patience. "Whether that be to topple a dictator, or to pick a nose. Certain criteria," It said, withdrawing a sheet from the file and spinning it around. Harry leant forward to look at it. "Have to be met, for a soul to enter the afterlife."

"Here, here, and here," It said, pointing to certain lines on the sheet. "The basic stuff. Complete your destiny as set, experience emotion, experience a natural death. That last one is the kicker for you."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, looking intently at the sheet. It was written in some symbol based language he couldn't even pretend to understand. However, even as he read it, it shifted into English.

"I'll explain in a moment," the Validator told him. "A Reaper is given one soul to nurture and coerce into their assigned destiny, to make sure their death goes as planned. When their death does not go as planned, things start to get tricky. The Reaper gets a black mark."

"A black mark?"

"A black mark," The skeleton snapped, showing the first sign of impatience. "Every unplanned death is a black mark. Seven unplanned deaths results in the Reaper being deemed unfit, and they are fired. Or in other terms, wiped from existence."

"Wiped fro-?"

"Wiped from existence, yes." It snarled, suddenly unfriendly as it slammed its finger down on the sheet of paper. "How many black lines do you see there? Hmm? How many?"

Harry gulped slightly, and nervously looked down at the paper again. Right next to the name Harry James Potter were six, daunting black smudges. "Six."

"Exactly. Six." The skeleton was silent for a moment. "Standard policy in the event of an unplanned death, is to send the soul to the moment of death and prevent the cause, allowing the soul to go forth to complete its destiny. You're a smart man, Mr Potter. Where do you think I'm going with this?"

Harry's first instinct was to deny it, tell it that it was crazy, and that if he had died before he would remember. But the facts were right there in front of him. "I've died six times before?"

"You sure have," the Validator snarked. "And each time I send you back, you've come back before your time. How hard can it be to not die? Your destiny isn't terribly convoluted like some people's. Sure, it's big, but it's not complicated."

It grabbed the file and slammed it open. The skeleton ran a thin finger down a page, stopping at the section it required and tapping it impatiently with the bony tip of it's finger. "Potter, Harry James. Born July 31st 1980, 4:32am. Is that correct?"

Harry nodded, but the Validator wasn't paying attention.

"Of course it is. It's never wrong. Now this is the part you need to pay attention too. Destiny: Vanquish Riddle, Marvolo Tom at age one, become infected with soul fragment. Afterwards, be sent to live with relatives. Relatives grow to hate the subject because of adverse effects of soul fragment." The skull tilted suddenly, and Harry was abruptly locked into staring at the stoic bone head as it stated fact after fact at him, and continued reading without looking, it's voice rising. "Attend Hogwarts School of Wizadry and Witchcraft on September 1 1991, meet your soulmate, initiate friendship with intended soul partner, continue through schooling until the end of the year. The subject is to prevent the possessed Quirrel, Quirinus from obtaining the Philosophers Stone. With me so far?"

"Yes," Harry said. "Soulmate? Who's that? Ginny?"

The skeleton glanced back at the file and shrugged. "Some Granger Girl. Soul-Bonds aren't my department, and that soul isn't under my jurisdiction, so don't ask me. 1992; fight and defeat basilisk. 1993; initiate first soul contact with soulmate on, as cheesy as it is, a Hippogriff."

"Hermione," Harry wondered aloud, collapsing back in his armchair in surprise.

"Those sappy fools over in Soul-Connections," The skeleton ignored him, shaking its head, and letting out what could have been a chuckle, before coughing slightly and turning back to Harry. "Anyway, 1994; commit to relationship with intended soul partner, compete in the TriWizard Tournament, unwittingly assist in the resurrection of Riddle, Marvolo Tom. I think we can stop there. Here, underlined in red, it quite clearly says you are to defeat Voldemort. That is your ultimate destiny. Your planned death day occurs some time in your one-hundreds. I won't give you the exact year, for obvious reasons." Sighing heavily, the skeleton slammed the file shut.

"Are you serious? Hermione is my soulmate?" Harry's eyes bulged slightly. His best friend was his soulmate?

"I told you, that's not my department." The Validator said, a frown in its voice.

"Bu-b-" Harry blubbered. "Are you serious?" He repeated.

"Can't you tell?"

"Not really."

"Well, for future reference, this is my serious face." The Validator told him, the featureless skull not wavering.

Harry stared at the skeleton flabbergasted, and there was a moment of silence.

"Now, I refuse to be fired," The Validator broke the silence. "So, I'm going to bend the rules a little bit. Whenever a soul is sent back from a premature death, it has its memories of the afterlife erased. Security reasons, I'm sure you understand. Anyway, you yourself have gone through that five times already. You should be going through it again, but you would doubtlessly bumble around and die again. I'm allowing you to keep your memories this time around, as the knowledge would doubtlessly be an advantage. That includes remembering the afterlife, however. And if you get any smart ideas about telling people, then go ahead. Tell people if you want. Do you really think they'll believe you?"

"Ok, I get it, don't tell anyone," Harry snapped in annoyance. "You're moving a bit too fast here. I'm not going to the afterlife?"

"Ah," the skeleton said, it's voice gentler this time. "About that. You won't see them for another century or so until you die on the planned date. Should you fail your destiny a seventh time, and die prematurely, your soul shall be automatically resurrected and targeted for termination."

"Targeted for termination?!"

"Your existence would be deemed a failure, and you would be considered a loose end. You would have to be removed from existence in order to prevent you from messing with Destiny any further. The only reason you wouldn't be wiped away is simply if Morgan decided to have some fun. Morgan struggles to smile you see. For an omnipotent being, he's awfully grumpy. Your chances are a bit slim on that front." It explained kindly, as if it hadn't just told him that failure meant being wiped from the face of the planet.

"And what would happen to Hermione?" Harry asked frantically. "If I fail, what happens to her?"

"Your soul-partner? She continues through life never finding love," The Validator would have winced if it could.

"Ok," Harry swallowed. "Don't die. No pressure. No sweat. Don't panic."

"That's the spirit," The skeleton said jovially, ignoring his sarcasm. "I'll give you a moment to look over your previous deaths before you are sent back."

Harry stared blankly at the skeleton, before it cleared a throat it didn't have, and gestured to a small paper file that had materialised. Harry gingerly picked it up and opened it delicately. Only one piece of paper was contained inside and he picked it up as though it might burn him, reading it with trembling hands.

Unauthorised Death Events. (UDE's)

UDE #1) Potter, Harry James, devoured by basilisk.

UDE #2) Potter, Harry James, mauled by werewolf whilst protecting soul-partner.

UDE #3) Potter, Harry James, killed by dragon.

UDE #4) Potter, Harry James, killed by intercepting killing curse meant for Diggory, Cedric Amos.

UDE #5) Potter, Harry James, fell through Gateway protecting soul-partner.

UDE #6) Potter, Harry James, fell to death after floor collapse.

POTTER, HARRY JAMES REQUIRES ONE MORE UNAUTHORISED DEATH EVENT BEFORE THE SUBJECTS SOUL IS TARGETED FOR TERMINATION.

"Any questions?" Harry looked up at the Validator, and numbly shook his head.

"Good. Upon your return, I'll know if you have any that you haven't thought of right now, and shall appear to you in private. Wouldn't do to have anyone see me now, would it? Well, not that they could see me anyway. Anyway, prepare for temporal displacement."

The skeleton stood up, and smoothed out his navy pinstriped suit. It adjusted its tie, and angled its hat as though looking in an invisible mirror that Harry couldn't see.

"You seem awfully accepting of this," the Validator remarked. "I hope you're taking it seriously. This is not something to be taken lightly. I will not be fired because of you. Get it right this time. And make sure to actually end up with your soulmate this time. The boys and girls in Soul-Connections aren't very happy with you neglecting this, and neither am I. It reflects badly on me yet again, you see. What good am I if I can't guide a simple mortal to another? I've told Morgan time and time again that it is not my job to play matchmaker, and he never listens."

Harry stood, and nervously twiddled his thumbs.

"You just stand there. Normally, I'd have you sign a form so that you lose your memories of this place and your past lives, but we've already deemed that unnecessary..." The skeleton murmured as it waved complex patterns in the air. The space around the Validator shimmered slightly, and iridescent purple light illuminated the dim room.

"You may think that I've gone over this awfully quickly, and I probably have, but you're going to remember every word I've said with remarkable clarity; so I advise you go over this meeting in your head a good few times to try and recall everything in detail. Remember, I'll be able to help if there are things I've forgotten to inform you of. That happens far more than you would think."

Harry was a bit too shocked to speak, and simply nodded unthinkingly. There was so much information he needed to take in. Hermione was his soulmate...and it was quite literally a match made in heaven.

But he wasn't going to see his family for another hundred years.

That very fact caused an ache in Harry's chest, but he didn't have time to contemplate it as the Validator stepped unnervingly to Harry, it's skull catching the light awkwardly, shadowing the depthless eye sockets and bone features further. It placed a gloved finger on Harry's forehead.

"Good luck," The Validator said, and flicked, causing Harry to fly backwards as though he was falling down the well of time itself.

A/N:

20 points to everyone who knows who the Validator is. Keep it a secret, though. I don't want everyone to know, cause it'll really infuriate them and that makes me giggle. Don't ruin the fun.

So that's the first chapter on my take of Reptillia28's 'Don't Fear the Reaper' challenge. I hope you enjoyed it, and review if you did. Just so I know whether to continue this or not.

Special thanks to Yuilhan once more, for more amazing beta'ing. You can't tell how much it's been improved since I sent it off to be beta'd...