A/N: It's a given that some OOCness will occur. I'd appreciate it very much if you left a comment. It's never too late to review. Reviews make me very happy indeed : )
revised:101004
-x- moonlight reflection
The golden moon was hidden behind misty clouds. The brilliance of it emitted yellow light, giving a golden flame to the sky. Glittering stars looking like a million tiny shimmering diamonds scattered in the heavens accompanied the moon.
Kagome ran fast but tried to remain quiet at the same time. She didn't want to alert the others, mainly Inuyasha. It was late.
She held back a cry when she tripped over a protruding tree root. She rubbed her knees, negligibly scratched from the rocky ground. She sat up unsteadily and began to run again.
It was only once she was sure she was far enough that she released the pain that she had been forced to withheld from Inuyasha. Recurrences of the dream darted through her mind, and she stopped, gasping, struggling to fight back the tears that cautioned to fall.
So much for not crying. She blinked once, and the crystal droplets fell.
She had come across a clearing, a spring with a small waterfall and a few exotic trees.
She sat down upon one of the big rocks and hugged her knees to her chest.
She stood up after a while, went over to the spring, and stared at her reflection. The moon lighted the glassy water surface and reflected off what she had carved on her face: hurt, confusion. She recalled her excuse to Inuyasha that allowed her to be here in the first place.
-x-
It was late at night and the rest of her companions were deep asleep. Inuyasha, as usual, was comfortably reclined on a high sturdy tree branch. She gently removed Shippou and settled him on the side of the sleeping bag and she began to fold the sleeping bag over so she could slide out. Slowly and gradually, in an attempt to not wake up Shippou, she was successful. She had to get away before those dreadful thoughts that she had been thinking of get the better of her. She would not cry. She refused to.
She went to the tree Inuyasha was resting at. She craned her neck up and called timidly, "Inuyasha?" She knew he would find out eventually that she's gone and would yell at her if he found out that she left the safety of camp without anyone knowing. Better to make up something.
Inuyasha's ears twitched and his golden eyes snapped open. He raised a dark questioning eyebrow at her.
It was painful looking at him after that dream, but she regained her composure and compelled herself to look him in the eye, "I... need to take bath, ok?"
"Why? Aren't you clean enough?" He asked brusquely, not removing his discerning eyes from her. "It's late."
He seemed annoyed at her for interrupting his nap. "I feel dirty. It'll only take a second. I'll be fine. I'll call you if I need anything."
She forced herself from choking on the heaving gasps the dream left her with. She fought valiantly against the sobs that threatened to overcome her
He nodded slowly at her, silently wondering why she needed to take a bath in the middle of the night. Moreover, wondering why he didn't make more effort in stopping her. It was that look she had on that stopped him. The detached look she had on solidified him, making him powerless to argue further. Yet, he can't figure out what she was holding back.
Should he go after her?
Something was wrong, he knew it. But she wouldn't take it too kindly if he were to disturb her 'bath'.
He watched as her retreating figure disappeared in the shadows with a protective and worried look cast on his face.
-x-
Kagome hugged herself when a gust of a cold wind blew by. She could subconsciously feel the small bumps rising on her arms, but she ignored it.
She closed her eyes as the dream she had not too long ago reclaim her mind again.
It was about Kikyou. Inuyasha and Kikyou. Together. That alone had been enough to shaken her.
She had been searching for Inuyasha after he had not shown up at the campsite; he was missing last night and still gone this early morning.
After a bit of searching, she heard voices and went to the source of it. Hidden well behind a thick tree with her back to it, she slowly tilted her head and peered at the sight before her.
"I love you Inuyasha." Kikyou's somber voice was heard.
There they were, in the center of a secluded field. Inuyasha and Kikyou. They were embracing and each had a serene look on their faces. She felt a sharp pang of pain to her heart at the sight before her. But what happened next shattered her. Inuyasha had gazed in Kikyou's eyes with the most heartfelt gaze and with a smile that she have never seen before and leaned his head down and... kissed her. Sobs wracked her body, and her cry was stifled.
He knew. He knew she was there. Surely, he could smell her! Even so, he didn't care. He had Kikyou now.
She had then run away. She didn't even know where she was dashing off too. As long as it was away from them. From him.
Only one thought infected her mind, the one consideration that caused the hot tears to run down her face.
Inuyasha has chosen Kikyou.
-
Her legs had carried her to the well. She leaned over and gripped the worn, stone edge of the well and wept.
She didn't know how long she cried, and how long it would take for the pain to cease. The pain would be there for awhile, she realized, when Kikyou showed up, with Inuyasha beside her.
"You do not belong here." Kikyou spoken first with Inuyasha quietly staring at her. They stood on the hill, and their towering presences intimidated her. "You are the cause of all this havoc and chaos." She had looked down on her, her skin stretched taunt over her solemn face. "You, girl, are nothing more than a mere imitation." Her voice, it burned of hatred and unbridled anger.
Kagome felt herself blink back the harsh words. She breathed deeply and inwardly shivered at the soulless look in her incarnation's eyes, the lifeless gaze that reflected off nonentity. This wasn't Kikyou... not the one Inuyasha loved. The one he loved, the one that was so amazing, had died over fifty years ago. Yet, Inuyasha loved Kikyou so much he was willing to go with a body of clay and trapped souls. He felt so obligated, loved her so much, he went with the soulless one.
She turned towards Inuyasha out of her own volition, and instantly regretted it. He stood before Kikyou protectively. She hated the look he cast at her. It was pity. "I'm sorry Kagome. I have chosen Kikyou. I love Kikyou." He looked down gravely on her, almost as if he felt ashamed for her. No. No! "I always have."
Why? Gods, why?
She felt betrayed, when she had no reason to feel that way… but she thought Inuyasha actually –had actually– felt something for her that was beyond friendship.
It seems that she was mistaken.
… Why did it have to be like this?
"I care for you Kagome, but my heart lies with Kikyou."
She felt as if Inuyasha himself thrust Tetsusagai in her.
Kikyou continued to glower at her, with her deadpan way. Her pale skin seemed unearthly. Kagome watched with growing confusion and fear as Kikyou retrieved her bow, and arranged an arrow on the long ash bow.
I thought… Inuyasha, I thought you—
She swallowed her tears, and willed herself to speak, "Inuyasha?" Inuyasha said nothing; instead, he turned away. But before whispering the words, "I'm sorry Kagome, but it has to be this way. It's better like this." She heard it clearly, and she wished she hadn't.
I'm sorry Kagome.
I have chosen Kikyou. I love Kikyou.
Those words swam in her mind, and distracted her from the glowing arrow that soared towards her.
She was aware of the sickening squelch as the arrow tore through flesh, through bone, and savaged her heart.
She could almost feel the pain, feel the blood flowing out. The current of crimson liquid quickly seeped through her clothes, staining it a horrid bright scarlet.
She hadn't screamed. The immense pain had overcome her, silencing her. She felt an unwanted numbness where her heart was suppose to reside. She felt the life trickle out of her.
Each second passing by the scorching pain spread further more into her body, spearing her very soul.
..Inu-Inuyasha…
Kikyou had glided over, yanked the partly completed Shikon jewel from around her neck, and grasped it in her hand. She fixed Kagome with a rigid glare. "I came to take back what is rightfully mine. The Shikon Jewel and Inuyasha." With greater force than normal, she pushed the fatally wounded girl through the well. "You shall not interfere again. Leave us and never return," she bit out.
Even as she fell, she saw Inuyasha's face looking down sadly at her falling, dying form. She could make out the soft words that came. "I'm sorry, Kagome."
I'll always love you, Inuyasha.
-
She had woken up abruptly then, dampened with cold sweat, with her heart beating far too hard and fast to be normal.
She remembered everything clearly. The pain, the confusion, and the feeling of betrayal.
The unbearable, pragmatic pain of the arrow slicing through her heart, but what were worst was Inuyasha's heartrending words. But the worst thing of all was…
Inuyasha didn't stop Kikyou. He left her to die.
He allowed the arrow to pierce her heart.
-x-
Inuyasha watched her fading form vanished in the thick trees. Something about her voice…
Pained? It had a pained edge to it.
He decided on finding out on what could possibly be bothering her. He wanted to see her smile again. The smile that could verify that everything was all right. That she was all right. He was never comfortable with himself knowing something was bothering her.
Even though he would never admit it, something called pride always stopped him, but he did care for her... a lot. Truth is, he didn't like her sad, it sort of reminded him of Kikyou's solemn, graved look. Those two are anything but similar.
He shook his head; he should stop comparing them. Kagome didn't like it when he did. He guessed he understood why he got angry when he did. She's her own person, of course. Who wants to be constantly compared with another? But… there were moments he saw sadness in her eyes, and he doesn't know why.
He leapt from tree to tree, catching her familiar scent every now and then.
Kikyou and Kagome...
He was asked to choose.
He chose Kagome.
It has always been Kagome. He came to that resolution long ago.
-x-
Tears edged her eyes when she realized the situation she was in. Here she was, hopelessly in love with a hanyou who is from five hundred years in the past. Not to mention, who is still very much devoted to her incarnation.
She opened her eyes, allowing them to drink in the night sky. Tonight, the stars didn't seem that bright anymore. At least, not to her eyes. To her, they look like hopeless dots of lights, forever lost, forever wandering; very much like she is now.
Tears slid down slowly. She's been crying too much. Kagome buried her head on the top of her knees and cried softly. Each tear that fell contracted her already torn heart even more.
She loved Inuyasha, and she ignored it before.
But that dream made her realized what she can never have, and what she had lost.
-x-
Inuyasha inhaled for Kagome's unique fragrance. Right beyond those trees.' He stopped and crouched down in a stance and took a whiff of the air again. Salty. 'She's... crying?' He soundlessly snaked his way through the foliage and peeked through from behind the trees.
Kagome was crying. His Kagome... was... crying.
He could already feel his teeth gritting, his hands clenched and his eyes narrow as he promised harm to whomever or whatever that caused Kagome to shed tears.
-x-
Kagome lifted her head and stared at the starry sky, her tears now stopped.
"Kagome."
Kagome seemed more surprised than shocked. She knew that he would suspect something was wrong, but never alleged him going after her. She turned towards Inuyasha. The tears left behind thin, silver tracks and she hadn't bother wiping them off. He knew. There was no point. He saw and smelled her tears before she even knew he was there.
He really wasn't perceptible in the darkness of the thick trees, but once he rose from the high branch, the moon and stars illuminated his form.
"What is it?"
He took a great leap from the tree and landed a few feet in front of her. He slowly approached her until he was right in front of her. Instead of answering her, he asked a question of his own, "Why were you crying?" His voice was soft and sounded worried, in an unusual understanding way. Yet, he sounded angry at the cause of her fallen tears. His usually impassive face revealed rare emotions when he saw her tear-streaked face.
She sniffed; figures he'd know. Even though she realized he knew she was crying, she wiped away her tears anyway. She didn't want to appear weak and frail before him - even though that was the state she was in now.
She turned her head away and closed her eyes, not quite ready to face him after the realization. Not quite ready to face anything at all, not after that dream. The pitied look he gave still haunted her.
That was mostly why she was so shaken up. The dream was so.. completely real.
"I'm not crying." Kagome knew that it wouldn't work but she just couldn't face him now, and she definitely didn't need to talk to him.
Inuyasha frowned at her pathetic answer, proving her refusal to tell him. "Keh. Don't lie. Why were you crying?"
Kagome's eyes opened once she discovered how distant Inuyasha's voice was comparing to just a few seconds ago. And there he was, sitting cross legged across from her spot on the grass, a determined and concerned look crossing his features.
"…Bad dream." Well, that was the truth wasn't it? Part of it, anyway.
"Wanna talk about it?"
Kagome glanced at Inuyasha slowly. This wasn't like him at all. Why would he care? This had nothing to do with demons or shards…
"Not really." Kagome's eyes diverted from Inuyasha to the night sky. He noticed they became glazed again and she was struggling to hold back the tears that threatened to spill once more.
Inuyasha was about to yell at her for being a bitch and too stubborn but decided against it. That would probably just make it worse. "Is the dream that bad to have made you cry? You don't cry easily." It was true. She didn't cry that easily. She always had that fiery spirit within her that is source of her bravery and determination, sometimes her stubbornness and stupidity.
"Yeah," her muffled answer was simple enough. By now Kagome had tore her gaze from the sky and buried her head in her knees again. The bracing winds were getting stronger.
She lifted her head when she felt something wrapped around her head.
Inuyasha had sat up, unnoticed by her, and had draped his red haori over her. "Are you going to stay here all night? It's cold way out here." He said this as if she was stupid, but she was used to it and brushed it aside; his action by offering his red gi was more than his words could imply. She fitted her arms through the long sleeves and enclosed it closer around her. He remained standing.
"What about you?"
"I can handle it."
He was right. Inuyasha was a lot stronger than he needs to be for a hanyou. She gratefully hugged the fire rat skin closer to her, taking comfort in the warmth it offered as the calming scent of Inuyasha encircled her. She smiled, momentarily forgetting her troubles.
Inuyasha, noticing this smiled and gave out a sigh of relief, "Good, you were starting to scare me, looking like Kikyou there—" He then hastily stopped, detecting his mistake. He meant it as a joke to alleviate her pain, but regretted the look that came from her.
Kagome's fragile face took a direct change, taking in a darker and sadder look. 'Kikyou... That's all he sees me as?' She sighed softly, a low pained sound that Inuyasha heard. 'And that's all I'll ever be to him. I'm just a fake. I can't even compare to her. Kikyou and Inuyasha, they belong together. They were meant to be.' Her nightmare from just a few moments ago overtook her head and filled it with disconcerting thoughts.
Inuyasha instantly regretted what came out of his irrepressible mouth. 'Damn it. She's worse now! What's wrong wit—' His thoughts stopped when he heard Kagome speak.
"Kikyou... She's right. I don't belong here." Kagome's voice was aggrieved and extremely soft, hardly audible, but Inuyasha's demonic ears caught it. 'And you'll always love her.'
Right then and there, he realized what her nightmare might have been. But he needed to hear her prove it. At least, he believes he knows. What other explanation could there possibly be?
He lowered himself to level with her, took out a clawed hand, and gently grasped her chin. He was surprised to see how sad her face looked and he could see and smell fresh tears. It had to be because of Kikyou that she's crying. That must have been her dream; she never reacted so strongly about any other situation before.
"Kagome, tell me what your dream was about."
Kagome unwillingly turned away, an effort of escaping Inuyasha's consoling voice and the tender grip of his calloused hands. However, she was pulled back yet again by the gentle movement of his hand.
Inuyasha looked at her tearful, bleak gaze; her usual bright and merry eyes lost its shine and became dull. Their vast, stormy depths seem never-ending and infinite.
Kagome tore her gaze from her knees and looked up, wondering why Inuyasha have not yet spoken, nor made any movement. She felt her breath hitch in her throat, seeing Inuyasha's intense gaze at her. His burning golden eyes seem to bore into her, looking into her, into her soul. The gold color had melted into a blazing amber. His reflective gaze was unwavering. "Kagome, please. Tell me." The moonlight flared behind him, the stars' light playing with his striking features.
His eyes were lit and intent. Kagome closed her eyes and opened them again, to only be met with the same sight, Inuyasha's powerful gaze. "I—I can't!" His eyes—the rich golden color—they held the same passionate look when he looked at Kikyou. "No.."
..Kikyou..
Kikyou was right with what she said in the dream. Maybe that dream was telling her something. Maybe a premonition of some sort - of something that was about to come. Never had she had a dream that felt so real, so clear, so… unforgettable. The clarity of it still burned fresh in her mind.
The dream, or nightmare, was so abnormally distinct and vivid. It felt so real. She could feel and hear everything! The excruciating ache of Kikyou's bitter words, but mostly Inuyasha's stoic ones and the realistic, tormenting feeling of the enchanted arrow through her. She could even hear the trees rustling and feel the sun's warm light impaling her as she tumbled down the well, in a shower of her own blood.
"Kagome." Inuyasha said this firmly but with a trace of gentleness to it - something she never heard before.
"I—I-" The dam broke, the tears came. Kagome gave a silent cry, and felled until she landed on Inuyasha's shoulder.
Inuyasha was surprised but quickly reached out and stroked her head, almost on impulse. His fingers laced through her silky blue-black locks. He did this slowly and with the utmost care. Kagome became to calm down under the tender caresses.
After a bit, she lifted her head and stared at Inuyasha, causing him to halt his calm touch. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Just tell me, is it Kikyou?" His voice was soothing. He rested his chin on her head.
An inner fire burned within Kagome at the mention of the former Miko's name out of Inuyasha's mouth. She knew she had no right to be jealous but she can't go on like this. It hurts. It hurts too much. "No!" She yelled, pulling out of the warm embrace. She could evidently see the shocked expression on Inuyasha's face. "No—no-" she said more quietly. "I can't handle this!"
Inuyasha quickly leapt up and gently grabbed her arm. "Handle what Kagome? What happened between you and Kikyou?"
'It wasn't just Kikyou..!'
She resisted this grip, and then stopped, realizing it was useless. She looked up at his fierce eyes and sighed in defeat. She decided that she couldn't stop his determination to know - after all, he is one stubborn hanyou. She gave a small smile resembling one who has been conquered. "All right, I'll tell you. Nothing happened. The dream, in it there were...Kikyou and you." Tears glazed over her eyes as she reminisced from her dream. "You guys were hugging…"
Inuyasha continued to look at her, urging her to continue. He seems a bit surprised as she evoked her dream. 'This is what she was crying about?' Still, he made no sign that he wanted her to stop, so he kept listening, heart proverbially aching at each new tear that fallen.
-x-
For a single moment, he forgotten her distress, and gazed at her.
Gods, she looks so beautiful in the moonlight.
The way the wind seemed to gently play with the soft strands of her hair. The way her bottom lip would ever so slightly tremble. The way her dark eyes shone, full of sorrow and passion. The way her ivory skin seemed like spilt milk in the ethereal moonlight. The way her tear streaks reflected against the light of the moon. Tragically beautiful.
And instantly then, as he saw a solitary tear roll down her cheek, he was brought back.
He looked at her, worry and confusion etched on his face.
Though they bear a great resemblance to one another, they were, in so many ways, different.
He came to one conclusion.
His humanity had chosen Kikyou.
Yet his heart desired Kagome.
She constantly reprimanded herself to tell him the dream but to restrain from exposing the inner crisis caused by it. "And then you and she kissed. After that, I ran to the well...to think. You and Kikyou showed up and Kikyou shot an arrow at me… an—and I could almost feel everything! The pain, the blood! I could even feel the wind blowing past me when she pushed me in the well after she grabbed the Shikon Jewel from me." Kagome's voice was quavering now, even though at an attempt to sound somewhat cheerful.
Inuyasha didn't know what to say. This didn't sound like Kikyou Kagome was talking about, but then again, this wasn't the Kikyou he known and loved, roaming around, collecting the dead souls. Of course, he felt something for Kikyou, but he felt something more for Kagome.
Pretty damn ironic, if you asked him.
They were wrong when they assumed Kikyou was the only one he was willing to go with.
"That's not all is it?" Inuyasha's voice was gruff as he restrained himself from growling. It's hurting her so much to retell the dream, he knew. And he hated himself for causing her such pain, but it was clear that it was something else that he did or said in the dream that caused the larger part of her distress.
Kagome shook her head. She really didn't want to reiterate the words spoken. The ruthless utterance of it pounded in her head, crushing and pulverizing what hope and will she had left.
"I have chosen Kikyou. I love Kikyou… I always have."
"You do not belong here.. You, girl, are nothing more than a mere imitation."
The words infiltrated her mind, and her fogged head realized how true Kikyou's words were.
"I'm sorry Kagome, but it has to be this way. It's better like this."
The excruciating words seem to echo... and echoed in the hollow void of her heart. They seem to occupy her now, burning and smoldering her.
And the way he looked at her - she much rather he smirk and laugh in her dream… but he gave her a sympathetic look, pitying her, the way the real Inuyasha would do in that situation.
"Then what is it Kagome?" Inuyasha asked her, almost pleading.
"I'm sorry, Kagome."
Oh no, there's that golden gaze again.
Kagome stood up leisurely and turned her back on Inuyasha, her body stiff and rigid.
Kagome hugged the haori closer to her for added warmth. She couldn't lie to him. She couldn't bring herself to. "It was what you... and Kikyou said. But it doesn't matter anymore. Thank you Inuyasha, I feel much better now." Kagome herself was surprised at her sudden calmness. She mentally congratulated herself. But as soon as she closed her eyes, small droplets rolled steadily from her eyes. Had Inuyasha affected her that much?
Apparently so.
Inuyasha clenched his fists roughly, drawing blood because of his sharp claws. Something was still bothering her. He had to know what; he had said something in the dream that had hurt her greatly. She was so apprehensive around him it scared him. He had to do everything he can to suppress his impatience that led to anger and be calm with her. He would swallow his pride. It really didn't matter anymore. She is his only concern now.
"Tell me what's hurting you, Kagome." His golden amber eyes were glazed with the desperation of the situation.
Kagome's form didn't shift but Inuyasha can hear her soft voice. "It's nothing," her voice was trembling slightly now, "I'm over it. Really." Her heart twisted at every deceived word.
Kagome gasped when she felt her arm pulled, spinning her around and was pulled roughly forward and the next thing she knew, she landed faced first in Inuyasha's hard chest.
Inuyasha embraced her tighter and inhaled her intoxicating scent, "You're tense Kagome. The dream, it must be what Kikyo and I said that was bothering you, but that's not all, is it? It had something to do with me as well, right? What did I say, Kagome? What did I do?" He could smell her pain, see it, and feel it. But what caused it?
Her mind unwillingly traveled back to the dream. 'Gods, the way he looked at me.Her eyes closed tightly at the memory. He knew it how much it would hurt her, yet he said it anyway.
But it was only a dream. Here was the real Inuyasha, hugging her affectionately, concerned for her.
But then why did the realistic dream still haunt her so?
She wasn't expecting this sudden action from Inuyasha. He knows her too well. She told herself to break out of his warm embrace, but Inuyasha's body offered so much heat. She could just stand there and let herself melt in his embrace.
"You do not belong here"
"I have chosen Kikyou."
There were those haunting words again, clouding her thoughts.
"Kagome, please tell me. I don't like seeing you like this. I'm positive, whatever I said wasn't true." Inuyasha drew away and lifted her chin again, "Show me that smile. That special smile." Inuyasha smiled softly when he heard himself saying that, no one would have expected him to say that. But then again, Kagome always brought out a side of him that even he wouldn't have expected.
He and his sweet words seem like a beacon of silver light, a shining guidance through the mounds of fog that formed in her.
Kagome smiled at him, it was a tiny one but a smile nonetheless, and Inuyasha was glad to see it.
"What's bothering you Kagome?"
She couldn't understand it. Why was he acting like this? What happened to his harsh attitude? Why was he acting so... sincere all of a sudden? Why nowThe only moment she wasn't ready to face him?
He had no idea how much he hurt her. But it isn't his fault. It was her fault for falling for him when she should have known that he only see her as a girl who happens to sense the shards, or the most, a friend. If he ever did anything or even said anything sweet, she bet it was directed towards Kikyou. That's all he sees her as, a mirror image of Kikyou, only more arrogant and optimistic, that is.
She had to let it out… she had to. Though, should she? What would be the use? Unquestionably, it would most likely lead to more heartache.
Yet, it hurt a lot. Her heart ached painfully. She couldn't handle the sorrow sweeping over her.
And the pain is just too much, more than she could handle.
She lowered her head mechanically. "Kikyou said I don't belong here! That you will only love her, and I am the source of all the problems going on here!" Kagome couldn't control herself. She blurted everything out without meaning to. Her loud tone diminished, "I should just go home and leave you be."
She trembled in his arms as she retold the worst from her dream. "Inuyasha, you pitied me! You said sorry, that it had to be this way. You said you've chosen Kikyou! ..You just let her kill me!" She sobbed. She couldn't stand the stunned silence from Inuyasha.
She controlled herself and looked up at him. She looked at him like a small helpless child. She smiled, "Inuyasha, I could give Kikyou back her soul and then you could be with the real Kikyou. I'm sure she was wonderful." She had no idea what possessed her to say that part, but she wanted Inuyasha to be happy, and the only way he'll be in peace is with Kikyou.
She looked up at Inuyasha to see his reaction. His face seemed blank, and angry. His eyes were gleaming with amber light. "What the hell do you mean by that? Where did you get the idea that I want you to give up your soul?" He grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to look at him.
"Kagome, dammit, forget about Kikyou! I don't want you to give up your life like that. Kikyou wasn't the only one who was wonderful." His magnificent golden eyes were burning with flames of unknown passion.
"I don't want you to leave me." Inuyasha's usual hard amber eyes softened when he spoke out these words.
The words sliced through her mind, and left her mystified.
She turned her head, not believing it. Bitterly, and still not meeting his firm eyes, she asked, "Wouldn't you rather have Kikyou?"
She caught herself and was shocked. Since when was she bitter? This wasn't her. Who or what gave her the right to feel so dispassionately towards the older woman? No... All ready this was ruining her. She had no one to blame, but herself.
But even so, the moment she asked the question, she knew. She knew the answer. She dreaded it.
But he, as usual, surprised her. "No." He answered effortlessly.
"Wha—what do you mean?" Kagome stuttered, her cheeks a light shade of faded pink. "Wait. Are you just saying this to make me feel better?" She tried to look angry, but failed. She still has the distressing, confused look swirling in her eyes.
'If only you knew Kagome.' "No, I'm not. I'm not lying, Kagome. It's the truth. The Kikyou I knew is gone, fifty years ago." He smiled a fanged smiled at her.
"How can you say that? She was your love!" Kagome said this, flustered. Inuyasha was a myriad of emotions; it was impossibly hard to decode the cryptic notes and looks.
The strained atmosphere from just few minutes before had disappeared.
"Kagome, don't tell you this is what you were worried about." Inuyasha was serious again but a wave of amusement floated around him.
Kagome blushed. "It was... I was afraid. Inuyasha, I really don't belong he—"
"I don't care." Inuyasha cut her off unexpectedly. "I want you here. I need you here."
"Why? Are the shards that important?" Her face was infused with red from Inuyasha's earlier odd performance.
Inuyasha's face was unreadable but he seems offended by the question. "Is that what you still think Kagome? That you're just my 'shard detector'?"
Kagome seemed ashamed for a moment, "Uh.. no?"
"Kagome, you can't lie for shit." Inuyasha crossed his arms in the familiar manner with the haori's long sleeves hanging down.
Kagome's cheeks flamed red but it definitely wasn't because of embarrassment. Inuyasha seemed to take note of this and smirked, "Kagome, its true. You suck."
"SIT!" Kagome yelled defiantly. A searing light glowed from the rosary before slamming Inuyasha face forward in the dirt with a heavy thud.
"WENCH!" Inuyasha muttered impetuously after he lifted his head when the paralysis spell wore off. "What the hell was that for?"
"For being a jerk!" Kagome stomped off, forgetting her earlier problems and now renewing her new ones.
'At least I got her mind off her dream.' Inuyasha gave a little triumphant smile. His faced turned in a scowl, however, when the recognizable taste of dirt made its way to his mouth.
After a few minutes of recuperating from the 'sit' Kagome planted upon him, he thought about what happened in the past few minutes. He himself was dumbfounded by his odd behavior. Well, he couldn't prevent the state of abnormality she puts him in. Well if he's gotten this far, might as well go a little further. It's not like he won't, or didn't want to… She's depressed about something, and he aims to found what it is and resolve it.
He finally got up. Using his arms, Inuyasha hoisted himself up and bounced back onto his feet. Acting ever so casually, he strode over to where Kagome trudged off.
Jumping from tree to tree silently, he found her on a rock in the same position when he had first found her. He remained in his stance in the tree and examined her with worried, sad, and stubborn eyes, knowing that he had failed of sending her pain away. Whatever it was.
It looks like she's in the same depressed state she was previously. She looked so vulnerable with her crouched figure and the tear streaks marring her face.
Inuyasha cursed under his breath, whatever was bothering her was REALLY bothering her, and he had every intention of finding out what it is. No matter how many sits it would cost him.
...Speaking of which, Inuyasha grumbled quietly and wordlessly rubbed his back from the earlier, painful sit Kagome placed upon him.
Ow.
-x-
'I'm not enough.'
Kagome closed her eyes. "I should leave. It's a sign. It must be. I'm not needed here; Kikyou and Inuyasha would love to have Kikyou take my place as the seeker for the Shikon Jewel." Kagome breathed this out softly, meant for her ears alone.
However, a particular hanyou caught every word, with the demon hearing and all.
Kagome's eyes abruptly opened to the faint sound of dry leaves crackling and found her face to face with Inuyasha's heated face... at a very close range. She gasped softly, surprised at the closeness between them, and almost fell backwards but Inuyasha steadied her by cupping the back of her head with his hand.
But it didn't stop there; Inuyasha continued pulling her forward until she landed on his firm chest. He wrapped his arms around her arms to tilt his hands up to rest itself on her silky hair. His head settled on the side of her face, with his chin aligning her forehead as he spoke, "Kagome. I meant what I said earlier, I want you with me. I don't care anymore, I need you Kagome. Isn't that reason alone enough?" His voice was deep and cracked. Fervent. Impassioned.
Kagome's eyes were wide as she registered what Inuyasha said in her mind. She could feel his warm, heated breath brushing over her skin, sending tingling sensations surging through her body. "Why?" She managed to utter. She felt like blushing, but it never came.
"Why what?" He responded almost teasingly and innocently as he slightly constricted his hold on her, bringing her to snuggle in his shoulder for the extra warmth. She could feel strands of his silvery hair grazing against her throat and her face, tickling her.
"Why am I so needed here?" Kagome whispered in his shoulders. This was so hard, being in the comfort in his arms like this when all she wanted right now is to distance herself from him. She couldn't handle this—couldn't handle embracing him. She felt desperately at the need to cry, but the tears never came.
Inuyasha leaned down even closer against her face, his silver hair falling forward, his amber eyes half-lidded.
He inhaled a shaky breath, "Because I love you." Inuyasha murmured in her ear softly yet hoarsely, as if saying those explicit words was the hardest thing he ever had to do.
It was.
"I care for you so much, Kagome."
-x-
He didn't dare make any movement. Was it a mistake? His past suddenly came rushing back to him, as if reminding him the probable outcome of his idiotic declaration.
He remembered how he was ridiculed and beaten by demons when he was younger, the demons thinking he was a just a useless damn half-breed.
On the other hand, the humans were terrified of him, as they were with any regular demon.
Shunned by both races, he left when his mother and father passed away. He made it on his own and became strengthened with the acrimony the world had to offer.
Then... there was Kagome, the sweet, rebellious girl who was so kind to him yet had the bravery to defy him. No doubt, he loved her. Loved her so much. He hidden her love for her, afraid of the risk he was putting her in. No, she wasn't like Kikyou. So many differences between them, she was so much more.
Now he so foolishly released the feelings he had locked up.
But he wasn't as scared to know that other demons might take advantage of her. He knew he would go to no extent to retrieve her, safely.
What he was afraid of all along was Kagome rejecting him. He been through it more then enough but can never live knowing that she was like the others.
Even so, Inuyasha should have known better then to think that Kagome was any ordinary girl.
-x-
He was so gentle, yet the impact was immense. The simple words left such an effect that she didn't ever think possible.
Kagome slowly broke away from the embrace to stare at him. His eyes were downcast and his bangs were lowered, concealing the part of his face that she most wanted to see.
"W—what are you saying?" Kagome asked, not yet able to believe what she heard.
Inuyasha's face rose, ever so slowly, but as his eyes began to ascend, she could see the gold flashing and swirling. Pain. Regret. He did a great job trying to hide it when he smirked leisurely at her; after all, it is a standard Inuyasha look.
"Stupid girl. What's there to explain?"
"But—but I thought, Kikyou... and you.."
His voice shifted down to a softer tone. "I learned to love you too Kagome. I chose you. It has always been you." His amber eyes were as intent as ever.
Damn those eyes.
Something lingered in her mind, the thought that had disturbed her for so long. "Inuyasha." A somber look on her pale face, Kagome stared into Inuyasha's gold eyes. "I… Know that I can only offer you my love, not Kikyo's."
Inuyasha's eyes twinkled. "I know. Thank you."
"But—"
Inuyasha shook softly with a chuckle and gently placed his hands on her shoulder. "You're not Kikyo, you never will be, and I don't want you to be." His eyes were so gentle and the usually strained look on his face was relaxed. "The girl I love is Kagome, not Kikyou... at least not anymore. I've come to realize that even with Kikyou's soul, you're your own person. And gradually, I saw that you're nothing like Kikyou. You're just Kagome. The one that I've come to love and trust." The pain of fifty years ago had faded from his eyes.
She turned to him with widened eyes. Tears shown once more. "..Really?"
"Really." He pulled her into an embrace and let her cry in his shoulder. "I'll always be here for you, Kagome." He closed his eyes. 'I hope, Kikyou, someday, that you'll be at peace.' He hoped the bitter, soulless one would finally be laid to rest, to the peace she always wanted.
Kagome pulled away, a tiny smile apparent on her lips. She placed her hand on the back of the hanyou's head, and suddenly pushed him forward towards her.
Inuyasha was more than surprised and was wide-eyed when her lips claimed his. Instead of backing away, like Kagome was afraid of, he growled low in his throat and he responded, kissing her back fluently. His eyes gradually closed as the sweet taste of her surmounted him. He steadily wrapped his arms around her, and slanted his head to have better access.
She reached and did what she always wanted to do; she reached and gently stroked the loving and adorable triangular fuzzy ears.
Surprisingly, he gave a husky hum of pleasure when her delicate hands caressed his sensitive ears. Almost seems suspiciously like... Inuyasha was purring.
Their kiss grew more passionate as time seemed to stop. Inuyasha gently caressed her lips before deepening the already unfathomable sensations of the kiss,
"Inuyasha?" She spoke against his lips when her lungs started screaming for air. Her cheeks were still tinted pink from her bold action. Who'd ever guess that she was the one who kissed Inuyasha? Inuyasha didn't seem to mind though. He didn't seem to mind at all. 'Thank you, Kikyou. Thank you for bringing him to me.'
"Hm?" He was reluctant to stop their intimate moment.
"I love you too." She rested her head on his shoulder and played with the rosary beads shyly. It was awkward telling him this even after his own confession.
He grinned. He was relieved to hear it, even after all the recent events.
"Good." He smiled again as he pulled her towards in another of many more embraces. Kagome gave a relieved sigh as she nestled herself upon Inuyasha's inviting shoulder. Inuyasha brought the haori around her more securely to shelter her from the bitter winds.
So, their position was fairly comfortable, with Inuyasha on the huge rock with his legs dangling over the edge with Kagome on his lap, leaning on his chest hugging him as tight as he was hugging her.
His ears swiveled slightly as they caught her even and shallow breathing. She was asleep. Her soft breathing commenced from her slightly parted lips proven that. It was hard to look at her face, he would have to shift his body and angled his head to get a good look at her, but he didn't want to disturb this angel's slumber.
Instead, he looked down at the small spring below the huge rock, which the couple was sitting upon. The crystalline water mirrored the couple in a warm embrace.
From the spring's transparent reflection, he could see how the moonlight reflected off her creamy skin. It almost seems like her skin absorbs the moon's ethereal glow. She looked deathly heavenly.
He looked towards the night sky above, thanking the gods for sending her to him. He didn't know what he did to deserve someone such as her, but he was glad. No doubt problems will arise from this. She is a human girl; a miko and he's a hanyou. But they'll learn and live, the presence of the other giving them strength to go on. The love that can be shared will be worth any sacrifices.
He hugged her closer to him. Kagome gave a small sigh of satisfaction and Inuyasha smiled again. He leaned his head down, and gave a light kiss to her temple. He absently caught the stray strands of her hair blowing in front of her face and gently tucked them behind her ears and began to comb softly through her silken hair with his clawed hand, lulling her into a deeper stage of sleep. He hugged her closer to him again.
She is his and he belongs to her. That is the way it would remain.
Always.
That was what the moon saw as it glowed vibrantly, sending its light dancing on the clear, pristine surface of the water.
A/N: I'm not really satisfied with the way Kikyou was just forgotten in here.
June 06
Ecstatic tigerjade: Wow. Nearly 100 reviews. I nearly hyperventilated when that realization sunk in. Thank you for taking the time to read and leave comments. Thank you to those who have been honest and helped me improve. Thank you to those who had me giggling and bouncing up and down in my seat like some idiotic moron. Please keep reviewing!