Until the End of the World

Juvia Lockser was facing a crisis she'd never imagined facing before. Worse still, her emotional struggle coincided with a physical one, as the Demon Gate Keyes had her wrapped up in his constricting coils, slowly squeezing the life out of her while taunting her at the same time.

"Come now…what are you waiting for? Strike me down and snuff out the life of your beloved's dearly departed father…."

The way he said it, the truth of his words, it was breaking Juvia's heart, because she knew what she had to do it…she knew she had to do it to save her beloved Gray…but she also knew that it would cause him pain, and that was the last she ever wanted to do.

Still, whatever Keyes said, it was Gray's father who had reached out to her, asking her to do this. And she imagined that part of it had to do with the fact that Gray couldn't do it himself. Even though it needed to be done, both of them fully understanding that by destroying Keyes, it would indirectly kill his father too.

Really though, her decision had already been made for her, because her love for Gray was that strong. Nothing could make her waver when it came to him. And she'd be damned if she was going to let that happen now.

So it was, that after she allowed Keyes to absorb her into himself, that she resurfaced, having reverted to her water body, and from inside of him she burst out in a fury of angry tears, crying out what the strength of human love meant to her. She turned Keyes to dust, but amid that destruction, she fell to her knees, unable to stop crying, begging for Gray to forgive her for what she had done.

Now everything was hazy, like she was caught in the drift between waking and dreaming. As her consciousness floated in and out of focus though, she was aware of being pressed up against someone's strong, warm back, her face buried in their hair, chin resting on their shoulder, her arms wrapped around them from behind as they carried her.

She knew it didn't smell like the man she loved though. But she remembered having the feeling that he was near not a moment before, bringing with him so much cold, like he carried winter in his heart. This recollection mingled with the present, and this culminated to give her this impression that she was being carried on his back.

The way he'd carried her on Tenrou Island, when they'd had to run away from…something…terrible….

That terrible roaring….

Acnologia…he had…come back….

"Gray…" she murmured. His name scraped the back of her throat, and made her hurt so much on the inside she thought she might start crying again. "Gray…."

"I'm Gajeel…" groused a very not-Gray's voice in her ear.

Yeah, that was Gajeel, after all.

Still, she couldn't help letting out another whimper.

"I need to see him…please let me see him…."

"You'll see him…soon enough…Rain Woman…."

Then the velvet darkness wrapped itself around her, and she sank into the liquid of sleep even as the pain of the Bane Sickness wracked her body. It was nothing compared to what she felt in her heart.

Juvia's eyes flew open, and for a second she had no idea where she was. Revisiting her battle with Keyes in her dreams, darkened as they had been by the Bane Sickness, it had felt as real as it had when it had actually happened. She couldn't figure out how she was suddenly lying here in a bed in a house she didn't know.

"Bad dream?"

That voice. She knew it. It came from the window nearby, the window flooding the room with blazing daylight.

She turned toward it, squinting against the garish luminance. Her eyes took a moment before she could make him out clearly though. "Ga…jeel."

He was sat in the window seat, arms folded. But he'd had a change of clothes since Juvia remembered last seeing him, a new sleeveless tunic with pants and combat boots, and he'd gotten patched up pretty good. Then again, he hadn't been hurt all that much, just drained of magic power after his battle with that shark demon.

He gave her that lopsided grin that he only ever gave her. The kind that always said, I got your back, buddy, no matter what. "Welcome back to the land of the living, Sleeping Beauty."

Which Juvia of course knew was his way of saying, "Thank God you're awake."

"Wh-Where are we?"

"We're at Porlyusica's place. She had a little extra room so she was able to put up everyone who got Bane Sickness or just got hurt real bad. Seeing as how the infirmary was blown to hell along with the rest of the guild hall. The thunder Legion and that Yajima guy were here, but they've gone now. You're the last one to wake up. Looks like you'll be the last to recover too."

"I see." Then thinking of everyone else made Juvia fly up into a sitting positon with a gasp, Gray's name on her lips.

Or at least, she tried to. She didn't really manage it as pain just under her sternum made her wince.

"Hey, take it easy, Rain Woman." Gajeel slid down from the window seat and went and sank down on the edge of Juvia's bed instead. He made her lay back down all the way with a mere prod of his index finger to her shoulder. "Bane Sickness isn't exactly something you just shake off, like a cold."

Juvia frowned at him, even pouted. Just a little.

Which made the corner of Gajeel's mouth quirk in amusement.

Still, she protested her confinement.

"But, I have to see…."

"No, you don't. I mean…you can't."

Juvia narrowed her eyes at him. "What're you talking about?"

"I mean you can't see Ice Boy," Gajeel told her bluntly. "He ain't here."

"I…." Juvia blinked at him. "But…where's he gone…?"

"How should I know? I'm not his tracker," Gajeel snarked, but he softened just a little at the hurt look Juvia gave him.

Actually, she was a bit surprised that he softened at all. They went way back, but Gajeel had never been this considerate before, not even with her.

It must be Levy, she thought, bittersweetly.

But then Gajeel looked away. "No one knows where he took off to. Soon as he got himself patched up, he just…took off. Didn't even give himself a chance to rest. He was like a machine. I told you, something changed about him. He still had that…chill about him." His words shivered, as though Gray had made those cold too.

"Oh." Juvia felt herself wilt, but immediately regained her resolution with the intention of finding Gray as soon as she felt well enoough. She had to. He had to know. He had to hear it from her. More than anything, he needed to know the truth of what she had done to him.

It would break her heart, but she'd rather die than keep something like this from him, even if the truth hurt him too. It'd be a betrayal of who she was if she didn't tell him.

Gajeel gave her a solicitous look. Well, to anyone else it would look disgruntled, but Juvia could tell it was his solicitous expression.

"Do you really gotta talk to him that bad? I mean I know you're sweet on the guy—"

"This time it's different. I mean…important."

Gajeel's frown deepened. Of course he could tell just by her tone that what she had on her mind was grave.

Juvia fiddled with the blanket that covered her. "I did…something bad."

"Something bad?" Gajeel shook his head. "What could you have done that was bad? Especially when it comes to Ice Boy?"

Juvia looked away, pulled the blanket up high enough so only her eyes and nose peeked out. Then she glanced up again. "Gajeel…I killed his father."

If it had been anyone else, Juvia would've insisted it was too complicated. But with Gajeel, she could always be blunt, which actually made things easier.

Gajeel raised an eyebrow, confused nonetheless, and justifiably so. "What're you talking about?"

Juvia rolled her eyes to look at the door to the warm little room where she'd been laid up alongside the others afflicted with Bane Sickness. "Gray's father…was supposed to be dead but…instead, he was um…alive…kind of…but…not exactly. I mean…he was alive, but also controlled by that demon I was fighting…so…he—Gray's father, I mean—asked me to defeat the demon…so he could die. Properly." She blinked rapidly, her throat starting to sting. "I guess Gray couldn't kill his father himself."

"Well shit. Rain Woman you sure know how to pick 'em. You should do yourself a favor and find a guy who doesn't have so much baggage."

"I know it sounds crazy…."

"Hell yeah it sounds crazy! But then again, I also watched you turn into water and get absorbed into a Demon Gate's body so you could explode out of him, so…as long as I've known you, I shouldn't be all that shocked."

Juvia flicked her eyes back up to his face. "Still…."

"It's crazy, but I believe you," Gajeel told her with sincerity and conviction. "And I get why you're anxious to see Ice Boy about it. If I were in your shoes…well, I'd make it a point to track down Levy ASAP."

Juvia lifted her eyebrows. "Oh?"

Realizing what he'd just said, Gajeel smacked his forehead like someone with hangover regret. "Damn it. Okay, don't you dare tease me."

In spite of how awful she felt, Juvia managed a small smile. Gajeel looked at her and then managed one too, since he could tell she was smiling just by the look of her eyes.

Then he reached over and yanked down her hat on her head so it went over her face.

"Gajeel!"

"Look, it's gonna be fine, kiddo. You'll see. I can't see Gray holding something like this against you."

Juvia reached up and pushed her hat back up to her brow, and then shoved the blanket off of her in a huff. She gave Gajeel an almost hopeful look.

Gajeel kept grinning at her. "He won't hate you for something like this. He knows you better than that. And if he does hate you for it, then I'll lay the smackdown on him." He cracked his knuckles pointedly at this.

"Don't do that." Juvia heaved another sigh and fiddled with the blanket again. "Anyway, I'm not so sure. This is too close to his heart." Then something else occurred to her as Gajeel's words fully registered. "What do you mean he knows me?"

"Ha, well, that's what Levy says, anyway. I don't really see it, but I take her word for it. She's pretty observant, after all. Smart." He tapped his temple with a finger, and then scratched at the side of his head. "I'll tell you one thing though, I've seen the way he looks after you."

Juvia was about to argue that anything Gray had ever done for her was nothing more or less than what he would've done for anyone else in Fairy Tail. But then she thought about the way Gajeel acted around Levy, and something kind of clicked.

The Gray in her fantasies was a Gray that could never be, but then, she didn't want him to be that Gray. Not really. The fantasy Gray who wooed her on bended knee with roses and pretty words wasn't the real Gray, and wasn't the Gray she really loved. She knew that, and while she wouldn't protest if Gray spontaneously did decide to present her with some overture of affection, the real Gray…

…the one who spoke in actions more than words…

…who had picked her up fireman-style when the dragon Acnologia had attacked Tenrou Island without a thought just because her leg was broken and she wouldn't have gotten away on her own with just her crutches…

…who flicked her a smile now and then, sometimes when clearly he thought she wasn't looking…

…who had held out his hand and told her that together they could beat anyone, even Lyon and Chelia…

…who had saved her from a lethal hit during the dragonoid attack…

…that was the Gray she had fallen in love with. The Gray she would always love.

Gray.

His name was an ache inside her, more so because of her desperation to find him and tell him what she had done. In which case, she supposed, the Gray of her fantasies would be the only Gray she would ever be able to get close to again.

Somehow though, for the moment at least, she didn't find herself wanting to cry at this prospect.

She looked at Gajeel again.

Gajeel chuckled and held out his fist. "It'll work out, Rain Woman. Count on it."

Juvia managed to smile again, and she weakly took her own hand out from under the blanket, and she and Gajeel bro-fisted.

Then, knuckles, connected, Juvia sensed something else. Slowly she lowered her hand and gripped the edge of the blanket again. "Gajeel? Did you…did something…happen?"

And in her mind echoed the roar of dragons.

That's right…the dragons…the Dragon Slayers' dragons. They had saved them, saved them from Acnologia and the Faces. But Juvia's memories were hazy, since she'd been going in and out of it as the Bane Sickness had attacked her body from within.

At this, Gajeel's face flat-out fell. He turned away, looking rather wistfully out the window. Again, someone else wouldn't have considered him wistful, more annoyed, but Juvia knew better.

"The dragons…they're gone now."

Juvia's heart clenched again. "You mean…so…Metallicana…he was there and then…?"

"Yeah."

"I see."

A pause.

"Gajeel…I'm sorry…."

Gajeel gave her a pinched look, but Juvia knew it was because deep down, he'd been worn a little rawer than anyone else could think possible of someone like him.

He looked away again. "It's nothing."

"Liar."

"Shut up."

But Juvia just closed her eyes even as she smiled empathetically. "Where's Levy? She's okay at least, right? And Pantherlily?"

At this, Gajeel chuckled faintly.

"Yeah. They're okay."

If she had known that this would be the last time she would see him for more than a whole year, she would have tried to talk to him just a little bit longer, instead of letting herself simply drift off when he told her to rest.

Later that night, Juvia learned from Porlyusica that about three days had passed since the battle with Tartaros. That didn't give Juvia too much time to come up with a way to find Gray somehow, but she also did her best thinking when she was in the water, naturally. So even though she still felt a little weak, the pain was completely gone now, and again, if she wanted to get stronger faster, having a soak in the hot springs a little ways from Porlyusica's house seemed like the best idea. With Porlyusica's permission, of course.

Before stripping out there in the middle of the forest, Juvia made absolutely sure that there wasn't a soul in the vicinity who could creep on her. Then, for a moment, she relished in anticipation of enveloping herself in the hot water's soothing, cleansing embrace. The moment she dropped in, she felt bliss flood into her skin, into her very veins, within seconds.

She let herself sink the rest of the way down a little more slowly, letting out a sigh, as a moment of peace washed over her. She sank until the hot water closed over her head, and then bobbed back up, shaking back her soaked hair and letting a few glittering drops fly, catching the light of the waxing gibbous moon above.

Then she leaned back with another sigh, this time only sinking down up to her neck. She closed her eyes for a moment, clinging just a bit longer to this peace that she'd found, before she forced herself to confront that dread that still writhed inside of her.

She had two problems to wrestle with, both of them weighing down on her so much that she was all the more grateful for being able to soak in this frothing, steaming water. One was finding Gray. The other was telling him what she had done. She couldn't do the latter without accomplishing the former first. She tried to focus mostly on that.

As far as she knew, Gray didn't have any specific haunts, or retreats where he might hide out if he wanted to get away from everyone else in the Guild. That day she'd made him that scarf—Day 413, she called it in her head when referring to it to herself in short—he'd just been wandering around Magnolia, but before that he'd apparently just been hanging around at his house. But from the way Gajeel had put it, it sounded like Gray had left town altogether. Moreover, while it was possible that he could be at home without anyone knowing, she had this feeling that she wasn't the first to think of his having gone there, as she had no doubt that she wasn't the first to go check there in seeking his whereabouts.

She also had a niggling feeling that that first someone had probably been Lucy, but thinking this didn't bother her nearly as much as it used to. Probably because deep down she knew Lucy meant it when she said she didn't want him. After all, it didn't escape her notice the way she and Natsu interacted around each other any more than it did the way Gajeel and Levy did. Really only Lucy and Natsu seemed clueless about it, except when it mattered.

She laughed to herself, but it lacked mirth because she was considering just how pathetic she could be sometimes because of her own insecurities.

She let herself sink just a little further into the water.

Okay, so where would he go if he were to leave town?

Her heart jumped, just for a moment, as she considered the possibility that he was striking out on his own…in the manner of a bloodhound. Something echoed in her memory from before she'd passed out completely, when Gajeel had been talking about the frigid change that had taken over Gray, something Natsu had said about him, with that certainty that only someone close to Gray the way Natsu was would say with a certainty that was undeniable.

"He's hunting."

What if the hunt wasn't over for him, even with Tartaros's defeat? There were still dark guilds out there, even if the Barum Alliance had pretty much fallen. She knew, really and truly, that Gray operated and expressed himself best through action.

Which made the memory of the way he'd gripped her hand and told her, "I'm with you," flicker in her mind, causing a flutter in her stomach that was quickly crushed by the heavy guilt that sat within her already.

She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, curling into herself as tightly as she could as she kept on soaking in the water.

Oh yes, she could see that. She knew, she knew that what Gray must be feeling right now would drive a man like him to do just about anything to work that kind of emotion off, to exorcise it from himself like one would a demon.

So if that were the case, she had no idea where to start looking, apart from poking around the nearest dark guilds. She knew of many from her time in Phantom Lord. It wasn't much to go on, but it was a start.

Yet…something didn't feel quite right about that, so she didn't settle on this course immediately. She let herself consider other possibilities too, finding herself thinking of the last words Gray's father had spoken to her in her mind.

"Just take care of Gray for me…."

Of course his father would know that he'd be leaving his son behind to grieve him all over again, to relive all that pain and trauma of losing him a second time like that. Her eyes prickled hotly when she thought again about how it was all her fault, all her fault that he was hurting. How was she supposed to take care of him when it was her fault that he was so wounded on the inside?

Still, considering this, Juvia began to wonder if going through this wouldn't have instead made Gray sorrowfully nostalgic instead. So…was it possible he went someplace that had been important to him…perhaps…in his childhood?

She remembered the way Mirajane and Elfman would visit the grave of their little sister Lisanna when they still thought she was dead. Would Gray seek out wherever it was his parents had died?

That would be his hometown.

Only…she didn't know where that was.

But she knew someone who did.

She sniffled, allowing herself to cry, just a little, just for a moment, to wallow in how terrible she felt, before she let water work the rest of its magic on her and relight the glow of strength inside of her. Then she wiped her eyes with the insides of her wrists as she finished with her soak and rose up out of the water, standing just for a moment, completely bare in the night.

Then, as she reached over and grabbed one of the towels she'd brought with her to start drying herself off before pulling her clothes on, she started making plans in her head to get in touch with Lyon as soon as possible.

Juvia really had no idea though that she would be able to meet with Lyon so soon in the first place. She had a mind to make her way to the train station (lucky it had remained untouched during the battle that had damaged half of Magnolia) and just wait there until the first train of the morning, undeterred by the idea of having to spend the rest of the night curled up on a platform bench, so she could make her way to Lamia Scale at the crack of dawn.

It turned out however, that Lyon had arrived in Magnolia on the last train of earlier that day, and then the two of them ran into each other at the riverbank.

The look on Lyon's face told Juvia that Lyon was as surprised to have just found her like this as she was to have found him in the same way.

"Juvia," he said, a little stunned.

"Lyon…."

He blinked and then smiled at her, looking unabashedly relieved. "I'm glad to see you're all right," he said, taking a step forward. "I'd heard about what happened and…Fairy Tail getting blown up and I…."

Then he stumbled, his cheeks coloring. Juvia felt her cheeks color too. Even though he'd told Gray he was going to let her go, it was clear Lyon still had feelings for her, which made Juvia feel a little bad about asking to speak with him when it was so late.

But Lyon told her it was fine, even when Juvia made it clear that she wanted to talk to him about Gray, and the two of them sat down by the water's edge.

Juvia hugged her knees, and Lyon did the same. And it was a mark of how well he knew Gray when he asked right up front: "So, I'm guessing Gray took off?"

He raised his eyebrows, and Juvia avoided looking at him, deciding to focus on the way the reflected moon and the streetlamps that still functioned threw their light on the dark river water. Though she wasn't sure why she had this feeling like she'd been cornered.

"Yes."

"Ah, I figured as much."

Juvia glanced at him sidelong. "Really? You don't even know what happened. I mean…to Gray personally."

Lyon met her glance. "But you're looking for him, aren't you?"

What was left unsaid was, "Because if you weren't, you wouldn't have been looking for me. Because you obviously were."

Juvia looked away again. "Yes." Her cheeks got warmer, and she hugged her knees closer.

"Then I don't need to know that something happened to him…personally. Just that something must've happened to make him take off." Lyon sighed and looked up at the moon like Juvia had been doing. "He's always been like that. I call it…bravely running away."

Juvia frowned and glanced at him again. "Bravely…running away?"

"He's running away…but to confront something else that challenges his guts just as much if not more so," Lyon explained. Then he laughed. "But at the same time, he's still running from what he should be facing. Then again, he is an idiot."

This made Juvia laugh a little, because in some respects, she agreed with him.

Moreover, it gave her a perfect segue to her next question:

"Well, I think I know where he's gone, only I don't know where that where is, so…where…where was it that Gray grew up, exactly? I mean…before he lived and trained with you and Ur."

Lyon blinked at her. "You think that's where he went?"

"Based on what happened, yes."

"Hm. I could see that. Well, if you want to know, it was a small village in the Northern Continent."

"I see…."

Now Juvia looked up at the moon again. She could almost see it. The boy who would learn Ice-Make Magic, growing up in the snowy climes of the Northern Continent. And after her encounter with Gray's father, it conjured images of that boy playing happily with that father, the kind that undoubtedly involved snowball fights…ones that lasted until the sun sank and the sky purpled, and that would be when the boy's mother might've laughed as she called him and his father inside for dinner.

Then all of that had been torn away from him….

Juvia felt her eyes sting and her throat close, and she wiped at her eyes with the knuckles of one hand. No, she didn't have time to cry again, not right now. She could cry again later…when this was over.

Lyon considered her solicitously, even hesitantly, like he wanted to do something comforting, but knew that it wasn't his place. He looked away and went on.

"I don't know the name…Ur and I just came across the wreckage that was left behind," he told her. "But I can tell you where it is based on where it is in relation to the closest town…assuming it's still standing."

Juvia peeked at him, eyes glistering. He gave her a melancholy smile, and for a moment, just for a moment, she wished she could love Lyon the way she loved Gray instead, because Lyon knew exactly how she felt.

Juvia and Lyon ended up talking until dawn (mostly about what it had been like for Lyon to grow up with Gray, the bulk of which came through in complaints that Juvia knew came from the deepest of brotherly affections, even if he'd never admit it), and then Lyon stretched and cricked his neck. Juvia insisted on walking him back to the train station, but Lyon only accepted on the condition that she let him buy her breakfast first.

After they had parted ways, Juvia shuffled back to Fairy Hills, and became aware upon arrival that the rooms there felt curiously empty.

And then she found a letter pinned to her door, and judging by the handwriting she knew it was from Erza. Once she managed to squint at it well enough for it to make sense, she learned that Master Makarov had actually disbanded Fairy Tail. Which explained the sense of emptiness here at Fairy Hills, the silence. She imagined that all the other girls who lived here had already packed up and taken off, going their separate ways.

The last thing Erza wrote was a fond and personal farewell to Juvia, wishing her a speedy recovery, and also…hoping that she might be able to find Gray, since no one else seemed able to.

"Not that that matters too much since, well, Fairy Tail's been broken up, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still worried about the guy. As a matter of fact, I'll worry about all of you, and even if we aren't a guild anymore, in my heart, I'll always find every last one of you there. But Juvia, if you at least found Gray, then the two of you wouldn't be alone. I'd worry about the two of you less at least if I knew you had each other.

"Honestly, I think that being alone, after all this, is what makes this the saddest part of all."

This made Juvia wonder briefly if Erza hadn't been thinking of Jellal when she'd been writing that last part, about being alone. That and, it was a mark of how little Gray had really opened up to anyone in Fairy Tail about his past going by how no one else had even the slightest clue where to look for him. Juvia herself would have no idea if she didn't already know the little bit of personal information that she did know that no one else did, and even that had come from third party sources like Lyon. Normally, this would have made her squeal, to acknowledge that she in fact knew things now about Gray that no one else did, but instead, it just made her wither on the inside.

Still, even then, Erza Scarlet, that incredibly strong and kind young woman was looking out for her, even rooting for her a little, just like she did after that kerfuffle on Day 413.

Juvia slowly lowered the letter from her face, not realizing until now that she could feel any more forlorn and empty than she already did. But she did, nonetheless.

That made facing the inside of her apartment that much more difficult than she already knew it would be, as she stepped in and confronted the myriad of Gray Fullbuster merchandise she'd collected over time. And all those Gray dolls she'd sewed, her new talisman against rainy days.

The weight of her reality crashed down on her as she considered that after what she had done…she had no right love that Gray Fullbuster anymore. No right at all.

Which meant getting rid of everything she had of him here.

She fell back against her front door with a gasp like she'd been knifed in the heart. In a way she had been, because it broke her to contemplate living a life without the sunshine that Gray's being there brought her, even if from a place she could never reach, and now…never would.

Of course, the feeling itself would always remain, thriving within her, though maybe with time, if she found it in herself to move on, she would find someone new. But she didn't want to think of that now. For the present, she knew that she would always bear that impulse of love for Gray, but no longer did she deserve to seek out a return of her feelings from him.

But confessing to him that thing that would ultimately make her hate her, to never be able to forgive her, was a price she was willing to pay. It was Gray himself that meant the most to her. He had taken away her rain, and she would always remember that for as long as she lived.

What Gray wanted, what he needed, what he deserved, would always come first. And what he deserved was the truth from her.

So it was that with her fists clenched, she forced herself to start going through everything she had that resembled Gray in any way in her apartment and pitch it. It seemed impossible when she picked up the first Gray doll in her hands and caught herself looking at it instead of tossing it one of the many boxes she'd brought up. But it got easier with each subsequent piece of paraphernalia. Over the course of the day, box upon box of all things Gray she owned piled up outside her door in the hallway.

Once she was finished, she donated it all to some fanatic collector in the area and then hurried back to Fairy Hills. And when anyone who passed her by noticed the tears in her eyes, she waved it off with a smile, saying that she'd been cleaning out a bunch of things in her apartment and there had been a lot of dust in the air.

She packed up the rest of what she had (which wasn't very much really) all in one bag and made her way to Magnolia Station, where she took the next train up to the Northern Continent, and, after being awake for nearly twenty-four hours straight, finally gave in and fell into a troubled sleep in her seat on the train.

When she woke up, the windows had frosted over, and the light outside was a pale gray. She sat up, hair crumpled with sleep, her hat askew, her eyes bleary. She rubbed at them, looking about as she tried to gather her thoughts made woolly from slumber.

Their approach to the next stop was announced, and she breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn't missed it. Though when she consulted the schedule again, she realized that her stop was in fact the terminus for this line. Peering outside at the blustery world of white, thick with snow, she had this sense that was journey to the very end of the world, and it made her feel sadder than she already was, and made her feel more dread than she already did.

She was also aware that she hadn't eaten a thing since Lyon had bought her breakfast in Magnolia before leaving the day before, but even though she felt hungry, she had no desire to eat either. All she could do was sit up and pull her bag up into her lap, hugging it while she watched the snowy world outside the window go by.

Once she got to that last stop, she found herself in a bustling village called Shard (aka, the "Gateway to the North"), she asked around about a village that used to be somewhere not far from there, describing the area it was supposed to be in the way Lyon had described it to her. Not a lot of people were keen to talk about it, because of the fact that that village was best known for having been obliterated by the demon Deliora, even though no one here could remember its name either. But eventually she found a traveling merchant in a bar who knew and was willing to tell her about it, and she used what little money she had to hire him to take her out there, seeing as how where he was planning to travel next was in that general direction. So the merchant agreed, and the next morning, after she'd spent a night lying awake in a room above the bar until she got up early in the morning to use the shower and change clothes, found her crouched in the back of the merchant's wagon with a bunch of boxed cargo, her bag of things sitting beside her.

After three hours' ride, the cold was starting to creep in, but Juvia bore it with the sense that she deserved to feel cold like this, which somehow made it easier to endure. Her guilt sunk like heavy stones inside of her, and she was quite lost in her dismal musings of trying to construct how she was going to confess to Gray what she'd done, how she would phrase it that it had been her fault that he had lost his father all over again—if she even found him that was. So she was a bit jarred when the merchant brought his wagon to an abrupt halt and called out to her over his shoulder.

She looked up, and what she saw made her unable to look away even as she slid out of the back of the wagon with her bag and paid the merchant the rest of the money she owed him. The sight left her standing there for a good long while after the merchant and his wagon had gone on their way, leaving her alone with the cold and the wind and the snow.

Though she had known well before now about what had happened here, and how Deliora had laid waste to this place, seeing it for herself, buried as it mostly was now with time and snow, still left her numb with shock. To think that a thriving little village had been here, and now, there was nothing but broken wood beams, crumbled piles of brick, and maybe here or there remnants of the bottom corner of what might have been a house or a shop.

She even heard the crunch of glass mixed in with the crunch of snow beneath her boots as she began to pick her way through the vast field of destruction, leaving her bag back at the edge of it.

Here, she felt like she was the only person left on the planet, like everyone else had been spirited away.

It occurred to her briefly though after some time of not being able to find him, that if he really wasn't here after all, she really had no means of getting back to Shard and civilization without freezing to death first. But at the same time, she didn't find herself all that bothered by this either. With the way she felt, she was almost at home with the cold.

But then she found him, the empty world made quiet by the softly falling snow. She spotted him, wearing the same jacket he'd been wearing on Day 413, sitting on a pile of stones from what had once probably been a wall. Maybe the wall of the very house he'd grown up in, probably had been born in. She had another imagining in her head, of a little baby Gray filling that house with newborn cries while his parents welcomed him into the world with so much love that it broke Juvia's heart all over again just thinking about it.

Those parents were gone now, and in their place was nothing but a makeshift, wooden, cross-shaped marker with their names etched in, side by side.

Silver and Mika.

Just seeing them, Juvia stopped.

So his father's name was Silver. That did seem fitting.

And his words echoed in her mind again….

"You released me…thank you…."

"Sir, I…."

"That's quite a day, kiddo. You ended my suffering, and saved all the magic in the world."

"I…don't know what to say…."

"You don't need to say anything…just take care of Gray for me…."

And she promised she would. Remembering that, gave her the last bit of courage she needed to take that last step forward and call out.

"Hey, I…."

Her voice faltered when he lifted up his head, his ears pricking up. He knew it was her.

"I'm…I'm really sorry…for…interrupting…" she stammered.

She quailed when he turned on her, looking annoyed. And not how he usually looked "annoyed" when she was overdoing it on the fangirling. But genuinely annoyed. Frustrated. Like she was the last person he wanted to see here.

"Juvia?" Then he turned away, resigned. "Why the hell did you follow me out here?"

"I'm sorry, but…I had to come," she told him meekly.

She tried hard not to think about how she would never see him smile her way again, while at the same time she tried hard to remember the last time he had smiled at her, and even then, to recall again how warm his hand had been when he'd put it over hers, the way he'd said:

"I'm with you…I'm with you…."

"You see…there's something…wrong I did that you deserve to know about…."

When he didn't say anything, and simply looked at her again, she took that as a sign that she was allowed to continue, and so she did, though she dropped her gaze to her snow-covered boots. She still wasn't brave enough to look him straight in the eye.

She took a deep breath and went on.

"The necromancer…the one who was controlling your father…it was me who defeated him…." Here she wavered on the words and broke, and before she knew it, her eyes betrayed and filled as those hot tears rang in her voice. "So it's my fault that…."

"You did what?"

She flinched internally. She had never heard him sound like that. She didn't even know he could sound like that, that he could make his voice into a rough and rasped hiss, like a wolf snapping its jaws in aggression.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered, sniffling, crumbling from within. "I know…that after what I've done…I've lost the right to love you…." The tears fell unchecked now, everything in her chest painfully crushing her inward, as all the words she said now came out in croaked, gasped little sobs. "Because I know…that you loved him…and I killed him!"

It was over now. She could weep freely, because no matter what happened, he would be done with her. All she could do now was stand her ground in the face of his fury, the curses he would hurl at her, the way he would probably yell at her that he never wanted to see her again.

At the very least, she was allowed to cry again now.

When she heard the crunch of his footfalls coming toward her, she braced herself, her heart pounding once more. Whatever he wanted to do to her, she would take it, she deserved it. But she still couldn't help a gasp of fear when he came and grabbed her roughly by the front of her coat, nearly lifting her off her feet.

"It was you?!" he growled at her.

Juvia trembled and waited. But after a moment, when he still did nothing but clutch her like that and shake with what she thought at first was rage, she dared to peek up at him.

And then he gave a very choked and wounded sob and buried his face in her chest, still clinging to her. Juvia stilled, too filled with confusion and bewilderment to do anything but stare as he let out one sob after another. They came out so strangled, as though he were trying to hold them back, even now, but was powerless to do so. And with every wrenched sob, a little more of himself loosened, let it all go. Releasing cries from his heart that she realized must have been buried deep inside him.

No wonder they broke free now with such violence.

When he managed to pause again long enough to catch his breath, he sniffled and whispered, "You freed him…thank you…thank you…!"

Every word was strained with painful gratitude and utter sorrow.

"Gray…." That was all Juvia could say, still shocked as he kept clutching onto her and crying, his tears soaking through her coat.

"I'm sorry," he whimpered. "I'm so sorry…."

His legs buckled, but instead of trying to hold him up, she fell with him, and they both dropped to their knees in the snow.

"I'm so, so, so sorry…."

He kept on crying and sobbing like he'd never stop.

Without being explicitly told though, Juvia knew it was all right for her to embrace him back. So she did. She slid her arms around him and held him to her while he went on crying like a child into her chest.

"You're so warm," she sobbed, still crying too, crying with him. "Gray, you're so warm…."

She didn't know why she was saying that, she was too dizzy with a powerful emotion she didn't even know how to describe, like joy and sadness and love and grief all colliding together and bursting into something new and strong and overwhelming.

Gray curled his fingers into fists as he gripped the fabric of her coat. "Damn it…don't…don't you ever say that…." His voice cracked, and he choked out more agonized sobs before he could go on. "Just don't…because…because…damn it...you just...you just can't say stuff like that…!" And then his words were lost again as he sobbed harder.

But Juvia felt she knew what he was getting at. He just couldn't say it. He really wasn't very good at putting what was really on his mind into words. She knew that much about him now. And somehow, it made her love him even more.

Because she knew…

…he didn't want her to go.

He didn't want her to leave him.

He had never wanted that.

She smiled softly, sadly, lovingly, and pulled him even closer, resting her chin on his head, her tears getting caught in his dark hair. He really was very warm in her arms like this.

"It's fine. It's okay. I won't go. I won't leave. I'll stay. I promise."

Gray, unable to speak for how hard he was crying, clung to her more tightly, pressed closer into her, and for now, she could hide him from the world like this, hide him as best as she possibly could.

Then he shook his head.

"God, Juvia, I am so sorry," he croaked. "What you had to do…it shouldn't have been you…it should've been me…."

"But Gray, it's fine, it's okay…."

"No it's not! You almost died Juvia…." And he raised his head and looked up at her, blinking tears out of his red-rimmed eyes.

Juvia stared at him, taken aback. "How did you…?"

Gray took a deep shuddering breath, looking away as he now made an effort to master himself, and it was then that he released his hold on her and withdrew from her embrace, settling back on his knees. "I saw…when I went to…find out what happened to you…you'd gotten the Bane Sickness too…."

"Oh…." Juvia watched him, sitting back too, seeing how ashamed he was. "But, that wasn't your fault…."

"It was," Gray insisted with quiet intensity. "Because it was my responsibility. My father…he had asked me to kill him so I could end his suffering…but I…I couldn't do it…I was too weak…so…I'm guessing he asked you to do it in my place and…."

His words fell away, but he had said enough.

She hesitated a moment, and then reached for his hand. She was encouraged when she gripped it in hers and he didn't pull away.

"Gray. It's fine. Really."

Gray lifted his eyes again, and she smiled for him, tears still clinging to her eyelashes. And she could see in his eyes that he knew what she was telling him in that smile.

It's okay. I did it because I love you. And I would do it again. Always for your sake.

And then he squeezed her hand back, and the corner of his mouth quirked up, just a little. Then he managed to get a hold of himself before he helped lift her to her feet. He looked about, both of them noticing that the snow was coming down thicker and faster.

"We should find somewhere warm," he said, softly. "You're gonna get cold."

"Okay," said Juvia, wiping her eyes.

"Here…um…." Gray looked about, and then said, "Well, this used to be my house," nodding to the bit of wall nearby.

Actually there was a whole bottom corner left, and it was just high enough that given the direction it faced it would protect them from the frigid wind.

Gray was actually rather impressed to see that Juvia knew how to build a fire with some of the nearby splintered wood beams, and Juvia just let her cheeks color and smiled.

Then, as she fed a few dry leaves into the now crackling fire, he asked, a little hoarsely, "So, how did you know where to find me?"

"You mean when you never told anyone in Fairy Tail where you were going, or about where this place was?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I just had a feeling that…your childhood home would be a place you'd want to escape to after what happened. And then well…Lyon filled in the blanks."

"Ach. That jerk."

But then she caught his eye, and she saw him smile at her. That way that he usually smiled at her, furtive, but warm for an ice wizard.

It was getting dark now though, and as Gray settled back against the wall to go to sleep, he pulled out something he'd had tucked under his jacket.

It was the scarf. The one she'd knitted for him.

Juvia gaped at it. And then at him. "You kept it?"

Gray didn't meet her eye. "Of course I did," he muttered. "It's actually pretty warm." And then, before she could say anything else, he unraveled it so he could wrap it around both of them. So it could keep her warm, he said, and Juvia knew that that was definitely part of it. But not all of it. Because when he laid back to go to sleep, he let her curl up against him.

Though of course, for her too, it was, in part, to help keep warm.

She looked up at the dark sky above, and then about at the little space that had once been a whole house. "Um…do you remember much about living here?" she tentatively asked.

Gray answered at first with a kind of grunt, but more like he was thinking about it than that he was annoyed by it. Then he actually smiled a little. "Not too much…I've just got…flashes…but…I remember the last thing I did before…before…. Well, you know."

"It's okay. You don't have to say."

"Mm. Well, I remember what I did…that last night…I was…." He blinked open his eyes and lifted his chin in the general direction of the snowy field not far from where the house once stood. "Me and my dad were having a snowball fight." He actually smiled then, and closed his eyes again. "It was fun." His voice cracked on the word "fun".

Juvia squeezed his arm. "You don't have to keep talking about it, if you don't want to."

Gray opened his eyes a second time and he glanced at her sidelong. "No, I…do want to, actually. With you, um... But…we should probably get some sleep." He lowered his lashes just a bit, and Juvia found the effect rather affecting on him.

She shivered, but it wasn't from the cold.

It was like he could tell what she was thinking because he chuckled and then shut his eyes once more, settling back further against the wall of stone.

"Okay," Juvia whispered, and rested her head next Gray's shoulder.

It wasn't at all how she imagined what it would be like to sleep with Gray for the first time, but she wouldn't have traded this for the world.

The next morning, the snow had stopped and the skies were clear, revealing the pink-and-gold dawn. When Juvia opened her eyes to it, she thought she had never seen something so beautiful.

She stretched a little bit and sat up, slipping the scarf off of her. She looked around and saw Gray was still asleep, and she admired this sight of him looking so peaceful for a moment before he too stirred awake, and then stretched and sat up too.

When Juvia shivered, seeing as how the fire had gone out, Gray offered her the scarf to keep her warm until they got back to the nearest village. Then he ground out the remaining embers with his boot and stepped out of the ruin of his old house.

Juvia got up and followed him to where he was looking out at the sunrise, but something in his mutedly intense expression told her he was looking past those brilliant, auroral colors.

Then he said, "Hey, Juvia?"

"Yeah?" said Juvia.

"Listen…I'm gonna find someplace and train for a while. So I can get stronger. I mean…you said Fairy Tail's disbanded anyway, right?" Then he looked at her, and expression was softer than she had ever seen it. "Will you come with me?"

He seemed hesitant, as if bracing himself for her to overreact the way she usually did, but she kept all of her enthusiasm inside, and simply beamed at him.

"Yes. Of course I will. I'll always go with you. To the end of the world."

"Hm."

The corner of Gray's mouth quirked up for a moment, and then his expression turned serious as he looked back out at the golden sunrise, his jaw set.

"I'm gonna take down E.N.D.," he said. Said it like she was the only one he cared was able to hear him. "I swear it."

Juvia's smile turned to one of admiration for the determination in those eyes of his. "Yes. You will."

Then he lowered his eyes to the ground, his face softening again. "Anyway…thank you…Juvia."

Juvia slid her arm in his, and just like when she'd reached for his hand, he didn't pull away.

"Anytime…Gray."

THE END