Chris: Last time on Total Drama Island. A major bombshell was dropped that Frylock and Courtney were returning to the competition! Frylock was out for Cartman's blood, while Courtney seemed more interested in talking a big game. During the painful Say Uncle challenge, the campers were pushed to their limits. In the end, it was Rick who pulled through and won immunity. At the bonfire ceremony, Courtney was almost unanimously voted off for failing to compete in the challenge and for just being all around unpleasant. 35 campers remain.

Who will be the next to walk the dock of shame?

What does Frylock have planned for his revenge?

And will Kenny through some miracle from God, live through an episode?

Find out tonight, on TOTAL... DRAMA... ISLAND!"

(Cue Theme Song)

We begin this tale not on Camp Wawanakwa, but rather somewhere far away. In fact, the so called "island" had been close to actual civilization the entire time and the entire camp was a set made to fool the campers into thinking it was a real island. But that's a story for another time, right now the main focus happens to be a United States military truck driving down a seemingly desolate road. Exactly why the US military would be traveling on Canadian soil is anyone's guess. As the truck was still going, the driver had noticed something in the middle of the road, after squinting his eyes to take a closer look his expression immediately became one of both surprise and shock from seeing a Pug of all things sitting on the road.

"SHIT!" The driver exclaimed as he swerved the truck around to try and miss the dog which in hindsight, was an incredibly stupid move especially considering the cargo the truck itself was carrying. Obviously, the driver ended up crashing into a tree, causing all of its cargo to spill out which were various crates with each one having the hazmat symbol on them indicating that the contents of each crate were hazardous. One particular crate ended up falling over the edge of a cliff into a nearby forest. As the crate impacted a tree, the lid on the top suddenly opened and what emerged appeared to be a monkey that had already ran off into the woods.

Several hours later...

"YOU DID WHAT?!" Colonel Andrew Cotton shouted as he looked at the soldiers responsible for delivering the hazardous material in both utter horror and disbelief at what they just told him, "I am one month away from retirement and beginning a campaign for senate... they airlift me down here to deal with an impending biological disaster that'll make the Black Plague look like a case of the Clap at a sorority house."

Cotton then proceeded to grab the driver of the military truck's throat in a vice like grip as he continued his rant, "And I find out it's because this little pissin' her panties fuck of a girl under your command swerved to MISS A CHIPMUNK!"

"It was a Pug, sir," one soldier answered nervously.

"I don't care if J. Edgar Hoover wearing a Chenille gown and blowing a row of chorus boys is blocking the road, YOU MOW HIS CLOSETED GAY ASS OVER!"

Cotton continued to yell in the driver's face as he demanded answers, "Were you drunk?! Jerking your Jimmy?! Listening to the radio and ensnared by the scorching rhythms of a homosexual boy band?!"

"I-" the driver said weakly.

"SHUT UP!" Cotton yelled before taking a moment to calm himself, "Where's that fucking monkey?!"

"The tracking chip has it heading east, sir," Another soldier responded.

"Go get it...and kill any living thing it has contact with..."

Camp Wawanakwa

At the boy's cabin, Rick in his underground lab that looked exactly like the one he had in his garage that he had set up since the beginning of the show was busy with another one of his experiments when his computer informed him of a strange signal in the area.

"What are you people up to...?" Rick wondered as the computer analyzed the signal which turned out to be that of a tracking chip, "Tracking a monkey. Jesus, contaminated with a highly virulent mutated form of the Ebola virus... unoriginal and stupid... and where are you off to Mr. Chips...?

His bored look soon became one of borderline horror as he discovered that the signal was moving towards the camp itself.

"Everyone," Chris announced on the loudspeakers, "We are having a competition on the beach in the next hour, so all of you go get your bathing suits."

"SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!" Rick yelled as he already jammed the signal on the tracking chip so the army couldn't keep tabs on their target anymore. Rick knew what he had to do next as he quickly exited the lab with his equipment.

"Okay everybody," Chris said with a smirk as the campers with the exception of Rick stood on the beach in their swimsuits, "Welcome to Total Drama Hawaii!"

"You lack any type of creativity whatsoever," Bojack commented, causing the host to snarl.

"Anyway," Chris continued, "As everyone knows, the most famous sport in Hawaii history is the great activity of surfing!"

"Yeah," Bridgette said irritably, "We all know that."

"Shush!" Chris shouted, "So, the first part of today's challenge, is a surfing competition. You will be judged by a team of experts, made up of myself, and of course three time Canadian National Surfer Runner-Up, Chef!"

"Great," Eddy groaned, "Why am I not surprised?"

"Quiet fool!" Chef shouted at the scam artist.

"The top 20 competitors move on to next challenge," Chris said, "The losers of this round, most likely those of you who wipe out, are not going to have to come to next challenge, and spend the rest of the day off as you wish."

"Well then why would we want to win?" Heather asked in exasperation.

"Because," Chris began with a scowl now on his face, "Andrew has agreed to give the winner one wish as a reward that he can humanly fulfill as a one time thing."

This caused all of the cast members' eyes to widen.

Gwen: One wish, huh (rubs chin) does seeing Chris maimed by rabid weasels count (We see the camera move up and down, as thought the camera man is nodding) Sweet! Woohoo!

(Geoff pokes his head through side)

Geoff: Now that is a Woohoo!

Gwen: Geoff, get out!

Heather: What would I wish for? Well obviously I'd wish for over 10 million dollars instead of 100 thousand, because that is the money that I should win from having such an awful time on this crummy series!

Ezekiel: tapes to help me blend in better. I still kind of feel isolated from the others, and I just want to learn how to interact correctly.

Bender: I'm so getting my criminal career clean and also unlimited beer and cigars.

Cartman: Make Stan and Kahl my eternal slaves because I fucking hate those guys so much.

Bojack: What would I wish for? Easy, I would wish for the company, so I won't ever have to deal with that dumb show "Philbert" ever again.

All thirty four campers were sitting on their boards about one hundred feet from the shore line. Unfortunately, there were no waves out for them to surf on. As the campers began to grow impatient, Owen smiled as he stood up on his board.

"Hey look guys!" he shouted, "I'm doing it!"

"Dude," Geoff said, "We don't start until we get a wave."

"Not likely to get one though," Fry said, "the entire ocean looks calm."

Back on the shore, Chris was about to pull his hair out. He had chosen this beach specifically because it was known for frequent waves. But now all that he had planned for this challenge was down the tubes. That was when he saw Rick come up onto the beach.

"Chris, I'm gonna need to borrow Morty for a bit." Rick said.

"No way Doc Brown!" Chris shouted, "You should be out there surfing with the others and you're lucky I don't have you kicked out of here right now for getting here late."

"I don't have time for this bullshit!" Rick exclaimed as he took out a device from his labcoat and aimed it at Chris.

"Hey what are you-?!" His voice was cut off as Chris suddenly found himself frozen in ice.

Rick turned to Chef with an irritated look on his face, "You. Listen. Now."

"What's going on Rick?" Chef asked somewhat nervously, ignoring his boss's misfortune.

"W-we got a bit of a situation here," Rick said, before leaning forward and whispered something into Chef's ear causing the cook's eyes to widen in absolute terror.

"Well Rick," Chef said, "We are just about to have a surfing contest, and considering our other judge is…" he looked over to Chris, who had a look of horror literally frozen on his face, "…unavailable, would you like to help speed this contest along so that you can get some help in dealing with our little... problem?"

"That sounds doable," Rick replied before taking out a remote out his pocket. By pressing a few buttons, the device sent out a few electromagnetic waves creating a large tidal wave behind the cast. They all noticed this, and began to steady themselves as they began to ride the waves.

"This is awesome!" Owen shouted, only for him to slip a second later, sending him plunging into the water. His splash knocked both Stan and Kyle, who were also struggling with their boards to fall off.

"Oh," Chef noted, "That means we already have three of the needed twenty out. Let's see if any of the others are more coordinated."

Bridgette was enjoying her time on the waves. The water calmed her mind, giving her peace for the first time since they had come to to the island. But of course, it was not to last, as suddenly a fist nearly took her head off.

"Hey surfer broad," Bender growled, "You are going down!"

"Oh man," Bridgette moaned as she dodged yet another stretchy fist by Bender.

On another wave, Harold was also fighting for his life. This time, he had to deal with both Stewie and Brian, who were aiming to take his head off. Even when he dodged one of them, the other came after him the instant he recovered. It was only due to his years at Master Steve's Karate Camp that allowed him to maneuver his board during the fight.

Harold then noticed the two were coming at him at the same time, both with fists out to deliver a knockout blow. Just as they were about to make contact, Harold ducked, causing the two to punch each other. This caused both of them to fall from their boards, and gave Harold a fight-free surf.

At the same time, Bridgette was fleeing for her life from Bender. As the robot was about to finally knock her down, Bridgette pulled up, and did a 360 above the wave, before touching down. Bender, full of anger, attempted to do the same, only to mess up and eventually find himself plummeting beneath the waves.

Frylock, noticing Cartman bobbing up and down in the waves, dived off his board and attempted to reach the fat kid. Luckily for said fat kid, he managed to reach the shore before he could reach him.

Ed and Eddy were the next to fall in, this having a chain reaction of knocking Lindsay, Fry, Courage, Morty, and Dib in at the same time due to their conversation during the competition. As the remaining contestants walked back onto the beach, Chef glared at them.

"From my calculation," he said, "Of the remaining twenty-one of you, the one who will not make it to tomorrow's challenge is the little meatball."

"Aw fudge," Meatwad, "But why?"

"Because," Chef said, "You are one of the least popular characters on the show. Even the fake jock, big head, redneck squid, and home-school have more fans than you do!" He then turned to Geoff, Bridgette, Gwen, Double D, Bart, Cartman, Shake, Zeke, Frylock, Jack, Heather, Bojack, Harold, Leshawna, Jude, Grim, DJ, Kenny, Leela, and Early. "In one hour you will report to the amphitheater for your next challenge. There, the second cut will occur, and we will be down to a final ten."

"So what are the rest of us supposed to do for the rest of the day?" Morty asked, but his question was ignored as the Chef pulled away the frozen body which was once Chris Mclean.

"And that's my cue," Rick spoke next as he lead the eliminated campers inside the mess hall where a table full of snacks and drinks where provided by Andrew with help from the interns, "I need your help Morty and possibly the rest of you since I need some extra hands for this."

"What's going on?" Stan asked.

"Hmm, how do I put this?" Rick pondered, "I'm t-tracking an Ebola virus infected monkey."

The campers all widened their eyes in both shock and surprise. Kyle was the one who spoke first, "Wait, you mean like in "Outbreak"?"

"... Yes." Rick answered as he pinched his nose in annoyance.

"So, which one of us is supposed to be Cuba Gooding?" Owen said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Show me the monkey! Show me the monkey!" Ed chanted.

"You idiots are mixing your movie references," Rick replied, now getting frustrated with their antics.

"Uh... I think we got your monkey," Dib said as he pointed over to the punch bowl where said monkey was bathing in. The monkey soon noticed that it wasn't alone and leaped from the punch bowl, screeching at the top of its lungs as it ran out the mess hall.

"Wow. I haven't been this shocked since I watched that trial verdict on TV," Brian reminisced.

"You mean the O.J. Simpson murder trial?" Stewie asked.

"No, I mean the time Heathcliff took Garfield to court."

(Cue Cutaway)

We cutaway to a courtroom where the case of Heathcliff vs. Garfield is about to begin.

"Cat Court is now is session!" The bailiff yelled.

"We will now hear the case of Garfield vs. Heathcliff." The judge said as he banged his gavel. Healthcliff, the plantiff, entered first, followed by the defendant, Garfield, carrying a suitcase. The two took their podiums, and the judge gave the go-ahead to Heathcliff.

"I was in the funny papers for five years before this lame knock-off!" Heathcliff hissed to the jury.

"Your honor, if I may, I'd like to present this afidavid." Garfield rebuttled as he opened his suitcase only to reveal a small piece of lasagna. "Oh. Sorry, you're honor. I'm on a lasagna diet. I see lasagna, I eat it." He rolled his eyes towards the jury, hoping to spur some laughter. The only thing, however, he spurred was hatred from them, and from Heathcliff.

"Aww, that jokes sucks. Even for you!" Heathcliff yelled.

The judge banged his hammer. "The court agrees that joke sucked. Gentlemen, I am afraid we are at a standstill. There's only one fair way to settle this argument. Catfight!" He yelled as the lights started dimming. The two cats gathered in the middle of the courtroom and started brawling it out.

"You wanna piece of me? Come on fat boy!"

"Come and get it, cat!"

Heathcliff gave the first punch and even started to claw Garfield's eyes out.

"Aw, open your eyes all the way you lazy fuck!" Heathcliff shouted.

Garfield then grabbed Heathcliff and threw him onto the ground, "I gonna start calling you Monday," Garfield then began to scratch Heathcliff's face, "Because I hate Mondays!"

It was now that the jury, which was entirely made up of cats, started throwing things into the ring. Heathcliff grabbed a tire iron and a fish skeleton, while Garfield grabbed...er, a plate of lasagna.

"Oh cruel irony." He mumbled before being struck hard in the face with the tire iron. Garfield threw the plate of lasagna at Heathcliff, and then grabbed Nermal from the stands to protect himself as Heathcliff repeatedly scratched him.

"Ow, I'm dying!" Nermal cried out in agony, "Ow, I'm so cute and I'm dying!"

Heathcliff then proceeded to knock Nermal out a window. Then Garfield grabbed Heathcliff and stuffed his face into a litterbox.

"Eat it! Eat it! Die, die!"

The judge banged his gavel. He had seen enough. "Enough! We have a champion! The court finds in favor of Garfield." Garfield took in the victory for a short moment, before clutching his chest in "pain".

"Heart...attack...from decades...of only...eating..." The bailiff, however, was not impressed, and immediately saw that this was another lasagna joke Garfield was trying to pull. Fed up with the jokes, the bailiff pulled out his starter gun, and shot Garfield in the head, killing him. Gasps spread throughout the courtroom. "Um...I'm sorry. I just, I couldn't take another freakin' lasagna joke."

Jon Arbuckle, Garfield's owner, however, was thrilled beyond belief. "Oh, gods be praised! I'm free! FREE!" He cheered as Garfield's dead body lay on the floor beneath him.

"Up next, Cat Court hears the assault case against Chester Cheetah."

"He hankered for a hunk of my ass!" Timer the Cheese Guy shouted, "Yahoo!"

(End Cutaway)

"Dude, what the fuck does a cat court have to do with a diseased monkey?" Stan asked, snapping Brian out of his flashback.

"Never mind that!" Rick shouted, "One of you, go get that monkey!"

"Oh I can do it," Ed said enthusiastically as he quickly ran out of the mess hall to catch the monkey.

Eddy sighed, "Well, I better go and make sure lumpy doesn't do anything stupider than usual."

"Whatever," Rick replied, "Just meet me in the boys cabin when you get him."

Several miles away...

"Sir," A soldier saluted, "We've intercepted a call from animal control. Our subject is at a summer camp a few miles from here."

"Fine," Colonel Cotton responded, "Blow it up."

"No, sir, you don't understand," The soldier replied with a shocked expression, "The camp's full of both kids and teenagers."

"So?" Cotton said it as if it wasn't even a debate, "There's a festering crock of disease in short pants who will decimate the population of Earth if we let them go catch a Frozen flick after they're through with cookies and milk!"

Cotton then got into the soldier's face as he continued ranting, "This isn't crotch rot going around the barracks, you limp-wristed Nancy, this is Satan on his worst fuckin' day!" Cotton then calmed down as he got on his walkie-talkie, "We're doing them a favor. It's incurable. They've been exposed. They'll be shitting out their insides an hour from now. They'll all be dead. Blow it up."

"Yes, sir," The soldier said reluctantly.

"Okay, campers," A now thawed out Chris said, laughing at the sight of all of them in hula skirts. While some had actually gone along with the idea, Geoff, Jack, Jude, and Harold both sporting traditional pare chests and grass skirts, the others all had just put the skirts around their clothes, "I hope you are ready for the, EXTREME HULA CHALLENGE!"

"Oh god," Gwen moaned, "He's back to making extreme challenges again."

"In this challenge," Chris began, again entering his sadist host mode, "You will be expected to hula dance on this stage. You must continue to Hula no matter what, or you will be disqualified. During the period, we will be throwing many things at you, including fire balls, tikis, and even a few things Chef cooked up in the mess hall."

Chef lifted up a large ladle filled with a green bubbling substance. "It builds character."

"I think my stomach just did a back flip," Gwen moaned.

"And to spice this up," a large group of native men walked out, holding drums, "You will be provided traditional Hawaiian music. And remember," a young Polynesian woman stepped out in front of them, "If you do not follow this woman's exact dance, you will be eliminated from winning the grand prize."

The woman calmly raised her to the sky, and the music began to play. The men near then in grass skirt began to beat pots and sing a song in the Hawaiian language

Mahalo nui ia
Ke Ali iwahine

O lili ulani
O ka Wohi ku

The cast, realizing the challenge had begun, got into the same position, quietly the followed her movements. After several seconds, the men nearby began their song again.

Ka pipio mai o ke anuenue
Na waihooluu a halikeole
E nana na maka I ke ao malama
Mai Hawaii akea I Kauai

Chris smirked, as he calmly pulled out a remote. After a few seconds, he pressed one button on the remote, and suddenly, a hole opened up underneath Kenny, who was engulfed in a giant flame. The entire cast members looked on in fear as the the charred remains of the parka wearing boy fell to the ground.

"Aw bitch!" Cartman exclaimed.

"Let's speed up the tempo," Chris said, as the beat began to grow more fast-paced.

`O Kalakaua he inoa
`O ka pua mae`ole i ka la
Ka pua maila i ka mauna
I ke kuahiwi o Mauna Kea

Chris pressed another button, this time a giant catapult revealed itself from behind him. Chef chuckled as he loaded some of his evil creation into the weapon. He then pulled the lever, sending the filth at the cast. Most of them managed to dance their way out of the line of fire. However, Leshawna, Double D, Jude, Early, and DJ were unable to avoid the slop, and were soon unable to even move, let alone hula.

Ke 'amaila i Kilauea
Malamalama i wahine kapu
A ka luna o Uweka huna
I ka pali kapu o Ka`auea

Frylock was beginning to sweat as he used his fries to make it look like he was dancing. If he didn't do well, he would lose and get eliminated again, and be regulated as a secondary character in a fanfiction once again! Just as this horrible thought entered his mind, he caught one of his fries on a loose floor board. This sent Frylock tumbling off the stage, and he landed in a heap on the floor below the stage.

"Only three more eliminations left for today," Chris said, only to be tapped on the shoulder.

"Hey boy," Early said, "When do I get the chewing tobacco and bourbon y'all promised me?"

"Shut up calamari breath!" Chris shouted, not noticing the squid was carrying a loaded shotgun with him.

"What the hell did you say to me boy?!"

"Pain!"

"I guess I'm judging the last three eliminations," Chef sighed, becoming annoyed with Chris's continued fights.

Ea mai ke ali`i kia manu
Ua wehi ka hulu o kamamo
Ka pua nani a`o Hawai`i
`O Kalakaua he inoa

Some how, the music continued to play, even with the horrible pain Chris was going through. This actually began to cause the remaining cast to sweat. Heather, Bridgette, Ezekiel, Harold, Cartman, Bart, Jack, Shake, Bojack, Grim, Leela, Gwen, and Geoff were all that was left.

"Hey Drinkcup!" Chef shouted as the catapult launched a large fireball at Shake which ended up setting his entire body aflame, knocking him out of the challenge as the talking milkshake fell off the stage twitching in pain.

`O Kalakaua he inoa
`O ka pua mae`ole i ka la
Ka pua maila i ka mauna
I ke kuahiwi o Mauna Kea

"Now were entering the home stretch," Chef said, ignoring the fact that Chris laid bleeding on the floor with multiple bullet wounds.

Bridgette suddenly overstepped slightly. This caused her to overstep her self, and land on Heather's foot. The Asian girl suddenly screamed and held her foot causing her to lose her balance and bump into Bojack knocking him down.

"Mean girl and horse face are out!" Chef shouted.

"What!" Heather shouted, "Surfer girl stepped on my foot!"

"And you should be able to stand it," Chef said, "Now the remaining ten of you, prepare for the third challenge. Believe me," he chuckled, "It's gonna be fun."

"Okay," A newly arrived Andrew said as the teens marched off, "Now it's time to set up…um," he pointed at the severely injured Chris Mclean, "Mr. Janitor, would you mind removing that stain."

"Hey," Bart said, seeing a Caucasian man with a white mustache and an orange cap walk to the stain with a mop, "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Scruffy," the man answered, "The janitor."

"Why haven't we seen you before?," Bart asked again.

"Cause Fresh TV is too scared to insult Matt Groening."

In the Boys Cabin

"So, what's all this?" Morty questioned as Rick had already set up some equipment to work on the cure.

"Well, once we got the monkey, I can make an antidote of the particular strain from his blood. I'll convert it to a highly concentrated gas and pump it through the ventilation system of my ship."

"We got the monkey," Eddy said as he and Ed entered the cabin with the monkey wrapped in duct tape.

"Great, let's-" Rick stopped as he took a closer look at the monkey to see a large bite mark on its left side, "Hey, how'd it get this bite?"

"That little ankle-biter bit Ed first," Eddy replied.

"Okay then... ten point match on the serum... convert to-" Rick's tirade was interrupted as his communications detected another signal that caused his eyes to widen again, "Oh shit!"

"What?" Morty asked.

Rick then handed the now completed cure to Morty, "Here, get into the ship and flip the switch in order to dispense the cure. Everyone'll be cured in eight minutes. I gotta go!"

"What's wrong?!" Morty demanded.

"Those assholes just want to kill everyone!" Rick exclaimed as he quickly ran out of the cabin.

"Alright campers," A miraculously healed Chris smiled, "The next Hawaiian themed challenge. The last two challenges have involved two of the three things that Hawaii is most famous for, Surfing and Hula. Now our third challenge will involve the third most famous thing that the archipelago is known for."

"Dolphins?" Bridgette asked happily.

"No," Chris said flatly.

"Rain," Harold said, before stating, "Hawaii has more rainfall than anywhere in the rest of the United States."

"No."

"Seeing you getting your ass kicked all day?" Bender laughed. Chris glared at the robot, as the others chuckled silently.

"No," He suddenly pulled out a tikki from behind his back, "tikkis!"

Gwen: I really don't like Tikkis. Our team ended up getting cursed for a while because of one. And eventually it just turns out Chris lied to everyone so he could mess with our heads. Jerk!

Harold: Gosh, Chris is ignoring all the great parts of societies just so he can make jokes about stereotypes in a culture. He could have done something far more meaningful, but no, we go with tikkis. I hate this show!

"Your challenge is to design your own tikki," Chris began, "You will be provided with wood, scalpels, and hammers. You will have one hour to complete your tikki. The three tikkis our three master judges say are the best will be allowed to move on to the final challenge."

"And by three master judges," Gwen said, "You mean, you, Chef, and…?"

"Him," Chris pointed to Bugs Bunny.

"Eh, what's up doc?"

"This is gonna be easy," Harold said, "I am going to do a traditional tikki with a Hawaiian demon face." He calmly began to hammer in the features of the tikki. After several seconds, he put down the scalpel to get reacquainted with the wood, and smiled as he turned it slightly. He placed his hand down to grab his scalpel, and noticed something.

"Hey!" He shouted, "Where did it go!"

"Hey nerd!" Bender shouted, holding the scalpel in his hand, "Looking for this?"

"Give it back," the nerd shouted, only for Bender to run off, "Gosh!"

"Looks like Harold is done," Chris commented, "With him chasing after Bender, it would take a complete foul up by five others for him to win."

"Which," Bugs pointed out, "Is incredibly likely considering some of his competition."

Bender: So he got ahead of me in the first challenge, no way am I gonna let that geek win this thing.

"This couldn't be easier," Cartman commented, calmly chipping into his statue. He then caught Ezekiel trying to sneak a peek at his design, and bopped him over the head with a large stick. The prairie boy then returned to his tikki, which had yet to even form a shape. He then began to hit the scalpel into it, shipping off small scraps of wood.

Ezekiel: Man, this has just not been my day, eh.

Cartman: I thought, since there are three judges, I might as well make sure I get in good with one of them in particular.

"Well now it is time to start the judgments," Chris said, "And we'll start alphabetically. So that means that you're up first Cartman."

"Of course Chris," Cartman said, taking up his tikki, which was covered with a white sheet, "I went with what I thought was the best looking model I have seen, since only the best would work for you wonderful judges. So of course, I made an engraving of," He pulled the sheet off to reveal, "Chris Mclean."

"Fantastic!" Chris shouted, holding up a ten, "The pure brown nosing, I love it. You deserve to win!"

"Well doc," Bugs began, "You made an accurate model, so you get three points for that, but you were too accurate, so I can only give you five for that revoltin' sculpture." He held up a five.

"I hate this guy," Chris only held up a two, "so I give you a two for being sexy."

"So that gives Cartman a good start at 17," Chris said, "let's see if our next contestant, Bridgette, can do any better and give herself a good jump off point."

Bridge sighed, and then smiled as she pulled the sheet off of her tikki. It had no figure, but a sentence. DJ saw it, and suddenly he began to cry tears of joy, but this time, it was tears of joy.

""DJ," Chris read, "I love you." Aw, isn't that cute…but it's wrong!" He then only held up a one, "We don't need love crap on this show!"

"I hate to do this," Bugs said, holding up a three, "And at least make it more elaborate!"

"I hate this job," Chef raised a two also, almost guaranteeing that Bridgette would lose. Bridgette looked down in defeat, but she was swept up in a second by DJ, and soon the two were playing tonsil hockey.

Up next was Leela, whose tikki only had one eye.

"A little creepy," Chris said, "But at least it's looks like an actual tikki, five points."

"I'll give you points for creativity," Bugs commented, "six points to be exact."

"What the rabbit said," Chef spoke next, "five points."

"Heh, check this out," Bart spoke as his own tikki resembled that of a green one-eyed alien with multiple tenacles.

"Science fiction huh?" Chris commented, "It's cool but it doesn't really fit the whole Hawaiian aesthetic. Two points."

"Your tikki reminds me of an old acquaintance of mine," Bugs said, "So I'll cut you some slack and give you five points."

"I gotta agree with Chris," Chef spoke out, "It's supposed to be a Hawaiian theme, four points."

The next entrees were rather interesting in their own way, with Grim's tikki being that of a skull which the judges found somewhat unnerving but had to admit it was well sculpted giving Grim a total score of 12. For Jack however, he was one of the few who actually made a traditional tikki which did look well sculpted to say the least with Chris giving the samurai eight points, Bugs giving seven points, and Chef finally giving five points. Rounding Jack's score to 20 points, putting him in first place.

"So I guess it's my turn eh," Ezekiel said, revealing his tikki to the world. It was a giant bear head, and it seemed to snarl at those who were looking at it.

"Fairly realistic," Chris said, "And mildly frightening, five points."

"Yeah doc," Bugs laughed, "but one dang ugly bear, four points."

"I like the idea," Chef sighed, "but like I said before, it was supposed to be about Hawaii, six points."

"And that places Ezekiel currently in fourth," Chris said, "Now let's see if Geoff can win…um Geoff," Chris pointed to the untouched log, "What were you doing?"

"Um," the cowboy said, rubbing the back of his head.

"Dude," Chris said, holding up a one, "You shouldn't even have brought it out."

"What are you talking about doc?" Bugs laughed, holding up a ten "It's perfect, none of the others are even half as good looking as this one."

"I'm just giving you a ten to anger Chris," Chef said.

"That means," Chris said in shock, "That by doing nothing, Geoff actually wins the challenge with 21, but it does eliminate Bridgette for the competition."

"Sorry Bridge," Geoff sighed, before she kissed him again.

"Next up we have Gwen," Chris said, as the Goth removed her sheet, "With a…Oh god, what is that!"

"A demon," Gwen responded.

"Well," Chris noted, "It defiantly seems to fit, so I will give you a seven."

"Well," Bugs held up a five, "You did decently, though I didn't know you were trying to use Heather as a model."

"Shut up freaky rabbit thing!" Heather shouted.

"I'll give you an eight," Chef said, "It seems to fit in Hawaii, and I like you best of all the cast members."

"Wow," Gwen said, unsure of how to take that, "Thanks."

"And that leaves Harold," Chris said, "Who does not appear to be her, so I guess he has been disqualified. That means that Geoff, Gwen, Leela, Jack, and Cartman are moving on to final challenge, and only one will receive the one wish that can be humanly granted."

Harold: I was disqualified because Bender stole my scalpel, Gosh! At least I got back at that stinking robot.

Bender: (With nunchaku around his neck, a bent antennae, and several dents on his head) Yeah, I completed my goal, but I defiantly paid the price.

Several Miles Above Ground...

While the challenge was going on, Rick had donned the same weaponized armor he used on the Purge planet he and Morty had visited a while back. Using the armor's jet boosters, Rick went to intercept the nuclear bomb that the U.S. army was stupidly going to use to the nuke the entire island. He soon spotted the bomb being dropped out of an airplane, flying towards it, Rick was able to successfully latch on to the bomb with his armored hands as he tried to actually steer the bomb into another direction with sheer strength alone.

"C'mon... c'mon..." Rick grunted as he strained himself trying to stop the bomb," This... shit... worked... in... Dark Knight..."

After what seemed like an eternity, Rick had physically pulled the bomb away from its intended target and had in veer off in another direction, far away from the island where it would eventually blow up in orbit.

"AAAH HA HA HA!" Rick cackled in triumph, "STICK YOUR PHALLIC BRINGERS OF DEATH ELSEWHERE, FUCKOS!"

"Um," Geoff said, as Leshawna forced a giant scoop of mashed potatoes into his mouth, "Why are we eating so much?"

"Because," Stan pointed out, putting more fried rice on Gwen's plate, "We need to make sure you guys beat Cartman. Knowing Chris, it will probably be some giant physical event, so we are going to give you full stomachs for the challenge."

"Yeah," Gwen admitted, chewing on a piece of fried chicken, "But won't this possibly cost us with sick stomachs."

"Oh come on, eh," Ezekiel offered, "It will take a while for Chris to set up anything big for a finale, so you can eat as much as you want now, and let the food digest."

"Good news everyone!" Chris shouted as he walked into the house, "We have finished the challenge. Follow me."

Gwen and Geoff turned and glared at the others, who all shrugged in embarrassment.

Ezekiel: Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have said that.

Gwen: Idiot!

Geoff: Moron!

Harold: Nerf-herder!

Bender: Dumbass!

Meatwad: Fart Eater!

"Welcome contestants," Chris greeted as the campers walked up to a small building, "For our final event, you will be doing a truly evil, and cheap, challenge."

"Your task will start here, with these," he suddenly revealed five old and rusted, "bikes!"

"Oh shit," Gwen moaned.

"You will take these rentals on a race around the island," Chris explained, "You will race each other, doing anything short of murder to win. Heck, we will even accept manslaughter!"

"I can tell this only gets worse," Bojack deadpanned.

"Right Bojack," Chris answered, "The contestants, as soon as they finish the lap of the island, will have to take a tikki we have here for them down the shore, and then get out to a buoy in the sea. The first one back to shore wins the one great wish."

Gwen: Wow that seems awfully simple for Chris. Knowing him, I was expecting something with a volcano.

Chris: I tried, but Andrew said he'd fire me and have me arrested by the RCMP. Bah!

"On your mark," Chris said, as all five remaining contestants began to mount their bikes, "Get set," The gripped the handle bars tightly, sweat beading down their foreheads, "Go!"

The five contestants began to pedal with all their might. In first came Jack, whose natural athleticism gained him the upper hand, Leela was second being naturally athletic as well. Gwen was close behind the two, while Cartman was openly struggling due to his obesity.

"Um," Geoff said, sprawled across the ground, with his bike lying next to him, "I guess I should have put up the kick stand, shouldn't I."

Double D: (Banging head against wall) Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Harold: (Banging head against wall) Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Kyle: (Banging head against wall) Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Stewie: (Banging Heads against same wall) Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Lindsay: (Stares at the wall, which has several dents in the bark) what did I come in here to do again?

The two campers who were in first were rounding the first major edge of island, and they were about to skid into one of the beaches on the island. As the two flew through the opening road, they dodged several rocks and washed up logs. Calmly, Cartman who was falling behind grabbed a banana he had been saving from breakfast. After quickly finishing it, he threw the peel out into the road. This caused Gwen to skid, slipping on the yellow covering, crashing onto the side, and rubbing her head in pain.

"Ha!" Cartman shouted back at Gwen, "Suck it bitch!"

Unfortunately for Cartman, he had turned his head as he shouted back at Gwen. This caused him to lose sight of what was going on in front of him. So, with believing in poetic justice, and crazy crossovers, it is no surprise that he crashed into a cabbage cart of all things.

"My cabbages!" the older cart owner screamed, as his vegetables covered the ground. Cartman lifted a piece of cabbage that was covering his head, to see both Gwen, and then a few seconds later, Geoff. He glared at them, remounted his bike, and charged after them.

It had been approximately ten miles since the last incident, and Jack, Leela, Geoff, and Gwen had managed to keep Cartman from taking the lead again. They were already nearly halfway through the race, when they began to enter their next town. Just as they entered the town, they noticed Cartman by some miracle begin to pass them. Then, Gwen noticed something.

"Hey!" She pointed to Cartman's bike, "That's a twelve speed. We only have three speed bikes. That's not fair, it makes going up and down hills easier for you!"

"Well," Cartman chuckled, easily passing the four, "Let's just say I had a little friendly advice."

Chris smirked as he rested in his own personal quarters, using his own personal screen to look at the contest.

"That's for leaving me for dead," he snarled, "You assholes!"

Cartman rounded a corner, several hundred yards in the lead. It was then that he noticed the wet cement sign. He reached out, stole it, and flew away up the street. Jack, Leela, and Geoff, who were all just rounding the corner as Al took off, the latter smiled as he saw how close he was to catching up. Just as he began to put on more speed, he, Leela, and Jack hit the wet cement. This sent them all flying off the bike, with Geoff and Leela both crashing into a wall while Jack used his agility to help land gracefully on the ground.

Gwen saw this, and stopped in order to find a way around. Geoff got up, and looked downward.

"Aw man," he cursed, "My bike's trashed. There is no way I can win now!"

"That little bastard!" Leela shouted, "I'll wring his neck for this."

Even Jack was angry at such a dishonorable action as he glared at the retreating Cartman.

Gwen looked at the growing gap between the two and Cartman, before her eyes narrowed. "Yes there is," she said, getting off her bike, "Take my bike!"

"What!" Geoff exclaimed.

"You are faster than I am," Gwen pointed out, "So you are the only one who can catch up to him. Just make sure you run that wish by me when you win!"

"Right!" Geoff shouted, jumping on the bike, and charging up the hill, about three hundred yards behind Alejandro.

Cartman calmly skidded to a stop at the starting point. The other campers glared at him as he got off the bike, and ran onto the beach. He took off his shirt, and jumped in the water. As he swam to the buoy, which was about five hundred yards out, Geoff came to a stop. He sighed as he saw Cartman's great lead.

"Aw man," Geoff groaned, "I can't catch him now."

"You can with this!"

All of them turned to see Stan and Kyle running up with a surfboard. They threw it to Geoff, who stared at them with confusion. "There aren't any waves for me to use this with," he pointed out, causing Stan to slap his forehead.

"It will let you go faster without dealing with water's resistance!" the ten year old shouted, "Now get going and beat that fatass!"

"Right!" Geoff shouted, as he threw the surfboard down on the water, and began to paddle his way out to the buoy.

By this time, Cartman had already reached his buoy, and was busy grabbing his Chris tikki. He began to swim back strongly, taking no time at all between strokes. As he was a hundred yards from the buoy, he was passed by Geoff. Cartman scoffed at the cowboy, who was still paddling towards the buoy.

"Not even that surfboard can help you," he taunted, "Especially on such a clear day butthole!"

Geoff continued to paddle. As Cartman reached the halfway point back to the shore, Geoff finally untied his log, and began to paddle back. However, after several moments, he had only made it to the point just inside the rocks, while Cartman was in the last fifty yard stretch. Geoff sighed, looking towards the rocks, where he suddenly saw Owen in his swimsuit about to take a dive.

"Go Owen!" Morty shouted, as the lovable oaf nodded and jumped in the sea, causing a great wave to erupt from the sea. Geoff got up, and rode the board in, tikki closely held to his chest. He began to shout excitedly, as yard upon yard of sea was eaten up by the speed of the wave.

Cartman, hearing Geoff's shouts, turned and was shocked by the wave. As he desperately tried to speed up, he was overtaken by the water, and spun around by the riptide. Geoff laughed as he rode onto the beach, holding up the tikki in victory. The campers, now including Gwen, all ran up and lifted Geoff into the air, as Cartman walked out of the water, soaking wet all the while cursing up a storm.

"It blew up in orbit?!" Colonel Cotton angrily shouted as he roughly grabbed the soldier by his collar, "Did you send Ray Charles to fire it?! How could they missed the entire planet?! You just aim down! Set charges, level the camp on the-"

"Jesus, is it impotence?" A new voice cut off the colonel from his rant.

"Who said-"

"Because I'm seeing shades of Dr. Strangelove," Rick snarked as he casually sat on a nearby tree branch, "Having trouble with your "precious bodily fluids," General Ripper?"

"What?"

"So," Rick began as he jumped off the branch with his hands in his pockets," You're Colonel Andrew Cotton. You're gunning to be a senator but you couldn't keep your dick out of germ warfare, right?"

"What the fuck is this?!" Cotton questioned incredulously, "Somebody get-"

"Relax, Colonel. A backstabbing, gutless, greedy, sack of horse cum like you would make a fine senator."

"I will?"

"Yeah," Rick replied before an evil smirk formed on his face as he took out a gun, "It's just not gonna happen."

The last thing Andrew Cotton saw before everything went black was a bright light.

"Well now," The producer, Andrew Lawrence smiled as He calmly walked up to Geoff, and began to shake his hand, "Congratulations on winning today's challenge, I knew there was something I liked about you."

"Um," Geoff blushed, "Thanks."

"Now it is time for your wish," Andrew laughed.

"Hey, wait a minute," Everyone heard Chris shout, ""You used a surfboard, I say that amounts to a disqualification!"

"No it doesn't!" Brian shouted, pulling out a legal document, "You said get to the buoy! You never said anything about how we had to do it!"

"That's correct," Andrew said now glaring at Chris, "And you should count your lucky stars that I don't fire your ass on the spot for cheating just now, so I'll just have to settle for docking your pay for the next few weeks."

Chris screamed in despair as he fell to his knees.

"So obviously today's MVC award will go to Geoff for all his hard work today and he will receive immunity from tonight's votes as well as Rick."

"What are you talking about?" Heather questioned, "He didn't even participate at all in today's challenge!"

"True," Andrew admitted, "But given that Rick took it upon himself to save us all from an impending disaster, I guess I could make an exception just this once."

This caused some of the campers with the exception of some to look puzzled at that statement.

Bonfire Ceremony

"Okay let's just get this over with," Chris said without his usual bravado as he was holding a plate of 34 marshmallows.

"So where's the monkey?" Morty asked Rick.

"I cleansed him and his simian buddies. Stashed 'em at my place," Rick replied, "I'll send them to Africa tomorrow."

"And the army dildos?" Stan questioned.

"I... uh... lemme tell you guys later," Rick answered.

"Hey, if you guys are done chatting it up over there," An annoyed Chris spoke up, "I would like to get on with the ceremony."

"Alright, the first marshmallows go to Geoff and Rick since they both have immunity."

"Next up we have Gwen, Leshawna, DJ, Stan, Harold, Courage, and Jack."

They all went up to grab their marshmallows.

"Lindsay, Morty, Kyle, Grim, Bart, and Dib."

Again, the next group all got their marshmallows.

"Ed, Kenny, Stewie, Ezekiel, Jude, and Shake."

All six grabbed their marshmallows while Ed immediately ate his.

"Bridgette, Eddy, Frylock, Leela, Early, and Double D."

They too grabbed their marshmallows"

"Brian, Meatwad, Bender, Bojack, Fry, and Heather are the last campers who have not received any votes."

As they all got their marshmallows, the only ones left now were Cartman and Owen with the former looking livid while the latter was nervous.

"Well, campers," Chris announced, "This is the final marshmallow and-"

Kyle cuts him off, "Come on already, we all know who it's going to."

Chris grinned in response, "Are you sure? Because it really goes to...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...Cartman." He then smugly grabs his marshmallow.

"No." Gwen starts.

"Fucking." Kyle continues.

"Way." Frylock finishes.

Owen slumps in sorrow as Chris pats him on the back looking surprisingly sympathetic, "Sorry my man, but the Dock of Shame awaits."

"Oh, I'm not sad about that," Owen replied before sobbing a little, "I just really wanted a marshmallow!"

He looked down and saw Geoff holding his out, "Here dude, you can have mine."

The others, minus Heather, Cartman, and Grim, soon passes theirs out and Owen grins and walks off with his head in the air as he got on the boat. As the boat speeds off Owen gave one last goodbye to his friends, "Don't worry guys, my stay here was awesome and I'm glad I made so many good friends during my time here!"

After saying their goodbyes, the remaining campers all walked back to their cabins for a good night's sleep.

"So Geoff," Morty asked, "What exactly did you wish for?"

Geoff just smirked, "Let's just say that Chris has a special surprise waiting for him tonight."

"Ah," Chris sighed, as he leaned into the bathtub, "This is the life. No stupid teens, no douchebag bosses, just me, myself," he lifted up a rubber duck, "And Mr. Squeaky."

As he began to splash around in the warm water, he let his guard down. Because he had actually covered the tub with a shower curtain, he was unable to see the door crack open. Because of the splashes of the water, he was unable to hear the ticking of claws against the wall. And, because he was an airhead, he did not think to look up at the ceiling until it was too late before a pack of rabid weasels all pounced on him.

"OH MY GOD THAT HURTS!"

Epilogue

In a Rundown Motel in Las Vegas...

"C'mon, damn it."

"Sir, it's not going to work give it up."

"Colonel Andrew Cotton does not give up you pantywaist, sissified sack of bat guano!" Andrew Cotton yelled as he tried to free himself from his restraints since he along with the soldier under his command, were both handcuffed to a bed with Cotton himself wearing only a speedo and cowboy boots with the words "Love Monkey" tattooed on his back while the soldier was dressed in a sexy maid outfit and a pointy bra.

"Big talk from a guy who'd win the Sadie Hawkins dance at a biker rally," The soldier deadpanned as he was already fed up with his superior officer.

"Insubordinate! Insubordinate!"

"Oh fuck you," The soldier replied, "You're not the one who's going to be remembered as Colonel Cotton's man-bitch."

"No one's finding out about this!"

"Yeah, right. I'm sure the maid, who makes minimum wage, won't possibly consider selling this to the tabloids." The soldier scowled, "I don't remember how I got here. You slip me a roofie, you tubby douchebag? This your scene?"

"Are you implying I had something to do with this?!"

"Oh, I don't know, "senator," you're sporting a pretty good stiffie right now."

"These jockeys are snug. It puts everything at an odd angle."

""Odd angle"? Jesus. Just keep your shit in your own corner."

"Insubordinate!"

"Oh, shut the fuck up."

Losers: Courtney, Zim, Noah, Eva, Sadie, Justin, Billy, Rusty, Trent, Cody, Beth, Wyatt, Katie, Homer, Ron, Frylock, Jonesy, Nikki, Tyler, Kim, Mandy, Caitlin, Duncan, Peter, Izzy, Jen, Courtney(Again), Owen

AN: Done. Well, this chapter was a lot more vulgar than usual, I hope no one's offended. A lot of references in this chapter as the cutaway gag is based on the Cat Court sketch from Robot Chicken while the song is the intro theme from Lilo and Stitch. Also, the subplot is based off an issue from an obscure comic known as The Adventures of Barry Ween, Boy Genius. Think of it like Dexter's Laboratory meets South Park, I'd definitely recommend it as it's probably the funniest thing I've read in ages. As for the elimination, I think it was just Owen's time to go but at least I gave him a proper send off. As always, be sure to read and review and also stay safe and healthy out there and I'll see you all next chapter.