Cramming nearly fifty men into a single break room was about as orderly as a riot. Somehow, Hotel Moscow could fall into formation at the blink of an eye, but not find a place to plant their arse in the two whole minutes Balalaika counted out.

"All of you, shut up and sit down," Balalaika snapped, running out of patience.

At least ten different voices complained about the lack of chairs even as they sank to half-squats and seats on the floor. Balalaika steeled herself, keeping her voice as professional as possible.

"Comrades, the weekend mission was a success—"

The resounding cheer nearly knocked her off her feet. Some of her more rambunctious comrades threw out future 'mission suggestions', howling with laughter. It didn't help that several of the men closest to her immediately decided to slap her on the back in congratulations, knocking her words right out her mouth. Balalaika took a second to catch her breath; Azarov still hit like a boxer!

The crowd was displaying a range of emotions, from Petrov's delighted whooping, to many bemused looks, and Sakharov's anguished face. Balalaika narrowed her eyes. Now she knew who placed that thousand-dollar bet against her!

"Gentlemen! Please!" she yelled over the uproar.

They eventually settled down, and Balalaika snatched the opportunity to pull out a battered box.

"Yes, it was a success— NO THANKS TO YOU!" Balalaika shouted, brandishing the box of condoms. "Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to put this in my pack?!"

The room was dead silent. Balalaika could have put a condom on the thick pause.

"Nobody?" she asked.

Petrov, bless his honest soul, raised his hand.

"We thought you needed it?" he said in a tiny voice. The soldiers around him nodded, casting placating looks in her direction.

Balalaika rubbed her temples; God, she was going to forgive them at this rate.

"You could have hidden them properly," she said. "When Rock found this instead of the trail mix, he wouldn't talk to me for ages."

"Yeah, but did they come in handy?" Anton called from the back.

"I'm so glad you asked, Tosha!" Balalaika said sweetly. She opened the box and threw its contents into the air.

A confetti cloud of condom wrappers fluttered around her as she looked over each and every face, fixing their expressions of shock, horror and disbelief in her memory. In the absolute silence, she could hear everyone's gears grind to a halt as the image of someone using all these condoms threw a collective spanner in their mental works.

Balalaika thought of Rock's lovely dark eyes, and smirked at all her comrades.

"They came in very useful. Gentlemen, dismissed."

AN: Thank you so much for sticking with me for this fic! I am still writing for Balalaika/Rock, and I read ALL your comments and reviews to keep me motivated through the haul! So let me know what you think and what you'd like to see in the future!