A/N: This is my own spin on how I would have had what happened before and up to after mount weather, I myself personally haven't seen any of the episodes past Lexa's death, I myself am in mourning so this is to help me get by it, this is an incredible mature story with lots of foul langue and lots of girl on girl sex, if you don't like it, don't read it, don't ruin it for everyone else by tattle tailing, you have been warned.

A/N: (2) Sidenote, to anyone who's reading/following my other stories.i promise I haven't abandon or given up on them. I just have really bad writers block and can't seem to get past it. Once I can, I will return to it! I promise. Please have faith in me! I do feel horrible, but hopefully you'll enjoy this! Don't hesitate to tell me your thoughts on it. JD

*thoughts*

I own nothing,

(This story picks up from when Lexa kisses Clarke in her tent and is in Clarke's point of view, I will probably stay in Clarke's point of view unless it's stated otherwise.)

I feel her warm lips pressing against mine, I don't hesitate to kiss her back with everything I have. A couple minutes into the kiss I pulled back. *what am I doing?!* I scream at myself. I open my eyes to see deep green looking into mine with hurt and confusion. "I'm sorry, I can't. I'm not ready." Was all I could think of to say. I couldn't say the full truth. 'I'm sorry I can't let myself love you because I'm afraid to lose you' no that wouldn't be ok.

Lexa nods her head quickly composing her emotions and becoming 'Heda' once more. "Of course, you needn't explain yourself Clarke. The fault is mine." God the way she pops the 'K' in my name shouldn't be allowed, I feel myself weaken in the knees but am somehow able to keep myself standing tall. I gave my head a small shake when I was sure Lexa wasn't looking.

I quickly composed myself and walked over to the table to busy myself in the plans we drew up for the impending attack on mount weather that was set to start within the next few hours.

Hours later I found myself standing beside Lexa waiting for the light to turn off signally that we had 60 seconds to get the door open. But I couldn't even find it in myself to concentrate on that. My mind just wouldn't shut up! *what if she dies? Why can't I tell her I love her? Just tell her you love her before it's to late for fuck sakes! Tell her or you'll regret it if you or she dies!* over and over my head and heart fought each other while I tried with every fiber of my being to ignore it all and focus on the task at hand.

Finally, while my heart and head were still battling with one another the light went out signally we had 60 seconds. I immediately pushed the button to blow the door. Nothing happened. I pushed it again aggressively. Still nothing. I kept pushing. Then it dawned on me. "Their blocking the signal! We need to get closer!" I went to run towards the door but I felt a hand grasp my wrist and pull me back. I looked into the forest green eyes of the woman my head and heart have been fighting each other on for the past couple hours, I gave her a questioning look.

Lexa shook her head at me, quickly shoved me firmly behind her while grabbing a bow and arrow from a warrior close by. Lexa notches the arrow, ready to release it. But before letting go she quickly lit it on fire from a torch nearby then released it. The explosion shook the ground under our feet and sounded out throughout the valley, slightly defining everyone around.

Shots were fired from the ridge above the door before we could attempt to reach the door to pry it open. Lexa signaled some warriors to accompany her to deal with the men on top and another group to pry the door once they had dealt with them. Just as Lexa was about to leave my heart momentarily won the battle over my head and grabbed onto Lexa's wrist halting her from leaving me.

Forrest green eyes shot to mine in agitation and question. I stared into her eyes for a moment letting my fears out unknowingly through my eyes. I gave my heart a couple more moments and did what it wanted before my head took control once more. I surged forward and kissed Lexa with as much love as I could, she immediately kissed me back, uncaring of who saw. I broke it a couple of moments later. "Come back to me Lexa." Was all I said then released my grip. Still looking into my eyes Lexa gave me a small smile. "Of course Clarke, I'm not ready to leave your side just yet." Lexa then turned and gave a mighty war cry and lead her warriors into the ridge.

It felt like an eternity later that the doors opened on their on accord and the grounders that were held captive inside the mountain were released. My heart sank knowing deep down what that meant. Lexa betrayed me. My head laughed cruelly at my heart for being so weak for 'Heda'. She's said it many times before, 'love is weakness.'

My mind still reeling with what I already know is going to unfold. I see Lexa coming down from the ridge with her warriors and some of the guards from mount weather. I see several guards without their suits and my heart sinks even more, they've already started the bone marrow treatments. My people didn't have much more time...

As Lexa and the guards from the mountain approached me I recognized one of the guards that wasn't wearing a suit. "Emerson." I spat with utter hatred. Emerson smirked at me. "Hello Clarke, nice to see you again." I choose to ignore his greeting completely and looked to Lexa instead, hoping and praying to whatever higher being there was that my gut feeling that Lexa was about to betray me was wrong.

Emerson noticing my intense look to Lexa, and laughed. "The commander betrayed you Clarke. She took my deal. Her people for yours." I heard his words but didn't look or showed that I heard him. Still looking to Lexa begging with my eyes that it wasn't true. Finally, Lexa found her voice. "I'm sorry Clarke. I made this decision with my head, not my heart."

The utter look of hurt, betrayal and heartbreak must have been clear on my face because Emerson cackled evilly. I didn't even give him the satisfaction of my response, I just continued to stare at Lexa deeply. If I hadn't been looking solely at Lexa, I would have missed the slight jut out of her jaw to her warriors.

If I had blinked I'm sure I would have missed it. Lighting fast Lexa bent down into her boot and grabbed her hidden dagger and shoved it deep into Emerson's right side and twisted while Lexa's warriors that were hidden in the treetops all released their arrows simultaneously killing the remaining of the guards. Still looking at Lexa confused at the events that just transpired I accepted her lips that came crashing down on mine in a searing kiss.

I let myself get lost into the kiss completely, surprisingly it was Lexa that broke it this time. "Never think I could leave you so easily Clarke, you are my people." Maybe it was because my emotions had just gone from zero to 100 so quickly that I let everything go and reached back out for Lexa. Whatever it was I didn't care. I quickly rejoined our lips in a hungry kiss. Too soon for my hearts liking I broke it. "Let's go get the rest of our people!" The grounders surrounding me let out their war cries and charged the door.

(Edited August 25th 2017)