A/N: I've changed the summary of this story to better reflect the content. When I started out, I only had a small idea of where I would take things and I'm afraid as I wrote the ending, I think the theme shifted a bit. Neither chapter is quite like the other, but at the same time, it didn't warrant turning this into a sequel or something. Monika's POV isn't quite as light hearted as Feliciana's, but in my opinion that also suits her and in a way I got to explore another, entirely different theme that was a lot of fun for me, even if I find this chapter a bit more serious and less silly than the previous one. Hopefully those of you following still enjoy this as well.
There's a little girl in a field of flowers. "Italy…" The girl smiles at her, odd curl of auburn-brown hair bobbing as if it has a life of its own. Her hand reaches out to that round face. "I've loved you ever since the 900s…"
With a gasp, Monika opens her eyes. Her bedroom ceiling stares back at her and it takes her a moment to recount what just happened. She still can't make sense of it all. Hadn't she been with Feliciana? She remembers braiding her hair, of trying to hold back both jealousy and hope. How long had she been in love with her best friend and how many date nights had she seen Feliciana go on that didn't include her? Often times Feliciana stopped by after a failed date, but tonight had been different for some reason. The things Feliciana had been saying were enough to get Monika's hopes up, at least before her mind exploded from the revelation Feli might be as sexually fluid as her older brother Romano. Speaking of older brothers...
"Brüder?"
Gilbert is fast asleep at her bedside, slumped over with his head in his arms. He still hasn't noticed she's up yet, but maybe he can shed some light on the situation. As much as he annoys her, Monika has always trusted Gilbert. She's never known anyone else she could rely on so much.
It must have been at least the 1800s when she woke up again. Monika can't remember who she is or whose house she's in. A soldier is standing near the door of the room, and as soon as she sits up, he bolts.
"Sir!"
There's some commotion, but Monika is too out of it still to decide how to react. She doesn't know her own name, much less what she is.
She can see her reflection in a mirror hanging on the wall. Her face is still a little round with youth, but she's well into her maidenhood by this point-a young woman at least sixteen years old judging by her looks. Her hair is a long, golden blonde and her eyes an icy blue. She might be considered pretty, even with her broad shoulders and curt mouth. Something about her appearance feels off to her, but before she can dwell on it, someone else is back in the room.
"Mein Gott...You're awake…"
He doesn't really seem to know how to react either. His pace is slow and uncertain across the wooden floor until he's standing over her. "Monika...Do you remember anything…?"
"...That's my name?"
His expression looks a bit more concerned than it started out, but he only pauses for a moment. In his mind, it might be better this way. "That's right. Your name is Monika. And I am Gilbert-your awesome older brother." Only he would introduce himself that way, even at a time like this. "I am Prussia, and you are Germany."
"Prussia…? Germany…?" None of it makes any sense to her.
So Gilbert explains it all. He tells her everything-how there was a war, how he found her unconscious but still breathing, still just alive enough to carry home; he took care of her for decades and then decades turned to centuries and finally, she was awake.
There had been a time Monika doubted his stories. He was just a stranger, after all. It could be lies. But he took care of her as she got back on her feet and everyone around them seemed to back up what he said.
Eventually, it was Miss Hungary that convinced Monika to have faith in her brother's words. Elizabeta never seemed to cease bickering with Gilbert, no matter what the issue. She was an honest woman who ripped apart her brother whenever he deserved it, and sometimes when he did not. But one day, when Gilbert was out of earshot, Elizabeta remarked, "He really loves you. It's amazing. I never thought Gilbert was capable of caring for anyone other than himself and maybe Franz Joseph II, but then again, even when you were a child, he adored you."
Gilbert never talked about those days, before she fell unconscious. He didn't like to. No matter how many times she tried to ask, he'd redirect her until she gave up.
"Please, tell me about that time." Monika noticed Elizaveta suddenly looked uncomfortable, like she wasn't sure she should tell someone another friend's closely guarded secret. "Miss Hungary, please. I know nations are different, but you said it yourself-I was a child once. What was that like?"
A long period of silence follows. Monika begins to think Elizaveta will keep herself tight-lipped, but eventually she gives her some inkling of what it was like before her coma and amnesia. "Gilbert taught you how to fight. He was very hard on you, even though you were a girl. I think that just made him all the more proud when you took to combat so well. You were always his 'awesome little sister'. He loved to brag about you to all of us, until you started getting annoyed by him. You were independent. Even when you pushed him away, he was still so proud."
She felt a bit bad hearing that. She had pushed Gilbert away in the past?
"You know…I think Gilbert doesn't like talking about the past because he feels like he let you down. Like it's his fault you went off to war, his fault you can't remember. I think he just wants you to think of happier times from now on…"
Monika couldn't help but notice the sad, sympathetic smile on Elizaveta's face. Elizaveta understood her brother better than anyone. It wasn't until then Monika started to realize. "...Miss Hungary, do you…?" She couldn't bring herself to ask, but Elizaveta didn't press her. They both knew what she was going to say.
"Don't ask him about the past from now on, okay?"
Monika hadn't asked her brother about her childhood since.
She thought she knew enough anyway. Gilbert had filled her in on everything important. He wouldn't leave out anything she should know, or so she had thought. Wouldn't Elizaveta or even Roderich have filled her in if she were missing something important? Why couldn't she shake this feeling they were all hiding something from her, something related to Italy?
Regardless, Gilbert must have been worried to be falling asleep at her side like this. Gently, she shakes him and his crimson eyes flutter open.
"West!" He quickly sits up straight. "You're awake! Oh, man, it's so lame but I thought you might-that you'd-!"
She can understand his concern, but this time Monika isn't a teenage girl. This time, she demands answers. "Brüder!"
He's a bit startled by her harsh tone, but responds nonetheless. "Ja?"
"Is there anything you've been keeping from me? Anything at all?" She can already see his mind is going to the past week, trying to go over his shenanigans like if he bought more useless crap from online. Quickly, she clarifies, "My past! From before you found me! Who was I in the past?"
"You were...Germany…" He seems a little confused. "You've always been Germany."
"Who was I before I was Germany? You were the Teutonic Knights before you were Prussia. Nations change." Now he's finally getting it and she can see the shift. He doesn't want to look her in the eyes anymore, but she'll force him to. "You need to tell me, Gilbert. Who was I before I was Germany?"
Gilbert runs a hand over his jaw. He doesn't like where this is going, but knows he's cornered. "You were the Holy Roman Empire. So what?"
So he's going to play it like that, as if it's no big deal. "Was World War I the first time I met Italy?"
"...Well...As you know her."
"Brüder…!"
"What does it matter, West? You're different people now, right?"
"I am remembering things I didn't before and none of it makes any sense," she explains. "The question is: why didn't you tell me I knew Italy before?"
"It wasn't important."
"Why?! How can you keep lying to me? These memories…! I can barely make any sense of them, but it seems like Italy and I were close and so why…?"
"Because I'm your older brother and I need to do what's best for you!" he finally snaps. "And before you fly off the handle like always, you should know we were only protecting Feliciana too!"
"...We?"
Monika sits back against the headboard, staring off into space for a moment. They knew. Roderich, Elizaveta, Gilbert...They all knew something about her being the Holy Roman Empire, about her relationship with Italy-whatever it may have been. They all knew and they just kept it from her.
"...West, you don't understand. When you were a kid, you were so obsessed with Italy...You chased her around all the time, no matter how big you got. And you got so big, West! I was proud of you for becoming a conqueror, but Feliciana warned you not to become like Rome. Eventually, one day, you said goodbye, and well..."
Did Feliciana know?
"We wanted to protect both of you. That stupid aristocrat told Feli the news of your death. We really all thought you were going to die. I thought you were going to just disappear eventually, but I kept you alive the best I could."
He sighs and leans back in his chair. "As for her, it just seemed easier if she could forget about you and move on. We really thought you weren't coming back. And when you did, I was so happy, but…You have to understand."
Gilbert finally looks her in the eyes again. "I had just gotten my little sister back. It's my fault you nearly died. I didn't want you to fight again, and I knew if you remembered Italy...You might try to go back to exactly how things were." Monika couldn't believe what she is hearing. "Not that that did a lot of good. You were out there giving hell again not even a century later, but still. Feliciana had seemed to move on, and you know...You're both girls, and Feli is so popular with the boys…Why make you both relive such a painful thing if it might not matter anymore?"
"She loved me once."
"Yeah, well, you did used to run around looking more like a boy." He runs a hand through his hair. "I was just trying to protect you, West. You've settled down now, but it took two World Wars to do it."
The cost to both of them for that had been immense. Maybe Gilbert had been right after all about her ambitions to be a conqueror. He had paid the most in his years with Russia. Monika still couldn't forgive herself for letting that happen to him.
What would she have done in his situation?
After a moment, Monika murmurs, "I'm still mad at you."
"I know. I'd be mad at me too." For now he won't mention this is just more proof that writing a million diaries isn't a waste of time. Pointing out this would have never happened to him would just be digging a deeper hole.
"But I forgive you, even if I am mad. I just...I want to talk to Feliciana. Is she still here?"
"In the kitchen."
"Does she…?"
"Still love you? Heh. Probably."
Monika gives him a doubtful look and he rolls his eyes at her. "Listen, West. I may be a bastard for not telling you the whole truth, but I figured you two would make it back together in your own way eventually. Love is an awesome thing. Even when it hurts, it can make us keep going. It gives us hope. People don't ever really give up on an awesome love. It's totally stupid but the payoff would be so sweet if it all works out, so they don't-they keep a tiny spark of hope alive. So Feliciana is probably still waiting for Holy Rome to come home to her. But even if she isn't, she still loves you. You can love more than one person in your lifetime, sometimes maybe even at the same time."
Her mind is still trying to catch up. It's enough to swallow she's the Holy Roman Empire, but Gilbert's relationship advice is unexpected and mostly unwanted. Feelings are a dangerous territory for the both of them. Neither of them are very good at it. Monika knows enough about her brother to understand he's partially thinking of Elizaveta as he speaks. She can hear the bitterness in his voice usually reserved for the woman that broke his heart.
"How do you know Feliciana…?"
"It's three in the morning and she's here making you pasta for when you wake up. You're a bitch to carry, but somehow she managed to lug you up to your own bed when you fainted. When I said I had it under control, she still decided to stay. She'd rather be here than anywhere else, even when it's hard. She picks you over everyone else. That's how you know."
"Feliciana…"
"You're up!" She had just pulled pasta al forno from the oven. It smells like heaven as she sets it down on the counter to cool.
Monika's mouth feels dry as Feliciana's eyes catch hers. Suddenly she's hyper aware of every function of her body. Her tongue feels too big for her mouth and she can hear her heart pounding. "I've…"
Feliciana cocks her head as Monika chokes on her words. "...You've…?"
Just say it. Just say it. Just say it!
"Ever since the 900s!" Well, that's something, but not quite right. Monika is shaking as she looks intensely at her best friend, hoping she'll understand and she won't have to say more. It nearly kills her when she's met with a blank look. She can't make out Feliciana's expression or what she's thinking. "Feliciana, I...You l-love me?"
Silence.
"I'm me!" she suddenly shouts, as if that would make it clear, but it's no use.
It's a complete disaster. Monika slaps a hand over her eyes. She'd like to just pass out all over again.
Suddenly she feels a warmth around her back and then pressed up against her. Feliciana is trying to keep her laughter to a minimum, but as Monika's hands wind round her waist, she can feel her body give her away.
"Si! You're Germany, you're Monika, and I love you very much!" She pulls away just enough to smile up at her. "Let's eat pasta, okay~?"
"I...Okay…" That wasn't how she meant it, but this time it's Monika's turn to surrender.
They sit and eat together as they always do. Italy talks about nothing and everything while Monika mostly listens, occasionally making a comment. Her heart is still racing, but she decides she'll try again some other time. How is she supposed to just tell Italy she's her long lost love? Does Italy still even care or think about her past self at all?
Those were questions Monika thought about a lot as weeks went by.
"Let's play soccer, Monika! Come on! There's no referees, so you can't blame it all on 'diving' when I beat you~!"
"You're going to pay for that comment."
Maybe Gilbert is right.
"Let's go for a walk with the doggies~! Blackie, Aster, Berlitz...Ah! Do you think Pookie will want to go for a walk too? I know he's a cat, but he really relaxes me and maybe he'd like the fresh air!"
"If you're going for a walk, why do you need to relax? Don't bring the cat!"
Maybe it doesn't even really matter if Feliciana ever remembers her as Holy Rome.
"How about a drive? I got a new sports car that goes really fast~! We can have a picnic too!"
"I'm never getting into a car with you as the driver ever again. Not after last time."
In the end, Monika doesn't want to go back to those days.
"I like it when you hold me while we sleep. It's different from how you normally act when I get into bed with you, but I like it a lot. It makes me feel safe."
"I like it too."
Feliciana doesn't run from her now, unlike when they were kids.
"Good morning, Monika! Hug me, hug me~! Let's kiss!"
"Okay, okay…"
Monika prefers it this way.
"I want us to kiss for real...I don't care if it's a sin. I really love you, Monika. I think I always have. I feel like I've known you my whole life."
"I love you too. I'll never leave again, I promise."
This is her life now.
"Do we always have to schedule when we make love? Be spontaneous, amore mio~! Here, take off your pants and-!"
"I swear, if you're doing this just to get out of training, I'm going to make you run extra laps!"
If she had to choose between the past and the present…
"I love you, Monika. Ever since the 900s."
"Ever since the 900s. I love you too."
...she would rather be here.