I've been wanting to do a fanfic like this for forever! Don't worry- The Twin is still my top priority as is Picking up the Pieces of the Past! I'm just really low on inspiration for those two stories right now and chose to get this out of my head.

Warnings: cussing, Jack-centric, violence, PTSD, traumatic experiences, recovery from trauma, family, angst, hurt/comfort, Jack may be OOC

"English."

"Cybertronian."

Thoughts/Flashbacks/Dreams

Note: I will be using Latin as a substitute for actual Cybertronian words as heard by Jack, though I will still bold it. I promise to leave translations at the bottom. I will be using "majstro dot com" for the single word translations. It appears to be a bit more reliable than Google Translate, but I am unsure of how reliable it actually is. Just giving you a heads up. Google Translate will be used for phrases though!

Pain. That was all he seemed to feel lately, ever since he came to this place. There was no doubt in his mind that it was some form of gladiatorial arena, something that made him shudder. He hated what they were forcing him to do, but he had to. The stupid thing around his neck seemed to dig into his nervous system, forcing him to obey whatever command they had. When he tried to resist the commands, which was also all the time, shocks were administered that caused him to spasm. They never let him die in a fight, but he did know that they were trying to force him to kill his opponent.

He was currently alone, allowed to reflect on the situation from inside his "cell", which was a clear box made of something akin to glass, but much stronger. If Jackson Darby was truly honest with himself, what had happened wasn't even Miko's fault to begin with. If he was honest, it was his fault for trying to impress Sierra and staying on Arcee for too long. Even so, how would he have been able to know that she was a giant alien robot?

It was why Jack wasn't honest with himself and this was all Miko's fault. Miko always insisted on running off and getting into trouble, despite the fact it gave Jack mini heart attacks when she did. The Japanese girl didn't care about the fact that she worried him to death and couldn't get over her own jealousy that "everything happened to him", which wasn't true. Jack had missed out on a lot of things because of school and work- like when Miko got caught at that museum or when ever Raf figured something out. In truth, Jack felt like he was the least useful to Team Prime.

That was why he had finally done it, finally pulled a Miko. He had gotten sick of being the one to run after her, so he decided to make her worry about him for once. What he hadn't known was that the Groundbridge had been damaged when Bulkhead and Bumblebee had been lobbing, thus the groundbridge wasn't supposed to be used. The day had been going slow and there was no Decepticon activity. Jack had found it to be the perfect time to start up the groundbridge and "vanish" so that the others would worry for a little bit. How was he to know the groundbridge would malfunction, leaving him on Cybertron in the past?

This is what I get for being selfish, Jack thought, whishing he had remembered what happened when he did something selfish. The scars on his back were proof that fate punished selfish people. At least no one had asked about his father. That had been his own fault too. Why couldn't he have remembered what happened the last time he was selfish? It had almost gotten Vince hurt.

It was his turn to feel physical pain for his selfishness. Energon burns on top of shock burns, not to mention the different wounds he gathered from the fights. The wounds were scabbed over, but he could tell that if he didn't get medical attention soon, they would no doubt become infected. Jack shuddered as he stayed curled in the corner, ignoring the bizarre looking substance in the dish near the center of the little cell. He knew it was "food", he had eaten it before. He only ate it when he was absolutely starving, otherwise he ignored it. He did that because of how disgusting the "food" was. It tasted bitter and almost burnt, though it didn't make much sense. He ate it when he was starving because his taste buds didn't register the taste, making it easier for him to swallow. He'd thrown up the first time he'd tried it, unable to force it to stay down.

"Ipse est fortis. Hoc est a perditio se denegat offline sibi regnum cedere ad circulum," a voice said, causing Jack to look up.

Blue grey eyes wearily looked at the pair of Cybertronians sent to "guard" the "pets". Which had spoken, he was uncertain, but he did know that if he watched their mouths, he would find out. They were easily identifiable from others and looked nothing like one another. The one that was a very dark green, kind of like a green found in a dark forest, Jack had chosen to call "Root". Then there was the one that was dark orange color (why are they all a dark color...? Jack wondered) he chose to call "Dusk".

"Non kidding. Cur non odit pugnae," Dusk said, responding to what Root had said.

Glad that I managed to get Arcee to tell me how to identify if a Cybertronian was a mech or femme if they didn't appear like their gender, Jack thought, looking at the two mechs. Like Starscream, Dusk had a more feminine build and slightly feminine vocal print. Jack could tell Dusk was a mech, however, due to the fact that his digits weren't slender and were more blocky, though they were clawed like Megatron or Starscream's digits. On the other hand, Root was clearly a femme. She was burly and had a similar frame type to Bulkhead, however her clearly defined curves and more slender and dainty digits gave it away. It amazed him that it was how slender, pointed, or blocky a Cybertronian's digits were determined if they were a mech or femme.

Jack briefly wondered what they were talking about, but decided not to dwell on it. It didn't mater what his captors were talking about right now. They were his captors, those who were responsible for holding him prisoner and making him fight against others. Even so, he also couldn't help but wonder what they were talking about. Jack couldn't deny that he was very curious about the Cybertronian language and culture ever since he met the Autobots.

"Est novum unum est rursus ad circulum! Cogitans autem in hic!"

Jack felt a chill go down his spine at that voice, a voice he recognized all too well. It was the voice of the one that found him, captured him, brought him to this awful place. The mech was tall, optics a shade of crimson that he'd never seen on any Decepticon with armor the color of rust. His clawed digits were in sharpened points that Jack just knew he kept sharpened on purpose, his armor sticking out in points where ever there was joint without hindering movement. Jack feared and hated the mech, who he called "Destructor"- something he deemed rather appropriate.

Jack whimpered and curled in on himself, not wanting to go back to the Ring so soon. It had barely been an hour, maybe three (Jack couldn't really tell, but he wasn't all that hungry yet which meant it couldn't have been too terribly long), since he was last in the Ring. He didn't dare try to doge Dusk's hands as the mech carefully scooped him up out of the small little cell (small to Cybertronians- it was roughly the size of a house to Jack), cradling him with care. Jack didn't understand why Dusk held him carefully, though he figured they didn't want him too banged up before he was inside of the Ring. It probably was also because of Dusk's sharpened digits, something that Root lacked despite her intimidating build.

"Sit spes huic imprimere, vel ut terminus sursum offlined, parvus," Dusk rumbled, Jack peeking up at the larger mech.

Jack wasn't sure why, but his stomach knotted up at the tone in Dusk's voice. Jack couldn't stop the whimper that left him, earning him a sympathetic look from Dusk, who looked like he didn't like what he just said either. Jack wasn't sure why, but what Dusk had said gave Jack the sense that he could no longer avoid killing his opponents, something that didn't sit well with the young boy. He felt like he was going to be sick, but he also knew that he couldn't get out of this. Not now. Jack searched himself for something that could give him strength for what he was about to do.

"Jackson," Optimus had once said, addressing him. "Arcee and Bulkhead submitted reports earlier. I would like to talk to you about your involvement."

Jack had felt his heart speed up at the unrecognizable tone in Optimus' voice, so he gulped silently and nodded. He followed the red and blue leader, jogging to keep up. He had squeaked in surprised when Optimus suddenly picked him up, so that Jack didn't have to jog to keep up with him. Jack had looked up at Optimus in shock, unsure what was going on. They went to the 'Bot sized elevator, which was basically a car lift, and took it to the top of the Mesa. Once up top, Optimus had approached the edge where the pile of rocks that laid in tribute to Cliffjumper were, setting Jack down once there.

"Arcee showed poor judgement by allowing you to follow her into the Energon Mine after Miko ran in," Optimus rumbled, "However, it was probably what also saved you. While the caves would have been naturally unstable and dangerous, it kept Megatron from discovering your presence there until a later time. This kept him from collapsing the caves on purpose to seal Miko, Bulkhead, and Arcee inside with no way out."

Jack's brow had furrowed, uncertain of where Optimus was going with this. It was then that he realized where this was going- Optimus was slowly getting to the point where he discovered and ultimately spared Megatron's life. Optimus had fallen silent, as though he understood the boy had already realized the conversation's true topic.

"... Did I do the right thing, Optimus?" Jack had finally asked, fear hidden in his voice.

It had been a secret fear of Jack- making Optimus upset or disappointed with him. It was something he hadn't realized until he had made the choice to race against Vince. First with Arcee, then with Bumblebee. Optimus' disappointment with him had nearly sent him into a panic attack, memories of a time when his selfishness cost him something precious resurfacing just before he went to face the Autobot leader. He had spent the better part of an hour calming himself down so that he could safely face the Autobots- Optimus in particular -without having a breakdown. He wasn't ready to tell them the truth of his past.

Jack could feel the panic rising, despite the fact his pulse hadn't spiked yet. He knew if he was left waiting too long, he would start to panic, to babble, to continuously apologize. That would lead to questions he wasn't ready to answer, to facing a truth he didn't want to face just yet. He forced himself to stay calm, to keep his heart rate from picking up. He thought about his choice, rationalizing that it's what Optimus would have done. Even so...

There was that tiny little voice in the back of his head accusing him of being too cowardly to finish the job, of being selfish when he spared Megatron in that he didn't want the weight of another's life on his shoulders.

"You did Jackson."

Optimus' answer made Jack instantly relax, though the boy hadn't even realized he'd been tensing up. Jack looked up at the Autobot, relieved he hadn't made a mistake and disappointed the leader. Jack idly remembered that this was how he had once felt with his own father, a man who expected a lot from Jack.

"I was raised to be responsible to my mom, my job, and to my school work," Jack had once told Miko. He just never told her who had taught him that. It hadn't been his mother.

"You have impressed me with the maturity you have shown since we first met, Jackson," Optimus continued, "And with how you have grown since the incident two months ago."

Jack felt his cheeks glow and warmth he hadn't felt in a long time spread through his chest. With a start, Jack had realized what the emotion hidden in Optimus' voice was. It was pride and he was praising Jack for his decision. It had been years since someone he admired had shown such things for him, had said such things to him. Yet, even with that, there was something Jack had to know.

"Optimus? I... Really appreciate that you approve of my decision but... What if I'm in a similar situation and..."

"Mercy isn't an option for your own survival?" Optimus had finished.

Jack had ducked his head, ashamed he had even asked. He didn't want to make Optimus doubt him, but he needed to know what Optimus would approve of.

"Jackson, self-preservation is important. However, if you are faced with choice between life and death... Know that it is not bad to chose the option that will keep you alive. There are times where one must chose if they will be the ones to die or if the other will. What you must take into consideration is this: What will your choice accomplish? Who will it affect? Does the other person absolutely have to die in order for you to live?" Optimus said, "Even when one is an Autobot, Jackson, you must also remember that we too have killed. Sometimes it is vital to kill so that you may survive. Avoid violence when you can, but if it is the only way for you to survive then no, it is not wrong to harm another. Killing is not ideal, Jackson, and heavily discouraged. Even so, there are times where killing another is necessary to save yourself. You should not allow yourself to be killed for no reason if you have even a small chance of survival."

Jack could tell that Optimus did not like this topic, but the mech knew Jack needed this talk. Jack didn't fully understand what was being said, but he believed he got the gist of it. Killing Megatron had not been mandatory, thus sparing his life had been the correct thing to do. However, had Jack's survival depended on the warlord's death, Jack believed that Optimus would not have been upset with him for killing the warlord. Death and killing weren't things Optimus encouraged, but even the more pacifist mech understood that, sometimes, it was necessary to survive.

It was hard for Jack to believe that that talk had been six months before. The Decepticons had been eerily silent over the past six months, making Jack think that something was up. Something big, however he wasn't truly complaining. The only real things of note that Jack remembered happening was when that one relic endangered Bulkhead's life by downloading too much information into the big guy's processor, resulting in the discovery of the Synthetic Energon formula. Something that the first few tests of hadn't gone over well. Jack mentally winced as he recalled how Ratchet had acted under it's influence. It was like he was both drunk and on drugs, Jack recalled, shuddering.

Jack blinked when he was suddenly no longer in Dusk's palm. He shrunk even more as he stared up at his nightmares come true- Destructor. The mech stared down at him coldly, barely holding him in a grip that wouldn't hurt him. Jack's pupils had shrunk with his fear, his breath slowly speeding up. He always hated how he quickly began to panic when being held by Destructor, but who wouldn't? The mech always looked like he was about to squish Jack, invoking the boy's fight-or-flight senses, although Jack always stayed frozen and began to panic as he realized he couldn't flee or fight.

Jack yelped as the rust-colored mech dropped him unceremoniously into some sort of box that had what looked like a tunnel on one side. A closer look revealed it was more like one of those tube-slides from a playground or something, made entirely out of metal. Jack knew he had only a few moments, seconds to a Cybertronian, to brace himself. The tunnel always threatened to prove that someone could get metal burn just like one could get rope burn.

"Non confundas me, intellege Avikirush?" Destructor snarled at Jack, causing the boy to squeak and nod rapidly.

Jack had learned that just nodding, even if he didn't understand the words, kept the mech from lashing out at him. The wound on his back was still only just scabbing over from when Destructor had lashed out at him. Jack didn't like where he was, it reminded him too much of something he wanted to forget. But this had to be his punishment for wanting Miko to be the responsible one for once, wasn't it?

Jack cringed as the sound of screeching metal resonated around him, the little box he was in tilting. He began to fall towards the tunnel that he would slide down, into the Ring. He quickly braced himself, but he didn't angle himself correctly in time and groaned when he quickly hit the ground of the Ring, just below a hole in the side of the arena. Pain laced through his body, adding to the other pains he could feel. When he took too long to get to his feet, he felt a zap and he was forced to his feet unwillingly. He whimpered, but pressed forward on his own, knowing better than to push his luck if they were already shocking him.

He stared with weary eyes at his opponent that was twice his size, yet was obviously non-sentient. He wasn't entirely certain, but he was pretty sure it was some sort of dust-collecting 'Bot. It had what he had quickly discovered acted like a vacuum the first time he faced one along with things that resembled dusters. These were easy to disable without fully offlining, but it got him rather hurt in the process. Somehow, he knew his previous tactics wouldn't be tolerated by his captors and the audience this time.

"Avikirush!" voices chanted, calling out what Jack had long since begun to associate as his new "name" in this place.

What "Avikirush" meant or what kind of name it was to a Cybertronian was lost on Jack, but he didn't fully care. He knew that they only chanted that when he was being "announced". He couldn't tell if they were excited or if it was merely rehearsed as a response, but Jack no longer cared. His spine and nerves ached from the constant assault of pain and he knew he was cracking.

There was only one way to finally stop the pain, but Jack didn't want to do it. Jack didn't want to offline another creature, sentient or not. Living or not. He didn't want to, he couldn't. It didn't matter that he was defending himself. It really didn't- violence was bad.

"If I return and you have so much as touched anything related to violence of any sort, I swear to God that you will regret it boy. Do you understand me?"

Jack shuddered at the memory as he dodged around the attacking drone, knowing that it was currently programmed to attack anything that moved. Jack was terrified and didn't want to attack back, but a shock from the collar, stronger than the last, reminded him of his conversation with Optimus. Was it vital to his survival to fight back? Yes, it was. Was it vital to his survival to offling his opponent? Time to find out, Jack decided, though the thought made him sick to his stomach.

Jack studied his surroundings as he dodged his opponent, looking for a weapon. There were odd scrap piles around, making it hard to navigate the playing field. After a bit, Jack found what reminded him of a rusted pipe. He snatched it up, cringing at the flakey feeling on the pipe. He finally chose to ignore it and turned to the little cleaner-bot, as he figured that's what it was originally. He winced, a more intense shock running through his body as he took up a defensive stance with the pipe.

"Killing is not ideal, Jackson, and heavily discouraged. Even so, there are times where killing another is necessary to save yourself."

Jack winced at the memory, realizing he was just about to put that piece of information into practice. If I make it through this and get back home... Jack thought bitterly, wincing as more electricity raced through him, I wear on my life that I will never be selfish again nor will I let myself get put into a position like this again. Father would be so disappointed in me...

With that depressing thought, Jack launched himself into an offensive, attacking the cleaner-bot first. As he did, he heard the roar of the crowd and felt tears sting his eyes. He hoped he would be able to retain his humanity by the end of this.

I'm so sorry, Father, Optimus. I can't be as perfect as you two want me to be.

*claps hands* Alright-y! Chapter One done! I hope it was long enough and in-depth enough for y'all! Also, the name, "Avikirush", was created by taking two already existing names in an already existing language- Indian -and putting them together. IRL, they both are male names meaning "Coward". This name is meant to mean something extremely demeaning in Cybertronian, referring to Jack's lack of aggression. In my story, when translated to English, the name comes out as "Steelfear" and meaning "fear of strength". I tried to stick to Latin for Jack's name(s) (he's not going to keep the name Avikirush), but that proved to be much too difficult to do. As such, I have searched for languages with names that people would be highly unfamiliar with and will be hashing at least two names together to get a completely new name. "Avikirush" was created by hashing the two names "Avikrish" and "Bhiru".

Translations-

Ipse est fortis. Hoc est a perditio se denegat offline sibi regnum cedere ad circulum. - He is strong. It's a waste that he refuses to offline his opponents in the ring.

Non kidding. Cur non odit pugnae - No kidding. I don't understand why he dislikes fighting.

Est novum unum est rursus ad circulum! Cogitans autem in hic! - It's the new one's turn in the ring! Bring him over here!

Sit spes huic imprimere, vel ut terminus sursum offlined, parvus. - Let's hope you impress him, or you may end up being offlined, little one.

Non confundas me, intellege Avikirush? - Do not disappoint me, understand Avikirush?