Ooooh look Kurt/Remy, mmmmmmmmmmm. Heh. This fic has been haunting me, I swear. It wouldn't leave me alone so I decided I better just write it. Now just to warn you (again) Kurt does get raped in this, so if you don't like it then go 'way! But don't worry it's not, like, graphic. You have been warned so no complaining about it if you decide to read. Ookay? Okay! So, anyway, please do enjoy and don't forget to review:D:P

Disclaimer:  I do not own X-Men in any way shape or form..I make no money (in anything) and am only paid in feedback(yay!). Marvel and WB owns them, not I!

A Life so Changed                                                                                                                                                    Chapter One

He was back there again, back to a place he used to think of as home.  After this it would never be the same for him.  He paused for a moment to catch his breath and chanced a quick look back over his shoulder.  His yellow eyes practically glowed, granting him perfect sight even in the darkness.  His eyes were the only thing that could be seen, the dark blue fur that covered his body allowed him to be all but invisible in the inky blackness.  His tail lashed back and forth in agitation and there was a flash of fangs as he panted heavily from his mouth.

He could hear the sound of baying dogs coming closer, the sounds of footfalls and human cries not far behind.  He knew that it would be easy for him to escape his pursuers.  His mutant powers that he was gifted - or was it cursed? - with at birth were not limited to his bizarre looks.  He could simply teleport away to safety.  An earlier glancing blow to the head, however, combined with the continued chase had left him shaken and unable to concentrate enough to bring his power of teleportation into play.  He had no choice but to continue running, heading towards his home where he hoped he would be safe.

He could hear the shouts getting closer now.  Cries of Demon and Freak echoed clearly across the night sky.  He had to get moving again or they would be on him.  Staggering to his feet, he pushed himself onward, stumbling along as best he could.  He could not let them catch him again; he knew that he would be dead, or as good as, if they did.  He turned his head again to see a veritable mob of people cresting the hill he had just come over.  They carried anything from sticks to guns; a couple of people had hounds straining at the ends of their leashes.

He could not go on much farther; he could barely keep his legs moving.  He stumbled and fell to his knees, the impact wrenching a cry of pain and surprise from his lips.  The shouting increased as the mob heard his cry and headed toward the noise.

His mind was in a panic.  He couldn't find the strength or courage to get back up and run.  He was terrified, frozen in place, and he didn't know what to do.  They were coming for him and there was nothing he could do.  They would get him, kill him, or maybe torture him first and he would shame his entire family with what he truly was.  He didn't want to die yet though.  He wasn't ready, he was too young, had just barely begun to really live!  He tried to breathe, tried to calm his panic and focus.  The voices were practically on him now, screaming for his blood.  His powers were failing him; he felt like he couldn't breathe and his vision began to gray at the edges.  He could see a gun being pointed point blank at his face and drew on all his failing strength to will his power into action.  There was a muffled BAMF and the smell of brimstone and sulfur as his powers finally kicked in for one final teleport to safety.

#

Kurt jerked awake, his mouth open in a silent scream.  Glancing around widely, he took in the quilt covering him, the scatter of clothes on a carpeted floor, the empty bed across from his.  His thundering heartbeat slowed to a slightly saner pace as he got his breathing back under control.  He dropped his head into his hands, moaning softly to himself.  He had been back there again, back to the place he had thought of as his home, back in Germany.  The worst thing about this dream was that is was not a dream but a memory.  The day when the people that he had thought were his friends discovered what he truly was and despised and feared him for it.  People wondered why he didn't want to show his true form here, maybe it was because the last time he had allowed his friends to see him they had turned on him.  Why should the people here be any different?  It had been shortly after that attack that he had come to live at the Xavier Institute.  In the time that he had been here it had become his home and family.

Even here, though, his memories haunted him.  Nightmares were a common occurrence for him.  It was harder now that Evan was gone and he was alone.  There was no other person in the room, no one to protect him and anyone could get him.  He shook his head trying to rid himself of those thoughts.  He knew it was foolish, that this was probably the safest place in the world for mutants.  That still didn't stop the fear from creeping up on him.

He got shakily from his bed, throwing the covers back.  Shuffling over to the closet, he quickly tugged on a pair of jeans and an old ratty t-shirt.  Trudging towards the kitchen, he figured a midnight snack sounded pretty good.  He was careful not to make much noise as he grabbed some food from the fridge to make a quick sandwich.  He decided to make a roast beef sandwich with the remains of that night's dinner.  Also grabbing a nice tall glass of milk, he sat at the table and began munching his meal.  Finishing it a few minutes later he realized that he still wasn't in the mood to go back to sleep.  The fear of facing his nightmares again kept him awake.  Sitting at the table, lost in thought, he did not notice when Scott walked into the kitchen behind him.

Scott jumped slightly when he noticed Kurt sitting at the table, chin propped up in his hands, staring into space.  He became worried when Kurt did not notice him or acknowledge his presence.  Scott walked around to sit beside Kurt and noticed the damp fur where tears had fallen.  He reached a hand out to rest on Kurt's shoulder, trying to rouse him from his thoughts.

"NO!!!  GET AWAY FROM ME!!"  Kurt's reaction was lightning quick and he lashed out at Scott with one arm, connecting with Scott's chest and knocking him to the floor.  Kurt shot to his feet, knocking his chair over and backing against the wall before sinking to the floor and curling into a ball.  Scott looked at Kurt, shock and worry written clearly on his face.  He had never seen Kurt so lost and scared, he was used to seeing the joker when he looked at Kurt.  He crawled carefully over to Kurt and spoke gently to him.

"Kurt?  It's okay, it's just me Scott.  You're okay, you're at the mansion.  No one is going to hurt you here.  It's okay."  Scott continued to murmur to Kurt and was relieved to see recognition in Kurt's eyes after a moment.  He glanced up at Scott and wiped his tears away with the heel of his hand.

"Scott?"

"Yeah, Kurt, it's me.  It's gonna be okay."  Scott hesitantly reached out to Kurt's shoulder again and began rubbing comforting circles.  He smiled, relieved when it was accepted.  That smile faded, however, when Kurt brushed his hand off and abruptly stood.  He turned away from Scott and walked towards the kitchen door, back towards his room.  Scott stood and quickly followed him.  "Kurt, wait.  If you want to talk…"

"Nein!  I do not want to talk!"  Kurt turned back to Scott, anger now written on his face.  Scott looked at him in surprise; he didn't understand what was going on, why Kurt was suddenly angry.  Kurt shook his head at Scott's confusion and continued on to his room.

"But I don't understand," Scott called from behind him.  Kurt turned back to him as he reached his door.  His yellow eyes glowed menacingly in the dark.

"Exactly.  You do not understand because you can't."

"But if you talk to us maybe we could help.  Just tell me what's bothering you."

"There's nothing to talk about, Scott, just let it drop."  Kurt opened the door and walked into his room, making sure to lock it.  He did not want to bring his problems into the light, did not want to admit that they existed.  Hopefully by tomorrow Scott would have forgotten or decided to ignore tonight's episode and Kurt could go back to being the joker, the one with no problems.  He slipped back beneath the heavy blankets of his bed and tried to get back to sleep, praying that the nightmares wouldn't come back to haunt him again that night.

#

Kurt woke the next morning to the sun blazing through the window and hitting him right in the eyes.  He groaned loudly and rolled over, shoving his head underneath the pillow.  His thoughts tried to travel back to last night but he pushed them away and struggled to get out of the blankets that seemed to want to keep him in bed.  He wanted nothing more than to wrap himself back in them and forget about the world.  As much as he wished that Scott would just leave him alone, Kurt knew that he would not and that he probably told the Professor as well.  Going downstairs would mean facing them and Kurt paused at his door.

He did not want to hear them tell him that everything would be alright, that they understood.  They didn't understand; they couldn't.  They all looked normal, didn't have to hide what they really were from the world.  Even Hank, though he looked just as strange as Kurt did, would not understand because he had not had to live his entire life like that.  Had never been threatened or beaten by friends because he looked like a freak.

He did not want everyone to pity him, he just wanted to be normal and forget about the past.  If everyone found out about his nightmares, they would drag it all out into the open and he would no longer be able to hide from it.  He was happy with the way things were now.  He had friends, he was an ordinary teenage boy, he had a home but there was always that underlying fear that it would all be taken away from him in an instant.

So he never truly let anyone in, never let them see what he really was.  He continued to be the funny one, the one who enjoyed life because his was perfect.  Sure, there were times when he slipped but that could be easily covered by a joke at the right time, making everyone forget everything but his smiling face.  But what he really wanted, underneath it all, was for someone to just hold him during the nightmares; to be able to look into someone's eyes and see nothing but understanding and love, not pity or disgust.

He shook his head and forced himself to stop brooding.  He couldn't keep stalling; he had to go down and face whatever Scott had to say.  He pushed the dark thoughts back again and opening the door, stepped out into the hallway.

"Whoa!  Kurt, look out!"  Kurt turned his head to see Kitty heading straight for him at a run.  He knew that she wouldn't bother stopping and braced himself for her to run right through him.  He opened his eyes when he realized that Kitty had stopped and was now looking at him with a smile on her face.  He smiled back at her.  "Hey, I was just coming to get you.  You're gonna be late for school if you don't hurry."  Having said all she needed she continued on her run down the hall.  Kurt sighed and shook his head.  Maybe if he waited long enough Scott would go to school and leave him alone.  He walked unhurriedly towards the bathroom and was shocked to find it empty.  Grinning he jumped in before anyone else could claim it.  Only a minute later there was a banging on the door.

"Kurt."  It was Scott.  "We're going to be leaving a few minutes, you want a ride?"  Kurt could still hear the concern in Scott's voice.

"Nein, it's okay, I'll 'port over when I'm done."

"Are you sure?  We can wait."  Scott sounded a little unsure, like he wanted to say something more but didn't know if he should.

"Its fine, Scott, you guys go."

"If you're sure."

"I'm sure, Scott, go," Kurt said with amusement.  He heard Scott walk away a moment later and began to feel somewhat bad.  Scott obviously wanted nothing more than to help and being honest Kurt had to admit, at least to himself, that it was nice to have someone who cared enough to worry about him.  Maybe he would talk with Scott later.  School came first however and he quickly prepared for yet another day.

#

Two teleports took him a block away from the school where he could easily walk the rest of the way.  It would be too great of a risk to teleport right up to the school where anyone could see him.  He checked his watch to be sure that he wouldn't be late and sighed when he saw a normal looking hand that felt anything but.  The watch may have hid his looks but it did nothing to get rid of the fur and he was always cautious of people touching him.

He ran for school and managed to make it with a few minutes to spare.  Having had no time for breakfast he headed instantly over to the vending machines and got himself a chocolate bar.  With no time to savor it, he gulped it down quickly while making his way towards his locker and gathering his books for first class.  English.  They were reading some play about the Salem Witch Trials, something that Kurt definitely didn't need to hear about then or ever.  You'd think that people would have learned from their mistakes about falsely accusing people who had done nothing wrong, who were simply different from the rest of humanity.  But then people always said that history repeated itself.

Kurt sighed angrily to himself.  He had no idea where all these depressing thoughts were coming from all of a sudden.  He had had dreams like the one last night before and he usually got over it quickly.  This time, though, he could not seem to shake his depression.  But the last time he had had someone to talk with.  He missed Evan; He had been the only one that Kurt would talk to after the nightmares.  Hadn't really had a choice after he had woken screaming from a particularly bad one and had scared Evan near to death.  After that it was easy to talk to Evan and it made things easier to deal with.  Now Evan was gone, had left him alone to deal with his nightmares.  He did not know if he should let someone else in.  What if they left as well?

Morning classes seemed to fly by and before he knew it the bell for lunch was ringing and he hadn't heard a single word his teachers had said.  He headed to the cafeteria after putting his books away and sat with the other X-Men.  He went through the usual motions of eating and joking around but in reality his mind was a million miles away.  He looked up when he heard laughter and Scott and Jean walked in, his arms around her shoulder and hers around his waist.  Both were smiling and looked so happy that Kurt had to look away again.  The two had finally gotten the courage to talk to each other a few weeks ago.  Well, technically, Kurt had shoved Scott into Jean, who had been sitting on the couch, and Scott had ended up sprawled all over her.  Kurt teleported away hoping that the two would talk.  Apparently all they had needed was a little shove in the right direction.

Looking at them now, talking and flirting, eyes almost never leaving the other, hands the same, made Kurt wish that just once he could find the same thing.  He was joking himself though.  Who would want someone who looked like a blue furry demon?  But why couldn't he have that just once?  The bell rang again, signaling the end of lunch and Kurt once again went back to the boring routine of classes.

#

He got through the rest of the day and actually managed to pay at least some attention to what his teachers were saying.  He was walking through the parking lot when he heard someone jogging up behind him.  He turned to see who it was and was unsurprised to see Scott.  He waited until Scott caught up to him.

"Just checking to see if you wanted a ride home," Scott said.

"Thanks, Scott, but I think that I will walk home today."

"Look, I know there's something going on and it's okay to talk about it."  Kurt looked up at Scott, truly grateful that he would care enough to make that offer.

"I know, and I will, but not right now."

"Fair enough.  I'll catch you later then."  Scott turned and began to jog back to where he had left his car and most likely Jean waiting, throwing a quick look back over his shoulder at Kurt.  Kurt watched him for a moment and then turned back to head for the mansion.  Maybe the walk would help clear his mind some.

As he walked the streets that would lead him home, he once again became lost in his own thoughts.  He did not notice the group of men that had been following him for the last few blocks.  He did not notice when one of them came silently up behind him.  He did not notice until the man aimed a clenched fist at the side of his skull but by then it was too late.  He tried to whip around, tried to teleport, but the man was too fast and smashed his fist into Kurt's temple so that he collapsed in a heap to the ground.

#

Kurt groaned as he woke and clawed his way out of the darkness that was surrounding him.  He tried to remember what had happened but all he could remember was a shooting pain through his head and then darkness, the same darkness that was trying to swallow him now.  Groaning again, he forced his eyes to open, vaguely thinking that it really shouldn't be so hard.  Once he had managed to get them open, he found the world was nothing but a gray blur.  He blinked, trying to bring the world back into focus.  He noticed a black form in front of him and realized that he was not alone and that someone was talking to him.

"Time ta wake up, pretty boy.  Can't sit around here all day while you get your beauty sleep."  The voice was distant and Kurt blinked up at the person in front of him and received a sharp backhand to his face that sent him on to his back when he did not respond.

"Maybe this will wake him up," another voice said out of Kurt's view.  His eyes were finally starting to focus now and he recognized the speakers as men.  He was about to ask what was happening when freezing cold water was thrown at his face.  He snapped his head back and came to focus on the men surrounding him.  He could see the sadistic glimmer in their eyes and knew that he was in trouble.  The blows to his head made him groggy and his mind fuzzy and he backed away from them until he hit the wall.  He looked around again and noticed that they were in an alley.  Three men stared down at him, wicked grins across their faces.  Kurt tried to calm his heart, tried not to panic, but was panicking anyway.  His breath came in short gasps and his heart began hammering.  He had to get away was the only coherent thought that he could form.

He stumbled to his feet and tried to make a break from the alley but the earlier blow to his head made him clumsy and one of the men easily caught him by the arm and slammed his back up against the wall.  Kurt's breath left him in a rush and he stared in horror at the man who held him.  He didn't understand.  Why were they doing this?  He still had the image inducer on and it was working fine.  Only one thought came to his mind but he refused to consider it and pushed it away.

The man breathed alcohol scented breath into his face and Kurt knew that all three of them had to be absolutely smashed.  It would explain why they hadn't noticed his fur yet and tried to kill him for being a mutant.

Another of the men stepped forward and grabbed hold of Kurt's other arm, pinning him to the wall.  Kurt began thrashing weakly in their hold, head pounding, and his vision hazy.  Their grip was like iron, however, and he was too weak to break free.  In one swift motion they spun him around, his forehead slamming into the hard wall and causing his vision to black out for a moment.  When he came back to his senses, he could feel the arms of the third man fumbling with his trouser button and fly, dropping them and his boxers to his knees.  His mouth was quickly covered as he began screaming.  He began to thrash more violently his panic giving him strength but their grip did not loosen.  He tried to use his powers but could not concentrate, he was too terrified and his head was pounding.  Then there was an intense pain as the man thrust into him and he felt like he was being ripped apart.  He screamed into the hand covering his mouth, nearly choking on his sobs, and jerking desperately against their hold.  His knees buckled as the man continued to pound into him and he would have fallen had it not been for the other two holding him up.  Black spots filled his vision and he could not take anymore and began to pass out, when one of the men holding him smashed his wrist back up against the wall and his image inducer fizzled and died.

The men gasped and leapt back, letting Kurt fall to a crumpled heap on the ground.  The one jerked his pants back up and snarled down at Kurt, who couldn't even find the strength to lift his head.

"No way am I fucking a mutie freak!"

"Lets get the fuck outta here," one of the ones that had been holding Kurt's arm said.  He kicked Kurt once in the stomach, causing him to start heaving and then took off down the alley, following the other two.

Kurt groaned and managed to sit up slightly.  The movement caused pain to shoot up his spine like fire and he nearly collapsed again.  He took a moment to breathe and try to settle his once again queasy stomach.  After a good ten minutes, he managed to hoist himself to his feet, using a nearby garbage can to lean on.  He struggled with his pants but finally got them pulled up and fastened with trembling fingers.  He refused to think about what had just happened to him and walked on wobbly legs towards the alley's exit.  He didn't get far, though, before his knees buckled and he fell to the ground with a cry of pain.

What was the point anyway?  He couldn't go back to the X-Men, not now.  If he had thought that what happened to him before was bad, what about now?  What would they think of him?  He was a trained X-Man and he couldn't even defend himself from a group of drunken idiots.  They would think that he was weak and would kick him off the team.  He couldn't go back, couldn't tell them.  But where would he go?  Kurt began to sob softly, trying to stop himself but failing.  He heard a rustle at the end of the alley and jerked his head up but the movement was too fast and he felt the world lurch as he began falling to the side.  Then strong hands were holding him up and he began to struggle weakly against the hold.

"Take it easy, mon ami.  I'm not gonna hurt y'," a voice reassured, one that he recognized.  He looked up and tried to focus through the haze.  Scared and worried red on black eyes stared back at him.

"Gambit?"  His throat felt raw from screaming and he wasn't even sure if he had said the word out loud.  His eyes began to slip shut and he felt Gambit's arms around him.

"Shit.  I gotta get you back t' Xavier's."  Gambit carefully picked Kurt up and cradled him gently in his arms.  Kurt struggled in his arms and looked into his eyes.

"No!  Please, I can't, please.  Don't take me back, I can't," Kurt managed to sob out, pleading with his eyes for Gambit to understand.

"Shhh, shhhh, it's okay.  I won' take y' back, I'll take y' someplace else, someplace safe, 'kay?"  Gambit said, trying to calm Kurt who was becoming increasingly agitated.  "Won' take y' back 'till y' ready, bien?"  Kurt nodded against his chest and closed his eyes.  Gambit sighed as Kurt passed out and tried to figure out how he was going to get Kurt out of here without him being seen.