Knights Love

I walked down the side walk with my Ipod on shuffle, blaring Journey and Bon Jovi much too loudly. I wore a black hoodie with black leggings and boots that had buckles up the side. My medium length, chestnut auburn hair was pulled to one side over my shoulder. My face touched up nicely with a bit of make up, not that I ever really needed any to start with. People always use to tell me how naturally pretty I was, the wrong kinds telling me to use it to my advantage at a strip club.

Yeah. Don't think so honey. I'm too much a bitch anyways. If I can't even work with a bitchy people, then I already know nobody else would either.

I checked the time on my Ipod. It was 12:30 AM, as my device so proudly stated while making me wince shortly. I gotta start remembering to turn down the damn brightness at night...

On a different note, I still have a good four to five hours before I gotta go back. God, I wish it was longer. I wish I could never go back, never have to return to that place. Everytime I walk through those damn bloody doors, all the shit of my past comes back to haunt and torture me.

I like to compare it to a nasty hornet nest. You go near the nest, you sure as hell are gonna get attacked by those nasty fuckers. But, if you stay away and mind your own business, you don't have anything to worry about. Everyone remains at peace.

Unfortunately for me though, I can't just back away. I can't give them the space they want. I have to face the hell fury head on. A stone cold mask on my face. My eyes clear and shielded. I keep my mind cocooned in an indestructible cage so nothing can enter...nor affect me. It may be strange to some, but I've been hurt beyond repair. And I make it my job to ensure I never get hurt again. Self preservation basically.

I won't tell you much. Only because there's too many sour emotions tagged along to it. All I can say is that the reason why I'm so fucked up, is because my parents died in a horrible car crash when I was 10. It was 6 years ago I became a sudden orphan. And that was when I had to adjust to the everyday life of an orphanage.

No more warm smiles from your parents as you walk down the stairs in the morning. No more steamy hot breakfast sitting all laid out on the table. No more hugs and kisses before everyone leaves to go about their day, all looking forward to the time they get home to reunite again. No more of going out to the movies, or going to a game, or eating out to celebrate another achievement or promotion.

No more...

Heh. Those fucking words have become the story of my life the last 6 years. Nothing I do or say seems to help the pain any. Its always so raw and angry and pissed like a raging caged animal. Ready to attack the nearest thing it can reach.

Untamable.

I go tense. My heart pounding. My breath shaky and ragged. No. I'm not. I will never break down. Breaking down now will only add to my endless amount of pity I'm already receiving. I'm not fucking doing it.

I swallow thickly in my throat. The endless stinging finally ends. I'm able to see clearly again and my breath returns to normal.

I round a corner and come to a dark alley way, a dead end between an apartment building and a row of closed stores. All locked up tight until the new shift starts. The street light creates a golden circle on the charcoal colored street. I stare at it intently for a few moments before going into the alley. Sinking deep into the shadows, I turn off my Ipod and stuff it in my small back pack. I put my belongings in the corner before walking back out to my original spot.

I stand there and close my eyes, as if drifting into a peaceful doze. Focusing on a point in my mind, I clear my head of everything else. Blocking out the eerie night sounds of the breeze in the trees, or the distant sound of a barking dog, as well as the distinct tiny squeaks of a couple rats scurrying through the trash. I open my eyes. They are yellow instead of their usual rusty brown. My body morphed as well and is covered in soft, silky fur. I yawn widely, showing my glistening razor sharp, two inch long fangs. I shake my coat out and stretch before padding over to a nearby puddle of gutter water.

I look at my reflection. A rusty colored wolf with black ears and a creamy under belly stares back at me.

A smile reaches my canine lips. Not bad...though my coat could use a brushing out or two...

I shake my head and walk out of the alley. Heading down the side walk after looking around to make sure no one was around. I sniffed the air when I stopped under an awning. The moon shone brightly and the stars glittered the navy blue sky. My ears pricked forward and I took off at a full run. Panting after passing down a few blocks.

This is one thing that greatly improves my outlook on life nowadays. Knowing that once the orphanage shuts down for the night and everyone falls asleep, I can do whatever I want, is absolutely amazing. It drives me crazy all day long. My wolf howling at the very mention of it. As I run, I feel the cool cement beneath my paws. The gentle breeze ruffling my coat as if playfully. My lungs begin to burn as I take in air rapidly. I look back. M alley seems miles away.

Pinning my ears back, I snarl slightly in the direction of the orphanage. That place was nothing more than a prison for me. Something my wolf didn't and never will appeal to. I was glad it was far away from me. Even if I would have to return to it in a few more hours.

With a defiant growl, I face down the road I was headed. A new wonderlust filled me and my thick tail began to wag. I've never been down this far before. But it was gonna be totally worth it, I knew.

Soon, I began my run again. Heading deeper and deeper into the busier part of LA.