Here's Chapter 13. This is the second update today.

Thank you for reading.

Sorry for any mistakes.

Chapter 13

Alice gasped as Jasper stood from the bed all of a sudden. His eyes were black and his posture was stiff. She knew what was happening immediately. Poor Jasper was having a flashback. He'd had a few since they met, and it was important to try and bring him out of it as soon as she could. She'd briefly wondered about PTSD symptoms in vampires. She'd never mentioned it to Carlisle though, or Jasper.

If the flashback was severe, Jasper could lash out. He spoke sometimes, as well, responding to whatever it was he could see that she couldn't. He always got angry at himself afterwards, panicking that he had given too much away. When it was just with Alice, he wasn't too fussed. She knew everything about his past anyway, save a few little details he hadn't yet felt comfortable sharing.

"Jasper, my love," Alice reached out, touching his shoulder tentatively and hoping it wouldn't spark an angry reaction. When it didn't, she stepped a little closer, placing her hand against his cheek to try and give him a lever to bring himself back with.

She'd dealt with his flashbacks before. Sometimes they were easy to deal with, and she could bring him back quickly. Other times he was too deep and she had to watch until he brought himself back out, preventing him from hurting himself or breaking things.

"Jasper, come back to me, sweetheart." She spoke, placing her other hand on his chest. "It's alright."

She could feel the emotions he was feeling. Whatever he was seeing, it wasn't good.

"Jasper, come on, it's alright. I'm here."

Jasper face changed suddenly, setting into one of surprise and he blinked. Their eyes met and Alice smiled reassuringly at him. She was about to ask him if he was alright but he spoke before she could.

"Who's in the house?"

Alice noted how hoarse his voice sounded. If she hadn't been stood with him, she would have assumed he'd been shouting.

"Us, and Carlisle," Alice spoke softly, her hand still pressed to his cheek. "He's in his office."

"What did I say?" Jasper demanded, suddenly defensive. "What did I do?"

Alice knew what was wrong. He was worried he'd given too much away with Carlisle in the house.

"Nothing, my love." Alice promised him. "You just went into a daze for a little while. Nothing to worry about."

"Did I hurt you?" She could feel the panic radiating from him.

"No, sweetheart, you didn't do anything like that. You were just out of it. You didn't hurt anyone, you didn't say anything and you didn't do anything. You know I'd tell you if you had."

Jasper nodded at her words, but he still seemed unsure.

"Are you alright?" It was the question she had wanted to ask him. She moved her hands so that she could take Jasper's. His hands were balled into fists and Alice forced them open so she could slide hers into them. She gave them a gentle squeeze and Jasper looked towards them.

"I definitely didn't do anything?"

"Nothing." Alice assured him. "Where did you go?"

Alice watched Jasper as he suddenly began to tremble. She squeezed his hands tighter again, shifting her head so that she could see into his eyes.

"Maria," He whispered and Alice nodded. It explained the emotions he'd been feeling.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not here. Not with..." He glanced towards the door and shook his head. He didn't want to risk Carlisle hearing anything.

"We can go wherever you need to." Alice assured him. She hated seeing the pain on his face. She wanted to hold him and to comfort him, but she couldn't risk it. Jasper was too raw from his flashback, sudden physical contact like that could make him panic. It could bring out the vampire inside him.

"I need to hunt." Alice could hear the pain in his voice. She knew he had only hunted the day before with Emmett, he shouldn't need to hunt again so soon. But if that's what he felt he needed to do, then she wasn't going to stop him.

"Would you like me to join you?" Jasper nodded, and they jumped together from their bedroom window. Their hands didn't separate until they got to where Jasper had chosen to hunt. He didn't want to use their normal hunting grounds. He clearly wanted to be as far away from the house as possible.

Alice kept her distance when Jasper came across his prey. His hunted with anger and Alice knew that he was using hunting as an emotional outlet. She wasn't about to stop him.

When Jasper had returned to her side, his eyes were even more golden than usual.

"Please," He said as he reached her. He didn't stop. She nodded, following him. Suddenly Jasper started to run; Alice ran to keep up with him. They ran and ran, getting further away from the house until Jasper stopped so suddenly that Alice almost ran into him.

He bent down, pushing his way through a bush. He held it out of the way so that Alice didn't have to fight with it like he had. Ever the southern gentleman, even in his emotional state.

When she came through the other side, Alice was surprised to find that they were in another clearing. Jasper walked over towards a very large tree. Jasper sat on the floor, leaning against it. He pulled his legs up to his chest, resting his arms on top of his knees.

Alice joined him, kneeling so that she was in front of him.

"Are you alright?" She asked again.

For the first time in a long time, Jasper shook his head.

"No, Alice," She could hear the pain in Jasper's voice, the lump he was forcing himself to speak around, "I don't think I am."

Jasper usually kept himself to himself. He wasn't good at sharing his emotions. Alice was sure it came from his army days, both the Civil War and the Vampire Wars. So for him to have openly admitted to Alice that he wasn't okay, Alice knew he must really be suffering.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She wouldn't make him. She would never force him to talk about something if he didn't want to. But she hoped he would. She wanted to help.

He nodded hesitantly.

"I need to get away, Ali. I need a break."

She could hear the desperation in his voice.

"We can speak to Carlisle." Alice offered. "I'm sure he'd let us use Isle Esme." Jasper nodded his head at her words. "May I ask what's brought this on?"

"I can feel a... depression coming on." Jasper was suddenly very interested in his hands. "I need to get away. I need to leave until I'm recovered."

Alice frowned at that. Jasper hadn't suffered with his depression for a while. He'd been doing so well. She couldn't help but wonder what had brought it on.

"You don't need to leave, my love. I'm sure that there wouldn't be an issue. We've all had our problems."

Jasper shook his head.

"I can't risk it, Alice," Jasper spoke. "I've not had this problem while we've been with the Cullens. I don't want to - I don't want them to suffer through this with me."

"That's what you're worried about? That you'll project onto them?"

Jasper nodded.

"Jazz, we're your family." Alice reassured him. "Family help one another through times of need."

"I can't, Alice." He whispered. "I don't want them to know. They'll want to know why and... I'm not ready to talk about it yet."

His past with Maria had always been a sore subject. And Alice didn't expect him to share it with anyone unless he was sure he was ready to. It was his personal information. They both knew Edward was aware, he'd often seen things in Jasper's thoughts, but he'd been decent and he hadn't mentioned it to anyone. Jasper had pretty much begged him not to.

"You don't have to. Nobody will make you. If you really want to leave for a little while, then we'll ask Carlisle and Esme if we can visit Isle Esme for a little."

She put emphasis on the 'we'. Jasper could leave the others behind, but Alice was not going to let him suffer through this alone.

Jasper nodded and Alice could see his chest shudder.

"Jazz," He shook his head, but Alice wasn't about to let him get away with that. "Jasper, look at me, love. It's alright. I'm right here."

Jasper shook his head at her again. He was playing anxiously with his fingers.

It was coming. Alice knew it was. She didn't need a vision to tell her. She knew her husband. She could tell that he was trying to hold it together. But she knew that he needed to let go.

"I can't hurt them like that, Alice. They'll be so angry with me. It's far too selfish."

She wanted to laugh at the notion. Selfish? Angry?

"Jasper, listen to me." She waited until he met her eyes. "Nobody will be angry with you. I promise. They love you too much. But we can go away from a little while. Nobody's forcing you to stay."

"Won't Esme be hurt if we leave?"

Realisation hit Alice in that moment.

"You've been thinking about this for a while, haven't you?" Alice questioned. "How long has this been coming on?"

"A couple of weeks now." Jasper spoke apologetically. "I was trying to fight it. I wanted to prove to myself that I could cope but... I guess I was wrong."

"You don't have to fight these things." Alice assured him. "We're all here for you."

Jasper simply nodded.

Alice sat quietly for a few seconds, just watching her husband. He was still playing with his fingers, his attention focused on them. He took in a shaky breath. Alice watched, her heart aching, as Jasper's face crumpled. No tears were produced, but Alice didn't need to see them.

"Jazz," She spoke softly, but he shook his head at her. She sat quietly for a few more minutes. Jasper's chest was rising and falling rapidly. "Jasper, would you like a hug?"

She would never touch him without his permission. Not when he was upset like this. She knew that there was a risk it could make him worse. It could make him angry. And he'd be very upset with himself if he hurt her.

Jasper nodded. Alice moved from where she was kneeling opposite him and sat at his side. She held her arms out for him and he all but fell into them. She could feel his body shaking with the sobs he was trying to suppress.

"It's okay," She soothed, running her hand down the side of his face. "I'm here, you're safe now."

That was all it took for Jasper to break. His sobs became louder as he clung to Alice for dear life. She didn't try and stop him. She didn't tell him not to cry. He needed this. He needed this release. He needed to know that he wasn't going to be judged.

Alice remained quiet as he cried, continuing with her soothing motions. She went from stroking his cheek to running her fingers through his hair.

Jasper calmed after a little while. But he made no move to sit up. She didn't make him. His arms were still wrapped around her, as though he was trying to stop her from disappearing. Her hands stilled in his hair for a moment as Jasper moved his head to look up at her. His eyes were damp with tears that would never fall and he looked exhausted.

If he had been human, she would have ordered him to sleep. As it was, she told him to lay down and close his eyes. He did so, laying his head in the pillow her crossed legs made. He allowed his eyes to close after she had resumed stroking his hair.

She sang softly to him. She didn't know what the song was, but she'd heard Jasper sing it before.

His body started to relax, his pained expression becoming peaceful.

Alice knew what he was doing. He was meditating. He did it sometimes. Usually he waited until he was alone, but he clearly felt safe right now. He would never let his guard down otherwise.

She watched him for a moment. When she was certain he was settled she leant her head back against the tree trunk, closing her own eyes.

She wasn't sure how long they had stayed there, but the sun was beginning to fall when Jasper returned from his meditative state. He shifted his head in her lap and she looked down at him, meeting his eyes. He looked better now, his meditation seemed to have worked.

"Hi," She smiled.

"Hi," He repeated, matching her smile.

Alice leant forwards, placing a kiss against his lips. She could feel him smiling.

"How are you feeling?" She didn't want to ask, but she needed to know. He seemed relaxed. There were no immediate emotions coming from him.

His smile dropped for a moment.

"I still need to go." Jasper started. "But I feel... lighter, I guess."

"Then we'll go." Alice promised him, kissing his forehead. "As soon as you're ready."

She watched him nod.

"Ali," She hummed in response, playing with his fringe. "I love you."

"And I love you."

I think this is probably one of the longest chapters in this series.

Thank you for reading.

I hope you enjoyed.

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