Strawberry Shortcake

Summary: (Yami/Seto) Yami's already dead, right? He can't die again, can he? Well, apparently he can… and in exchange for his life, he has to master the art of cooking! Insanity ensures!

Warnings:

Rating: PG-13 for swearing, and well, other implications.

Yaoi, Yami/Seto. Don't like it? You should turn back now.

Character bashing.

Character death (cough).

Bit of talk about religions. I'm not insulting any religion, but I'm just making one single power. I believe that everyone can believe in what they choose to.

Ok… so I'm back! After abandoning a whole set of my old stories that I couldn't finish, I'm starting a whole new set. Don't ask.

Anyways, so in short, Yami dies (again), and in order to continue living in the realm of the humans, he has to attending cooking class at school and, well, there are more twists in the story later on.

The story is going to be written in Yami's POV. So… if there's no specifications of who's POV it's in, it's in Yami's.

By the way, I personally feel that there's a huge lack of Yami/Seto fics out there. So, from now, I will (hopefully) get around to writing the ones I have still stuck in my head. [makes face] Trust me, it's not going to be easy for me.

~~//~~

Prologue

Strawberries. I hate strawberries. That's what landed me in this whole mess anyways.

By now, you're probably wondering why. Well, to make a long story short, I have to attend COOKING CLASSES just because I choked on a strawberry.

What am I, the King of Games? AND the former pharaoh of Egypt?! And I die from eating a reddish, somewhat sour FRUIT?!

I didn't die from assassins, diseases, accidents, murderers, or old age. I died from choking on a strawberry. Do you know how PATHETIC that is?!

It all started that one bright summer day when Yugi's grandfather brought home these foreign fruits.

…since when have I been one of those storytellers who talked about their life?

Anyways, like I was saying, Yugi's grandpa came home with a box of fruits. Yugi was enthralled and immediately thanked him for the strawberries. I was wondering what the hell they were.

Yugi's grandpa quickly launched into a detailed description, seeing as to how I did come from Ancient Egypt and I had next to no clue about what they were.

"They're strawberries." He said, cutting and washing them for us. "Obviously there weren't any in Egypt, am I right Yami?"

"Of course not." I said, remaining indifferent. These… strawberries didn't really interest me.

He smiled, as if he had already expected that answer (which he probably was). "They're also foreign to Japan… they get imported here. Now, I'm not going to go into a full scientific lecture on strawberries, but, I'd just like you to know, they're really quite good." Finishing up, he handed Yugi and I each a bowl.

One thing I noticed about them – they were oversized. Now, it's not like I knew much about them anyways, but from what Yugi has been telling me, strawberries weren't that big. These ones were about as big as a tennis ball (yes, another thing I learned). Last time I checked, they were about as big as a ping-pong ball.

…Yugi's rubbing off on me. I have never used those adjectives in my life… er, existence.

So, we went to the family room and sat down the couch. Yugi jumped on his portion of the fruit, while I remained staring at the bowl, blinking. Were these things edible?

Yugi looked up amidst his eating and said something with his mouth full. Something along the lines of: "Yami, you should really try these!"

Gingerly picking up one, I bit in tentatively, wondering how the taste would be like. I grimaced. It was sour? Well, I certainly didn't have a good first impression of it.

Not wanting to disappoint Yugi, I slowly chewed up the remains of the fruit before swallowing. Yugi looked over, nearly half done his bowl.

"See, they aren't that bad."

"Umph." Was all I could reply with, considering my mouth was stuffed full.

Picking up a second (and hoping it wasn't that sour), I bit off a little chunk, then placed the rest in my mouth. Pushing it around in my mouth a bit, I sat fiddling with it rather than chewing.

"You know, school starts in a month." Yugi said, biting into the crimson flesh of the strawberry.

I nodded, still playing around with my own in my mouth.

"Summer's nearly over."

I nodded again.

"You're going to be attending school, Yami."

At that comment I sat up (since I was slouching before) straight and stared at Yugi. Opening my mouth indignantly, I attempted to begin telling Yugi off, but then I choked.

Oh right, that stupid fruit was still in my mouth.

Damn.

Trying to get it out of my throat, I tried coughing it up, but, unfortunately, it wouldn't budge. Apparently it was just the right size to wedge itself in my windpipe, resulting in a blocked airway and one very pissed me.

"Yami!" Yugi slid over on the couch. "Are you all right?"

I wanted to reply with: "Do I LOOK all right?", but, I couldn't speak at the moment, so I sat there, choking.

Yugi whacked my back, trying to dislodge the strawberry. Sure as hell didn't work. I still sat there choking.

Well, my light went for his grandfather, while I remained there choking. AGH!

By now, my face was red from the lack of oxygen, and I felt faint. Looking at the clock, I realized that I had been without air for about ten minutes now. No, I did not start timing how long I've been choking for. It's just that when I began, I managed to catch a glimpse of the time.

I felt really lightheaded, and then my vision began going black… I vaguely heard someone yelling, "Yami!", and the rush of footsteps…

~~//~~

I awoke, and all that I saw… was white.

This horrid, blinding white light. I shielded my eyes, turning away from the source of the lighting.

Looking around, I surveyed the place that I was in. At the moment, I was sitting in a tunnel, dark at one end, and extremely bright at the other.

Standing up, I realized what I was doing here…

…I was dead. Again.

Damnit.

And then this deep, echoing voice sounded. "Coooome into the liiiight."

I rolled my eyes. If there was one thing I learned in all these years, it's never run into the light. So, naturally, I stayed put and plopped back down on my rear.

The voice sounded again, this time giving off an exasperated sigh. "Look here, I'm just doing my job, so come here!"

I smirked. "Hell no. If you want to talk to me, come here."

"You will end up in hell if you don't come, mortal." It said in a mocking voice. "I'm the judge, so YOU come here!"

I raised an eyebrow. Man, how rude was that? So, getting up, I walked at a relatively slow pace to the end of the tunnel.

When I came out, I guess it's ok to say that I was nearly half blinded. It was extravagantly white and it gave off this whole over exaggerated ethereal feel… especially with all the clouds surrounding it.

Wait a minute… is this heaven?

The voice sounded again. "Thank you, Yami, darkness of Yugi Mutou. Now, I will introduce myself…" it paused dramatically, "as the 'Almighty Power Up There'! Well, at the moment, it's Up Here."

I suppressed the urge to retort with a snide comment. What a pathetic name.

"So…" it continued, "you have been brought here for us to decide your fate… will you remain in the realm of the humans, or shall you be taken to the realm of the dead? After all," the voice sounded thoughtful, "this is the second time you've died."

I looked around. The owner of the voice was nowhere to be found.

The voice continued its speech. "Anyways, as I was saying," it paused dramatically (again), "you shall be judged."

I snorted. Yeah, whatever.

"This isn't funny, little pharaoh! You DO realize the superiority of myself, do you not?" It screeched, giving off an impression of a grumpy old lady who wasn't getting her own way.

"Not really." I said, starting to laugh.

The 'Almighty Power Up There' huffed. "I will worsen your punishment if I must."

"What punishment?" I said in a taunting voice.

Had it been an actual person, I'd imagine he or she would have been flinging his or her hands about in frustration. I smiled at the mental image.

It was quite evidently very put out by now. "Well, I was planning on giving you another chance to live, since there's so many things in life you haven't experienced… but now…"

I could just sense that 'said' holy entity smirking.

"Now… I don't know what to do with you… what's say I call in the Fates and ask them what I should do?"

A group of supernatural beings floated in, and since I didn't know what to classify them as (Angels? Deities? Judges? Lesser gods?), they will remain 'supernatural beings'. Aside from the fruity entrance, I was starting to wonder about what they were going to do with me.

But, not wanting to jeopardize my future, I kept my mouth shut.

Watching on, the group of 'supernatural beings' first conversed with the 'Almighty Power Up There', and then gathered for a group huddle. Funny. And here I thought that these supposedly superior creatures would deal with these things professionally… in a magical sense.

Wrapping up the discussion, the leader, or at least, I think that was the leader, floated up above the clouds. I'd assume that he or she was telling the 'Almighty Power Up There' what they had decided. Which made me wonder how they were deciding it. Did they know something about my life and would they use it against me?

"All right." said the voice as the 'supernatural being' descended from the sky to join his or her fellow 'supernatural beings'. "The Fates have decided that you will complete a test –"

"What test?" I interrupted, making sure to sound rude and obnoxious.

"I'm getting there!" the voice shot back, sounding very irritated. (Of course it'd be fed up. I was putting on my bratty kid act.) "Very well… the test you are to do…" it paused dramatically (by now it was just getting very redundant and ludicrous), "You are to attend school."

"WHAT?!" True, Yugi wanted me to go, but did you seriously think I'd listen to him?

"Furthermore, you are to sign up for cooking class."

My right eye twitched furiously.

"And last but not least, you are to graduate top of the class, AND master the art of cooking."

Oh goddamnit. Though maybe I shouldn't say that because this thing was pretty much all the gods everyone thought existed.

I was about ready to blow, but that damned voice continued its talking marathon.

"You have exactly one year in eleventh grade to complete the cooking course. Now, the Fates shall guide you back down. Remember… if you want to live, you have to obey me… or else, I can simply take your life with the snap of my fingers…" and just to exaggerate that comment, it made a sound of snapping fingers.

I muttered some curses, not wanting to offend the "Almighty Power Up There'. Shame. If I were in control, this being would regret ever living.

And so, in another flash of blinding light, I found myself back in my body.

By now, the paramedics and whatnot had arrived at the Turtle Game Shop, all of them crowding around me. They all expected I was dead. When I woke up, they were running tests on me. I saw Yugi and his grandfather in the background. Both seemed… well, worried sick. At least they cared about me.

"It's no use." I heard a voice saying. "I'm afraid that Mr. Mutou has died."

At the moment, doctors were leaning over me, doing their standard procedures. I, however, didn't care, being rather miffed at the fact that they said I was dead.

"I am NOT dead!" I shouted hotly, sitting up and scaring the living daylights out of everyone.

"B – b – bu – but… all the tests we ran on you confirmed you to be dead!" the doctor said, an expression of utter shock and disbelief set on his face. "There's no way you're alive!"

"Well, apparently you idiots miscalculated! Now, get the HELL out of my house before I MAKE you! Shoo! Get lost!" I pushed out the crowd, slamming the door in their faces.

Yugi, without sparing a second, bounded over and tackled me to the ground. "Thank the lord you're all right! Grandpa and I were worried sick! And… I could have sworn you were dead too! How did you come back to life all of a sudden?"

I ignored his last two comments. "Yeah, I noticed. And technically you really shouldn't be thanking the lord." I pointed out, remembering my not so fun encounter with the "Almighty Power Up There'.

"Huh?"

I sighed. "It's a long story Yugi. I'll tell you later."

Just then, Yugi's grandfather came in holding two manila envelopes. "I got you two boys registered for the next year of school... well, reregistered for you, Yugi." He said cheerfully, depositing the envelopes on the dining room table. "Now, all you two have to do now is choose your courses for grade 11! Then, I'll send back the application forms, and it'll be back to school before you know it!"

I groaned. This is going to be one long year…

And so there you have it. The tale of what landed me in cooking class.

~~//~~

Hmm… so, what'd you think? I hope it gave off some humour.

Anyways, review please! I want some feedback.

By the way, I have no idea how school applications work, so don't jump on me correcting everything.

Satori Opaque